Guardian Cowboy

by Carla Cassidy

  * * *

  Sawyer sat on his horse and looked at the herd of cattle milling around, but his mind was filled with thoughts of Janis. Each and every moment he had spent with her was etched on his heart, imprinted on his brain.

  Why? Why had she tossed him away? Why had she destroyed their love? He just didn’t get it. There had been no fight, no disagreement of any kind, between them. She had slept in his arms and then had awakened and told him to get out of her life. Why?

  “Did you see that?” Clay’s voice penetrated Sawyer’s foggy brain.

  “What?”

  “A thingamagoblin just ran by.”

  “Yeah, right,” Sawyer replied dryly.

  “I figured it might take something as dramatic as that to get you back to the here and now,” Clay replied.

  “I just don’t get it, Clay. Why would she break up with me when everything was going so good?”

  “Who knows why women do what they do?” Clay looked at him. “You’ve got it bad.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “And you believe she loves you?”

  “I do,” Sawyer answered with absolute certainty.

  “Maybe you need to fight for her.”

  “Fight for her?” Sawyer frowned.

  “Yeah, you know, send her flowers or something to let her know you aren’t giving up.”

  Sawyer slowly nodded. Maybe he had given up way too easily. Their love was definitely worth fighting for. Both he and Clay turned their heads when they heard a horse approaching. It was Flint.

  “Sawyer, Cassie wants to talk to you,” he said.

  “Uh-oh, you must be in trouble.” Clay grinned at him.

  She probably wanted to talk to him about all the time he’d taken off to safeguard Janis, he thought as he galloped back toward the stables. It was rare that Cassie called one of them on the carpet, but it did happen occasionally.

  He gave his horse a quick brush-down and then left the stable and headed for the big house.

  Cassie greeted him at the back door and gestured him into the kitchen. “Sit down, Sawyer.” She pointed him to a chair at the table. “Would you like a cup of coffee or something else to drink?”

  “No, thanks. I’m good. Cassie, I know I’ve been a bit absent from the ranch lately, but I assure you that won’t be happening again.”

  “I’m glad to hear that because I need my foreman to be present to take care of business.”

  He stared at her. “Foreman? Me?”

  “Yes, you. Sawyer, I saw how you handled Janis’s disappearance. You took charge and people listened to you. Despite the turmoil you had to be going through, you remained calm and clear-thinking. That’s the kind of man I need for a foreman. So, do you still want the job?”

  “Absolutely,” Sawyer replied. His chest swelled with pride. She’d obviously seen that he could command respect, that he could be a man who could lead.

  “Brody is going to be with us for another week. Get together with him and let him show you all the duties the job entails.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he replied.

  The first thing he wanted to do when he stepped back outside was to call Janis and share the good news with her. And then he remembered he didn’t have that right. She didn’t want to hear from him anymore.

  Clay’s words played in his mind. Was Janis worth fighting for? Absolutely. And maybe it was time he really fight for his woman.

  * * *

  Janis nearly stumbled over the bouquet of flowers outside her motel room door. She’d been about to go to breakfast at the café but the sight of the pink roses nearly brought her to her knees.

  There was no card, but she didn’t have to question who had left them. She wanted to throw them into the trash, but she didn’t. She carried them inside and put them in a glass of water. Their scent filled the air and sharpened the longing she had for Sawyer.

  But pushing Sawyer away was the single most unselfish act she’d ever performed. Even though it hurt more than she could ever imagine, she’d finally done something right.

  Still, it touched her heart deeply that he’d left pink roses, knowing they represented a wealth of love to her. But pink roses weren’t going to change her mind about Sawyer.

  The next day just before noon she stood in front of the refrigerator, trying to decide what to make herself for lunch. The night before she had gone to the grocery store and stocked up on food supplies. She needed to figure out where she was going to live. She didn’t want to spend months in a motel room with her belongings packed in the boxes she’d also retrieved from the grocery store.

  But she just didn’t feel up to making a move quite yet. She was broken. Her mother had begun the process years before and Gary’s crimes against her had perpetuated it, and her telling Sawyer goodbye had finished it.

  Her spirit had been crushed and she just wasn’t up to doing much of anything right now. She couldn’t make any decisions yet. Time, she told herself. She just needed some time to heal and then she’d figure out what the rest of her life looked like.

  A knock fell on the door. She prayed it wasn’t Sawyer. She was feeling particularly vulnerable and didn’t want to see him. She opened the door to see Jimmy Wakefield, an older man who worked in the kitchen at the café.

  “I’ve got an order here for you,” he said and thrust a foam container toward her.

  “But I didn’t order anything,” she protested.

  “I don’t know about that. All I know was that I was told to deliver this to you and that’s what I’m doing.”

  “Thanks, Jimmy,” she said as she took the container from him.

  She stepped back into her room and instantly knew by the scent what was in the container. She carried it to the small kitchen table and opened it to find crisp, seasoned french fries.

  What was he doing? She sank down in a chair and closed her eyes as she fought back tears. Damn him. He was torturing her. Why couldn’t he just walk away from her and leave it be?

  She opened her eyes again and it was then that she noticed the address written in black marker on the inside of the lid: 1925 Oak Street.

  What did it mean? There was no question that her curiosity was piqued. She picked up one of the fries and ate it as she stared at the address.

  Maybe it was a house with rooms to rent. Maybe Sawyer thought it would be a good place for her to live. She wouldn’t know unless she drove there to have a look.

  She finished the fries and then got into her car. It would be nice if she could find a room in a house or even a converted garage or space for rent. She hadn’t intended to make a move yet, mostly because she was just too mentally tired, too broken to begin the hassle of the hunt for a place.

  She did trust that he’d want her in a good space and that he probably knew about what she could afford for rent. If he’d done the hunt for her, then she was grateful. But the roses and the fries and his finding her a place to live didn’t change her mind about him. He was still better off without her. He would always be better off without her.

  She pulled up in front of 1925 Oak Street and her breath caught in her throat. It was her dream house. The large two-story was painted an attractive beige with chocolate-brown trim. The wraparound porch boasted a porch swing that was instantly inviting.

  A For Sale sign stood in the yard. Why had Sawyer sent her here? Was this some kind of a cruel trick? A glimpse of what she couldn’t afford?

  No. Sawyer didn’t have a cruel bone in his body. There was no way she’d believe that he’d sent her here to somehow taunt her. Maybe the people selling the house were interested in renting it out.

  She got out of her car. She wouldn’t mind peeking through the windows to get a view of the inside. She walked up the stairs to the porch and noticed the front door was cracked open as if in invitation.

  She paused and looked behi
nd her. There were no other cars parked along the curb except hers. More importantly, there was no sign of Sawyer’s truck.

  She opened the door a little further. “Hello?” she called out. Her voice had a hollow ring that made her believe the house was completely empty.

  Maybe the Realtor had been here and left for lunch and forgot to lock up. She stepped into a large foyer. The oak floors gleamed warmly in the sunlight. A wooden banister and stairs were to her right, but she walked past them and into a large living room.

  It was just as she’d imagined it when she’d made her dream book. There was a stone fireplace and floor-to-ceiling windows. The view outside to the backyard showed a fence and a few mature trees. It was a perfect place for a dog to romp or for children to play.

  The large, airy kitchen had been fully updated with granite countertops and gleaming new appliances. There was no way she could afford renting this place.

  Even knowing that, she walked up the stairs. There would be two guest rooms and a large master suite. What she didn’t expect was to find Sawyer standing in the master bedroom.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, almost resentful to see him so wonderfully handsome, his eyes emitting that familiar warm copper glow.

  “We need to talk.”

  “We already talked.”

  “No, you talked and now it’s my turn to talk,” he replied. “I need to tell you that I’m not going to give you up easily. I intend to fight for us because we belong together.”

  “You need to give up on me now because there will never be an ‘us.’” Her heart beat frantically, as if overjoyed to see him again.

  Traitorous heart, she thought.

  “I need some real answers from you.” He took a step closer to her. “I need to know the real reasons that you don’t want to live here in this house with me and have a future of me loving you every single day.”

  “So you’re bribing me with this house? Like you’ve tried to do with roses and french fries?”

  “Absolutely,” he replied and took another step closer. “I’ll do whatever I can to get you in my life for good. Now, tell me why you’re being so danged hardheaded. We love each other, so why can’t we be together?”

  She drew in a deep breath. “I don’t love you anymore.”

  “I believe that as much as I believe in the existence of a thingamagoblin. You love me, Janis. I know you do. I just need to know what’s holding you back, what’s really going on in that pretty head of yours.”

  “I just think you’d be better off with another woman, one who is willing to have your babies.”

  “That’s nonsense. I already told you the baby thing isn’t an issue. Janis, I want you more than I want babies.” He stepped toward her again, now close enough that she could smell his familiar cologne.

  Her brain told her to turn around and run. She could get back in her car and escape him, but she was pinned in place by his gaze filled with such love and longing.

  “Tell me, Janis. Tell me why we can’t be together.”

  Tears sprang to her eyes. “Because you deserve somebody better than me.”

  “You’re the best woman I could ever find,” he said softly. “Janis, you’re the woman for me, the woman I want by my side as I go through life. I want your face to be the first one I see in the mornings and the last I see before I go to sleep. I want to make love with you and sleep with you in my arms.”

  Suddenly he was right in front of her, his body heat radiating to warm her. “Be my lover, Janis. Be my wife.”

  She shook her head and closed her eyes as agonizing pain ripped through her. “I can’t.” She opened her eyes to find her vision misted with her tears. “Don’t you get it, Sawyer? I’m nothing but a dirty, selfish whore. Is that what you want for your wife?” The tears she’d fought turned into sobs of despair.

  “Honey, what are you talking about?” He tried to embrace her but she spun away from him, reeling with her grief...and her shame.

  “Don’t you understand? My mother was right about me, after all,” she cried. “I must have whorish ways for Gary to do what he did to me...to think that it was okay to do that to me. I must have somehow encouraged him. I must have done something, and that’s the truth.”

  Sawyer yanked her up against his chest and held her tight. She fought to get out of the embrace, pounding on his broad chest with her fists, but without avail. She finally sagged against him and she continued to sob.

  “Hey, hey,” he said softly as he caressed a hand up and down her back.

  How many times had he stroked her back, to give her strength, to give her love? As much as she loved his touch, it couldn’t change what she believed.

  He continued to murmur soothing words to her until her sobbing subsided to hiccupping gasps. Still he rubbed her back, bringing the magical comfort he’d always brought to her.

  “Janis, now let me tell you the real truth.” He didn’t release his hold on her, but rather he tightened the embrace. “The truth is your mother is a selfish, jealous woman who should have never had children. She emotionally abused you for years. She should be in jail for what she did to you.”

  “But...but what about Gary?”

  “Gary was obviously a predator and you were an easy target. You were beautiful, and a homeless, vulnerable nineteen-year-old who had no family to protect you. Janis, he didn’t pick you because you had whorish ways. He chose you because you were easy. You were the perfect victim.”

  He released her and used his thumbs to wipe away the last of her tears. “Loving your father doesn’t make you a whore, and I don’t believe you could have whorish ways about you if you tried.”

  His coppery eyes bathed her in love. “Stop listening to whatever voices are talking in your head and listen to me. You were your mother’s victim and you were Gary’s through no fault of your own. Damn it, Janis, for God’s sake, love yourself so you can love me. I want you to be my woman for the rest of my life.”

  She stared at him, wanting to believe him, simply wanting him so badly.

  “You deserve the best and, as far as I’m concerned, I’m the very best man for loving you the way you deserve to be loved.” He reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes. “Let love win,” he whispered.

  Deserve. Was it possible she really did deserve Sawyer’s love? Was it possible she’d gotten it all wrong in her dream book when she’d envisioned herself alone?

  She wanted to rewrite the book and add in one ginger-haired cowboy with his sexy grin and sparkling eyes. Was it possible the voices in her head were all lies? The rants of a jealous, hateful, insecure woman?

  Was the answer to all this really so easy? She just needed to learn to love herself?

  “Listen to my truth, Janis, and be my wife for the rest of my life,” he said.

  Her heart fluttered in her chest, a flutter of freedom from her painful past. She knew the truth. Deep down in her heart she knew she hadn’t deserved what had happened to her. Bad things happened to good people, wasn’t that the saying? And good people rose above the bad things.

  “I’m a good person,” she said.

  “I know that.” His eyes shone with love.

  “And I deserve to be happy.”

  “I know that, too,” he replied.

  “You make me happy, Sawyer. I want to be your lover and your wife. I’ve never wanted something so much in my life.”

  This time when he reached for her she went willingly into his arms. His lips captured hers in a searing kiss. It tasted of sweet desire and the promise of abiding love.

  When the kiss ended they remained in each other’s arms. “What do you think about the house?” he asked.

  “It’s beautiful. It’s everything I ever dreamed of,” she replied.

  “Good.” His eyes sparkled brightly. “I’m glad you like it because I put a d
own payment on it earlier this morning.”

  She stepped back from him. “You were that confident that I would come around?”

  “Hopeful,” he replied. “I was that hopeful. Besides, I figured the new foreman of the Holiday Ranch needed to live in a nice house.”

  “Oh, Sawyer.” Happiness filled her for him. “Cassie gave you the job?”

  He nodded, his slightly unruly hair glistening in the sunlight dancing through the windows. “She did, and it’s all thanks to you.”

  Again he pulled her into his arms. “Don’t you see, Janis, you make me want to be a better man. I want to be the best man I can be for you.”

  “And I want to be the best woman I can be for you.”

  Once again he kissed her and this time she tasted her future, a future filled with love and happiness with Sawyer. He was the first cowboy who had been in her bed and he would be the last.

  Epilogue

  They said that everyone was nervous on their wedding day, but no nerves jumped inside Sawyer as he stood in Judge Dickenson’s parlor and waited for his bride-to-be to join him.

  Clay stood next to him. He, along with Judge Dickenson’s wife, was serving as an official witness to the simple ceremony. Janis hadn’t wanted a big to-do. In fact, she’d insisted that Sawyer wear his jeans and a white shirt, but nothing more formal.

  He had surprised her with a bouquet of pink roses before she had disappeared into Edna Dickenson’s bedroom to finish getting ready.

  “Are you sure you aren’t just a little bit nervous?” Clay asked.

  “Nope, not even a little bit,” he replied. “I have never been more certain of anything in my entire life.”

  It had been a little over a month since he and Janis had moved in together in the house of her dreams. They’d shopped for furniture and slowly filled the house piece by piece, although they still had a lot to do.

  Janis had gone back to work at the bar, but she now worked fewer hours.

  She’d also begun seeing Dr. Ellie Martin. A psychologist in her seventies, Ellie was working with Janis on PTSD issues related to her childhood abuse and what she’d gone through with Gary.