Forever and For Always

by Sophie Love

  Daniel smiled at her. “Okay,” he said, sounding touched that she was making such an effort at reparation. “That sounds great.”

  “It’s a date,” Emily replied.

  This time, she really hoped it would be.

  *

  As soon as they returned home, Emily went upstairs to prepare herself for her date with Daniel. She felt bad about how the morning had gone, not to mention the last few days, and wanted to make up for it.

  She dolled herself up, putting on one of her nicest dresses and doing her hair.

  As soon as she was ready, she raced down the stairs and opened the door. She slammed straight into a woman standing on the porch. The woman was young, with dry, dyed platinum-blond hair that hung well past her shoulders. She had a tight black leather jacket on and pale blue jeans that accentuated her long, slim legs.

  “I’m so sorry,” Emily said, apologizing for having bumped into the woman. “Can I help you?”

  “Uh, yeah,” the woman said, slightly hesitantly. She seemed on edge, Emily noted. “I was wondering if Daniel was here.”

  At the sound of his name Emily paused. Her brain seemed to take a while to connect the dots. There’d been rumors in town of Daniel having a past with women, something he’d assured her was well and truly in the past.

  “Daniel?” Emily said, warily, noting the tremble of fear vibrating in her stomach.

  The woman scratched her neck and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Did I get the right address?” the woman said, worrying a piece of paper with the address of the carriage house scrawled on it in her hands.

  This time when she spoke, Emily noticed her sweet, summery, southern accent. She knew Daniel had spent time in Tennessee in his youth. It was where he’d gotten into trouble with the law after defending a girlfriend from her abusive partner.

  “Yes, that’s the right address,” Emily said.

  All at once, she felt herself turn very cold. The sun was shining brightly but she might as well have been standing on a snowy mountain side. It began to dawn on her that this woman standing on her porch was someone from Daniel’s past.

  “I’m sorry,” Emily said, her voice beginning to waver. “But who are you?”

  “My name’s Sheila,” she young woman said finally. “I’m his girlfriend.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Emily felt like a chasm had opened up inside of her. She stood on the porch, stunned, feeling suddenly ridiculous for being all dolled up for a date night.

  “Girlfriend?” she repeated, her voice barely more than a whisper.

  Just then, she noticed Daniel striding up the garden path. He’d gone to some effort with his outfit too, something that he never usually did, and was looking more handsome than ever, with the warm yellow light spilling out from the B&B dancing across his features. Seeing him sent a jolt of pain lancing through Emily.

  Their eyes met for a moment and he smiled. Then Emily watched as the smile began to fade from his eyes before disappearing entirely as it dawned on him who it was standing on the porch with her. Daniel strode toward them, his face transforming into one of fury. By the time he reached them he was completely pale.

  “Hi, sugar,” Sheila said in her sickly sweet southern accent.

  Emily felt herself boiling inside.

  “What are you doing here?” Daniel demanded, his tone frosty.

  “I came to see you, silly,” Sheila said.

  Emily finally found her tongue. “I’ll leave you two to catch up,” she said with terse derision, then turned to head for the door.

  “Emily, wait,” Daniel barked, his voice sounding more desperate than she’d ever heard it before. “I can explain.”

  She paused and glanced over her shoulder. Daniel was looking at her appealingly, an emotion somewhere between anguish and grief on his face. Usually his face could melt her heart—she was never able to stay mad at him—but this time was different. This time he’d taken her trust and trampled it to pieces.

  “Oh, I bet you can,” she shot back, her voice acidic. “I bet you think you can smooth talk your way out of this like you smooth talked your way out of all my other fears and concerns. But now I find out I had a legitimate reason to be worried! Is this who you were seeing when you were off ‘riding your bike’ until midnight? I’m such an idiot for falling for that! All that quietness and clamming up, I just thought I had to be patient.”

  She could feel the heat in her cheeks, the anger rising through her. Anger at herself for falling for Daniel, for forcing herself to trust him and go against her instincts. She’d been vulnerable after breaking up with Ben and had let another man into her life to walk all over her.

  She turned on her heel, again, heading back into the house. But this time Daniel grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

  “Emily! Please!”

  “Get off!” she cried, livid.

  She wrenched herself free and, as she did, caught sight of Sheila standing there with a hint of smugness on her lips. It was almost as though she was enjoying herself, was getting a kick out of Emily’s distress.

  “Why don’t you go off with your tart, Daniel!” she shouted.

  Sheila made a mock-insulted expression. “Excuse me! Daniel, are you going to let her talk like that to the mother of your child?”

  In that moment, the world seemed to stop. Silence descended, so thick Emily could almost touch it. It felt like someone had punched her in the gut.

  “You have a kid?” she stammered.

  “No,” Daniel protested. “That’s not true!”

  “Yes, it is!” Sheila exclaimed. “We have a kid, Daniel.” Then her voice softened. “You’re a daddy. Surprise.” She smiled weakly.

  Emily watched as Daniel stood there dumbfounded. Her mind was swirling with confusion. She couldn’t make sense of what she was hearing. All she knew was that she didn’t want to be there anymore. She had heard quite enough.

  “Sounds like you two have some catching up to do,” she said in a somber whisper.

  Then she opened the door and walked inside, leaving Daniel floundering on the porch. The second she was inside and concealed from view, she burst into tears.

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

  Emily didn’t know what to do with herself, who to speak to or where to turn. She could hear the murmuring of her guests in the living room as she passed and hoped that none had heard anything of the scene that had just unfolded. From the kitchen came the sounds of Serena and Parker chatting and the clinking of glasses and crockery as they tidied up for the day. Though Emily thought of Serena as a good friend, she couldn’t quite bring herself to reveal what had happened, to admit that her world was coming crashing down around her. For the first time since she’d opened the B&B’s doors, Emily craved solitude.

  Emily was suddenly compelled to ascend the staircase and head up through the second floor and onto the third in search of the widow’s walk from her memory. She wanted to feel close to her dad, to feel that same sense of protection she had when they’d watched the fireworks there together all those years ago. She raced up the stairs like a tornado.

  Blinded by her tears, she followed the corridor down to the end. But when she got there, she found that there was only wallpaper, no door like in her memory of the widow’s walk. Frustration took hold of Emily’s rationality. She reached out, fingernails bared, and scraped them down the wallpaper, letting all her anger and rage out. The wallpaper came away beneath her fingernails, leaving streaks like claw marks.

  That’s when Emily realized what was behind the wallpaper. Not bricks or plaster, but wood. She began to rip the paper more feverishly, tearing great strips off and throwing them in the air, peeling it away until she was facing a small door. Another concealed door, like the one that led to the ballroom.

  Emily understood now why the memory of the widow’s walk had faded so completely from her memory. Her father had erased the proof of its existence. But why? What on earth had compelled her father to hide parts o
f the house?

  Emily grabbed the small brass handle and twisted. Despite having been hidden away for so many years, the handle turned and the door creaked open.

  The spiral staircase behind the door was just the same as in Emily’s memory: dark and winding. She stepped inside carefully, as though walking into a museum. On the wall she saw the distinctive print of a child’s hand and held her own up to it, wondering if it was indeed her own handprint from the past. Then she ascended the stairs slowly, feeling the breeze coming down from the top.

  Finally, she reached the door at the top and shoved it open with her shoulder. All at once, Emily found herself amongst the tops of the evergreens. Through the branches she could see lights twinkling in the town and the masts of boats in the harbor. She was on the roof, around the side of the house that was only visible from the street but which was obscured by the evergreens. The widow’s walk had been completely concealed from view, almost as if it had been erased from history. Emily wondered if this would be another piece of the puzzle that was the mystery of her father’s disappearance.

  CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

  “What can I get you two ladies?” Gordon asked, leaning across the bar to where Cynthia and Emily stood.

  “I think it’s a Tom Collins kind of a night, don’t you?” Cynthia said, nudging Emily.

  Emily grunted her agreement and Gordon went off to fix the cocktails. As soon as he was gone, Cynthia motioned to one of the bar stools.

  “You look like you need to sit down, dear,” she said. “And then maybe you should explain why you decided you wanted to hit the town with an old eccentric like me!”

  It was true that Cynthia Jones was not Emily’s first choice of drinking companion. But she’d needed to get out of the house, and she’d needed someone to confide in, another woman to speak to openly about her troubles. Amy and Jayne lived miles away in New York, Serena was busy at the inn, Vanessa hadn’t had enough energy to spend a night on the tiles since Katy was born, Sunita always came in a pair with Raj, and Karen was bound to be tucked up in bed early on a weeknight in order to get up ludicrously early to bake fresh bread for the store. So Cynthia’s number had been the one that Emily found herself dialing after she’d climbed back down from the widow’s walk. They’d met at Gordon’s Bar down by the harborside, Emily still in her date night attire, Cynthia in a bright yellow skater dress and lime green cardigan.

  Emily pulled up a stool and sank heavily down onto it.

  “It’s Daniel,” she said with a sigh.

  “Oh?” Cynthia replied, raising an eyebrow.

  Just then, Gordon placed the two cocktails in front of the women. Emily grabbed hers immediately and took a swig.

  “What’s happened?” Cynthia prompted. “Did you have a fight?”

  Emily shook her head. “More like, he has another girlfriend. And they have a kid together,” she added with sarcastic enthusiasm.

  Cynthia’s mouth dropped open. “How much of that was a joke?” she stammered.

  “None of it, unfortunately,” Emily replied.

  “I just don’t believe it,” Cynthia muttered. “He was hiding it from you?”

  Emily shrugged. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “He said he didn’t know about the kid. And the woman had a southern accent so I think she was his girlfriend when he lived in Tennessee, which would be quite a distance to travel to cheat on someone.” She swallowed hard, the word cheat sticking in her throat. “I just don’t know what to think.”

  Cynthia patted her arm. “If you feel like you need some space, you can stay at my place.”

  Emily smiled, comforted somewhat by Cynthia’s kind words, but knowing she wouldn’t be able to take up the offer. She had guests to look after. A B&B to run. Not to mention that staying with Cynthia and her teenage son wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to go home to her B&B, to the place she loved so dearly, and have it not be tarnished by the awful events of that evening. She wanted to go back in time, to the point when she was happy, to that moment before she’d bumped into Sheila on her porch.

  “Oh,” Cynthia said suddenly, in such a way that made Emily jerk up out of her slumped position.

  She glanced behind her toward where Cynthia’s attention was focused and saw Daniel standing in the door of the bar, looking around frantically. The second their eyes met, relief washed over his face.

  “Emily,” he gasped, rushing over. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

  “Didn’t that make you think that maybe I didn’t want to be found?” Emily spat back.

  Daniel seemed crushed. His whole expression was etched with pain. “Can you please just let me tell you my side of the story?”

  Emily wanted him to go away. She’d been hurt by men in the past. Daniel was just another to add to a growing list of jerks she’d had the bad taste of getting attached to. But something made her relent.

  “Fine,” Emily said coldly, folding her arms. “Explain.”

  Daniel took a seat beside her. Cynthia slid away, Tom Collins in hand, leaving the two of them to talk alone.

  “Sheila was a girlfriend from when I lived in Tennessee,” Daniel began.

  “The one with the husband?”

  He nodded. “But we haven’t been together for six years. She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “Then why did you look so terrified when you saw her?” Emily asked coolly. “Or was that just because you knew she was about to give away your secret?”

  Daniel rubbed his neck. “I had no idea about the child. You have to believe me.”

  Emily shot him a withering look.

  “Please,” he added. “I’m as shocked as you are. Sheila and I dated six years ago and then we broke up and I left. I had no idea at all that she’d been pregnant. She never told me.”

  “Did you give her a chance to tell you?” Emily asked. “Or did you just walk out on her one day?”

  Daniel seemed to deflate at her words. Emily knew she’d hit the nail on the head.

  “Look, I’m not proud of the things I’ve done in my past,” Daniel said. “You know that. I’ve told you about some of that stuff before. But this is totally off the charts. I had no idea. None at all. It’s not my fault she never told me. I mean, how was I supposed to know? I’m more upset than you, actually. Think about me for a second. That is my daughter. I have a daughter in the world, and I was never given the chance to raise her. How do you think that makes me feel?”

  Emily could hear the anguish in his voice, and she could tell he was being sincere. She took a deep breath.

  “Okay. You’ve said your piece. Now can I get back to my drinks with Cynthia? I’ll… I guess I’ll call you when I’ve got my head around all of this.”

  Daniel looked even more perturbed. “That’s the thing,” he began. From the tone of his voice, Emily could already tell that she did not like where this was heading. “There might not be time.”

  She frowned in confusion.

  Daniel continued. “Sheila’s not stable. She’s left the kid—my daughter—with some uncle.” He produced something from his pocket and slid it across the table to Emily. Emily looked down at the crumpled photograph on the table and the sweet girl beaming up at her. Her resemblance to Daniel was irrefutable. “I can’t let that kid’s life be ruined,” he finished.

  Emily looked from the picture up to Daniel. “What do you mean?”

  Daniel paused for a long time. “I have to go. With Sheila. Back to Tennessee.”

  Emily stared at him, almost unable to comprehend or process the words he was telling her. This was her worst nightmare come true. Daniel was abandoning her. Not for another woman like she’d always feared, but for a daughter she’d never for a second imagined existed.

  “Why?” she stammered.

  “I need to help Sheila get back on her feet,” Daniel said. “Help her find a proper apartment. See if I can persuade her into some kind of treatment program. If I don’t then I’ll be leaving my daughter with the same kind of chaotic upbri
nging I had. I can’t do that to her.”

  “How long will that take?”

  “I don’t know,” Daniel said with a heavy sigh. “A week. Two. Maybe more. All I can promise is that I will come back. No later than the end of the summer, once I’ve had the kid enrolled in a decent school.”

  Emily swallowed hard as she imagined the next six long weeks without Daniel by her side. She’d been so foolish to imagine spending the summer with him, to have daydreamed about more dates on the beach and lazy mornings in bed. Now it might not even happen.

  Tears began to fall from Emily’s eyes. “What if you don’t want to come back? Once you’ve found her a school to go to and a place she calls home, what if you fall into a happy family routine?”

  Daniel shook his head and grasped her hands. “It won’t be like that. I promise. I’m coming back to you. I just need to meet her. Spend some time with her. Help bring some stability back into her life. But I promise you I’ll be back before summer is over.”

  Emily’s tears fell now in torrents. “You can’t,” she said as the realization hit her with a great wave of grief. “You can’t let that poor girl think her dad is back, then up and leave her again.”

  Emily couldn’t help but be reminded of her own bitter experiences, of her own father walking out on her. “You can’t do that to her,” she added, anger making her voice rise.

  Emily knew that Daniel was just trying to do the right thing, but either way, someone would get hurt: the woman he never returned to or the little girl he left behind. She might love Daniel with all her heart, but she would never be selfish enough to rip a father from his daughter.

  “If you leave her,” she said through her bitter tears, “you won’t be the sort of man I want to be with anyway.”

  Daniel’s mouth dropped open as the understanding of what Emily was really saying hit him. “Are you giving me an ultimatum? You or her?”