Nocturne

by Heather McKenzie

  I’d told him most things, but wasn’t ready for that story yet. “A knife. On my sixteenth birthday, someone tried to slit my throat,” I said. “But that’s a tale for another day.”

  I felt his body stiffen. “You’ve survived through a lot of crap, haven’t you?”

  “I guess.”

  “Ya know, if you were my girl, that would never have happened.”

  I sighed. “Well, I’m not your girl.”

  A pause. His arms tightened. “Maybe you should be.”

  His words hung there in the chilly air, the tone of his voice making it almost impossible to swallow. “I thought you weren’t up for the challenge,” I said, hoping I sounded lighthearted.

  Our chests were now pressed together—the friendship barrier certainly being crossed. He drew in a deep breath. “I might have just changed my mind.”

  He was so serious I had to laugh. But it got me wondering, what would a life with Thomas be like? What if I was his… girl?

  “You’re thinking about it, aren’t ya? Having a hot guy like me around is pretty tempting, isn’t it?” he said with a smile.

  “I’m thinking about nachos actually.”

  “Yeah, sure you are.”

  He vibrated with a laugh. It sent little sparks down to my toes. As his body enveloped mine, knee to knee, I could hear his heart, stable and steady; it made such a beautiful song. So soothing and comforting—although not as magical as the passionately alluring serenade of Luke’s. Thomas made a different kind of music. One born of the dark, of the dead of night, of the need and desire to feel the safety and comfort of another human being. It was a nocturne I could lose myself in…

  “Don’t get the wrong impression,” I reminded.

  “Uh-huh,” he said sleepily.

  I basked in his heat. Couldn’t help but wiggle in closer to try and feel more of him.

  “You know, that was just crazy what you did today,” he muttered, breath on my forehead. “I have a lot of respect for you, Kaya.”

  I fell deep into his sleepy brown eyes. For a moment, I wished I could love him like I loved Luke. Life would be so much easier. I was here, with Thomas, because I wanted to be. For no other reason. He was my choice. I just wished I felt… more.

  I closed my eyes and tucked back into him. “You would have done the same thing if you could have.”

  “You’re brave—braver than you think. Stronger than you realize.” He placed a feathery kiss on my forehead. “You know we can’t stay here anymore, though, right?”

  “I know.”

  “We’ll have to leave in the morning. Find some new place to hide. Your face will be all over the internet by now. I couldn’t get to the teenagers with their damn cell phones fast enough.”

  “My fa—er, Henry Lowen made sure I was never photographed so the public doesn’t know what I look like.”

  “Your crazy daddy is the one I’m worried about. And uh… Luke.”

  I trembled at the sound of Luke’s name resonating in Thomas’s chest. I placed my hand over his heart beat increasing in tempo, sorry for what I was about to say. “Don’t worry. I am leaving tomorrow. But by myself, Thomas.”

  He bolted upright, fear in his eyes. “Like hell you are! We have a deal. A plan. Remember?”

  I had to stay firm. “You have your plan. Mine is to not have you killed because of me.”

  His face relaxed. He ran his hand through his hair, the jet-black strands falling right back where they had been before. “Ah. You’re just worried about me. That’s sweet.”

  I stared up at him hovering over me, so ruggedly beautiful. “It’s not sweet; it’s practical.”

  His hand moved to my cheek, and he gave it a light stroke of his thumb. “Without me, you’ll end up dead. And without you, I’d probably feel dead. We stick together. That’s what friends do. So, in the morning, we’ll head out. I have a car at my sister’s; we’ll go there first, then get out of this province and maybe head east. Since you’ve never seen the ocean, how about—”

  I cut him off. “My mother’s men shot six people in a motel room just because I was there. No other reason. My father has no qualms about killing me… His own daughter! I’m not taking a risk with you.”

  “Mother shmother… motel shmotel… guns and death… blah blah… Whatever, Kaya. You’re not getting rid of me. You’ve already dumped that Luke dude to protect him, but you don’t love me like that. Yet. So for now, don’t worry about it. I’m along for the ride.”

  I sat up to stare him straight in the eyes. “No, Thomas.”

  “Hey,” he said, putting his fingers to my lips. “I know you care about me. I can see it all over your pretty face, and that’s all I need.”

  He eased back down next to me, resuming his position and pulling my head to his chest. His hand was moving up and down my back, easing the tension in my aching muscles, creating a strange heat in the pit of my stomach.

  “You could get hurt. People around me—”

  “Are really goddamn lucky to be around you,” he finished.

  Was I changing my mind? “It's not worth the risk, Thomas. You know that.”

  He became still, his hand pausing between my shoulder blades, his breathing speeding up. “How about this?” he said, voice tight. “Why don’t you let me show you how amazing I can make you feel, and then you can decide if keeping me around is worth the risk?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He cleared his throat, and his voice became a whisper. “Give your body over to me for a little while.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Thomas’s version of ‘being friends’ didn’t quite match mine. I fake coughed. “That’s rather bold.”

  “Yes, I guess it is,” he said, his deep voice making my spine tingle. “Let me make you forget everything. Forget Luke and your crazy mother, your messed-up dad. Let me take your mind to another place knowing you can trust me. As your friend.”

  The devil on my right shoulder started yelling at the angel on my left to take a hike. “I didn’t know that’s what friends did,” I said.

  He inhaled. “Well, it’s usually only reserved for the type of friendship we have. You know, boy loves girl, girl loves another boy.”

  “Thomas…”

  “The morning I saw you covered in flour, standing helplessly in Ben’s kitchen, I knew right then there was no going back to whatever life I had before. I tried to stop feeling it, but that was like trying to stop a freight train with a cornflake. So listen, I know you’ll never love me like you love him… and I can live with that. Really and truly I can, as long as I can just be with you. I will be your friend, on whatever terms you want.”

  “I’m sorry, Thomas. I wish…” I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, wondering exactly what I really did wish for—yes, to have a life with Luke of course—but I’d pretty much made sure that would never happen. With the necklace gone, I had no way of getting John Marchessa on my side. The blue-eyed baby had come and gone, too, and it wasn’t Luke’s. I’d misread the signs. This, right here and right now, was what I truly had.

  “I wish things were different,” was all I could say.

  “If there is one thing you can count on in life, it’s change.”

  Thomas’s warm lips brushed my forehead. I wanted to pull away, get up and get back into my own bed, even pretend to be shocked and insulted by his offer, but my body betrayed me. My heart sped up. The fire churning in my stomach spread downward like wildfire.

  “Take me up on my offer,” he breathed.

  His hand was at the back of my neck now, kisses trailing across my cheek. I wasn’t telling him to stop. I wasn’t saying no. His touch was making me slip away from all those things I wanted to forget.

  “I… I’m not very experienced with this stuff,” I admitted.

  He couldn’t hide the shock in his voice. “That’s okay. But… Luke?”

  “We never.”

  “What? Never? Was there something wrong with him? I mean, good God, w
hat the hell?”

  “I had a miscarriage,” I said quickly.

  Thomas froze.

  “I guess I forgot to tell you that part. Luke felt that my body—and quite possibly my mind—were too fragile. He also said, that… he…” I fought to breathe. “He said he wanted to marry me first.”

  A pain in my ribs threatened the delicate threads that were holding me together. I recalled what Luke had said to me in the field of yellow flowers… the way he looked at me… and the way my heart felt like it might burst from my chest…

  And then I shut it out.

  I had to.

  That memory would be the death of me.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Thomas said, breath catching as my fingers roamed over his heart, exploring his smooth skin and the gentle curve of his muscled chest. His voice wavered. “Then whose baby were you carrying if it wasn’t his?”

  I was incredibly aware of every single part of my body against his. “It was my bodyguard’s. Oliver was my first and only time, and although it was consensual, I didn’t really want to. I thought I loved him, but I know now it was… something else.”

  It took a long time for Thomas to reply. His body was pressing harder against mine, his hand leaving my neck and moving to my lower back. “Your first time, and you got pregnant?” he said slowly, bringing his hips to mine. “So, you’ve never really known the pleasures of friendship.”

  “No,” I replied, the fire raging within me.

  We were becoming increasingly wrapped in each other’s limbs. I could feel every inch of him against me, tantalizing and terrifying.

  “Then use me, Kaya. I’ll do anything you want. Please. Just say the word.”

  My fingertips were on his throat now, grazing the light stubble there that softly spread to his sculpted chin. I couldn’t stop my thumb from touching his lower lip. So soft, full, and warm. “Maybe you could just—”

  I didn’t know what I wanted.

  “Just what?” he asked eagerly.

  “Make me feel something besides hate and anger and revenge and fear.”

  He put his mouth on mine. It didn’t feel wrong, but it didn’t feel exactly right, either. With Luke, that first kiss ignited all my senses. It had lit my soul. With Thomas, it was different; it was purely physical.

  And I was perfectly okay with that.

  He kissed me softly, being a gentleman and giving me ample opportunity to stop what was about to happen. He parted my lips, his hands starting to roam up under the nightgown, tentatively moving across my ribcage. He was slow, attentive, and I found my back arching to meet his touch. He kissed his way down each arm, then across my collarbone as my desire for him escalated to a dizzying height.

  “You still haven’t given me the word,” he said. A whisper in my ear.

  I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.

  He pulled away and sat up, the blankets falling below his hips. In seconds, he was naked before me in all his incredible male glory.

  “Sit up,” he ordered.

  I did. My nightgown was removed, and a gasp came from him as his eyes moved across my body. In the dim light of the cold room, I let myself stare back. The look on his face was filled with desire for me. It made mine frantic. I took in the sight of him, rippling stomach muscles, perfect unmarked skin, and the length of him he had no reservations about letting me see.

  “You think I’m hot, don’t cha?” He grinned.

  “I’ve seen better,” I teased.

  He took my hands and put them on his chest, then guided them over his body and down his stomach. The look in his eyes lost all humor. “Are you for sure?” he murmured.

  My blood threatened to simmer over. “Yes,” I squeaked.

  “Do you trust me?”

  I did. For some crazy, unexplainable reason, I did. So I leaned forward and kissed him as a reply. He pushed me down on the bed and then hovered over me, dark hair falling across his eyes. I reached for him, pulling his face to mine, and his mouth moved more urgently, pressing, searching with his tongue as his hand brushed my thighs, caressing my skin, and trailing to that place where he could feel how much I wanted him.

  I couldn’t contain the moan that escaped from deep in my throat. The feather-light touch of his fingers circled and explored while he nibbled on my lip, my neck, then down across my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair as he kissed a trail down my stomach, lingering there, his hot breath a blissful hint at what was to come. His head dipped lower, below my hips, and his hands were moving my knees apart. He was almost at the part of me that was screaming in agony for him…

  “Wait…” I gripped the sides of his head, making him gaze up from where he was positioned between my legs. His beautiful face made me forget whatever I was about to say.

  “Trust me,” he said with a wink.

  And then his mouth was on me. Tongue moving over my most sensitive parts. When his fingers joined in, making their way to the very center of me, I had to grip the sheets and bite my lip to keep quiet.

  I’d never felt anything like it, and Thomas, knowing that, took his time. He took me almost to the point of no return, then reeled me in, stopping to move his mouth over my inner thighs, and then my fingertips… sucking on them playfully. He coyed. He teased. He made me forget my own name. I was soon begging, pleading with him not to stop. His reply, accompanied by a soft moan that flowed from him to my very core, was a touch so mind-blowing there was nothing in the world but me and him. When my body let go with a shuddering release, he kept moving his tongue and fingers in a way that made me completely blind with ecstasy.

  And then he did it again.

  It didn’t matter where I was. Or who I was. All I became was desire for his touch as I surrendered to him completely.

  It was heaven unlike no other.

  I was panting when he grinned up at me.

  “So… am I worth the risk?” he asked mischievously.

  I mumbled an affirmative reply.

  “Then promise you won’t leave without me,” he said, holding me captive.

  “I promise,” I breathed. His mouth… his lips. “I promise….” The world disappeared.

  When it came back, I fought to catch my breath. He crawled up next to me, eyes ablaze as he gazed at my flushed face. I wanted him. All of him. Not just his mouth and his fingers. But he caught my hands when I reached for him.

  “Kaya…” he breathed and laced his fingers through mine. “I don’t think—”

  I kissed him hard, wanting to give him the same pleasure he gave me. “It’s your turn.”

  He gripped my hands tighter, then suddenly let go. “Ok. Turn on your side,” he demanded.

  The ticking clock on the wall suddenly seemed so loud. Did I really want this? What about Luke? What about…

  I did what I was told, facing my lonely bed on the other wall as he shifted around behind me. His arm slipped under my neck, then his body became a cocoon around mine. I thought of Oliver and that time in the woods, his urgency at having me and the way it felt, wanting to say no but giving myself over anyway. Was I doing that again?

  “You can relax, Kaya. We’re not going to do that until I’m sure you’ll have no regrets,” Thomas said as if reading my mind. “As much as I want to—and believe me, good Lord above I want to—it just might take our friendship to the next level and I don’t think you’re ready for that. And besides, I would most definitely wake up the entire neighborhood. When I make love to you, Kaya Lowen, it will be because you are begging me to. And when I show you exactly what it feels like to be loved, I’m going to howl loud enough for the entire world to hear.”

  I was aroused and relieved at the same time. His hand stroked my hair as his body remained a raging inferno behind me. Somehow, he had the strength to restrain. My heart fluttered.

  “It’s an interesting friendship we have,” I said.

  “Yes. Just so you know though, you can love two people, Kaya. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  I had no reply.
I didn’t know what I felt for Thomas, but it was something.

  We lay silent in the dark. My mind raced.

  “What are you thinking about?” he said after a while.

  “I’m scared,” I admitted. “I’m trying to stay brave, keep it together, but my family… my mother… and—”

  “Shh,” he said, breath on my shoulder. “I thought I made you forget all that. Guess I’ll have to try harder next time.”

  My heart raced. Next time.

  “Hey, it’ll be all right,” he said, serious now. “You just need sleep. Or maybe some more distraction.”

  He was still rock hard against me. “What sort of… distraction?”

  He cleared his throat, hand petting my head soothingly. “Ever had angel food cake?” he said.

  “Uh, what? Good Lord, if that’s some sexual thing—”

  He guffawed. “Ha, no. Really. Actual angel food cake. It’s a bitch to make but if you get it right and whip up the perfect orange cream sauce to go with it, it’s awesome.”

  “Oh?”

  He spoke softly, his voice slow and deep, a whisper brushing over my ears while his hand ran up and down my arm. “Well, I’m gonna tell you how to make it. When I’m done, if you’re still awake and need more distracting, I’m going to explain to you everything I know about cheesecake. So close your eyes and picture a shiny white kitchen and clean bowls.”

  His voice started to drift in and out of my ears. I was in a cocoon of warmth as I basked in the afterglow. His touch was soothing now, and my body relaxed against it, limbs becoming limp like jelly. He was listing ingredients and measurements. Explained types of flour.

  “…then you have to separate a dozen eggs. Now to do that you have to crack them, pull them apart, then toss the egg back and forth between the shell…”

  And for the first time in a very long time, I slept.

  A sharp knock at the door jolted me awake. I pried myself out of Thomas’s arms, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and forced my body upright. My head spun for a moment while I got my bearings.

  “I want to know what the hell is going on with you, Kate,” Marlene barked from the other side of the door. “You’ve had time to rest, now it’s time to start talking.”