After the War

by Jessica Scott

  He pulled up to Kearney’s house fifteen minutes later and parked behind two MP cars. Kearney was sitting on his front step, and Morgan was squared off with the MPs—four of them in all. One of the cops had the balls to have his hand resting on the butt of his M9.

  “Firs’ Sarn’t, we have to take him in. It’s the post commander’s policy,” the shortest sergeant said. He was built like a bull. A small bull, to be sure, but with a stockiness that did not run to fat. Sean glanced at his nametape. Nelson.

  Nelson eyed Sean as he walked up. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to step back, sir.”

  “I’m his commander. I’ll accept responsibility for him,” Sean said as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and flashed Sergeant Nelson his ID card.

  “Domestic disturbance—” Nelson started.

  “Look, Sarn’t Nelson, I appreciate that you’re trying to do the right thing. But Kearney’s having a real rough time. I’m sure you’ve got other things to do than take him into custody and file paperwork, only to release him to me in four hours instead of right now.” He only hoped it sounded like he was doing the young MP sergeant a favor instead of trying to save Kearney’s ass. Again. “Let me take him back to the barracks now, and we’ll deal with this in my company. I assure you, I will deal with this.”

  And he was lying through his teeth, because he knew damn good and well that Kearney was going to be a problem that would not be easily dealt with. But if he got arrested again, Kearney’s future in the military was going to be taken out of Sean’s hands. And Sean…he needed Kearney next to him when he went downrange again.

  Nelson wavered, and Sean pressed his advantage. “He’s going to be under guard the rest of this week. He’s still on leave. You won’t be called back here.” Come on, man, cut me a goddamned break.

  Nelson nodded. “If we come back out here, he’s getting taken into custody.”

  Sean nodded, careful to keep the triumph off his expression and out of his voice. “Done. Thank you, Sarn’t.” Sean stuck his hand out, and Nelson shook it, then offered a salute. Sean returned the courtesy and waited for the MPs to pull away before turning to his first sergeant and his most troubled squad leader.

  Irritation mixed with relief. He’d traded one issue for another because the look on Kearney’s face told him he wasn’t leaving without a fight. Right then, Sean would be happy to oblige him.

  “What happened?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Kearney stood up, his chin lifted in defiance. “I just want to talk to my wife. She changed the locks.”

  Sean raised his eyebrows. “What part of a no-contact order did you fail to understand?”

  “You are one dumb shit, you know that?” Morgan jabbed his index finger into Kearney’s chest. “You’re already in trouble and the first thing you do is come here? Real fucking smart.”

  Kearney sunk back to the step. “She thinks I cheated on her again,” he mumbled.

  Sean frowned. “And that justifies breaking a no-contact order because…?”

  Morgan spat into the dirt. “Yep. Officially the dumbest shit I’ve ever met. Why are you so strung out over this woman? She left you, man. Get over it.”

  Maybe Morgan wasn’t the right guy to be coaching Kearney through his marital problems.

  Kearney shrugged. “Because I did her wrong, too. We both screwed up. She’s just still pissed off at me because she thinks I cheated again.”

  “Did you?” Sean asked. Kearney just looked at him, and Sean took that expression for a yes. “Dumb shit,” Sean mumbled. “Why is it so hard for you to keep your damn dick in your pants?”

  Kearney grinned, and the expression was like a feral wolf, casting aside the drama for a moment and reveling in past exploits. Exploits that had once more landed him on the wrong side of his wife and the MPs, but apparently fond memories for Kearney nonetheless. “I haven’t touched anyone since that contractor in Kuwait. But Kitty just found out about her, and she won’t let me explain.”

  Sean said nothing, letting the silence hang. “I’m not really sure there’s anything to explain.”

  “Kitty just needs to listen to me. She owes me, especially after she shacked up, too. I’ll take her back, I really will.”

  Morgan shook his head. “Dickhead, I don’t think you taking her back is the issue here. Get in the truck. You’re under twenty-four-hour guard for the rest of the week.”

  “I just want to see her, Top.” Kearney’s voice took on a desperate edge.

  Morgan put his hand on Kearney’s shoulder. “We’ll work on that, okay? But no more goddamned screaming matches on the front porch. We’ll get the chaplain to talk to her and come in to see you. But you come out here again, and that’s your ass. Go wait in the truck.”

  Kearney didn’t argue, but it was a close thing. Sober, he was significantly less belligerent than when he’d been drinking. At least they had that going for them. Morgan waited until Kearney had slammed the door shut on Morgan’s ancient F150. “How many chances are you going to give him, sir?”

  Sean stared hard at his first sergeant and wished he’d never told Morgan what had happened between him and Kearney all those years ago in that narrow street in western Iraq. But it was too late to close the lid on that box now, and Sean had to deal with the fact that Morgan knew Sean’s deepest shame.

  “As many as it takes, Top.”

  Morgan grunted and stalked toward his truck, his silence expressing his disagreement with ample volume.

  “As many as it takes,” Sean murmured as they drove off. He wasn’t going to abandon Kearney. Not now. He was just having a hard time. He’d pull out of it. Sean was sure of it.

  But Sean’s faith in one man couldn’t be explained to LTC Gilliad. Not without revealing a whole lot more that his commander did not want or need to know.

  Pulling Kearney back from the brink was the least Sean could do. Because Kearney hadn’t just saved Sean’s life. He’d saved his soul.

  * * *

  The doorbell rang as Sarah was putting Anna’s lunch in the fridge. Claire walked in without waiting for Sarah to let her and set her backpack on the floor near the door.

  “I owe you big time for this,” Sarah said. Claire was spending the night and going to pack Anna off to daycare in the morning so that Sarah could make it to the PT test. She hadn’t even hesitated when Sarah had asked her. Just requested heavy cream for her coffee in the morning if Sarah was running to the store.

  Sarah had run to the store.

  “Oh, and I plan to collect, but I’m not going to turn down time with my favorite munchkin. Where is she?”

  “Legos. She’s currently obsessed with Star Wars.”

  Claire grinned. “A little girl after my own nerdy heart.” Claire handed Sarah a bottle of sweet red wine. “In the meantime, you owe me some details. What was it like, seeing Sean again?”

  Sarah looked over at her long-time friend. “It’s complicated.”

  “You’re going to make me pull this out of you, aren’t you?” Claire mumbled.

  “Maybe.” Sarah smiled. It felt good to break out of the morass of bad memories she’d been wallowing in. Between her run-in with the antichrist in human form and seeing Sean, her entire first week in her new unit had been an epic shit show. “We got off to a very rough start,” she said after a moment.

  “I hear a ‘but’ in there.” Claire hunted around until she found a bottle opener.

  “It’s complicated,” Sarah repeated. She didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to put into words the emotions that had surfaced when Sean had touched her, when he’d stood a little too close.

  Claire poured two glasses, one more full than the other. “Okay, you’re going to have to get more articulate than that. Here, maybe some wine will get you talking.” She handed Sarah the smaller glass. “Can’t have you getting loaded tonight before your PT test, now can we?”

  “I don’t know how to describe it, Claire,” Sarah said honestly.


  “Well, I suppose that’s better than you still hate him.” Cautious words.

  Sarah loved her for it. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about seeing him.” She looked away. “I loved my husband, Claire.”

  “I’m not sure what Jack has to do with any of this,” Claire said gently.

  Sarah looked at her friend. “I…I feel disloyal somehow for not still hating Sean.”

  “Your feelings for Jack weren’t predicated on hating Sean. In fact, I distinctly remember you being really reluctant to even go to dinner with Jack when he first asked you because of Sean.”

  “Breaking up with your boyfriend because he couldn’t handle that you didn’t want to jump right into being his wife isn’t really conducive to wanting to jump back into the dating pool.”

  “I can see where that might leave some scar tissue,” Claire said mildly. “But then why did you marry Jack?”

  “Because Jack…Jack treated me like an equal. He never asked me to give up my career for him. Never said his career had to come first. Never made me feel bad for wanting to be a soldier.”

  “It’s part of what he loved about you,” Claire said. “It takes a strong man to love women like us; I’ll give you that.”

  “And Sean wasn’t that guy.”

  Claire tipped her head. “Maybe Sean has grown up a little,” she said finally.

  “And maybe I’m not looking for anything else to do with him. The battalion XO hates me. She’s already basically called me a piece of garbage. So yeah, let’s start dating one of the company commanders to really make her think highly of me.”

  “So you’ve thought about it,” Claire said.

  “Not until two seconds ago, and no, I’m not dating anyone. Who has time?” Sarah narrowed her eyes. “And speaking of which, I find it somewhat suspicious that you didn’t know he was here. You’re engaged to the battalion operations officer in his unit.”

  Claire raised both hands. “I swear to God I didn’t know.”

  “Evan doesn’t know him?”

  “Evan knows him, but I’d never run into Sean and the fact that we all used to hang out together when we were enlisted never came up.” It was Claire’s turn to narrow her eyes. “I would have warned you if I’d known.”

  After a moment, Sarah admitted, “I know you would have.” She swirled the wine in her glass, watching the rich burgundy liquid capture the light. “I don’t hate him. I hated him for a long, long time, but it’s not there anymore.” She finally dared to meet Claire’s eyes. “Why?”

  Silence stretched between them for an impossible duration. “Because you had Jack.” Claire reached out, resting her hand on Sarah’s forearm before Sarah could tense at her friend’s words. “I’m not diminishing the love you had for Jack. Jack…he helped heal the hurt so that it didn’t own so much of your heart.”

  “I miss him.” Sarah took a sip of her wine to ease the tightness in her throat. “I think I always will.” She tipped the glass up, peering at the wine and wishing she had more. It was one of those nights. “At any rate, my nonexistent love life doesn’t matter. I’ve got to keep my job, and at the rate I’m going, the XO is going to make sure I don’t get selected for major.”

  “Wilson, right?” Claire leaned back in her chair, an odd expression on her lips. “Good luck with that. She’s actually had EO complaints filed against her by women before.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “As a heart attack. She’s been accused of a hostile work environment, holding women to higher standards and making inappropriate remarks about other females—enlisted and officer.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “You already said that. But everything always comes back unfounded because she might be an asshole, but she’s a competent asshole. The guys don’t have any problems out of her, so it’s chalked up as a ‘female problem’ and ignored.”

  Sarah scoffed quietly. “Which is exactly why there will be no complaint from me. I’ve had asshole bosses before. I’ll survive her. Especially if I want to save my career.”

  Claire looked at her intently. “You could consider a life outside the military. You know that, right?”

  Something lodged in Sarah’s throat at the thought of life without the uniform. “No. The Army is what I know. All my life I wanted to be a soldier. It’s what I’m good at, and it’s how I’ll take care of my daughter.”

  Claire watched her silently. “What if you die, Sarah? Will Anna’s college fund be worth it if she’s lost both parents?”

  “I won’t live in that fear,” she said, shutting the argument down. She refused to consider the possibility. “I’m more likely to die crossing Battalion Avenue on Fort Hood than I am in Iraq.”

  “Yes, but why court trouble?” Claire asked.

  Sarah didn’t have an answer for that. The remark festered beneath her skin, tormenting her with harsh truths that she’d rather ignore.

  Thankfully, Claire let it go, letting Sarah avoid ripping the bandage from those wounds for another day. They talked about nothing and everything before Sarah headed to bed. The ass crack of dawn was going to get there early enough as it was. If she stayed up any later talking to Claire, she’d end up tempted with another glass of wine and that would end badly.

  But it was a long time before Sarah fell asleep that night. Claire’s words haunted her. She might be determined to paste on a smile and pretend that everything was fine, but things definitely were not fine.

  And when she’d found out she was pregnant with Anna a few weeks after Jack died, her whole world had shifted beneath her feet.

  She’d lost her husband. But she had his daughter. She’d lost Jack, but she’d survived. She was going to raise their little girl in the life that she knew and loved. She could be a good parent and still be a good soldier.

  And that little girl was going to grow up seeing Sarah do something that she cared deeply about, not slaving away in a dull grey cubicle farm.

  Because there was no better way to honor the man she’d loved and lost, than to live the life they’d planned on living.

  Even if she was doing it alone.

  * * *

  “Sir, we’ve got a small problem,” LT McKiernan said. He looked like he was about twelve. Given that his platoon sergeant looked like he was about sixty, they were an odd pair.

  “What’s up, LT?”

  “The support company XO is out back and he’s pretty pissed. Apparently, we missed ammo draw for the range next week.”

  “Where’s the XO?”

  McKiernan jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Sick call.”

  “It’s not even six a.m. Fuck me.” Sean scrubbed his hand over his face. “Go get the ammo draw unscrewed, LT.”

  “Roger, sir.”

  McKiernan wasn’t a lost cause, at least not yet. He’d started shaping up the first time Sean had strategically placed his boot on his neck, and seemed to genuinely want to learn how to be a good officer.

  Which made Sean suspicious because McKiernan and Smith were classmates and teammates from West Point. That kind of loyalty wasn’t broken overnight.

  Sean looked up from his computer to find McKiernan hadn’t moved. “Is there a reason you’re still standing there, lieutenant? Get the ammo fixed, then get to the railhead for the PT test.”

  McKiernan flushed and looked sixteen shades of guilty. “Roger, sir.”

  He moved out smartly, leaving Sean wondering at just what was going on with the lieutenants.

  The ammo draw wasn’t a big deal. McKiernan just needed to go talk to the support company and get it fixed. Sean needed to talk to the ops officer to make sure there weren’t any other issues with the upcoming range. He grabbed his headgear and headed to battalion, hoping he could catch Evan before PT. He was not prepared to walk into an old…friend in Evan's office.

  Captain Claire Montoya was leaning over Evan’s shoulder in a way that suggested an intimacy he’d never imagined Claire possessing. For a moment, the softness in Clai
re’s expression caught him off guard. She was a quintessential warrior. She always had been, even way back when all of them had been a bunch of privates running around doing stupid things that made their NCOs go crazy. She and Sarah had always been close, but where Sarah was a soldier with a sense of duty and obligation, Claire was a fighter, a warrior. Soft wasn’t in her vocabulary but that was the only way he could think to describe her right now. Her smile was warm and there was a tenderness in her eyes as if she’d said something only Evan could hear.

  The minute she looked up and saw him, though, that smile skittered away, replaced by a cold, hard look that he’d encountered before. Claire had been part of his life that he’d lost when he’d lost Sarah.

  Claire was nothing if not loyal. Not to him, of course. Her expression shuttered closed and she straightened. When she smiled at him, it could have fractured glass. “I’ve heard you were around,” she said.

  Well, she hadn't threatened to neuter him so there was that. "Nice to see you, too, Claire."

  Evan leaned back so he could see both Claire and Sean. “You know each other?”

  Sean looked down at his old friend, not sure how he'd missed the fact that his friend had apparently gotten involved—seriously—with Claire Montoya. “I could ask you the same thing,” Sean said dryly.

  A slight flush crept up Claire's neck. “Evan managed to convince me to settle down,” she said quietly.

  “You?” Sean instantly regretted the surprise in his voice. “I’ve walked into an episode of The Twilight Zone,” Sean mumbled.

  “So is someone going to fill me in?” Evan asked mildly.

  Claire looked at Sean, and he felt two inches tall. A thousand bad memories came rushing back, but one stood out against the darkness.

  “He and Sarah used to be a thing.”

  “Anders?” It was Evan's turn to sound surprised.

  “Yeah.”

  “I thought her husband died in Iraq?”

  “He did,” Claire said. “But before she had Jack, she and Sean were a thing.” Claire shifted, tucking her hands into her belt. “They were supposed to get married, but after Sean realized that Sarah really did want to be a soldier and wasn’t just in the Army looking for a husband, Sean decided he’d rather party with the boys than be man enough to marry a soldier.”