Brave Hearts

by Nicole Falls

  Before I could help it, I felt my eyes welling up with tears that I tried and failed to keep at bay. My wedding day...my real one that is...wasn't something I'd ever given much thought, but a small part of me did feel like I was being a bit cheated here. Ginger was right, you do only get married for the first time once and despite the circumstances of this wedding not exactly being the intent of living happily ever after, I was a little bummed about getting married in a quickie ceremony at City Hall. I'd also thought that my special day would include my dad walking me down the aisle and, in this moment, the combination of those thoughts sent me into an emotional tailspin for which I was not quite ready. Gigi's thoughtfulness, however, assuaged some of the sadness so these tears were a combination of happy and sad tears. And as if she could sense what was going on inside my crazy head, she ushered me into the restroom to help me clean my face, reapply my makeup, and meet Frankie so we could join the queue of folks ready to get hitched.

  We exited the restroom just in time to see Frankie strolling in and...

  "Goddamn," Gigi groaned.

  My thoughts exactly. Objectively, I knew Frankie was handsome...ok, fine as hell. But today? Outfitted in a slim fitting navy suit that seemed to be tailored to precision to accentuate his broad shoulders, narrow waist, and long legs, paired with a crisp white button down with the top three buttons undone, a navy pocket square and cognac colored shoes, he looked downright edible. And I clearly wasn't the only one who thought so as the woman who sat in front of me remarked about wanting to sop him up with a biscuit, much to the ire of the guy who was besides her that she was presumably in this place to marry.

  At his glare she said, "What? I can look. I got eyes. They stuck in this body that's stuck with your ass, but I can look. Ain't that what you always say when I catch your ass drooling over Serena Williams' ass?" and I couldn't help the giggles that escaped.

  The sound of my giggle caught Frankie's attention as he scanned the room looking for me and when our eyes connected from across the room there was a spark of...something different that traveled between our gazes. He made his way over to where Gigi and I stood slowly, his eyes traveling down my body before slowly coming back up to meet mine. I squirmed under his appraisal, simultaneously unnerved yet thrilled by the heat I saw in his eyes as he finally reached us.

  "Valora, you look incredible," he said, pulling me into a quick embrace.

  "Thank you," I replied softly, feeling my face overheating.

  "Bitch, are you blushing?" Gigi whispered, laughing.

  "Damn, a brother can't get a compliment back," Frankie pouted, "And here I thought I cleaned up well."

  "Now you know you look better than well," Gigi ribbed Frankie.

  "You must be Ginger," he said on a chuckle, taking the teasing in stride.

  "Yeah, since my sis here is momentarily stunned into silence by your fineness, I'll overlook her rudity and introduce myself. Nice to meet you, brother in law to be," Gigi giggled.

  "I don't know about fineness, Ginger. My bride to be here is still oddly silent. What's the matter, baby? You don't think I look good?"

  Shaking off my stupor, I replied, "Nah you don't look good."

  A shocked gasp came from the woman in front of me, "I know she fuckin' lyin'."

  I bit down on my lip and continued, "You look delicious enough to sop up with a biscuit, boy!"

  That caught Frankie off guard, his unbridled chuckle sending shockwaves through my body as he pulled me close again, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

  "You ready for this, baby?"

  "As ready as I'll ever be."

  At a quarter of two, a woman from the court clerk's office came out and began passing out numbers so there wouldn't be a mass rush to the doors once the Court was back in session. Frankie and I were fifth in line, so while we waited, he and Gigi chatted as I sat there staring off into space. Before I knew it, the judge was calling out our names to stand in front of him and exchange our vows.

  “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and woman in holy matrimony,” was all I heard before my mind drifted off. I glanced over at Gigi who was trying to record the ceremony and simultaneously trying to tamp down her tears. That video was probably going to be a shaky hot mess. In the distance, I heard Frankie agreeing to take me to be his wife and figured I should shake off my mental wandering and tune back in to the ceremony. I was a half a second too late, however, as just when I refocused both Frankie and the judge were looking at me expectantly.

  “Ooh! Yes, I do!” I quickly agreed, my response underscored by Gigi and the court clerk’s giggles. Frankie squeezed my hands and threw a quick wink my way before the judge continued on asking if we had the rings. Once we both answered in the affirmative, he asked that I place Frankie’s on my thumb and he place mine on his pinky so there would be no fumbling to find them once we began the ring exchange. When we got to the call and response section of the vows during which we vowed to take each other as husband and wife “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part” was when it finally hit me that we were really doing this. The conviction with which Frankie spoke as he repeated after the judge while looking me dead in the eye made my chest constrict a bit. I felt the tears welling, tried valiantly to blink them back, but they fell freely as I hiccupped my way through the first half of repeating after the judge before Frankie interrupted.

  He leaned in a bit closer, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away my tears before asking, “Are you okay, baby?”

  I closed my eyes, taking a deep, cleansing breath before opening them and refocusing my gaze upon Frankie. The genuine depth of concern in his eyes almost sent me back in to tears again, but I swallowed that emotion, nodding before responding almost inaudibly, “yes.” Then I turned to the judge and apologized and asked him to continue the call and response. This time I got through the whole thing without breaking down and we continued on to exchange our rings. By the time the judge pronounced us man and wife I don’t know what I expected, but it certainly was not for Frankie to wrap me up tight and fuse our mouths together in a kiss that damn near took my breath away. I was expecting a chaste peck on the mouth, but instead what I got was a tentative series of small pecks that quickly gave way to him taking my lower lip between his as his tongue snaked out seeking entry to my mouth. I gladly capitulated on a moan, our tongues tangling for God knows how long before the judge cleared his throat and Gigi called out, “Damn, let her breathe, bro!”

  That made the both us laugh as we pulled back. Frankie wiping my lipstick from his mouth and me pulling my lower lip between my teeth, trying to savor the remnants of a taste that was uniquely Frankie. Our eyes met again and he pulled me close, going in for round two, I thought, but instead he landed a chaste kiss on my forehead, wrapped an arm around my waist, and led me out of the courtroom. Gigi followed behind, ribbing us the whole time. After we got back in the hallway I quickly rounded on Frankie.

  “Yo, what was that?”

  “Been that long, Valora?”

  I blushed and lowered my eyes, quickly regaining my composure.

  “I…wasn’t expecting that.”

  “I know,” Frankie responded with a twinkle in his eye as he grabbed my hand to lead us out of City Hall, “Come, let’s go have a celebratory cocktail. Ginger, will you be joining us?”

  “Wish that I could, brother in law, but I’ve gotta get back to the burbs before my babies drive their Nana crazy,” Ginger said, “But congratulations again, you guys.”

  She gave both Frankie and I a quick squeeze—which I think surprised him—before turning to walk in the direction of where I presumed she had parked. She took about three steps before doubling back to us.

  “Oh,” she said and snapped her fingers, “I hope this isn’t overstepping my bounds because I didn’t clear this with you first, Lolo, but I thought it would be cool to have a little something
out at the house to celebrate you guys’ nuptials. Let the rest of the crew see the wedding. Nothing too big, just my family, Nono and Juju. Won’t be able to get Mommy here on such short notice but we can Skype her in so you can introduce everyone to our new addition.”

  “I…” I trailed off, completely forgetting that not only did I not tell my other sisters and mother that I was getting married, but they were also under the impression that I wasn’t even seeing anyone. I’d wanted to keep this charade between as few people as possible, but I didn’t think about the fact that this wasn’t just a marriage in name and paper only. We’d have to be living as man and wife as well as acting as man and wife in the real world. My shoulders sank at the thought of having to lie to mommy to keep Frankie’s…our secret.

  “That’s fine, Ginger. We haven’t any plans this weekend. See you on Saturday!” Frankie answered for me as I still stood there in a stupor.

  “Fantastic!” Gigi exclaimed before turning on her heel and strutting off once again.

  “Hey,” Frankie said, waving a hand in front of my face to get my attention, “Are you okay, Valora?”

  I didn’t have an answer as I uttered my favorite four-letter word in response, “Fuck.”

  Now...

  February 10, 2018

  "Yo! Do y'all remember how mommy wilded out on Frankie when we Skyped her in that day?" Juju giggled, "Lo, you had to end up taking the iPad into another room to calm her down. Wait...but when you came back she was markedly relaxed. Did you tell her that day?"

  I nodded, "Sure did. Wasn't finna have her going in on for too long about making rash decisions and wishing doom and gloom on our situation."

  "When she called Frankie Rico Suave I almost lost it," Noelle giggled, "Whew, mommy was fed up. Hell, we were all surprised to get that call from Gigi saying she was throwing you a wedding reception. Juju and I were like who the hell did she marry, I thought the heffa was in a committed relationship with her Nikon."

  "I can't front like I still ain't a little tight that you didn't tell us what the real was back then though," Juju said, "I mean, you trust Gigi more than you trust us or something?"

  "What?! No. No! It wasn't like that. We just...we needed as little people to know about it as possible considering that there was a possibility that you all could be questioned by the INS regarding our relationship and marriage, too. Frankie, in particular, didn't want to put you guys in the situation of having to lie and possibly having that lie found out. I promise it had nothing to do with the level of trust I had in either of you," I said, making sure to make eye contact with both Noelle and Juniper, "Y'all gotta believe me that this was not something I purposefully left you guys in the dark about."

  "But once he got his green card you definitely could have told us," Juju said, hurt clearly evident in her tone.

  "It was a total non-factor by then, Junie B," I said, reaching a hand out to grab hers in mine and squeeze it, "By the time everything was official, we were both head over heels, totally and unequivocally in love with each other. How we began didn't even matter because we were where we were and not going anywhere."

  "Ok, that's sweet and all, but...I mean...we don't get to learn how y'all got there, too?" Noelle asked.

  "I gotta agree with NoNo on this one," Ginger piped up, "Y'all definitely slid from homies to lovers in what seemed like an eye blink. So…you gon tell us how you were from that's just the homie to I'm smashing the homie, or nah?"

  "You can leave out the...good stuff if you need to, but I am genuinely curious about the evolution of you guys' bond," said Noelle.

  "Nah nah, leave the good stuff in," Juju chimed in, "This long ass story ain't worth it without the good stuff."

  I just rolled my eyes and laughed at her.

  "Well if I'm being perfectly honest, everything changed with that kiss at the wedding. Before then it was like ok I know Frankie is fine, but he looks at me like I'm his little sister or child so I never even entertained there being anything further between us than that. But then he went and flipped the script on me."

  "Sis, I promise if you would have told me that kiss was fake when we first saw you guys' wedding video, I would have called you every kind of liar because that shit there? Fuego. Fire. Hot." Juju said while fanning herself.

  "Girl, imagine how I felt being on the receiving end. I was all fucked up. Between trying to reconcile the sparks that kiss set out, navigating living with a man who was acting like it didn't happen, and growing increasingly frustrated with being ignored, I'd had it to my breaking point," I said.

  "That still doesn't explain how you came to smash the homie though," Gigi said.

  "Can you stop saying smash the homie, Ray J? Damn. And if you'd be patient I was getting to that. So yeah...like I was saying, we were maybe a month into being married and..."

  Then...

  Tuesday, March 13, 2013

  Living with a man was...different. I'd packed up everything from my apartment and officially moved in about two weeks after Frankie and I tied the knot. The immigration hearing that was set for the day after we got married ended up actually ended up just being a cattle call explaining the deportation process and assigning Frankie a new evidentiary hearing that would be taking place March fourteenth. This hearing would be when he and his lawyer had to provide evidence that supported his right to stay in the country. So, for the past few weeks we’ve been gathering as many character reference letters as possible from anyone with whom Frankie had significant contact during these years in the States. Between the stress of getting all of that together plus the normal adjustment period of me invading his space, Frankie had been...testy. Admittedly, I probably could have alleviated some of the strain by being a bit more cognizant of the things that set him off, but I was battling some shit of my own as well. Besides, it seemed like everything I did set him off, so I didn't know how much more cognizant of his...triggers in order to avoid being treated like a piece of furniture in our now shared space.

  I also couldn't stop thinking about that kiss from our wedding day, but Frankie never brought it up after that day. After Gigi left us, we went to Brady's to grab a couple drinks, garnering quite a bit of double takes based on our attire. I'd lost the fascinator and undid my up-do to let my hair cascade down my back, but kept on my dress and heels. Frankie ditched his suit jacket, but still was way overdressed for the atmosphere in his slacks and crisp button down. I'd expected him to explain the kiss that night, but he talked about everything but. I learned even more of his childhood story of abandonment after his parents passed away and he was put into foster care. The things he'd endured until he aged out of the system began working and eventually made his way to the states were unthinkable. My impression of him was heightened ten-fold as he spoke of the adversities he'd overcome. And that night I'd definitely felt like our relationship had elevated.

  But then he turned...surly. The first weekend after we exchanged vows we had that reception Ginger threw us, then the weekend after that he, Josh, and some of Frankie's friends moved all of my stuff between Frankie's loft and my storage. But every weekend after that he'd been absent. Kip had recently moved to town—he was here interviewing when all of the drama with Frankie's citizenship kicked off—so I assumed that was with whom he was spending his time, but I couldn't be sure. When we were at work, he was still the same Frankie—and our relationship was the same for appearance's sake. But at home he was withdrawn, surly, and downright mean some days. I'd suffered through it for these few weeks because of growing pains, but this shit was dead now. Tonight, we were going to clear the air once and for all.

  My plan was to leave work a little early, go grocery shopping and have a hot meal awaiting Frankie once he got in from work. Time ended up getting away from me, however, and I ended up leaving work a little later than I initially planned. Still before Frankie was due to be home, so I nixed the grocery shopping and decided to make do with some things I knew we already had at home.

  I planned on grilling us a co
uple of steaks on his cast iron stove top grill, accompanied with potatoes au gratin and herb butter haricots verts. A simplistic meal, but one I'd prepared for us in the past and Frankie enjoyed a whole lot. I made one stop on the way home. I wanted to pick up a pricey bottle of Grenache, a red wine that I knew Frankie favored. That way after his belly was full and his mind was relaxed from the wine, I could continue with my plan to string him up and grill him with a few questions to get to the bottom of this hot and cold ass treatment I was getting from him. I was hoping to catch him with his guards down so that we could have an open and honest conversation.

  As I crossed the threshold of our loft, I could hear movement from his bedroom area which alerted me to Frankie being home. I decided to go up and let him know that I was making dinner ahead of time just in case he had plans to skate out and leave me home alone yet another night. I took off my coat, being sure to hang it on one of the hooks behind the doors instead of splaying it across one of the dining area chairs since I knew it was a thing that could possibly set Frankie off. I hung my work bag next to my coat and placed the bottle of wine on a kitchen counter before proceeding to the area of the loft where I assumed Frankie was. The bedroom door was ajar, so I knocked once before striding in and talking.

  "Hey, I...." I trailed off.

  As soon as I stepped into the room I realized that he couldn't have been expecting me to be home any time soon because he was fresh out of the shower, dripping wet with one towel slung low around his waist and another in his hands wringing out the excess water from his hair. Whatever words were coming next were trapped in my throat as I watched a single drop of water cascade from one of his dripping wet curls, down his chest, through the ridges of abs I'd only felt, but never seen, down into...