by S R Watson
“Maybe. Now get your sexy ass on stage.” I grab her by the waist to help her out the door. The smile that forms on her lips tells me that she enjoys my fussing over her a little too much. We’re not even entirely out into the hallway before running into Lily and Harlow. I’ll never forget the look on Harlow’s face when she sees my hands around Ivy’s waist. She tries to appear unaffected, but I saw it. It was the look of heartbreak. I know that look because I’ve put that look on her face before. Fuck! I knew this was going to eventually happen, but I still hate seeing it.
“Your guys are on stage,” Lily announces. Then it’s like she gets a clue. “Oooh, you two have been screwing around. Phoenix, you’re going to get her in trouble,” Lily says, shaking her finger at me. Ivy just smirks.
“I am the show, so it’s fine if they want to start without me.” She grabs my dick in front of them. “There will definitely have to be a few more rounds of that, handsome.” She twists her ass toward the stage because she knows I’m watching.
Lily is shaking her head, but Harlow has yet to say a word until now.
“Come on. Let’s see if we can get a good place to watch the show,” she says while walking off. Just damn.
This sinking feeling in my chest is not supposed to be here, and I fucking hate it. I go back into the dressing room they have set up for us. The guys are lounging on the sofa watching Wild Silence’s concert on the big screen. They look up when I come in, and the shit-eating grin that Killian lets loose tells me they already know.
“So. Ivy was late getting to the stage. Did you have anything to do with that?” Killian gets straight to the point.
I wave him off, but it’s no use.
“Desiree is going to kick your ass,” Asher says matter-of-factly. Whatever, Desiree doesn’t manage this dick, so she just needs to stick to what she was hired to manage.
“How was it?” Ren asks. Now, this surprises me. He usually doesn’t get involved in our shit. He’s more of the quiet, introverted one. We give him his space.
“Guys, we’re not talking about this…c’mon. Stop giving me shit. Where are the hoes at? You guys need some groupie love or something.” I shake my head and get up to finish off some more of the bourbon I had before going on stage. The truth is, my thoughts are on Harlow and her reaction to seeing me with Ivy, rather than the actual fucking. I didn’t have any problems fucking bitches until she came back into the picture. What the hell is this feeling? Guilt?
“Fine. Be that way, man. And for your information, we’re chilling on having groupies back here tonight. This is only our first show. We want to let it all soak in and enjoy the experience. There will be plenty of time for that. Trust me,” Killian explains.
“Damn, they’re killing it,” Asher says, bringing everyone’s attention back to Wild Silence’s performance on the screen. I’m thankful for the reprieve.
The band is nearing the end of their set when Lily comes waltzing in to join us, and she’s alone.
“Where’s Harlow?” Asher and I ask simultaneously.
“Don’t cock block, boys,” she slurs. “She’s just right outside the door with some sexy guy she met. He’s hot as shit. I only have eyes for you though, Asher.” She’s giggling, and it’s obvious she’s had one too many tonight. Asher grabs her and pulls her to him before giving me his handle-that look.
“On it,” I say to him. I swing the door open, and I see some fucking douche bag with his hands plastered on Harlow’s ass trying to bring her closer to him. And she’s fucking letting him. What the fuck? Then she stumbles a little bit from him tugging on her. She’s drunk. I swear I see red spots of rage.
“Get your fucking hands off of her before I break them, you stupid fuck!” He looks up at me briefly before returning his attention back to Harlow. He waves one hand to dismiss me.
“Leave us alone, Phoenix,” Harlow slurs, sounding similar to Lily. Mad is not even the right adjective at the moment. This suicidal motherfucker squeezes her ass harder, and I lose it. The guys come out into the hall just as I yank his dumb ass away from Harlow and pin him against the wall. I’m about to punch his fucking face in when she grabs my wrist.
“Don’t, Phoenix,” she manages to get out. Only she can’t hold on. She falls flat on her ass.
I shove blondie against the wall one more time before I reach down for Harlow. My guys are at my side by this point. Ren must have told him to get the fuck away while he could. I want to hold her and yell at her all at the same time. I can’t show my cards, though. I can’t let on what I’m really feeling. I help her up, and she clings to me to stay upright. And this is what the fuck this dirtbag wanted? She can barely stand, let alone walk. My blood is boiling. If looks are anything to go by, Asher is pretty pissed too. We can hear Anderson and Ivy wishing everyone a good night, so we know it’s time to go. There will be no after-party tonight.
“I’m going to help Lily to the bus. I’m so pissed at both of them I could spit,” he says. We don’t really see him fazed by much, but he is irate right now and has every reason to be. I don’t want to even think about if they hadn’t made their way back to our dressing room. “You got my sister?”
“Yeah. Let’s go. Their asses are going to hear about this tomorrow,” I assure.
“Definitely,” he agrees. He heads toward the back where our bus is parked, and Killian and Ren follow him. Harlow needs to grab her clutch first so we go back inside our dressing room for her to grab it. When we come out, we run into Ivy and the guys.
“What do we have here?” Ivy is the first to speak up.
“You remember Asher’s sister Harlow? Well, she had just a little too much to drink.”
“A little?” She smirks.
“Shut it, you whorish bitch. You may have fucked him tonight, but he’s leaving with me, so just suck on that, cunt!” I’m caught completely the fuck off guard. I’ve never heard her speak like this, let alone flat out verbally attack someone. The guys look on, stunned, with questions in their eyes of what the hell is going on. Ivy just laughs.
“Sounds like you’re jealous, Harlow. I’ll let that jab slide because you’re drunk, but just know that’s the only pass you’ll get.” Harlow stumbles again but then gives her the middle finger.
“Harlow, stop. Let’s go. Sorry, Ivy.” Harlow is trying to push away from me, but if she thinks I’m letting her go, she’s crazy.
“Why don’t you get rid of that hassle and join me on my bus? We’re going to the same place. Or—”
“Not tonight Ivy,” I say, cutting her off and hoping she understands. She pouts, but it’s not happening.
“That’s right, skank. He cock blocks, and I pussy block,” Harlow informs. “My pussy is better than yours…” she sings. Holy shit. I need to get her away from Ivy and fast before she gives everything away.
“I wouldn’t know.” I roll my eyes to assure Ivy. “Talk tomorrow. I have to get her back to the bus.” Ivy leaves me standing there. Anderson fist bumps me when he passes.
“Good luck with that, man,” he says before they continue their way. Harlow is dragging, so I throw her sloppy, drunk ass over my shoulder. I pray she doesn’t say shit on the bus to get us busted. I didn’t see this shit coming.
Chapter Seven
Harlow
I cringe at the sunlight in my face. I try to block it with my hand, but a body snuggled in behind me prevents me from moving. It takes me a few moments to realize I’m in the bedroom on the bus, and that body is Phoenix. What in the ever-loving fuck? His arm is wrapped protectively around my waist. For a second, I let myself enjoy the feel of him. But then memories of last night crash these feelings of bliss. He fucked Ivy. I try to pull away from him, but my head protests the sudden movement.
“Ahhhh,” I cry out. My freaking head is pounding like I’ve been hit by a two by four. This wakes Phoenix. The gorgeous fucker lazily wipes the sleep from his eyes. Why does he have to be so beautiful? I can’t even look at him. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am. I try again,
albeit a bit more slowly, to get up.
“Are you okay?” He looks concerned. My head feels like shit, I have cotton mouth, my stomach feels queasy, and my body hurts. I tell him none of that.
“I’m fine,” I lie, trying to get away. He pulls me back down next to him, and my stomach roils. I grab my head in desperation to stop the throbbing.
“Fine, huh? Lay down, Harlow. Let me take care of you, baby.” We both go quiet. He’s the one to spring from the bed this time. I think he realizes his slip up.
“Just lay here, okay?” He’s still wearing his clothes from last night. “I’ll be right back,” I answer him by pulling the covers back over me. I couldn’t get very far even if I wanted to. He leaves the room, and I’m left alone to replay what happened last night. I don’t ever want to drink that much again. What the hell was I thinking? Then I remember the hurt I felt seeing Phoenix and Ivy coming out of her dressing room. She was even late for her own performance. I needed to drown those fucking feelings in alcohol. I went straight to the bar to order myself a drink. I don’t even recall how many shots I had. I just wanted to feel numb. Lily didn’t even ask why. She took almost as many as I did.
From that point on, things are kind of fuzzy, but I do remember flirting my ass off with some cute blond guy. I’m sure I made an ass out of myself. God, I don’t even want to know. I need to pee. I will just have to move slowly. I pull the covers back. I’m wearing only a T-shirt and panties—no bra. Did Phoenix undress me too? Ugh. I’m literally on my hands and knees right now trying ease out of bed. Phoenix would pick this moment to walk in. He’s carrying a glass of water.
“Your ass in the air like that,” he says, giving me the okay sign with his other hand. He is lucky I’m sick as shit. He helps me get out of bed before handing me three pills with the water. “Here, take this. It’s ibuprofen for that headache of yours. I’m sure your body is sore too since you fell on your ass last night.”
I turn away from him and take the pills. I’m so damn embarrassed. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I just need to go pee.” He turns me back to face him and lifts my chin.
“I’ll help you,” he offers. Like hell, he will. “I won’t look even though you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before. Who do you think held your hair last night after you puked all over yourself? Who cleaned you up and changed you into something to sleep in?” I’m even more embarrassed now.
“Ugh,” I moan. “Sorry you had to do all of that.”
“I’m pissed that you put yourself in danger with that asshat last night, but never apologize for me taking care of you.” The details of last night are muddy. I only remember bits and pieces, but suddenly I have a flashback of calling Ivy a cunt. “What’s the matter?” he asks when I groan for the millionth time.
“Did I really call Ivy a cunt last night?”
“Among other things,” he informs. “You were in rare form last night, princess. It would appear that you can’t contain your jealousy when you’re intoxicated. You blew our cover to fucking pieces. Thank fuck the guys weren’t around to hear your little rant.” He smirks, and the sexiness of it sends a tingle straight to my core.
“I don’t want to hear any more. I’m going pee before I embarrass myself even further.”
“Oh, I’m sure you haven’t heard the last of it. Wait until Asher gets a hold of you. He already laid into Lily this morning. He was fucking pissed. He doesn’t know I stayed in here with you last night, or I would be in line for his wrath, too,” Phoenix warns. “You’re safe for now. Everyone got off the bus to go get breakfast.”
“So why didn’t you?” I ask as I head to the bathroom. There is no answer. I close the door behind me and finally empty my bladder. I don’t even care if he can hear me. I’m past caring at this point. What can be worse than him witnessing me vomit on myself. Gross. I finish my business and start the shower. Need to wash my hair, and maybe the hot water will soothe my aching body. I realize I didn’t bring any clean clothes with me after I’m already in the glass shower. Oh well. I’ll wrap myself in a towel when I’m done.
The stream of hot water flowing down my body is exactly what I needed. It soothes my pounding head. I close my eyes and let the water run through my hair. I don’t know how much time passes before I feel his presence. He opens the shower door, and I’m frozen in place. Phoenix grabs me by the hips, and I feel powerless. I know I should kick him out, but right now, I just want to feel him. I need to feel him. Fuck. He fucked Ivy. He fucked Ivy. I repeat this over and over to myself, but I’m getting wetter by the second.
“Look at me, Harlow.” The warmth of his breath is mere inches from my lips, but I’m scared to open my eyes. I stubbornly leave them shut. “Have it your way, baby.” It’s the last thing I hear before his lips are on mine. I hate myself for giving into him so easily. My tongue swirl with his as I let him in.
“Mmm,” I moan into his mouth. Headache completely forgotten. He lifts one of my legs, and the hardness of his cock caresses my folds. It’s been too long. I rub my pussy against him, desperate to dull the ache there.
“Tell me what you want, Harlow,” he says before resuming his assault on my mouth.
“You fucked Ivy,” I say shamefully, resting my head on his shoulder.
“But I want you right now,” he assures, evading my statement. “We can’t go back to the way we were, but I can make your pussy cream. Let me make you feel good.” He nudges his dick at my entrance, but it feels like he has doused me with cold water—a slap to the face with reality—and I push him away.
“I can’t do this. You’re right. We can’t go back to the way things were, but I can’t be just your fuck either. I’m sure Ivy is up for the role, though.” I will not cry. What the hell was I thinking? I’m so fucking weak. I get out of the shower and grab a towel. I need to put some distance between us. I watch as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration but doesn’t leave the shower.
I go into the bedroom and find some jeans, a shirt, and a hoodie. I’m dressed and off the bus in record time because I need some time on my own. I’ll find somewhere within walking distance to eat.
Phoenix
I fucking caved, and now she’s running again. I had the will of a saint last night while I took care that she was cleaned up and changed. Her vulnerability in my hands unraveled something in me. It took me to a place I promised I would never revisit. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and know that she was safe. I didn’t even care if Asher got up in the middle of the night and found me snuggled with her. His priority was Lily, and Harlow was mine. She will never know the level of guilt that wracked through me with each beat of her heart against my hand. I was sorry that I fucked Ivy. I was sorry that she saw us together and that it hurt her.
There’s no denying that she holds my fucking heart in the palm of her petite fingers. She isn’t aware of the power that she has. I don’t want to be this man. I don’t want to be weak for anyone. I have to let her go. I need to rebel against what she represents—my weakness. First, I need to find her. I know my admission that we can’t be more cut her deeply. If only she knew just how much I was ripping my own fucking heart out in the process. It’s just the way it has to be. The one person who was supposed to love me unconditionally broke me. I wasn’t good enough, so he threw me away. Since high school, Harlow was the first person that I allowed to see me—the first person I put my heart at risk for, and she stomped on it when she left that day. I had to pick up the shattered pieces without a chance to explain.
No amount of love will make me relive that feeling of unworthiness. I fuck. I move on. Period. I throw on some clothes from my bag and leave out the door. She left on foot, so she couldn’t have gotten too far. I search for at least half an hour before finding her in a small mom and pop diner. She is sitting toward the back with her head down. A plate of uneaten pancakes and sausage is next to her.
I slide into the booth directly across from her. “Harlow,” I say gently, but she doesn’t lift her head. “
Look at me, please.” Still nothing. I reach my hand under her folded arms until I find her chin. When I lift her head, I’m fucking rocked yet again. Tears stream down her face. Her eyes are red and swollen. I did this, and I can’t fix it. I’m out of my seat and next to her within seconds. I just need to hold her. She needs to know how hard this is for me too. I will give her comfort. I just can’t give her me. Not anymore. She cries in my arms, and I’m defenseless. We get the nosy stares, but they can all just fuck off. We will sit here as long as she needs to. She finally pushes away from me and wipes her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Phoenix. That won’t happen again.” She wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before throwing a twenty on the table. “I’m ready to go now.”
“Harlow—”
“Don’t. Please. I needed a moment, and now I’m done. Let’s not talk about it. Okay?” she says, cutting me off.
“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. I can’t give her what she wants, so I respect her need to let this be forgotten.
We walk the ten minutes back to the bus in silence. I need to work on some lyrics or something. I need a distraction. This whole situation is a fucked-up mess.
When we get back on the bus, Lily and the guys are already lounging around. We’re supposed to be pulling off in the next hour to head toward our next tour stop. We would have left last night, but the other band needed to get some things done here in Los Angeles before we left. Their bus will be following ours for the remainder of the time. Asher seizes the moment Harlow gets on the bus to let her have it. He’s yelling how irresponsible she was last night and that he didn’t invite her on this tour to play babysitter. The jackass is so full of his own anger that he hasn’t noticed the fragile state she is already in. A few sniffles come from her, and he goes quiet. She then starts sobbing uncontrollably, just standing in the middle of the room.
