Writing Great Books for Young Adults

by Regina L Brooks

Excessive use of adverbs in dialogue tags is a symptom that the narrative leading up to the dialogue and the dialogue itself are not conveying the emotion of the scene to the reader and should be rewritten.

  Too Many Dialogue Tags

  Not every line of dialogue has to have a tag. If the characters have distinctive voices and personalities that are reflected in their speech and if the author includes the characters’ action, dialogue tags are often not needed.

  The Slender Yellow Fruit Syndrome

  In journalism it’s not uncommon to see the following: “Bill asked John if he wanted an apple or a banana. John chose the slender yellow fruit.” In fiction it’s called the Burly Detective syndrome, where the author will write: “The Burly Detective spun on his heel as he drew his gun.” And of course for all the ladies it becomes the Raven-Haired Beauty syndrome. In all cases, it’s an unnecessary aversion to repeating a word—particularly if it’s a character name—in the same line, paragraph, or even page. Instead of using a perfectly serviceable, understandable name or pronoun, a writer will create more and more outlandish references to a character’s physical appearance or personality to avoid repetition. This is generally counterproductive and creates dialogue where the reader becomes more interested in the next substitution the author has come up with than the story.

  Some authors will go for a dialogue tag-misuse trifecta and score a win, place, and show in the same dialogue tag.

  “Don’t anyone move,” growled the Burly Detective menacingly.

  Poor use of dialogue tags, bookisms, and Tom Swifties is a symptom of deeper, more significant problems with the scene and the dialogue of the characters. To solve dialogue tag problems, consider:

  • Cutting the dialogue tag completely.

  • Changing a bookism to said.

  • Converting the tag into a new sentence.

  • Describing an action or the scene so that it expresses the emotion of the tag.

  • Strengthening the dialogue and preceding narrative so that the line of dialogue will stand on its own.

  The Data Dump

  Exposition is essential to almost every story. At some point the reader has to be brought into a setting, which often includes descriptions of the scene, time frame, situation, or characters. To accomplish this, writers will use a line of dialogue that begins “As you know, Sarah…” and wanders sometimes for pages, dumping an avalanche of details on the reader. This is particularly notable in fantasy novels where an entire world that is unknown to the reader must be described and explained. In science fiction the data dump dialogue will often begin with the words “So tell me again, professor…”

  Character Changes

  This is also known as the “I went into the [pick your favorite adventure situation] as a boy and came out a man.” A character should never utter this line of dialogue about himself unless he is being sarcastic or facetious. Young adult readers will recognize the false bravado of the statement instantly. It’s extremely rare that a preteen or early teenage character will be psychologically mature enough to have this sort of introspection. He might be able to see it dimly in another character, but would not be able to recognize such a change in himself—let alone talk about it to the reader.

  An important, common theme found in young adult literature is coming of age. But in most cases the protagonist may not be aware of the change and will not be able to acknowledge it. The writer must show the change with how the protagonist’s dialogue is spoken, how he acts, and how he interacts differently with the other characters such as family members, friends, teachers, and so on.

  Show, Don’t Tell

  This is a common mantra, especially at writers conferences. Generally what’s meant is to portray the scene to the reader from a character’s perspective with dialogue and action (show) instead of as a narrative summary (tell). In spite of how often it’s said, “show, don’t tell” is not a particularly rigid writer’s rule. A narrative summary can be useful to:

  • Vary the pace, rhythm, tone, and texture of a story or scene.

  • Avoid unnecessary detailed repetition if a story has many similar action scenes.

  • Make a particularly vivid scene stand out between narratives and give it more impact.

  • Cut the number of words in a story.

  • Quickly move through plot developments that are simply not important enough to justify a scene.

  • Leapfrog over blocks of time or distances between scenes that do not need detailed descriptions.

  TECHNIQUES OF DIALOGUE STYLE

  Young adult fiction is not adult fiction with shorter sentences. Young adult readers are not psychologically, physically, emotionally, or socially mature and do not have the same life experiences as adults. The words an author puts into the mouth of a teenage character must be the words that a person of a certain age might use in order to create realistic dialogue.

  Saint Paul said, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child.” Similarly, characters who are young adults must speak like young adults. Their words need to reflect the mind-set and vocabulary of their age and situation.

  Age-Appropriate Vocabulary

  If an author is not familiar with the standard English vocabulary shared by young adult readers, he should spend some time examining it. There are several books and web pages listing and discussing vocabulary for children’s age groups. An author can buy grade-level spelling and reading books in many bookstores that will give him insights into what children know at certain ages. A general rule of thumb is that if an author can’t find a particular word in a general-circulation local newspaper, young adult readers probably won’t know it.

  Slang

  Using a lot of slang in dialogue may give the character a current popular culture sound, but too much slang can create problems. The meanings of slang words and the words themselves change rapidly and frequently. What is a common slang word today may have disappeared entirely by the time the novel comes out, therefore dating the book. Also, while it may seem to be widespread, slang may be only local or regional. A teen living in California will certainly use different words than one living in Oklahoma. Some of those meanings may be obscene or unsuitable for a young adult audience. Slang should be used extremely sparingly.

  Text-Messaging Abbreviations

  Most of the issues that arise in dealing with slang apply to text messaging. It too is a moving target for an author. However, there are web pages that define text-messaging abbreviations to help with creating text-message dialogue. As with slang, text messages can be used sparingly, incorporating the most obvious abbreviations that seem to have stood the test of time such as LOL and emoticons such as :) and similar expressions.

  Strong Verbs

  The same verb used again and again in a scene will squash it flat, forcing out any excitement or anticipation that the characters are trying to express. A good thesaurus is a useful tool to find common verbs to use in dialogue. Keep in mind that there are almost no words that are true synonyms. Almost all words in English have shadings of meaning that can help define a character’s personality and show the emotion of a scene. A character can walk across a room, or he can shuffle, skip, crawl, stroll, strut, or march. He can also sidle, perambulate, mosey, or saunter. Don’t dive into a thesaurus looking for another word for “walk” just because it has been used too often. Select verbs that match the character’s mood and situation, which will add depth to the scene.

  The Verb To Be

  The most commonly used form of this verb in fiction is was. It’s a perfectly good verb, but it’s not a strong verb, and it can be abused. Examine instances where any to be verb is used to determine if a stronger, more visual verb can be used instead. This may require that a line of dialogue or narrative be rewritten.

  A common form of abuse of the verb to be is when it’s used with a gerund (an -ing word). Here are several examples.

  Joanna said, “I saw the UFO as I was running down the street.”

  Joanna said, “I saw th
e UFO as I ran down the street.”

  “The telephone was ringing and I answered it.”

  “The telephone rang and I answered it.”

  Tense

  Keep dialogue in a scene in the same tense except where the character is specifically discussing an event in the past or future. In a lengthy scene it’s easy to slip and have characters change tense in dialogue. This is especially true in first-person narratives. When exactly does the scene take place? Stick with that tense.

  Adjectives and Adverbs

  Mark Twain said to search for adjectives and stomp them out. Not every noun has to have an adjective, and not every verb has to have an adverb. In fact, if the narration and dialogue are strongly written using powerful verbs, nouns and verbs can certainly stand alone. Larding dialogue with hoards of adjectives and adverbs only slows the pace of the story and dims the action. Remove an adjective or an adverb and read the sentence again. Was it absolutely essential for the meaning? If not, cut it.

  That is not to say you should never use modifiers. Modifying strong nouns and verbs is sometimes necessary to better define them so that they will fit the scene. Colors, size, speed, and similar qualities can be assigned to nouns and verbs that will add to a scene. However, modifiers with indeterminate meanings, such as very, some, mostly, almost, and so on, can take meaning away from nouns and verbs. Used in prepositional phrases, these modifiers can become qualifiers and soften the meaning of an entire line of dialogue. Don’t have a character constantly waffle. Write with strong nouns and verbs, selecting modifiers that will contribute to a character’s speech to make it sharper and clearer.

  Talking Heads

  Characters rarely sit motionlessly talking to one another. They are almost always in motion when they talk. They use hand and facial gestures, cross their legs, pull on an earlobe, wiggle in their seats, look around the room, clean their glasses, greet other people, whittle on a stick, tap their feet, pop their gum, and on and on. Adding action to the dialogue will show emotional states and provide an opportunity to define a character based on his behavior in conversation.

  Figuratively Swinging for the Fences

  Be extremely careful with literary fiction; it will often not interest the average young adult reader. Soaring flights of literary erudition will bore the teen reader, who wants to get into the action as quickly as possible. Young adult fiction is characterized by short, declarative sentences in the narration and dialogue and sparse scene descriptions with no extraneous words. The story has to move forward at a brisk pace. Young adult readers do not want to be dazzled with scene descriptions such as:

  She turned her face quickly to and fro, gasping for air, but the roric space was thick like a being, like a creature covered all over in fur, so that Afeni fell to the ground in order to escape the gait of her cloying silhouette and of that murky air.

  Narrative like that will cause most young adult readers to start paging ahead to find a place where the story gets exciting again, or put the book down.

  Echoes

  An echo is the same dialogue inadvertently used again somewhere else in the story. Through the editing process or simply because the writer forgot he’d written it, a character will say the same dialogue again (and again) in different words. Sometimes the dialogue may be identical in both cases. These echoes are often not easy to find, but fortunately they tend to appear fairly close to each other in the same scene or a closely related scene. In young adult novels it is not necessary to repeat information to the reader multiple times, no matter how important it may seem to the author. Trust your readers; they got it the first time.

  Narrator Intrusion

  Sometimes this is called “breaking through the fourth wall.” The author, using the voice of the narrator, forces his way into the story, overrides all the characters, and talks directly to the reader. This sort of dialogue can be identified with a POV change. First-person narration by a protagonist uses first-person pronouns such as I, me, my, mine. Third-person narration uses he, his, and theirs. Author intrusion is almost always second person and uses you and your to address the reader. Keeping a tight rein on which point of view the author is using can prevent this.

  Clichés

  Avoid these words and phrases like the plague. (See why?) Nothing sends a manuscript to the recycling bin faster than a story loaded up with stale, hackneyed phrases, especially when they are found on the first few pages. If an author has a fresh and exciting story and plot, he should use fresh and exciting words to write it. There are several books that have clichés organized in dictionary format as well as web pages listing them—useful tools for a beginning author.

  Don’t recycle a cliché by turning it around, reversing the meaning, or substituting the nouns. No matter what you think of it, an agent or editor will be turned off by it. Worse yet, some authors will announce a cliché in advance with a line of dialogue that begins like this: “As the old cliché [saw, adage, saying] goes, [insert putrid cliché here].” A line of dialogue like that serves the function of letting the reader know it’s time to put the manuscript down.

  Misplaced Modifiers

  For unintentional humor in a story, nothing beats a misplaced modifier. Here is an example from a young adult novel published in the UK.

  “Suddenly the phone rang. Jamie jumped out of his skin. Miss Crowe took it, and immediately handed it to him.”

  One hopes that Miss Crowe handed Jamie his skin; he might need it later. The author scored a twofer in this paragraph. He led with a cliché and followed up with a misplaced modifier. Misplaced modifiers are usually artifacts of the editing process where phrases and sentences are being moved around without checking to see if the editing has changed the meaning of words or phrases that come before or after.

  Sometimes misplaced modifiers are difficult to spot, since the author knows what he is trying to say and may not misinterpret the sentence the way a reader would. It’s always best to have someone else read the manuscript with a critical eye. The members of one writers group tally misplaced modifiers in one another’s work. At the last group meeting of the year each member reads the best of his collection.

  Rhythm

  A character’s dialogue can be written so that it has rhythm and cadence, which can help define his personality. Think about a character’s personality. Is it quick, perky, slow, suspicious, lighthearted, serious, cheerful, or gloomy? These personality quirks can be written into his dialogue and separate one character’s speech from another.

  Humor

  Humor in dialogue can lighten a scene considerably. But with few exceptions, don’t go for belly-laughs. A smile works just as well or better. Humor derived from the situation the character finds himself in works best, because it will never be outdated or misunderstood as time passes. Avoid tricks and gimmicks, contrived situations, forced witticisms, and things that the author thinks should be funny.

  The Sixth-Grade-Boy Giggle Test

  At the lower end of the young adult age group are children in upper elementary school. Their sense of humor and what they find amusing is enormously different from that of high school–age young adult readers. Double entendres, noisy bodily functions, bathroom/outhouse references, and things that are just “gross,” such as snot and boogers, are the height of fifth- and sixth-grade boys’ humor. They will quickly hone in on any and all of these in a novel, whether the author intended them to be interpreted that way or not. They will underline these passages and pass them around to all their friends in study hall, trying unsuccessfully to hold their giggling in. If in doubt, find a sixth-grade boy and have him read the passage in question while observing the color of his face. Chameleons don’t change colors that fast. No sixth-grader handy? Ask an upper elementary-grade teacher. They know.

  Geographic Locations and Stereotypes

  Many young adult novels take place in times and locations that are associated with particular speech patterns—the Deep South, Scotland, on a seventeenth-century pirate ship, and in a royal
court in the Middle Ages. Authors will often write a character’s dialogue in what he thinks is a representative dialect. This is far more difficult to do than it would seem. Capturing the style, tone, inflections, and rhythm of a spoken accent with printed words is challenging. The tendency is to overdo the dialect and allow it to become a stereotype, sometimes an offensive stereotype. In writing dialectic dialogue, less is better. The best dialogue lines with local dialect have only a light touch that suggests to the reader what it sounds like. Let the reader create whatever degree of dialect he wants to hear in his imagination. Authors contemplating writing dialect should always keep in mind that in England, the “King’s English” used widely at court centuries ago was French.

  EDITING DIALOGUE

  Your manuscript is complete. Congratulations! Now put it aside for at least two weeks—a month is better. Bury it deep in a drawer. Forget about it. Go on to another project. Resist the temptation to fire off that query letter to agents and editors as soon as possible. Don’t do it. If nothing else the agents and editors on your list will thank you.

  After a suitable hibernation period, dig the manuscript out of its hiding place and edit it with a fresh perspective. Read the manuscript from front to back, preferably in one sitting, as if you’ve never seen it before, paying particular attention to the dialogue. Set in your mind that not only have you never seen this novel before, but that also it was written by someone you don’t like and that you’d love to find as many problems in the manuscript as possible. Savage it! Tear it apart! Question everything! Gleefully keep a running score of issues by category on a chalkboard. At “The End,” set the manuscript down, step back, take a deep breath, and face the fact that you actually wrote this thing. Then warm up the word processor in preparation for some hard, painful editing.

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