by Lisa Yee
“What do you mean?” Wonder Woman asked, modeling her outfit, walking feet first, hands on her hips, a scowl on her face, as she’d seen on the hit Internet reality show Successful Super Supermodels.
Katana shook her head. Wonder Woman was wearing an oversized pink collar that framed her entire face—emphasizing the gigantic headpiece that replaced her usual tasteful gold tiara. It held a huge W on top that was so big, it threatened to wobble off. She also wore a thick, garish belt, fancy thigh-high high-heeled boots with platform soles, and long gloves that went all the way up her arms. And her voluminous magenta cape somehow made Wonder Woman look small.
“It’s…it’s…”
“Yes?” Wonder Woman said, ready to smile.
“It’s awful,” Katana blurted.
Wonder Woman’s face collapsed. “Well, Star Sapphire likes it, and she’s very stylish,” she sputtered.
“I’m no slouch in the fashion department, either,” Katana said defensively. “But I think Star Sapphire’s been setting you up for an epic fail.”
“No…no,” Wonder Woman said. “Why would she do that? We’re partners. We help each other.”
Just then, the school began to vibrate as a loud horn blasted. “Save the day! Save the day! Save the day!” was bellowed over the loud speakers. All the students and teachers immediately streamed into the hallways and out to the courtyard.
“It’s happening!” Wonder Woman shouted with delight. “Save the Day!”
“Save the Day alarm!” Bumblebee announced as Supers streamed down the hallway, running, flying, sliding, rolling. “Come on!” she said, flying and swooping in and out of the throng of students.
As the girls rushed out of building, Wonder Woman forgot she was wearing her new super hero costume. Her cape got caught in the door when it slammed, but she kept going until—SNAP! The cape stretched to its limit before catapulting Wonder Woman in the opposite direction. Supers ducked as Wonder Woman flew back to the doorway.
She hit the heavy metal door with a thud, but not before she had mowed down dozens of students in her wake. “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” Wonder Woman yelled as each one fell.
There was still time to save the day!
As she ran, the immense, stylized W on her headgear slid down over her eyes, blocking her vision. Still, Wonder Woman kept going, until she finally tore off the offending helmet and flung it to the side. “Sorry,” she cried as Green Lantern dodged the discarded accessory. “I’m off to save the day!”
From where she was standing atop the Lady Justice statue, Wonder Woman could see someone dangling from the very pinnacle of the school—trapped near the school’s iconic Amethyst. Dozens of Supers were already rising into the sky, their capes flowing in the breeze like the proud flags of many nations. Wonder Woman spotted Hawkgirl leading the charge. She would need all her speed to overtake the swarm of heroes if she was going to save the day. Wonder Woman ran toward the tower, but the grass was wet, and her high-heeled boots sank into the ground with every stride, weighing her down even more.
Up! Up! Wonder Woman realized she could go up only if she shed her clumsy boots and flew. As she looked down at the super heroes still running around, she kicked off her platform boots and was horrified when one of them knocked Poison Ivy to the ground. She was about to turn around to help her friend, but then she realized it was Mr. Fox who was hanging from the gemstone.
“Oh! Oh!” he shouted weakly. “I’m hoping some super hero will come rescue me!” He bit into a baloney sandwich and chewed. “Oh! Oh! Someone save me! Oh!”
“I’m coming,” Wonder Woman called. “I’ll save you, Mr. F!”
Fox continued crying as if reciting a memorized script. “Help!” He paused to mutter, “This is getting bor-ing! Anyone have some mustard? Oh, help.”
Wonder Woman reached for her lasso, but it was not there. All she had was the heavy belt around her waist. At last Wonder Woman untied Mr. Fox, who was almost done with his sandwich. “Disaster. This is a disaster,” he said. “It’s about time someone saved me.”
“Hold on to my belt,” Wonder Woman said as she flew her teacher down to safety.
She had saved the day!
“That was AWFUL,” The Wall bellowed. “Just awful!”
The auditorium was silent.
Wonder Woman raised her hand. “But I saved Mr. Fox,” she told the principal. Perhaps The Wall was unaware of that?
All the teachers were sitting onstage, and none looked happy, especially Lucius Fox.
“By my estimations,” Wildcat said, “Fox would have been done for by the time you actually got there.”
“Yes,” Liberty Belle added. “And regretfully, Wonder Woman, in the process of rescuing Mr. Fox, you injured several students.”
Wonder Woman hung her head.
“I expect all of you to perform better during the next Save the Day drill,” The Wall said sharply. “If you can’t do well on an exercise, how can you expect to save the world? How would you even perform an ordinary rescue, such as an avalanche or a mutant attack?” Without waiting for an answer, she added, “Everyone, back to your classrooms, NOW. You have much to learn.”
The mood back in Crazy Quilt’s class was somber. As Crazy Quilt looked at Wonder Woman’s outfit, he shook his head. “This is what you’ve been working on?” he asked.
“I had a crown and a cape and platform-stiletto boots, and…,” she began.
“And how did those work for you?”
“They didn’t,” Wonder Woman admitted, hanging her head. “They didn’t work at all.”
“As much as I love fashion,” Crazy Quilt said, “function is just as important. Your costume is a reflection of you and must aid you in every way possible. It’s not enough to look good—you must perform well. Watch.”
The class went slack-jawed as their crazy teacher began to spin around, his ascot creating an orbit of power around him. Then he took off each shoe and tossed them at the window, breaking the glass and sending them out into space.
“Wait for it….Wait for it….” Crazy Quilt held his hands in the air as the shoes returned and he snatched each one. “They have circled the earth,” he said. “And had I needed them to, they could have homed in on any enemy while my circle of power kept me safe. And that, class, is what Crazy Quilt calls fashion and function. Learn it.”
That night at dinner, Wonder Woman was not her usual happy self.
“Wowza,” Harley said as Wonder Woman pushed her meat loaf log and mashed potatoes around her plate. “So sorry about your costume fiasco. Although it did get high HQTV ratings. Maybe you could go back to your Amazon warrior princess clothes. You know, the outfit you came to school wearing. You could at least pass the class with that.”
Passing the class was not enough, Wonder Woman knew. Her mother was expecting her to ace all her subjects, and Principal Waller was, too. Wonder Woman looked down on her tray. Another note had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. It read: Crash and burn! You couldn’t save the day and you can’t save yourself. Leave now before it’s too late.
Wonder Woman crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the trash, then thought better of it. Lois Lane would want to see it, although it wasn’t all that different from the other notes, emails, and comments on the HQTV website that had been showing up more and more often. Wonder Woman knew not to tell her mother about them. That would get her pulled out of school for sure.
“I’ve got it all on video, and it’s ready to post!” Harley crowed as Wonder Woman dragged herself into her room flopped onto the bed.
“Please, Harley,” she said. “Would you mind forgetting about this one? I look so foolish.”
“That’s the point,” Harley said gleefully. “We all do! But that’s why people tune in. To see super hero disasters.”
Is that what I am? Wonder Woman wondered. A super hero disaster?
Wander Woman sat still. She couldn’t believe she had been at Super Hero High for four weeks already. Yet here she was at another m
onthly assembly. Even though she knew she had no chance, she held her breath. It would be such an honor. Maybe someday…
Principal Waller stood tall as she looked out over the auditorium of student heroes. She stepped up to the edge of the stage and announced, “This month’s Student Hero of the Month is…Hawkgirl!”
Wonder Woman leapt from her seat with such a burst of excitement that she hit her head on the ceiling. She fixed her hair and cheered her friend on as Harley caught Hawkgirl’s surprised expression on camera and Lois Lane took notes. The lights dimmed and a video rolled, showing Hawkgirl flying over Mount Rushmore during her summer vacation. Then Hawkgirl removed the boulders some CAD Academy Supers had put in Theodore Roosevelt’s nose.
In another clip, a jewelry store heist was in progress. A voice-over explained that using her stellar detective skills, Hawkgirl had been able to ascertain the time and place of the upcoming crime. Security cams caught Hawkgirl flying to the scene, stopping only for a red light, before using her mace to apprehend the culprits. As she turned them over to Police Commissioner Gordon and his officers, Wonder Woman caught a glimpse of his daughter, Barbara Gordon, in the background. At the end of the video, an old woman appeared on the screen.
“¡Hola! Hello, can you hear me?” she said. “Is anyone out there?”
She looks familiar, Wonder Woman thought.
“Soy la abuela de Chica Halcón,” the woman said loudly. “I am Hawkgirl’s grandmother, her abuela.”
Of course! Wonder Woman realized. They had the same nose and no-fuss look about them, softened by their warm brown eyes.
“Hawkgirl, I am so proud of you,” Mrs. Muñoz said, her voice breaking. “Your parents would be, too. They had the same sense of justice that you have. To know that their daughter grew up strong and brave, and was awarded this honor…well, they would be proud. I love you. Te amo.”
Hawkgirl wiped a tear from her eye. So did half the students watching, including Wonder Woman. She hoped that someday she could make her mother that proud.
As The Wall congratulated Hawkgirl, Lois Lane casually walked over to Wonder Woman. “I may have some information for you,” she whispered while pretending to be taking notes on what Waller was saying. “Meet me at the Capes and Cowls Cafe after school.”
Wonder Woman always enjoyed going off-campus. There were so many fascinating sights and sounds—like the long line of people waiting outside Bodacious Bob’s Beds ’n’ Bathtubs for something called a “half-off sale,” though Wonder Woman couldn’t figure out why anyone would want just half a bathtub.
In Metropolis’s Centennial Park, a group of kids were throwing plastic plates back and forth. This seemed to make them happy. As she continued strolling, Wonder Woman saw a little boy sobbing.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, rushing over to him.
The boy pointed up. “Save Rainbow!” he begged.
In the tree was a frightened calico kitten. “Of course! What’s your name?” Wonder Woman asked as she flew up and gathered the kitty her arms.
“Skipper!” the boy shouted.
“Well, Skipper, here’s Rainbow,” Wonder Woman said, handing him the cat.
“Thanks, Wonder Woman!” Skipper cried. “I’m never letting go of her!”
With the two friends reunited, Wonder Woman continued toward Main Street, stopping to lift a car for a woman who was changing a tire.
Steve Trevor looked up from Capes & Cowls Cafe’s patio, where he was folding napkins. “Hi, Wondy!” he called. “Please take a seat anywhere.”
“Oh, okay,” Wonder Woman said, picking up a chair and following him inside. She brought it to the counter near him.
“What I meant was…,” Steve began. But when she sat next to him, he blushed. “Oh, never mind. That’s what I meant.”
They grinned at each other.
“I’m meeting Lois Lane,” Wonder Woman explained.
“Well, you might be more comfortable over there,” Steve said, pointing to an empty booth by the window. “Sometimes it gets crowded after school, so maybe you should snag that one before someone else does.”
“Got it!” Wonder Woman said. As she got up, Wonder Woman remembered the kids from the park and how much fun they were having. So she picked up a plate from the counter and threw it at Steve.
The plate hit him on the side of his head, catching him by surprise. “Uh…thanks?” he said.
“My pleasure!” Wonder Woman said, smiling brightly.
While Steve went to get ice for his head, Wonder Woman looked out the window. Several passersby waved.
“Does anyone work here?” a teen from another table shouted.
“Be right with you,” Steve said. There was an angry welt on his forehead where the plate had hit him. Yet he smiled at Wonder Woman before heading over to a table of three boys wearing CAD Academy letterman’s jackets. Their names were embroidered on their backs: Ratcatcher, Captain Cold, and Heat Wave.
Captain Cold was clearly the leader of the group, and the glint in his ice-blue eyes exuded confidence. Something about him looked familiar. Heat Wave acted like he was a big deal, and Ratcatcher, though smaller than the other two, was undeniably sinister.
“I’m so sorry to be late!” Lois exclaimed, rushing over to Wonder Woman. “There are unconfirmed reports that a rocket ship has landed on Earth near a town called Smallville!”
The news shocked Wonder Woman. Suddenly, her problems didn’t seem so big.
“I need to go back and file a story about the mystery ship,” Lois said. “But first let’s talk about you.”
“Are you sure?” Wonder Woman asked. “It’s no big deal.”
“Any time someone is threatened, it’s a big deal,” Lois said. She took a sip of the smoothie Steve had brought her. “From the way the threats keep arriving just before or after something big happens at your school, I think it’s an inside job.”
Wonder Woman pondered this. “I think it might be Mandy Bowin,” she said.
“It still could be,” Lois said. “But maybe she’s getting help from someone at Super Hero High. Look at this.”
She pushed a familiar piece of paper across the table. It was one of the threatening notes that Wonder Woman had received and sent to Lois. Wonder Woman didn’t notice anything odd about the note. It read: You’re getting on my nerves. Go home to Mommy.
“The note,” Lois said. “There’s a piece of a logo on the corner. It’s from Super Hero High.”
Wonder Woman examined the paper.
“I think it might be helpful to have someone who can keep an eye out from inside Super Hero High,” Lois Lane said. “Do you know anyone who is able to spy for us?”
Wonder Woman thought long and hard. “I know just the person!” she said. “I’ll call her now.”
“I was in the area already,” Hawkgirl said.
Wonder Woman scooted over so she could sit down.
“Congrats on your award,” Lois told her. “You up for an interview later?”
“Okay,” Hawkgirl said. “Is that why Wondy asked me to meet you here?”
Lois and Wonder Woman glanced at each other, then filled Hawkgirl in on the whole story. Just as they were finishing, Captain Cold stood up, pounded his chest, and yelled, “CAD Academy rules! Super Hero High drools!”
“Is that the best you can come up with?” Hawkgirl said, rolling her eyes.
Ratcatcher and Heat Wave laughed as they pulled him back down into his chair.
Wonder Woman blinked at the boys. “Why would they say that?” she asked.
Lois Lane sighed. “Super Hero High is an institution. Many of the most famous super heroes have gone there. CAD Academy is an upstart school. Even though it’s only twenty-five years old, it boasts an incredible faculty. Incredible because many of the teachers are reformed super-villains—or at least, they claim to be reformed. Super Hero High has its share of the same, but somehow Amanda Waller’s vetting system seems more…um…reliable. Even though CAD Academy advertises t
hat it’s for the ‘superior super hero,’ it’s rumored to be a launch pad for bad guys. The real name is Carmine Anderson Dayschool, but most people think CAD stands for Criminals and Delinquents.”
Wonder Woman looked sideways at the CAD Academy boys, who were now tossing napkins in the air. As they floated down, Captain Cold froze them with his freeze gun; then Heat Wave blasted them with fire from his flamethrower, and Ratcatcher let out a high-pitched laugh.
“Super Hero High does not consider CAD Academy to be a rival,” Lois continued, “but CAD Academy considers Super Hero High theirs.”
Steve Trevor was headed toward the CAD Academy table, balancing a full tray of veggie burgers and smoothies. Right before he got there, Wonder Woman saw Ratcatcher take a handful of rat traps out of his pocket and toss them onto the floor.
When Steve set off the traps and started to fall, Wonder Woman flew across the room to catch him, but not before the tray flew up in the air. Before the food and drinks could splatter all over the floor, Hawkgirl was at her side. In a nanosecond, Wonder Woman set Steve down at another table. She and Hawkgirl caught the veggie burgers and two of the smoothies, and the third smoothie landed on Heat Wave.
“I didn’t order this,” he groused as the pink liquid ran down his face.
“Thanks, little lady,” Captain Cold said as he bit into a veggie burger. Wonder Woman glared at him. She wasn’t a little lady. In fact, she was bigger and stronger than he was.
“Say, are you two the new waitresses?” Ratcatcher asked as Hawkgirl shoved a handful of rat traps at him. “Because our man Stevie here could sure use some help.”
Steve was about to say something, but Lois cut in. “Enjoy your meals boys,” she said, leading Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl back to their booth.
“You don’t want to mess with those guys,” Lois whispered. “They’re bad news. Rumor is that some of them are so super rich that whenever they get in trouble at school—which is all the time—their families just bail them out by buying a new building, usually with stolen money.”
