by Katie Lane
And maybe that’s what she was doing now. Maybe she was trying to fight for love. His love.
He sat up and pulled his cellphone out of his duffel. Before he could change his mind, he quickly dialed the number he’d memorized from all the times he’d stared at the letter. She didn’t answer and he thought about hanging up. Then a female voice came through the receiver.
“Hey, y’all. I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m either outside in my garden or I can’t fine my phone and cussing a blue streak. But as soon as I come in or find the dang phone, I’ll call you back.”
Cru didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t a friendly voice that made him smile. The beep startled him and he realized it was his turn to talk. But all the words seemed to get jumbled in his head and there was a lot of dead air before he finally spoke.
“This is Cru Cassidy.” With nothing else to say, he hung up. Before he could even put his phone back in his duffel, it rang. He glanced at the number, surprised she had returned his call so quickly. He tapped the accept button, his stomach a tight ball of nerves.
“So I guess you found your phone,” he said.
She laughed a nervous laugh that said she felt as awkward as he did. “I’m always losing things. If it’s not my phone, it’s my keys. Or even my car in the grocery store parking lot.”
“And your son in a bus station.” The words just popped out, but he didn’t apologize for them.
After a moment’s hesitation, she spoke. “Yes, even my son. And before I lost you, I lost myself. And it’s taken me a long time to find me.” He expected her to go back over all the excuses she’d given Father Stephen in her letter, but she didn’t. “I know you hate me. And you have every right to. What I did was inexcusable. And I wish I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently. But I can’t. All I can do is say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being strong enough to keep you. Whether you believe it or not, I love you. Every single day for the last twenty-six years, I’ve started my morning out with a prayer that God will watch out for you and surround you with people who love you too. I hope he listened to my prayers.”
Cru thought about Father Stephen and the nuns at the St. James’s Home for Children. He thought about Chester and Lucas and all the Double Diamond boys. And he thought about Penny.
“Yes,” he said. “He listened.”
She released her breath in a sigh. “Thank you, Lord.” There was a long pause. “I know you can’t forgive me, Cru. And I know you don’t want me in your life. But do you think I could check in with you every once in a while. I won’t bug you a lot. Just every now and again to say ‘hi’ and see how you’re doing.”
He hadn’t forgiven her, but maybe one day he could. “Sure.”
There was another long stretch of silence before she spoke. “So how are you doin’?”
He didn’t know her well enough to tell her how he truly felt so he lied. “I’m doin’ good. I’m working on a ranch right now.”
“In Texas?”
“Is there any better place to be working on a ranch?”
She laughed. “Not as far as I’m concerned. As hard as Texas has been on me, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. And I’ve always wanted to live on a ranch or farm where I could grow a huge garden. So tell me about it.”
He started telling her about the Gardener Ranch. She was easy to talk to and pretty soon he was telling her other things. He told her about the St. James’s Home for Children, the Double Diamond Ranch, and Chester and Lucas. Finally, he told her about Penny. It was weird, but as he talked, the pain in chest eased—like a large weight had been lifted from it. Maybe it was the weight of hate and anger he’d carried around for so long. Now he just felt sad for a woman who had felt like she had no other choice but to leave her son.
“This Penny sounds like a kind-hearted woman,” she said.
“She is. Too kind hearted. She sets herself up to get hurt.”
“And are you one of the people who hurt her?”
He sighed. “I didn’t want to. She’s the last person in the world I’d want to hurt.”
“And yet, you did. Believe me, I understand.”
And he realized that she did understand. She had done the exact same thing. She had hurt the one she loved the most. All because she had convinced herself Cru would be better off without her. And now he was doing the same thing to Penny: letting her go because he didn’t think he was the man she deserved. And that was bullshit. If Penny thought he deserved her love, that was all that matter.
“Chester was right,” he said. “I am a fool. Instead of sitting here moaning about not being worthy of Penny’s love, I should be doing what it takes to become worthy. Listen, I need to go.”
It was easy to hear the joy in his mother’s voice. “I’ll be praying for you . . . son.”
The word made his chest feel even lighter. “Thanks, Mom.”
Once he hung up, he started to call Penny to tell her how stupid he’d been and how much he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life loving her. But before he punched in her number, he stopped. A worthy man wouldn’t tell his woman he loved her on the phone. He would prove how much he loved her. Especially when the jackass had let her walk right out the door and done nothing to stop her.
But how could he prove to Penny how much he loved her? How could he prove to her that he was ready to stop his wanderlust ways and settle down?
Chapter Twenty-Two
“If looks could kill, Cru Cassidy would be pushin’ up daisies right about now.” Emma continued to fill the red plastic Solo cups that sat on the long buffet table with lemonade. “What happened to the pitiful woman who kept me up all night sobbing her heart out and eating all my chocolate chip ice cream?”
Penny pulled her gaze away from Cru’s sun-bronzed back and continued to uncover the dishes everyone had brought to Chester and Lucas’s house raising. “She’s come to realize that Cru Cassidy isn’t worth her tears. He’s a selfish bastard who can’t commit to any woman, and if it wasn’t for all the witnesses standing around, I’d pick up one of those hammers and save the rest of the female population some grief.”
Emma stopped pouring lemonade and picked up a cup. “If you want, I can put some rat poison in his lemonade. No one would be the wiser.”
Boone reached over her shoulder and took the cup from her hand. “It’s so like you to poison a man when he’s just trying to quench his thirst.” He downed the lemonade in three gulps, and then started choking and clutching his throat as he staggered away.
Emma rolled her eyes at Penny. “I can understand why you fell for Cru. The home grown men from Simple are extremely immature.”
“Cru isn’t mature. Mature men don’t run from love.”
“Honey, I hate to bring this up. But he doesn’t look like he’s running.”
Penny looked back at Cru, who was helping Dylan, Billy, Sam, and her father hoist up one framed wall of Chester and Lucas’s new house. He had stripped off his shirt earlier, and his muscled chest and shoulders glistened with sweat. His misshapen cowboy hat shadowed his eyes, but she knew every time he glanced in her direction. She could feel it like a punch in the heart.
“Why is he still here?” she asked. “He should be in California right now, soaking up the sun and having sex with skinny, Botoxed women.”
“You’re starting to sound a little vindictive and whiney, honey. You can’t fault the man for doing his charitable duty by convincing Chester and Lucas to let us throw them a house-raising party.” Emma released a sigh. “Nor can you fault him for having a body that would make most women swoon from heatstroke.” She glanced over at Penny. “Now don’t go shooting those daggers at me again. I’m just making an observation. He’s your man.”
“He’s not mine.” Penny ripped the plastic wrap off a bowl of potato salad, then moved down the table to take the tin foil off a plate of fried chicken. “If he were mine, he would’ve called me in the last week. But he hasn’t call
ed me once. Nor has he stopped by to see me at Dixon’s Boardinghouse.” And she’d left the garden doors unlocked all week. “Asshole.”
“You watch your mouth, Penelope Gardener. Or I’ll wash it out with Lifebuoy soap like my mama used to do to me.” Gertie came rolling up with her walker. She was dressed in a flowered housecoat and a pair of pink furry slippers.
“Sorry, Miss Gertie,” Penny said.
“No, you ain’t. Just like you ain’t sorry for sneaking that boy into your room and having sexual relationships with him.”
Penny stood there with her face burning from embarrassment while Emma choked on a laugh. Rhett Butler leaned out of the Gertie’s walker and snagged a chicken wing off the plate on the table before disappearing inside his basket. Completely unaware of her cat’s larceny, Gertie kept right on talking.
“Back in my day, a man stayed too long in a woman’s room, that was cause for her pa to pull out his shotgun.” Her gaze snapped over to Emma. “And what are you snickering about, Emma Johansen?” She pointed a gnarled finger. “Don’t think I don’t know what you and Boone are doing in that hardware store when no one’s lookin’. You act like a couple of alley cats fighting for your territory, but you don’t have me fooled.” This time Emma didn’t cough as much as choke. “Now fix me up a plate and put an extra chicken wing on it for Butler.”
Neither she nor Penny mentioned that Rhett Butler had already helped himself. “Yes, ma’am,” Emma said as she shot Penny a look and hurried to do the old woman’s bidding.
“Don’t just stand there lookin’ stupid, Penelope Gardener,” Gertie said. “Get some of that lemonade to those thirsty carpenters.”
Penny didn’t want to get lemonade to the carpenters. If she got too close to Cru Cassidy, she was afraid she’d clobber him over the head with a two-by-four. She was over crying for the man and now just angry as hell. How dare he stay in Simple when he’d acted like he was going to leave? How dare he parade around with his shirt off and act like he hadn’t broken her heart?
Well, if he could act, so could she.
She grabbed a cookie sheet and filled it with cups of lemonade, then carried it around to all the workers. When she got to Dylan, Cru, and her father, she forced a big smile.
“I brought y’all some lemonade.” She handed Dylan and her father the last two cups and then looked at the empty cookie sheet as if she hadn’t planned it that way. “What a shame.”
Cru had the audacity to grin. “That is a shame.” He took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm. There was something about his pale underarm with its smattering of dark hair that made Penny feel lightheaded. “I guess I’ll have to come get some of your lemonade later.” The heated look he sent her said he wasn’t talking about lemonade. But no matter how her body reacted to that look, her mind refused to acknowledge the desire sizzling through her.
“Sorry. I’m all out.”
Her father stared at her. “What are you talking about, Penelope Anne? There’s three entire pitchers sitting right there on the table.”
“I’m sure Cru wouldn’t want that. He not a simple lemonade kind of guy.”
Cru shrugged. “I don’t know about that, Miss Penny. I’ve kinda acquired a taste for . . . simple lemonade.”
Her hands tightened on the cookie sheet, and she had to resist the urge to beat him with it. “Like I said before, I’m all out.” She turned and walked away.
By the time the sun started to set, Chester and Lucas’s house was framed, sided, and roofed. When all the potluck dishes were gone, Reverend Hopkins from the Methodist church and Reverend Peters from the Baptist church gathered everyone around the new house to say a blessing.
Penny moved in between Chester and Lucas, trying not to look at Cru, who stood on the other side of Chester. It was a losing battle. He had sprayed himself off with a hose and his hair was wet and slicked back. He must’ve pulled his white t-shirt on while he was still wet because the damp cotton clung to his tempting chest and biceps like a second skin.
“Is there something you wanted, Miss Penny?” he asked, causing her gaze to dart up to his twinkling green eyes.
“Not a thing,” she snapped. She took Chester’s and Lucas’s hands as the prayer started. When she felt their weathered hands tremble, she knew how overwhelmed by the town’s generosity they were feeling. Once the final amen was spoken, she squeezed their hands.
“It’s okay to let people show you how much you’re loved.”
Chester cleared his throat. “Well, they sure did that.”
Lucas nodded and wiped at his eyes with a bandanna. “They sure did.”
“What’s everyone standing around for?” Sadie yelled. “There’s a brand new wood floor that needs wearing in. Dale, get your band together. We have some celebrating to do.”
The band set up on the porch where someone had strung up some Christmas lights. As dust turned to night, Boone started a campfire in the old fire pit and people pulled Coleman lanterns out of trunks and the beds of pickups and hung them inside and out. Soon, you could see couples dancing the two-step in the windowless living room and kitchen.
Penny didn’t feel like dancing. She felt like going home and sulking. And because she knew that Emma and Sadie would put up a fuss if she told them she was leaving, she decided to slink away without telling anyone. She was almost to her truck that she’d parked to the left of the campfire when someone grabbed her wrist and stopped her.
She didn’t have to look to know who it was. Cru’s touch would always send sparks skittering through her.
“Are you leaving?” he asked.
She turned, but kept her gaze away from his mind-altering green eyes. “I think that’s my line. Aren’t you supposed to be in California?”
“That was the plan. I planned on hopping in my truck and never looking back, like I’ve done so many times before.” His thumb slid back and forth over the pulse point in her wrist that seemed to be beating out of control. “Your heart’s beating awfully fast, Penny.”
She jerked her arm away and lifted her gaze. “So what stopped you from leaving?”
His eyes reflected the flickering flames of the campfire like it had all those years ago when she’d snuck over to the Double Diamond to see him. “You.”
The snort she released didn’t come close to expressing her disgust. “Right. Tell that to someone else, Cru Cassidy. If you stayed for me, then you have a strange way of showing. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you in the last week. No visit. No phone call. No nothing. I didn’t even know you were still staying at the Gardener Ranch until Sadie told me. And what did you do to her? Not more than two weeks ago, she was warning me against you. And now she thinks you walk on water.”
Cru shrugged. “I just helped her organize the house raising . . . and asked her to help me organize a few other things.”
“Well, you’ve done the house raising. Now you can head on out to California and have yourself a great time.” She started for her truck, but he stepped in front of her.
“I’m not going to California, Penny. I’m not going anywhere. For years, I traveled around thinking I was just this footloose and fancy-free guy who didn’t want to be tied down to anyone or anything. But the truth is I wasn’t footloose as much as terrified. Terrified that if I let myself love anyone, they’d leave me. So I always left first. And it was easy to do until I met a woman I couldn’t leave. A woman who taught me what it means to love someone. I love you, Penelope Anne Gardener.”
She had wanted to hear those words from him forever. But now that he’d said them, she realized they weren’t enough. “I know you love me, Cru. That was never the question. The question is how much? And I think you answered that the other day when you let me walk out without saying a word.”
He moved as if to pull her into his arms, but she stepped back. “Oh no you don’t. Don’t you dare touch me and try to sweet talk me back into your bed and then a few days from now decide you want to leave and give m
e some crap about not being good enough for me. I’m not falling for that again. You’re right. You aren’t good enough for me. I want a man who doesn’t just love me. I want a man who can commit. I know I acted like I could have sex without commitment. But I figured out I can’t.”
“Well, you kinda did,” he said with a grin.
“Don’t be a smartass.”
He forced down his smile, but it still quivered at his lips. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Now where was I?”
“I believe you were talking about expecting a wedding ring.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was talking about needing a commitment.”
“But isn’t marrying someone the best kind of commitment?”
“Well, yes, but I don’t think you’re ready—”
He cut her off. “I don’t think you know what I’m ready for. I also don’t think you should have any buts when you’re talking about commitment. If two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, they shouldn’t be afraid of committing to that love.” He took something out of his pocket. As soon as he got down on one knee, she knew what it was. “Penny Gardener, will you marry me?” He snapped open the box to reveal the most beautiful square-cut diamond engagement ring she’d ever seen.
She stared at the ring in stunned shock. But before she could get a sound out, Chester came hurrying up.
“Hell fire! Are you proposing to her now, boy?”
Cru rolled his eyes and got to his feet. “I was trying to.”
“Lucas! Cru’s proposing to Penny right now like some country bumpkin without a brain in his head! And by the stunned look on her face, it ain’t going well.”
Lucas came hurrying over. And he wasn’t the only one. Other people had heard Chester’s bellowing and soon the band stopped playing and everyone surrounded her and Cru. Including her father.
