His Other Wife

by Umm Zakiyyah

  But what kind of parents refused to help their daughter take revenge on the husband who had scorned her? What kind of parents would argue about religion, of all things, while their daughter needed their support? Where was the love? Where was the compassion? All Deanna had wanted was her husband to apologize and mend their relationship. But now she was in jail. I want Jacob back! her heart screamed. Aliyah cannot win!

  Then pray, a voice said in her head. Pray…

  The words from the dream tempered the fury in Deanna’s chest as she recalled Jacob smiling at her. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. Chin quivering as she was overcome with emotion, Deanna was reminded that Allah could help her get her husband back.

  The supplication of the one who has been wronged is answered, even if it comes from a disbeliever. She recalled the words from an Islamic lecture she’d heard years ago, and they gave her peace of mind. She had been wronged, so her du’aa would be answered. Jacob belonged to her, she said to herself, emboldened by possessive pride. And no one could take what was rightly hers.

  ***

  Thursday morning after Aliyah had finished the final session with the interns, she walked down the hall leading to her office. It had been two days since her uncle had suggested that she pray and get advice about marrying Jacob. Aliyah’s first thought had been to talk to Salima, but Aliyah had withheld, reminded that Salima had already offered her perspective. “If you’re trying to decide on whether or not to marry him, then there are only three things to consider,” Salima had said. “Allah, the man, and you.”

  But that was easier said than done, Aliyah thought to herself.

  “I barely even speak to Professor Thomas.”

  Hearing someone mention her name distracted Aliyah from her thoughts, and she slowed her steps, curiosity piqued, wondering where the voice was coming from.

  “Then be sure to keep it that way.”

  Aliyah recognized the second voice just as she saw that Jacob’s office door was open.

  “The last day of the internship is tomorrow,” the person said, impatient annoyance in his voice, “so you have nothing to worry about.”

  “Dr. Stanley,” Aliyah heard Jacob say, his voice rising in upset, “you know full well this has nothing to do with One Plus One.”

  “That’s the only project that I work on with Professor Thomas,” Dr. Stanley said.

  “Then let me put it to you another way,” Jacob said. “If I so much as hear that you’ve looked at her the wrong way, or that you’ve said anything to make her uncomfortable, you’ll regret it.”

  “Is that a threat?” Dr. Stanley said, disbelieving humor in his tone.

  “I don’t issue threats,” Jacob said, his voice even and composed.

  “You know what?” Dr. Stanley said in apparent aggravation. “I don’t have time for this. I have work to do.”

  “Good,” Aliyah heard Jacob say just as Dr. Stanley stormed into the hall, grunting. Dr. Stanley halted his steps, a shocked expression on his face when he saw Aliyah. Aliyah’s eyes widened as they met each other’s gaze. Her heart raced as she realized that Dr. Stanley would think she was eavesdropping.

  After a few seconds, Dr. Stanley huffed, shook his head, and walked past her, his face contorted in disapproval. Fearing Jacob would come out of his office soon, Aliyah hurried to her office and fumbled with the keys until she unlocked the door and pushed it open.

  “Professor Thomas?”

  Aliyah turned and saw Jacob standing behind her, a confused expression on his face.

  “Were you outside my office the whole time?” There was a tinge of disappointment in his voice.

  Aliyah opened her mouth to speak but had no idea what to say for how mortified she felt right then.

  “Do you have a class right now?” Jacob asked, disappointment still in his voice.

  “No…” Aliyah said.

  “Then meet me in the first floor conference room in five minutes,” Jacob said, turning and walking away.

  After Jacob disappeared behind the exit door, Aliyah exhaled in a single breath and bowed her head in embarrassment. She hoped she hadn’t angered Jacob. Sighing, Aliyah closed her office door and locked it. She started to walk toward the staircase then decided against it. She didn’t want to chance running into Jacob. As she made her way toward the elevators, she mentally prepared herself for an interrogation. Having a last minute meeting with her department head couldn’t be good.

  In the elevator, Aliyah’s thoughts shifted to the conversation she’d had with her uncle about marrying Jacob. She had taken Benjamin’s advice and reflected on the underlying reasons for her objections. It was true that, as an American, she had an inherent cultural bias against marrying Jacob. Intuitively, Aliyah understood that this prejudice wasn’t rooted in her religion, but she still found it difficult to extricate herself from it.

  It was one thing to know that something was wrong, but it was another thing entirely to do what was right. It was similar to the dilemma she’d faced when she was Christian and had learned about Islam for the first time. But this time, it wasn’t as simple as renouncing false religious doctrine and affirming what she knew God required of her. She wasn’t choosing between worshipping a prophet of God and worshipping God Himself. She was choosing between saying yes or no to marriage. And she didn’t have to marry Jacob.

  But she wanted to.

  And she hated herself for it.

  The elevator doors opened, and Aliyah stepped onto the first floor. As she rounded the corner, she smiled and greeted the students and colleagues passing in the hall. Through the soundproof glass that ran the length of the conference room, Aliyah saw Jacob standing with his arms folded, a troubled expression on his face as he looked toward the whiteboard, eyes distant.

  MashaAllah, Aliyah muttered instinctively, averting her gaze. It was the most irrational thing to notice right then, but Jacob really did look handsome in the three-piece business suit and tie, though his suit jacket was hanging on the back of the chair behind him. Her heart ached for how much she would regret not marrying him.

  Jacob turned at the sound of the conference door opening, and Aliyah gave him a tightlipped smile before finding a seat a comfortable distance from him. The door slowly closed and sealed shut, and Aliyah felt trapped and exposed at once. Ironically, reflecting on her marriage dilemma had highlighted not only the depth of her American cultural prejudices, but also the depth of her feelings for Jacob.

  For years, Aliyah had felt at ease in Jacob’s presence and found him easy to talk to, even in passing. But it was only in the last couple of days that she realized that this had never been the case with other men, even ones she’d dated or befriended before becoming Muslim. With other men, there had always been a grating discomfort, an invisible barrier that separated her from them. So Aliyah had made peace with forever being “socially awkward.” It was simply her lot in life, she had concluded, that she would be unable to express herself effectively or be properly understood. Her friends misunderstood her, her classmates misunderstood her, and even her own family misunderstood her. No matter how hard she tried, she always managed to confuse or offend someone.

  “I didn’t intend for you to hear that,” Jacob said apologetically as Aliyah sat down. He was still standing in front of the room, but he was facing Aliyah, his gaze distant as he looked at something beyond her. “I had planned to be gone by the time the morning session ended. I apologize for that.”

  Aliyah exhaled in relief as she realized that Jacob wasn’t upset with her. “I’m sorry that I overheard. I didn’t mean to h—”

  “It’s okay,” Jacob said, waving his hand dismissively. “There’s nothing we can do about it now.” He coughed laughter. “Of course, now Dr. Stanley will think I planned it like that. I told him you didn’t even know I was coming.”

  Aliyah chuckled. “Sorry about that,” she said good-naturedly.

  Jacob laughed and shook his head in response. “Don’t worry about it,”
he said. “I should’ve closed the door or met somewhere else.”

  Assuming the best, Aliyah thought to herself, ticking off something else she’d come to like about Jacob. Whatever blunder she or anyone else made, he tried to put the best face on it. But it wasn’t like that with other Muslims she’d met. For them, if you didn’t speak a certain way, dress a certain way, or view the popular personality in a certain way, you were whispered about, made fun of, and cast out of social graces. Till today, it remained a confusing and frustrating experience for Aliyah. But she’d never felt that confusion and frustration around Jacob.

  Even before Aliyah started working at the college (when she’d interacted with Jacob when visiting Deanna or attending one of their marriage workshops), she felt a sense of calm and safety in his presence. He was always unassuming and nonjudgmental. When someone spoke, he listened humbly and attentively. It was as if he actually valued what they were saying and wanted to understand their point of view. But with most others, their listening was merely obligatory and intermittent. And if a statement could be interpreted negatively, it would be interpreted negatively.

  “Why would you say something like that?” Deanna often scolded Aliyah. “You have no people skills.” But do people have people skills? Aliyah often wondered in aggravation. If others truly had the people skills they prided themselves in, why was it so hard for them to understand Aliyah, a person?

  Learn how to COMMUNICATE, Juwayriah had posted on Facebook some time ago. If you’re a grown a$$ man or woman and you STILL don’t know how to speak properly, then SHUT UP.

  “Could this cost us our jobs?” Aliyah asked Jacob, concern in her voice.

  Jacob drew his eyebrows together and shook his head. “No, insha’Allah,” he said. “If there’s anyone whose job is at stake, it’s Dr. Stanley.”

  “He won’t tell Dr. Warren we ambushed him or anything?” Aliyah hoped her question conveyed the lighthearted humor she intended.

  “Allahu’alam,” Jacob said, acknowledging that God knew best. “But the most you have to worry about is an uncomfortable professional relationship.”

  “So he’s not trying to take your position anymore or get me fired?” Aliyah said.

  “I don’t know about that…” Jacob said doubtfully. “I’m just saying that him seeing you outside my office won’t affect much one way or the other. But the important thing is that he’s going to leave you alone from now on, insha’Allah,” Jacob said. “I assume he hasn’t been a nuisance or anything?”

  Aliyah shook her head. “No, alhamdulillah.”

  “Good,” Jacob said, smiling to himself. “Then he got the memo.”

  Aliyah drew her eyebrows together. “The memo?”

  Jacob shook his head, the shadow of a smile still on his face. “Nothing.”

  “But should I be worried about anything?” Aliyah said hesitantly.

  “Here?” Jacob said rhetorically, humor in his tone. “Always. But after my meeting this morning, you shouldn’t have to worry about Dr. Stanley bothering you directly.”

  There was an awkward pause as Aliyah debated whether or not to speak her thoughts aloud. “When will you be coming back?” she asked finally.

  Jacob lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “I took off indefinitely,” he said. “But the way things are looking, I could be back as early as next month.”

  “So everything is settled with Deanna?”

  “No,” he said, frowning. “But it looks like they’ll keep pushing the trial date, so there’s no reason to stay on leave.”

  “When is the trial supposed to be?” Aliyah said.

  “For now, next May.”

  “Next May?” Aliyah repeated in surprise. “Why so late?”

  “Well, apparently, in cases like these,” Jacob said, “having a trial set for ten months later is the norm. And that’s best-case scenario, I’m told.”

  “Best-case scenario?” Aliyah said, her face contorted. “And Deanna is just supposed to sit in jail until the court date?”

  “That’s what it looks like,” Jacob said, a shadow of sadness in his eyes.

  “What happened to innocent till proven guilty?”

  “Did it ever exist?” Jacob said, lighthearted sarcasm in his tone.

  There was thoughtful silence.

  “So what will you do?” Aliyah asked, genuine concern in her voice.

  Jacob shrugged. “Pray. Keep busy. Focus on Younus and Thawab.”

  At the mention of the boys, Aliyah was overwhelmed with sadness. There was so much she wanted to ask but was unsure if she had a right to. “How are they doing?” she said quietly, picking up a pencil that was lying on the conference table. She toyed with the pencil before adding, “I mean, with everything going on?”

  “Alhamdulillah,” Jacob said honestly. “They’re good boys, mashaAllah, so they’re taking it well.”

  Aliyah glanced up at Jacob hesitantly. “Did you tell Deanna?”

  Jacob furrowed his brows. “About what?”

  Aliyah averted her gaze and tapped the eraser of the pencil on the table absentmindedly. “About what you asked my uncle.”

  She heard Jacob sigh, and he was silent for some time. “I want to,” he said sincerely. “But she’s not well, and truthfully, I don’t know if she will be any time soon.”

  Aliyah nodded, only slightly surprised to hear about Deanna’s condition. Over the years, there had been several moments when she’d sensed that something wasn’t quite right about Deanna. But Aliyah had brushed her suspicions aside, feeling guilty for thinking negatively about her friend. Aliyah didn’t know much about mental health issues, so she’d always felt that it wasn’t her place to pass judgment.

  “Will she be getting help?” Aliyah asked.

  “I’m working on it,” Jacob said. “But given the circumstances, it’s not easy. Involving psychiatrists at this point will complicate her defense,” he said. “But not involving them will complicate her mental illness.”

  “So it’s confirmed?”

  “Is what confirmed?”

  “Her mental illness.”

  He shook his head, a sad expression on his face. “She’s still undiagnosed at this point.”

  Aliyah nodded, empathizing with the stress that Jacob must be going through.

  “But I did talk to Younus and Thawab,” Jacob said. “Younus more than Thawab, of course.”

  “About Deanna?”

  “About everything.”

  “Everything?” Aliyah couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice.

  “Yes.”

  Aliyah didn’t know what to say.

  “I didn’t mention you by name,” Jacob clarified, “but I talked about the different possibilities for our future.”

  “You don’t think it’s too soon?” Aliyah said, worry in her voice as she looked at him. “I mean, with everything that happened with their mother?”

  Jacob’s gaze grew distant, and he shook his head. “No,” he said thoughtfully. “I know this isn’t anyone’s idea of a perfect family. But this is what Allah has given us, and I’ve made my peace with it.”

  “But won’t it be hard for Younus and Thawab to adjust?”

  “I imagine so,” Jacob said. “But this is just one of many tests they’ll face in life. I’m not doing them any favors by pretending that life stops when trials happen.”

  Aliyah’s thoughts grew distant as she doodled on the table then erased the penciling.

  “But no one loves my sons more than I do,” Jacob said, “so I’ll be there for them every step of the way insha’Allah.”

  “But what if they don’t like me?”

  “Like you?” he said, surprise in his tone. “You’re practically family.”

  Aliyah recalled the awkward looks that Younus had given her the last couple of times she had seen him. “Younus doesn’t speak to me anymore.” Aliyah felt stupid for sounding like a little kid, but she felt it was important for Jacob to know.

  “What makes you say that?” Jacob
said, concern in his voice.

  “He used to be excited to see me,” she said. “But when I saw him at the basketball court, he was giving me strange looks.”

  Jacob nodded as if understanding. “He saw some YouTube clips from Will’s Truth Hour when they were talking about the ‘crazy Muslim woman’ and ‘hot Muslim mistress’ rumors.”

  Aliyah felt sick all of a sudden.

  “So he had a lot of questions,” Jacob said.

  “Did you answer them?” Aliyah said, barely finding her voice.

  “Yes,” Jacob said. “Younus and I had a long talk, a few actually.”

  Aliyah nodded, unsure what to say.

  “But I don’t worry too much about Younus,” Jacob said. “Insha’Allah, he’ll be okay.”

  “How can you be so sure?” she said doubtfully. “That’s a lot to digest.”

  “How can we be sure about anything?” he asked rhetorically. “But I’m prayerful, and that’s what keeps me from worrying too much.”

  Aliyah felt ashamed of herself momentarily. She wished she had that level of faith. “But what if we’re wrong?” she said weakly. “What if we’re about to ruin their lives?”

  Jacob drew his brows together, vague amusement on his face. “Ruin their lives?” he said, a question in his eyes as he looked at Aliyah.

  “This might traumatize them,” Aliyah said weakly. “One day I’m Aunty Aliyah and the next I’m their new mother.”

  “Deanna will always be their mother,” Jacob said. “So I would never tell them you’re replacing her.”

  “But won’t it be confusing?”

  “In the beginning, yes,” he said thoughtfully. “But they’ll adjust insha’Allah.”

  “I don’t think it’s that simple,” Aliyah said, casting her eyes to the side.

  “Nothing is that simple,” Jacob said, “even if everything turned out the way the world says it should.”

  Aliyah’s thoughts grew distant, and she began doodling on the conference table again.

  “There’s no such thing as the perfect family, Aliyah,” Jacob said. “In this world, the most we can hope for is living a life that’s pleasing to Allah.”