His Other Wife

by Umm Zakiyyah

  The buzzing and vibration of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he glanced toward the hotel dresser where he’d placed his mobile. He started to stand to get the phone, but Aliyah stood and reached for it before he could. Without looking at the mobile display, she quietly handed him the phone then sat back down on the floor and resumed her adhkaar.

  Surprised at this gesture, Jacob stared at Aliyah, a question on his face as he wondered if she was upset with him for something. But her eyes were looking at something beyond her prayer mat as she quietly recited Ayat al-Kursy, which was a prophetic custom after each obligatory prayer.

  What are you thinking? he asked himself once the confusing moment had passed. The phone continued to buzz and vibrate in his hand, but he didn’t look at the screen, distracted by the fact that Aliyah’s simple gesture had surprised and worried him at all. It took several seconds for Jacob to realize that the reason for his surprise and concern was that Deanna would hand him his phone only if she was annoyed by the interruption or if she was insisting that he take a call that was about a workshop or interview she wanted him to do for her.

  SubhaanAllah, Jacob thought to himself. Is that really how I lived? The realization made him shudder. How had he lasted more than a decade in that relationship, where the simplest display of kindness was either withheld or done for ulterior motives? And how had he lived with all of that pent-up anxiety? Every day that he was married to Deanna was like walking on eggshells. If a day was going well, he viewed it with suspicion, as if waiting to learn something he’d done wrong. He’d lived in apprehensive expectation of her next verbal or physical attack.

  0-4-1-9. Jacob used his forefinger to type in the numeric passcode to his phone.

  1 missed call. Larry Bivens

  As Jacob pressed the phone icon next to Larry’s name and placed the phone to his ear, he remembered why he’d chosen the 0419 numeric passcode so many years ago. And live with them honorably, Allah commanded men in the Qur’an with regards to their wives. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good. This verse was from the chapter entitled Al-Nisaa, The Women; and it was soorah 4, ayah 19, hence Jacob’s chosen passcode. It was his daily reminder to look to the good in Deanna and be grateful for her as a wife.

  “As-salaamu’alikum,” Jacob said as soon as he heard the phone stop ringing. “Are the children okay?” Aliyah’s recitation stopped suddenly, and Jacob sensed her heightened concern.

  “The children are fine, man,” Larry said. “But we have another problem.”

  “What’s going on?” Jacob said, his voice etched in concern. Aliyah moved closer to Jacob, intense worry lines between her eyebrows.

  Phone still against his ear, Jacob turned to Aliyah and offered her a reassuring smile. “The children are fine,” he whispered. Her face immediately relaxed, and she stood and walked over to the bed and sat down and picked up the food menu again.

  “It’s Deanna,” Larry said.

  “What about her?” Jacob said, his concern heightening.

  “She’s here at your house.”

  “What?”

  “I didn’t let her in, of course,” Larry said. “But she’s ringing the doorbell like a maniac, pounding on the front door, and blowing up the house phone. It sounds like she’s trying to use her key to get in.”

  At that moment, Jacob remembered preparing for the weekend trip by programming all of Deanna’s calls to go directly to voicemail. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled.

  “Thanks man,” Jacob said, exhaustion in his voice. “Tell her I’m not there.”

  “I did.”

  Jacob groaned.

  “She doesn’t believe me.” Larry chuckled. “For all I know, she thinks I am you.”

  “Okay,” Jacob said, sighing. “I’ll call her myself. But as a last resort, if she doesn’t leave, call the police.”

  ***

  “I am better than the wicked and sinful. I am walking with the Lord.” Deanna recited this mantra to herself as tears streamed down her face and she alternated between pressing the doorbell, pounding on the front door, and wiggling the door handle because her keys were not working. She needed to talk to Jacob immediately. She had made a mistake in agreeing to the divorce. She needed to tell him she was willing to do marriage counseling like he’d suggested before the divorce.

  The mere thought of having as her only family her emotionally distant parents and her misguided brother was terrifying. Deanna had left her brother’s house late the night before and came directly to her and Jacob’s home. How she had lasted so many hours on that filthy couch was beyond her. It was as if her brother’s home was inhabited by shayateen, demons lurking in the corner of every room. Listening to him speak in admiration of Bailey felt as if Asher himself had transformed into a Shaytaan, and it terrified Deanna that this was actually her own flesh and blood, her only family.

  I need Jacob back. The epiphany came to her minutes before she came upon the exit leading to her parents’ home. But she’d been overcome with anxiety so intense that her chest hurt at the mere thought of spending another second in that house. I need Jacob back! her heart and mind screamed in a cacophony of frantic desperation.

  “I’ll do anything you want,” she’d sworn aloud as she passed her parents’ exit and headed toward Jacob’s instead. “I don’t care what it is. I just need you back.”

  “Jacob, just give me a minute,” she spoke into the front door while pounding the flat of her palm against it. “We need to talk. It’s really important.”

  The familiar ring tone on her phone wafted into her consciousness as if coming from a distance. She recognized it immediately as the special ring she’d assigned to Jacob. At the sound, she scrambled for her purse and opened it then quickly withdrew her phone.

  “Hello?” she said, breathing heavily, making no effort to conceal her anxious excitement to speak to him.

  ***

  The mere sound of Deanna’s voice incited annoyance in Jacob, but he tried to remain calm. She was probably having a nervous breakdown, but he found it extremely difficult to muster up even the slightest sympathy for her state. For years he’d pleaded with her to get professional help, but she would scoff at him and hurl insults, as if he was the one with the problem.

  “As-salaamu’alaikum, Deanna,” Jacob said, speaking as calmly as his frustration would allow. He stood with his back to Aliyah, who now sat cross-legged on the hotel bed, a concerned expression on her face as she listened intently to his side of the conversation. Before calling Deanna, he’d briefed Aliyah on what Larry had told him.

  “Can you let me in?” Deanna said, her breathing sounding as if she’d just run a marathon. “I have something important to tell you.”

  Jacob drew in a deep breath and exhaled. “I’m not home right now, Deanna. Larry is there watching the children for me. I won’t be back until tomorrow, insha’Allah.”

  “But I heard you—”

  “That was Larry, Deanna,” Jacob said, enunciating every word carefully, as if speaking to a child. “My brother.”

  “But I thought—”

  “What time is good for us to meet on Sunday?” Jacob interjected, wanting to end this call as quickly as possible. It aggravated him that she had chosen this weekend of all times to create a disturbance.

  There was an extended pause, and all Jacob could hear was her breathing. “You’ll see me?” She sounded surprised and ecstatic.

  It was odd witnessing this level of vulnerability from Deanna. She sounded as if she were doing a horrible impersonation of his ex-wife. Her desperation when there was no other option was so cliché that it was almost sad. It reminded Jacob of the predicament of people who would beg God to return them to the world so that they could live righteously, but even if Allah did return them to the world, they would go right back to living a life of arrogant disobedience.

  “We have to choose a counselor for co-parenting, remember?” Jacob said.

&
nbsp; Her silence suggested that she had completely forgotten about the single aspect of the divorce agreement that she herself had insisted on. “And we can talk about other things too,” she said quickly.

  “What time?” Jacob said, doing his best not to sound annoyed.

  “Any time.”

  “Then I’ll call you tomorrow insha’Allah.”

  “We made a mistake, Jacob,” she said. “We should do marriage counseling instead.”

  Jacob’s nose flared as he felt himself losing patience. “We’ll talk tomorrow insha’Allah,” he said again, his voice rising slightly.

  “Did you hear me? We made a mistake.”

  “I heard you,” he said with a sigh. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

  “I’ll wait for you here.”

  “No.” Jacob himself flinched at the sternness of his tone. He silently recited isti’aadhah, seeking refuge in Allah, then tried again. “No,” he said more gently. “If you don’t leave right now, my brother will call the police.” Jacob hated threatening Deanna, but he was running out of options. Besides, she didn’t seem to be in her right mind, and he imagined that nothing else would register.

  “But this is my house.” With those words, it was as if she were Deanna again. Jacob could hear the signature pompous arrogance in her voice.

  “No,” Jacob said firmly, making no effort to sound diplomatic. “It’s my house. And if you don’t leave now, you’ll be back in jail, and then, we won’t be able to talk tomorrow.”

  Jacob heard Deanna grunt in aggravation, but he sensed that the threat of not being able to meet with him was more troublesome than the threat of going back to jail.

  “Fine,” she said. “But I never liked your brother. You should find someone else to watch our children.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, insha’Allah,” he said again, but he detected the stillness on the other line, indicating that she’d already hung up on him. Dropping his hand to his side, still holding his phone, he exhaled in relief. If he had been forced to hang up on her, he had no idea if she’d leave Larry and the children alone. So it was a good thing that the call had ended by her initiation. It gave Deanna the sense of control she needed in nearly every interaction.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about my mother and sister…” Aliyah said as Jacob walked over to the hotel dresser and set his phone next to the large television screen. “And it made me realize that—”

  “We’re going to have to meet Deanna together tomorrow,” Jacob said. He turned to face Aliyah as he folded his arms and met her gaze with a serious expression on his face. He hated to cut off his wife mid-thought, but he didn’t want to delay sharing what had been on his mind. Deanna’s erratic behavior only confirmed what he’d already thought. It was time to tell her about him and Aliyah. “I can ask Larry to come too,” he said tentatively. “But we need to meet with her sooner rather than later.”

  Aliyah’s lips formed a thin line, her expression contemplative and troubled.

  “I know it’s not ideal,” Jacob said apologetically. “But I don’t know what other choice we have.”

  Aliyah looked pained as she regarded him, a question on her face. “But is she mentally stable?”

  Jacob grunted, a trace of humor in that sound. “Has she ever been mentally stable?” he asked rhetorically.

  “What if she goes crazy?”

  “I think she’s already past that point,” he said. “She passed that a long time ago.”

  Aliyah shook her head, doubtful. “I don’t know, Jacob…”

  “If you feel uncomfortable,” he suggested, “I can speak to her alone. With Larry,” he added, clarifying. “But my hunch is that she needs to see you in person to really process what I’m saying. Otherwise, she’ll probably be in denial.”

  “Deanna can get violent…”

  The fear that Jacob saw in Aliyah’s eyes gave him pause. He had become so accustomed to Deanna’s physical attacks that he’d forgotten that they could cause bodily injury. He was definitely physically stronger than Deanna, but the scar on his forehead from a girlfriend’s violent attack before he’d become Muslim was proof enough that his size alone wouldn’t protect him from physical harm. Moreover, he’d sustained his share of bruises and broken skin during fits of rage by Deanna herself. Deanna’s volatile nature had become so much a part of his marital life that he’d forgotten that there were actually men and women who lived out their lives free from fear in their own homes.

  “I’m sorry,” Jacob said quietly. “I forgot about that.”

  “I can still come with you,” Aliyah said tentatively. “It just needs to be in a public place.” She added hesitantly, “You know, with security around.”

  Jacob nodded thoughtfully. “The masjid?”

  Aliyah creased her forehead doubtfully. “Maybe the mall?” she said. “I’m not sure the masjid is the best place for this. There will be too many people she knows there, and it’ll probably make her more defensive.”

  “That’s true…”

  “Plus some of the main gossipers and Facebook fitnah-starters hang out at the masjid on the weekend.”

  Jacob nodded thoughtfully.

  “The mall has some quiet areas,” Aliyah said. “We could even make a reservation at a restaurant.”

  Jacob’s eyebrows rose as a smirk formed at his lips. “The irony…” he said, reflective humor in his tone. “You know the Day of Judgment is near when the mall is a better option than the masjid.”

  Aliyah chuckled, as if just then realizing the irony herself. “I know…”

  “The shayateen love the marketplaces.”

  She shook her head, a reflective smile lingering on her face. “We live in strange times…”

  They were silent for some time.

  “What if we asked your uncle if we could meet at his house?” Jacob said. “I know it’s not public and doesn’t have security, but I think her seeing Brother Benjamin will have the same effect. He’s pretty well-respected in the community,” Jacob said. “And if anything happens, we can always call the police.”

  Aliyah sighed, and she became lost in thought momentarily. “Sometimes I feel sorry for her, you know?” She shook her head. “I know she never really talked about it much, but I never got the feeling she had a really supportive family.” She shook her head again. “And now this? She’s probably losing her mind.”

  Jacob huffed, thinking of how Deanna’s father was working against her after the accident with her mother. “Her not having a supportive family is an understatement,” he said. “She’s practically an orphan.”

  “I know you know a lot more about her situation,” Aliyah said. “But I always felt like she had this wall up around me, as if she needed me to think she was stronger than she really was.”

  “Sounds about right,” Jacob said. “She kept the same wall up around me.”

  “Really?” Aliyah sounded genuinely surprised.

  “Of course,” Jacob said. “A person like Deanna doesn’t let anyone in. The only reason I know a bit more than anyone else is because I lived with her. There’s only so much you can hide from someone you sleep beside every night.”

  Aliyah coughed in agreement. “That’s so true…”

  “It really is a sad situation she has with her family,” Jacob said reflectively. “But it’s hard to feel sorry for someone who brings so much misery to your life.”

  “I know what you mean,” Aliyah said quietly.

  “You know, they have all these categories of mental illness,” Jacob said, “and I would spend hours online researching how to help someone like Deanna, and how to…” He paused, unsure how to put his thoughts into words. “I guess I just thought if I loved her enough, she would get better.”

  “I didn’t even realize she had a mental illness.”

  Jacob shrugged. “She doesn’t even realize she has a mental illness.” He sighed and shook his head. “Like they say,” he said. “You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helpe
d.”

  There was a thoughtful pause. “Do you think some mental illness is self-inflicted?” Aliyah asked.

  Jacob raised his eyebrows thoughtfully. “Self-inflicted?”

  “Like they brought it on themselves?”

  He drew in a deep breath and exhaled. “I suppose it’s possible…”

  “I’m asking because it seems like arrogant people are all a bit touched in the head, if you know what I mean.”

  Jacob laughed out loud.

  “I’m serious,” Aliyah said, laughter in her own voice. “Think about it. How mentally healthy can you be to openly disobey God?”

  “But Deanna is Muslim…” Jacob said, feeling obligated to say something positive.

  “I don’t mean Deanna per se,” Aliyah clarified. “I mean anyone who is living in a way they know is wrong, but they insist on doing it anyway.”

  Jacob frowned thoughtfully. “I don’t know…” he said. “Wouldn’t that apply to all of us?”

  Aliyah shook her head. “I don’t mean people who keep sinning because they fall into human weakness. I mean people who insist that the entire definition of sin or right and wrong should be changed just because they disagree with it.”

  Jacob was quiet as he considered Aliyah’s point. He had never thought about mental illness from a spiritual perspective.

  “I know some people are mentally ill because of things out of their control,” Aliyah said. “But I think there are people who make themselves mentally ill.”

  Jacob nodded thoughtfully. “You might have a point there,” he said. “Especially considering that jinn are usually involved in enticing us to sin in the first place.”

  “The disbelieving jinn,” Aliyah clarified.

  “And how sane can you be to listen to someone who you know wants you in Hellfire?” Jacob asked rhetorically.

  Aliyah bit her lower lip and seemed lost in thought for some time. “I think my mother is mentally ill,” she said finally.