by Jenna Chase
“But…but it does. Besides school, I feel like this is right. I want to have your baby. I want to have this baby, but I’m so afraid. I’ve worked so long to finish school and it feels like its slipping away.” I felt my steady resolve slipping away and the frantic worry was taking over. My whole body began to shake.
“Take a deep breath, this is all going to be ok. Let’s think about this for a moment. If we think back to when you might have become pregnant and how far along you think you may be, there could be plenty of time to finish school and then come and be with me and start our family.”
I breathed out heavily, took in another deep breath and exhaled again before speaking. “Yeah, ok, maybe you’re right. At most I would be about three months along, and it might not even be that far. If I take on an extra class for a term I can finish early and still graduate like I want…and have our baby.” Our baby. The words echoed through my mind. I couldn’t believe I was actually saying them. It was as if my whole reality had turned on end in the span of a few hours.
“See, it can all work out if you want it to. If we want it to. There’s no pressure though. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. It’s your body, and we have time. I will support you no matter what.”
I could feel my face growing hot and as soon as the first single tear rolled down my cheek I knew my answer. “I want to have our baby. We created this life and I want to have it.”
“That’s my girl. I’m so excited!” he cried out. “Our beautiful baby. This is all I’m going to think about now. I can’t believe how lucky I am.”
I could hear his smile through the phone. Knowing how happy it was making him made the decision easier for me. Certainly I was terrified but he was right, we could handle this – I could handle this.
“Try not to be afraid,” he continued. “We’ll be back together soon and we’ll get to start our own incredible family. Everything is going to be perfect. Plus, I haven’t forgotten you’d said you would marry me. You just made my whole life. I could never have imagined anything this perfect before you. I love you!”
“I love you too,” I replied. “I think I need to lay down. This has all been really exhausting.”
“Alright my dear. Call me any time. I’m so excited for us. I’ll support you in any way that I can. If you need anything at all, promise you’ll let me know.”
“I promise,” I said with a yawn.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” I ended the call and laid back on my bed. Was I really going to do this?
I stuck to our plan and took on a couple of extra classes and as my stomach began to grow I edged closer and closer to the end of my schooling. Laurissa had been fantastic and had gone absolutely baby bonkers. Everything was now about the baby to her. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought she was the one that was going to deliver.
I finished school with two months left of my pregnancy. It was nice to wind up school early and just about the time that moving around and living a regular life was beginning to feel impossible. Shane came and picked me and my things up from the dorms and drove me back to the ranch, to our ranch. To my home.
He'd seen me since I’d become pregnant but I could see and feel his love growing with each visit. I knew he was thrilled to have me back at the ranch and he didn’t hesitate to touch my belly and would bring me special gifts regularly. Usually they were whatever I’d been craving lately but it didn’t matter, he went out of his way to care for me better than any other man ever could have. We decided to hold off the wedding until after the baby was born but he told me regularly that he wanted to marry me now, that waiting to have me as his wife was almost painful.
My water broke a week earlier but Shane was as prepared as ever. He helped me to the truck and then went barreling down the road to the hospital. We’d already mapped out or driving route and had my bag packed and ready to go so we were ready. He looked both excited and apprehensive, suddenly scared about this new life that was coming. We’d chosen not to find out the gender but we’d know soon enough.
At the hospital they wheeled me into a room and got me set up while he paced at the side nervous and worried.
“It’s going to be ok. Women give birth all the time,” I told him.
“I know, I know,” he replied as he continued to pace. Eventually he stopped and came up to hold my hand. He was the dutiful sweet man I knew him to be through the entire labor, and when our baby finally arrived, it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen when they handed him our tiny daughter.
He clasped her carefully in his big strong arms and stared at her like she was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen in his life.
“She’s incredible,” he said as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“What are we going to name her?” I asked as I laid back and held my arms open to receive our sweet baby girl.
“Let’s name her Rose like you wanted,” he said as he stroked my hair and leaned forward to kiss my forehead.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Positive,” he said grinning at our daughter. “She’s a Rose if I ever saw one.” Then with a cheeky grin he looked me in the eye and said, “So, when can we start planning our wedding?”
Country Billionaire: Epilogue
I wasn’t supposed to see him today of all days this was the day that we weren’t supposed to see each other until the ceremony. Yet, I couldn’t help myself as I quickly peeked around the side of the door. I had tiptoed up to its edge carefully so that Shane wouldn’t hear me. He was framed in the bright sunlight coming in through the large bay window. Pulling back just as quickly as I had peeked, I let myself ruminate on the fact that he looked almost heavenly as he held our little treasure.
Watching him I could hear his soft and tender mutterings and I knew I had to see more of him. My dress rustled a bit and I had to hold it in my arms to keep it quiet. The lace and organza tried their hardest to keep rustling, but I looked down and gave them a stern look that seemed to put the fabric in its place. I pressed myself carefully against the wall, a squish of body and fabric, and then I let my fingertips tiptoe themselves to find the edge of the door jam. My fingers making purchase around the edge, I carefully, oh so carefully, moved my face towards the edge until I could spy around the corner with a single eye.
A smile broke out across my face as I leaned a bit further forward. I grinned feeling the happiest I’d ever felt as I watched him holding our infant daughter. Rose had been born three months ago. She’d been a surprisingly simple birth, but I think that was largely due to the careful preparation of Shane. He’d done everything he could to make sure I was as comfortable as possible. He’d booked me a private room and had sat by my side holding my hand through every second of Rose’s delivery. Seeing the suffering on his face every time I cried out had only made me love him more. Despite being strong and highly capable in everything he did, he was also vulnerable and affectionate. Now, seeing him like I was, spying him in what he thought was solitude, it made my heart swell.
He adored her. I had once thought that I was the world to him, and in some ways I still was – without question, but when I saw him with her, I knew that she was truly the one that made the sun rise each morning. I never could have imagined how he’d be as a father. In my heart and my mind, I always knew he’d be a fantastic father but seeing him now, nothing I imagined or envisioned could ever have been half as good.
“Whatcha doin’ my beautiful darling,” he cooed as he held her out in front of him. Her eyes traced his features unable to fully focus but taking him in all the same. She knew that was her daddy and without smiling I could still sense the happiness and sense of contentment radiating from her. She was swaddled in a soft white blanket with a small cap on her head. I thought of him carefully changing her and then wrapping her safely. His little bean.
Shane continued to talk to her in his deep soothing voice. His words seemed to echo around the room and I had to fight the urge to run in and hug him. M
y arms longed to be around him, to hold him as he held onto the sweet gift we’d created together. But I couldn’t, not today.
Today was special in a different way. A completely new adventure for us to embark on together. Today we were going to get married. Pledge our undying love and begin our life as husband and wife. I watched them for a few more minutes and then I turned with my back to the wall. I couldn’t believe we’d been given this tiny bit of solitude. There were 120 other people meandering around, and yet somehow I’d been granted this five minutes with him. Just the three of us even if he had no clue we were together.
Turning I pressed my toes to the ground and gripped my dress tighter ready to begin tiptoeing quietly away. My ears pricked up when I heard him moving within the room. Moving towards the door. There was no chance I could hustle away fast enough. I closed my eyes momentarily and listened harder trying to decide my best plan of action. Just when I was about to run, his voice penetrated the air.
“I know you’re there.”
My breath hitched in my throat as I fought the urge to gasp. My heel was still raised high, my toes pressed hard against the oak floor. Shit! I cursed myself.
“Don’t come around the corner,” I pleaded.
“What if I want to see my gorgeous bride?”
“You know you can’t. That’s part of the whole wedding deal. That you don’t get to see the bride before I head down the aisle.”
“And what if I don’t care about these wedding rules,” he said as he reached his hand around the corner. Just his hand, he was following the rules. “Touch me. Let me feel you my soon to be wife.”
I reached out my fingertips and drew them down his palm before wrapping them gently around his hand. He teased his fingertips over my wrist and then squeezed my hand harder for a moment. A hand hug. It felt as if he were hugging my entire body and a shiver exploded from within me. It felt like we’d been apart forever even though it had been less than a day.
“I miss you,” he whispered.
“I miss you too.”
“I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
“I can’t either,” I said giving him the same hand hug he’d given me.
“God I love you,” he gasped.
“I love you so much,” I replied just as I heard our baby girl beginning to gurgle from her crib. I smiled as my heart filled with love for them both. I inhaled deeply and enjoyed the feel of it all and then said what I knew to be true. “I have to go.”
“I know,” he said wrapping his fingers tighter around my hand. “I’ll see you at the altar in in hour.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said as I raised his hand and brushed my lips against his palm. “You’re worth every second of the wait,” I added as I slowly released his hand and turned to walk away.
I heard him turn on his heel to go back to our baby girl. He was so lucky to get to spend this time with her. I was forced to spend time with all the women in our families as they fussed and primped over me. Every strand of hair that fell out of place there were a half dozen women ready to hairspray and pin it back into place. Hell, I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without assistance. Someone had to hold up my dress while I squatted on the toilet. All I wanted was to be left alone with Shane, to enjoy this day together with our daughter. To be wholly and completely ourselves. Everyone knows that’s not how weddings go though.
My pulse raced and every few minutes I could feel my anxiety rising, not because of the wedding, or marrying Shane, it was everything else. The flurry and fluster of those around me. The feeling of needing to put on this show for everyone else that would be out there sitting in the chairs as I walked down the aisle. All I wanted was this meaningful and tender exchange between the two of us, and everyone else felt like a distraction and a disturbance. This was for us and us alone, but there they all were, per tradition.
When we first began to talk about our marriage and the wedding in particular, I had begged Shane to let us have a tiny private event. Just us and a few close friends, Laurissa of course, and his best friend Andrew. He had looked at me then and shook his head and he placed his forehead in his palm. “My family would never forgive me,” he said as he turned his cheek sideways and grinned at me. “I know you haven’t met them yet but there’s a lot of them and if I didn’t invite them to my wedding, many of them would never speak to me again.”
The common dilemma between what we wanted as a couple and what felt appropriate for the family. I looked deep into his eyes and I pondered what I wanted, and what he wanted – what he felt he had to do for his family, and I caved. I could never be the woman that would come between him and his relatives. “Ok,” I said, “…but none of them get to have any say, at all, about which dress I choose. That is my choice and mine alone.”
“Deal,” he said with a devastating grin that encapsulated his entire face. He leaned forward and placed his hands on each of my cheeks and then kissed me hard. Pulling only far enough away to still brush my lips with his, he whispered, “Thank you.”
In those two words all of my apprehension melted away and I knew I had done the right thing. It’s only one day of our life together and if he needs his family there too, then so be it. It wasn’t even like he was asking for anything unusual. I could give him this little thing.
Of course, when it did come to my wedding dress everyone begged to come alone and every single one of them had an opinion. It was hard to decipher my own feelings about the dresses from theirs and I fretted and bit my nails numerous times as I tried to drown out their shouted opinions. In the end I went with the dress they all hated but I loved. It felt like me, it was perfect, and the only person that agreed was Laurissa which was perfectly fine since she was the only one there that knew the true me anyway. She had winked and had given me a sly thumbs up when I turned towards her with a smile. Everyone else had shouted their distaste but between the two of us, we knew it was the one. Plus, I knew that Shane would love it just as much as I did.
The dress was a perfect blend of what I would term “country chic”. Not so country that it became tacky or overdone, but just enough to fit in with the backdrop of the ranch and our lifestyle. It was white, of course, with a few layers of ruffles and embroidered flower details across the bodice. It didn’t look anything like a cupcake, or a princess, and I adored that. I didn’t want to look like some sweet cake that you’d take a single bite of and then be done with. I wanted to be a delight, one to be savored, hopefully forever. I thought the dress would be perfect with a rugged pair of cowboy boots and I knew the sight of them as I walked down the aisle would bring a smile to his face. Who cares what any of these other ladies think? I thought to myself as I grinned at my reflection in the mirror. Yes, this was the dress.
Now the day was here and I was being overrun by the same ladies that had opposed my dress. I tolerated them biding my time. I would close my eyes and breath and try to calm my nerves as they swarmed around me like Africanized bees, each one waiting to get their stinger in me and tell me yet another way I wasn’t quite perfect yet. I ignored them and imagined my happy place. The place that was still just he and I, the comfort of his arms around me as I snuggled against his side in bed, his fingers lazily drawing circles down my back. Ah, true happiness.
I wasn’t nervous at all about marrying him, it was just the pressure of being in front of everyone else and hoping I didn’t trip as I walked the aisle. Sharing the moment with all of these strangers was hard for me but I knew in the end the payoff would be worth the nerves.
Finally, the time had come and the women grew silent as the wedding assistant burst into the room to tell us that we all needed to take our places. One of them grabbed the ends of my dress so that it didn’t drag the ground as we took the quick walk down the stairs and out to the front pasture where the wedding had been prepared. The seats were all adorned with white peonies and tulle, while the trellis under which we would stand had the white peonies mixed with a pastel pink rose. It was breathtaking
ly beautiful. I wanted to see more but I was told to stay out of sight so the seated guests and the groom wouldn’t see me too early.
I stood there, hiding behind the veil of the white muslin divider that had been placed specifically for the occasion. I wanted to peek around the edges like I had earlier in the hallway. I wanted to slide to the edge and glance around to see my handsome man standing at the alter waiting and ready for me. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew with so many people around that someone would spy me and I’d be caught. So this time, this once, I was good. I held my bouquet clutched tightly in my hands and I smiled the largest grin my face could manage.
It felt as if time had begun to slow, the bridesmaids, a mix of the women in his family, all marched down the aisle one by one. The flower girls had already done their part and each step of the maids was over a soft bed of pink rose petals. I tried to listen to the music but it hardly penetrated my thoughts as I tried to concentrate on keeping my nerves in check and kept repeating to myself to enjoy and to never forget these last few moments.
Anyone that has ever been in this same circumstance probably knows exactly what I mean. That tense mix of nerves and excitement. It all feels like slow motion and then a blur and it all goes in the blink of an eye and we all want to hold onto it for just a little longer. We all want to be able to look back on the memory later and remember what each instant felt like, but it passes before we can hold onto it all and more often than not our memory becomes based on tiny snippets more like a gif than a movie. I wanted to remember as much as I could.
I wanted to remember these feelings forever.
The music continued to play. We went for the traditional waltz and as I listened my heart continued to swell.
“You ready sweetheart?” a familiar voice called from my side. I turned to find my dad holding out his arm for me. I slid my wrist through the opening by his elbow and leaned into his side smiling.
