Letters of Love (Lessons in Love)

by Clarissa Carlyle

  The whirring sound of her phone was a welcome distraction to Alex’s harassed thoughts. She reached and picked it up, willing there to be a message from Oscar, but instead it was from Ashley. Alex was pleased to hear from her friend but felt an empty disappointment inside her that it wasn’t from Oscar. Pressing the relevant buttons, Alex read the message.

  Hey, honey, how has the summer of solitude been? Not too tedious, I hope! Anyway, fret no more for my flight has literally just touched down, which means that I’ll be back at Kappa Pi within the hour! I cannot wait to see you! Au revoir! Xxx

  The French sign-off was a little strange, but Alex didn’t dwell on it. She felt slightly giddy with excitement at the prospect of her best friend shortly returning. Having the house to themselves offered up countless opportunities for girly-based fun. Alex decided that their first night reunited should be an old-school sleepover downstairs, with s’mores made on the gas fire, wearing their pajamas and telling ghost stories! With renewed purpose, Alex got up off her bed and set about preparing for Ashley’s return.

  ****

  “Bonjour, mon amie!” Ashley’s enthusiastic voice came serenading up the staircase. Alex got up and quickly ran down to greet her friend, who embraced her before kissing her upon each cheek.

  “What’s with the continental greeting?” Alex felt bemused.

  “I’ve practically become French since meeting Pierre,” Ashley gushed dreamily.

  “You met a guy?”

  “Correction, I met the guy!”

  “Tell me all about him!”

  “In good time, first, I need to unpack!”

  Unpacking Ashley’s luggage was always a task of epic proportion as the concept of travelling light was completely foreign to her. She also had a habit of buying loads of clothes that she thought would look good on Alex.

  “I found this in a little boutique off Rodeo Drive,” she explained as she casually tossed a glittery vest top onto Alex’s bed. “It’s so you I just had to get it.”

  Alex really appreciated her friend’s kindness but was also a little embarrassed about accepting such generous gifts, although Ashley was always careful to never label them as such. They were, in her opinion, items she’d bought which would just happen to look better on Alex, so Ashley felt she was doing the world a favor to give them to her friend, who would wear them better than she could.

  “I’m like a fashion savior,” Ashley would say.

  During this latest bout of unpacking, Alex’s bed was already half-covered in jeans, T-shirts, shoes and accessories, which Ashley had found and thought were just perfect for Alex.

  “You didn’t need to bring me so much back,” Alex protested, secretly delighted by all her new clothes.

  “I know, but I wanted to.” Ashley shrugged.

  Alex suspected that Ashley was being particularly generous because of everything that had happened with Oscar. She hadn’t even mentioned his name since coming back, which was unlike her.

  Being presented with lots of new clothes reminded Alex of how she felt as a little girl whenever her father would return from a business trip. He’d always have something stashed away in his suitcase for her, like a new doll or, as she grew older, a rare vinyl record. It made his return even more exciting.

  “You’re really good to me, you know that,” Alex said sincerely as Ashley finally got to the end of her unpacking.

  “Well, somebody has to be,” Ashley quipped.

  “So tell me more about Pierre,” Alex urged.

  Ashley held up her hand, ceasing any further communication.

  “Wine first, then talk,” she instructed.

  ****

  Two glasses of wine each later and the girls were giggling on the sofa in the lounge area of the Kappa Pi house, relishing being back in one another’s company.

  “I missed this place; is that sad?” Ashley asked as she gazed around.

  “Not as sad as not actually leaving it.” Alex sighed.

  They were both sitting in their pajamas even though the sun was still shining, having decided to start their catch-up sleepover early. Also, as Ashley pointed out, getting ready for bed prior to drinking removed the temptation to go out partying. She promised to keep an extra close eye on Alex during their third year to ensure she didn’t get kicked out of college.

  “So how did you meet Pierre?” Alex topped up each of their glasses from the now almost empty wine bottle.

  “I met him at a club,” Ashley gushed. “He was so suave, dressed in a suit like he was James Bond or something.”

  “So he’s a snappy dresser?” Alex smiled.

  “Impeccable, he knows more about fashion than I do!”

  Alex found that hard to believe.

  “He works for Chanel in Paris and was in L.A. for work. I swear, I have never seen a more beautiful man.”

  “What does he look like?”

  Ashley quickly grabbed her cell phone, and after a few drunken failed attempts, she managed to access the pictures of her latest squeeze. Alex watched as her perfectly manicured nails scrolled through images of a devastatingly handsome man with high cheekbones, piercing blue eyes and sandy-colored hair cut in a trendy style. He was perfectly put together and looked as though he belonged on a runway somewhere, not like Oscar, who didn’t care about his appearance.

  There was a picture of Ashley and Pierre together, beaming madly at the camera, and they looked like the perfect couple, both achingly beautiful.

  “You look amazing together,” Alex whispered in awe.

  “I actually think this is the real thing, that he’s the one,” Ashley said excitedly, her words blurring together. “We haven’t even slept together yet,” she added.

  “Really?” This surprised Alex, given she’d been privy to her roommate’s bedroom antics for the last few years.

  “Nope, I want it to be special.”

  “That’s really nice.”

  “Is it? Am I not just some romanticist setting themselves up for a fall?” Ashley’s mood seemed to suddenly darken.

  “Of course not, you said you think he could be the one. That’s a massive thing to say. You must have had an amazing connection.”

  “Yeah, we did.” Ashley sighed wistfully. “It just felt… right, you know? He’s going to be coming back for Thanksgiving, so you might get to meet him.”

  Ashley’s optimistic demeanor was suddenly gone, and she gazed sadly into her half-empty wine glass.

  “Ash, what is it?”

  “I want to believe that he’s the one. That our love is written in the stars, but what if it all falls apart like you and Oscar did? I’m sorry to mention him, but you loved him so much. You guys were perfect together.”

  Alex took a long drink from her glass and tried not to cry.

  “Oscar and me, we were a short love story, but a love story nonetheless. Not every romance goes the distance.”

  “Are you quoting Sex and the City?” Ashley smiled slightly.

  “Probably, you got me hooked on it, remember?” Alex also managed to smile.

  “Have you heard from him?” Ashley asked tentatively after a pause.

  “Not once.”

  “Seriously? What a douche bag.”

  “Yeah.” Alex knew she should hate Oscar for how he’d treated her, but a part of her couldn’t stop caring for him, couldn’t stop loving him.

  “How has summer school been?” Ashley made an attempt to change the subject.

  “It’s been okay.” Alex nodded. “I’m a lot more focused now than I have been. Maybe everything ending with Oscar was for the best. It’s forced me to concentrate on my studies.”

  “Well, every cloud supposedly has a silver lining.”

  “But don’t let what happened with me sour your view of what you have with Pierre.”

  “I won’t.” Ashley didn’t sound convincing.

  “I mean, it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, right?”

  “Sure.”

&nbs
p; Neither girl was sure if they truly believed the sentiment.

  “Why don’t we watch a movie?” Ashley suggested.

  “Excellent idea!” Alex was grateful for the distraction from her own thoughts.

  “How about Sex and the City?”

  “Perfect!”

  ****

  After watching both Sex and the City movies and drinking more wine, the girls were lying on the floor of the lounge area. Outside, darkness had crept in, smothering the campus in the emptiness of night.

  “I just can’t believe he didn’t call!” Alex admitted, slurring her words.

  “I know!” Ashley agreed vehemently. “I mean, how hard is it to call someone?”

  “Not hard at all!”

  “And you called him.”

  “So many times! Too many times! I started to feel like a freaking stalker!” Alex giggled slightly.

  “You need to forget him,” Ashley instructed, her eyes focused on the ceiling, which seemed impossibly far away.

  “I know.”

  “Forget him and move on.”

  “Yes.”

  “Pretend he never existed.”

  “Okay…”

  “He’s dead to you.” Ashley’s anger was intensifying.

  “Want me to also kill his puppy?” Alex laughed. This made Ashley giggle too.

  “No, let’s avoid bunny boiler territory.” Ashley smiled.

  They continued to lie on the floor, the CD player they’d previously turned on belting out Demi Lovota’s latest album, but neither of them were really listening.

  “Why is the ceiling spinning like that?” Alex asked.

  “I don’t know. I was trying to figure it out.”

  “We should really get to bed,” Alex decided, trying to clamber up to her feet and failing, sliding back onto her bottom, much to Ashley’s delight.

  “You’re drunk!” Ashley laughed.

  “No drunkerer than you.” Alex levelled an accusing finger at her friend, which wobbled in the air as though it had a mind of its own.

  “Drunkerer, that’s not even a word!” Ashley began to giggle hysterically.

  “It so is!”

  “Isn’t!”

  Alex was smiling. It felt good to smile, to not be alone anymore. Finally being able to discuss Oscar felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and she felt light and free. Eventually, after several attempts, she managed to stand up as a particularly high-energy song began to play. Uneasily, Alex began to sway back and forth before breaking into more of a shimmy.

  “What are you doing?” Ashley laughed, still lying on the floor.

  “I’m dancing. I feel like dancing.”

  “I want to dance too!” Ashley tried to get up but couldn’t. “Alex, help me up!” she pleaded sorrowfully.

  Alex came over and let Ashley grab on to her arms, but rather than help her friend up, she got pulled down so that they were both on the floor in a crumpled heap.

  “Wow, we are too cool!” Ashley laughed.

  “I hurt my leg,” Alex moaned, making a face of faux pain.

  “I’m glad I’m back,” Ashley admitted in a rare moment of sincerity, the frivolity of the evening fading briefly.

  “I’m glad you’re back too. I really missed you.”

  The girls hugged, knowing in their hearts that they would always be the best of friends.

  “Oscar doesn’t deserve you,” Ashley said kindly.

  “I know.” Alex sighed. “Does Pierre have a brother?” she teased.

  “Haha, no.”

  “I’d settle for a cousin.”

  “I bet you would.”

  After a few more tries, the girls finally were both on their feet and dancing around the sofa, throwing up their arms in carefree abandon, no longer worrying about school, wasted romance or the big, bad world beyond the sorority house. They were lost in the moment, and it felt amazing. Neither of them wanted to break the spell and end the evening.

  ****

  At some point, however, their evening did end, and Alex awoke on the floor of the lounge area, the sun streaming in through the window, burning her eyes. She tried to move and winced in pain as her back protested the movement, sore from sleeping on such a hard surface all night.

  “Urgh,” Alex moaned, stretching and trying to get her bearings.

  “No light!” Ashley cried out from somewhere close by.

  Hearing her bones creak like a haunted house, Alex managed to stand up and survey the damage of the previous night. There were a few empty bottles of wine littered around, along with strewn cushions from the sofa, three of which Ashley was curled up in like a cat. The CD was still playing, they must have put it on a loop, and DVDs were all over the floor from when they’d drunkenly tried to select a movie to watch.

  Alex strained her eyes to focus and noticed that the sudden influx of sunlight had come from the now open front door, within which stood a very unimpressed-looking Cindy, who regarded both girls with disdain.

  “I see you’ve been working hard this summer,” she said cruelly to Alex, who flinched at the directness of the insult.

  “Ashley just came back last night,” Alex tried to explain but struggled to suppress the nauseous feeling inside her. The room continued to spin as it had done the night before, only now the spinning was accompanied by an intense pounding in her head.

  “Well, make sure you clean it all up,” Cindy instructed coldly. “Playtime is over.”

  ****

  Alex sat in class and listened diligently to the lesson taught by her professor. She ceased staring intently at the front of the room only to briefly glance at her notepad as she frantically scribbled down the key points. She was a changed student. No longer did she arrive late for class, her hair wet and her clothes thrown on. Alex was now always on time, if not early, dressed impeccably with her hair tied in a neat bun, her jeans now ironed and coupled with a crisp white shirt. Her image reflected her new, serious attitude.

  She found that she enjoyed studying. Now that she allowed it to be her focus at Princeton, she finally felt like she was reconnecting with the young girl she had once been, the girl who had dreamed of one day attending the prestigious college and expanding her mind.

  The best part of it all, however, was offering her thoughts a distraction from Oscar. She found that whenever she had a spare moment for her mind to drift, it immediately went to him, wondering where he was, what he was doing or more distressingly, who he was doing. Alex kept seeing guys around campus who looked like him from a distance but was always disappointed when she drew close; it was never Oscar. She began to consider if perhaps he had dropped out of school altogether. His attendance was certainly poor enough to warrant expulsion.

  “The best way to get over one guy is to get under another,” Ashley had declared the previous evening in their room as Alex gazed dreamily into space.

  “Huh?”

  “You’re thinking about him again,” Ashley noted accusingly.

  “I can’t help it.” Alex sighed.

  “You need to get yourself a new boy toy, someone new to occupy your thoughts.”

  “I don’t want to date anyone else,” Alex admitted. The wounds over her breakup with Oscar were still fresh and sore; she didn’t feel strong enough to let someone new close to her.

  “Well, let me know when you’re ready. Pierre has some really hot friends I could introduce you to!”

  “Does Pierre like you calling his friends hot?” Alex teased.

  “I’d just say he was misinterpreting my meaning, the language barrier and all.” Ashley smirked.

  “You’re terrible.”

  “Terribly good!” Ashley clarified. “And while you, Alex Heron, are now a model student, you are a poor friend! All you do is mope around here! You need to get over Oscar pronto!”

  Ashley’s mantra about how Alex needed to forget about the last man she had loved had become a daily ritual.

  “I just can’t stop thinking about him.”


  “Well, he seems to have stopped thinking about you,” Ashley said harshly. “I’m sorry to be cruel, Alex, but I feel like I need to be blunt with you. He never texted or called. He’s probably off with some skank, or multiple skanks, while you sit here torturing yourself by thinking about him.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I’m always right,” Ashley said confidently.

  During class was the only time when Alex’s mind was occupied enough to stop her thinking about Oscar. She lost herself in the complex equations and theories she had to learn, enjoying the simplicity of mathematics and numbers. There was always a right answer, a right way to work something out; you just had to learn the method. She wished that life could be that simple.

  “Miss Heron,” Miss Dunne called to Alex one morning after class had concluded.

  Alex hung back from the other students who were leaving the room, and she loitered near her teacher’s desk after being called back.

  “I just wanted to commend you on your newfound study ethic.” Miss Dunne’s hard face actually broke into an awkward-looking smile as she spoke. It was evident that she was a woman who rarely smiled because the gesture looked so unnatural.

  “Thank you.” Alex stood awkwardly before her, clutching her textbooks to her chest like a shield. She was so accustomed to being berated by Miss Dunne that she felt nervous, like a naughty child awaiting their punishment.

  “It’s rare that students like yourself manage to turn things around so dramatically.”

  “I’ve tried to apply myself and be focused.”

  “Well, you’ve done a good job. You should be proud of yourself.” Miss Dunne smiled awkwardly again.

  “Thank you.” Alex nodded, but loitered again before leaving the room.