Sympathy Pains

by Sharon Sala

  “Don’t,” she said, then started to shake. It was shock. She knew it because the same thing had happened the day she’d realized she was pregnant. The shock would pass, unlike the baby who was real and growing within her belly.

  Then she turned sideways, piercing him with a look that made him want to bawl along with her.

  “Why?” she asked. “Why are you willing to marry a woman you don’t know and quite obviously don’t give a damn about?”

  He flinched under her accusations, although there was a part of him that had already admitted what she said wasn’t true. He did care about her, but he’d waited too long to prove it. Now, no matter what he said, she was going to take it as nothing but charity. He didn’t know what else to say but the truth.

  “It’s true we don’t know each other well,” he said. “But people have certainly married with less reason than we have. There are two things I do know that aren’t refutable. You are carrying my child and you’re not going to raise it alone.”

  In that moment, the wall of fear behind which Marilee had been living began to crack. He’d just given her a way to cope with her worst anxiety—that of raising the baby alone, of not being financially able to provide a decent home. But to make that happen, she had to set aside the only thing she had left that she could call her own. Her pride.

  Justin was starting to get nervous. The look on her face told him nothing, and she’d been silent so long. Just when he thought he was in for the fight of his life, she took a deep breath. He found himself holding his own, awaiting her verdict.

  “If at all possible, I believe it is in a child’s best interest to be raised by two loving parents,” she said, but when he started to speak, she held up her hand. “I’m not through.”

  Staying silent was difficult. He was torn between the urge to laugh and the urge to cry. Instead he waited, giving her all the time she needed to have her say.

  “Justin, when I say, ‘by two loving parents,’ I’m not assuming that you will ever love me, but I expect—no, I demand—that our child never hear a word of disrespect from you regarding me or my background. Also, I don’t know your family situation, but if I become your wife, I will not stand for being judged lacking by anyone—not you, not your father or mother or anyone else. I will not be looked upon as less just because of the circumstances of our marriage. Do you hear me?”

  In that moment, a strange feeling that Justin would later recognize as pride began to fill him. Damn his hide, but this woman might just prove to be his match after all.

  He nodded. “Yes, ma’am, and I totally agree. I pledge to you now—and I never go back on my word—that on the day you are my wife, you will have the honor of my name and the safety of my protection in every way.”

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked.

  “Uh, no.”

  “You’d better not be lying to me,” she warned. “I will not tolerate being lied to or cheated on. We may not have a marriage made in heaven, but I better have more than face value out of you or I will be gone.”

  He paled. “There’s no one like that.”

  “Then yes, I will marry you.”

  Limp with what felt like relief, he started to hug her, but once again she moved away.

  “That’s not happening again—unless you mean it. I don’t want sex just for the act or out of duty.”

  Taken aback, Justin frowned. “What’s so different now from what we had before? You weren’t exactly offended by my hugs and kisses then.”

  Marilee lifted her chin, her eyes blazing through tears.

  “But that’s just it, Justin. Before, I mistakenly believed that you had feelings for me, similar to those I had for you.”

  Then she stood, and he could only follow, afraid that she was going to bolt once again. Instead she pointed a finger at his chest, nailing him with a truth he had to accept.

  “I’ve never—not in my whole life—had sex. I have, on a few rare occasions, made love to someone for whom I cared a great deal. Unfortunately this time I made an error in judgment. Trust me, it won’t happen again.”

  She turned away, and as she did, he panicked. Even though she said she would marry him, he felt as if they were on different sides of the world.

  “Where are you going?” he asked.

  She paused, then turned, fixing him with a cool, studied stare.

  “I have a headache and my feet are swollen. I’m going to take something for the headache and then lie down for a while. I’ve had all the fun I can stand for one day.”

  “Wait,” he begged.

  “What?”

  “The baby?”

  “What about it?”

  “Have you had one of those...uh... Do you know what it is? I mean, girl or boy?”

  “Does it matter?” she asked.

  “No.”

  She relented, but just enough for decency’s sake. “Yes, I had an ultrasound and they’re not sure of the sex.”

  “Oh. Okay, I just thought I’d ask.”

  “But their best guess was a boy.”

  She walked away; a too-slender girl with a burgeoning belly, who was going to be his wife. He sat down with a thump and then took a deep breath.

  A son. What if it was a boy? He had sudden visions of teaching him to ride and showing him how to catch lizards and fly kites.

  God in heaven. He’d left Dallas this morning with vague plans of nothing more serious than saying hello, only to find himself at nightfall, pledged to marry the woman who was carrying his child. And in the midst of all his confusion he felt shame. Shame because a part of him had known from the start that she liked him. Shame that he’d taken advantage of her in spite of her kindness on the night of that storm. Shame that she’d cared for him more than he’d cared for her.

  He sighed in frustration as he combed his hands through his hair. Well, if it was any consolation, he was suffering for it now. He didn’t want this awful bridge of antagonism between them. He wanted that joy back on her face—to see laughter in her eyes. He didn’t know how, but he was going to make that happen, no matter how long it took. Then he realized that his parents weren’t going to take this news lightly. They’d been at him for years to settle down, but not like this.

  And just as suddenly as he thought it, he realized he didn’t give a damn. Marilee was where his allegiance would lie. If they didn’t like it, they could take themselves back to Austin, where their home was. He was thirty-two years old. The only approval he wanted or needed was from a woman who could no longer bear the sight of his face.

  * * *

  Marilee dug a stack of folded underwear from her dresser drawer and carried it to the suitcase on the bed, stuffing it between clean T-shirts and some athletic socks.

  “I set your bags by the front door,” Justin said as he entered the bedroom. “I’ll load them in the morning.”

  Marilee turned, looking at the man who’d just come into the room. As of eleven o’clock this morning, she’d become his wife, and it had yet to sink in. She kept expecting him to tell her he’d see her around and disappear out the door.

  “All right,” she said, and went back to get the rest of her things from the drawer.

  “We can send for the rest of your things,” Justin said, although in truth, he didn’t know what they would do with the furniture.

  “I’m taking everything that matters,” Marilee said. “Dellie is going to move into my house. We’ve already settled it with the landlord so I’m leaving her the furniture. She’s been living with her mother ever since her divorce and is excited about the move.” I wish I could say the same.

  “That’s really generous of you,” Justin said.

  Marilee stopped packing long enough to look up.

  “Not really,” she said. “Just practical. I don’t need it. She does.” Then she added. “Besides, something tells me that my lifestyle and yours are poles apart. I doubt my yard-sale furniture would blend any better with your stuff than I will.”

  It wasn�
�t the first time she’d insinuated that she wasn’t good enough for him, and it was beginning to tick him off.

  “That’s the last time I ever want to hear you put yourself down. Do you hear me?”

  Marilee looked startled. His anger was real and surprising—and in an odd sort of way, quite touching. She sighed then nodded.

  “Yes, but I can’t help but wonder if you’re going to be this supportive when the fur starts to fly.”

  His eyes narrowed and his lips thinned. He wanted to shake her.

  “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?” he snapped, and left her alone in the room.

  “I think that went well,” she mumbled, and tossed her hair dryer in on top of the lingerie. “I wonder if this qualifies as our first fight?”

  The rest of the day passed in virtual silence. It wasn’t until Marilee was getting ready for bed that Justin realized she was running on nothing but nerves.

  * * *

  Marilee came out of the bathroom dressed in her nightgown to find Justin digging through his suitcase. Startled, she started to reach for her robe then realized she’d already packed it. Well aware that her gown was old and thin and revealed far more of her body than she would have liked, she resisted the urge to turn and run. Damn him. Even if she didn’t trust him—even if he didn’t matter to her anymore except as a father for her child—she didn’t want him to see her like this.

  But Justin’s opinion of Marilee’s body was the complete opposite of what she would have expected. Although he knew her belly was round, actually seeing the faint, but unmistakable, outline beneath her gown was so personal—and so touching. He knew he was staring, but he couldn’t stop. His child—no, their child—was in there. And then he looked at her face and knew she was remembering them in each other’s arms, making love—and making a baby.

  “My body—it’s not exactly what you remembered, is it?” Marilee said, using sarcasm to mask her embarrassment.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, and then shocked that he’d said that aloud, spun around and resumed searching through his luggage, although he’d forgotten what he’d been looking for.

  Marilee was stunned, then secretly pleased. She didn’t believe him, but it felt good to hear it just the same.

  “I’m through in the bathroom,” she said. “It’s all yours.”

  Justin straightened and turned, watching her again as she sat down on the side of the bed then leaned back against the pillows. Seconds later she shifted position then shifted again, visibly wincing.

  Her grimace startled him as he moved to her side.

  “What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Can I get you anything?”

  She smiled before she thought, and as she did, Justin knew that at that moment he would have given everything he owned to know that her smile was sincere.

  “I’m fine,” she said. “It’s just hard to get comfortable when the baby is kicking.”

  Justin’s face lost all expression as he stared down at her belly, and then Marilee saw something in his eyes that gave her a small ray of hope.

  “Here,” she said, and took hold of his hand, pulling him down on the bed beside her. “Feel.”

  His hand splayed across the swell of her belly and he caught himself holding his breath—waiting for that first moment of contact. And when it came, he gasped and then jerked, stunned by the strength of the kick.

  “Does that hurt?” he asked.

  She smiled. “No.”

  “My God,” he whispered, and then centered his hand there again, holding his breath for the second moment of contact. When it came, he bowed his head and closed his eyes, too moved to speak.

  Life.

  They’d made a whole new person.

  Impulsively he laid his cheek on the place where his hand had been, wanting to see if there was any remarkable sound that accompanied such a gift.

  Marilee’s heart twisted with regret as she felt the weight of his face upon her stomach. If only the circumstances of this union had been different. If only they’d made this baby on purpose and not by accident. Even though her heart was heavy, she couldn’t deny the tenderness she felt for this man. It wasn’t going to be easy to keep him at arm’s length if he persisted in being involved. And the longer he lay there, the more tempted she was to touch him, as well. Finally she could stand it no longer and laid her hand on the crown of his head.

  It wasn’t until the air conditioner kicked on that Justin finally moved, and when he lifted his head, she saw tears in his eyes. It was a telling moment for Marilee because she knew then that no matter what else happened, he wanted the baby as much as she did.

  Justin couldn’t speak. He wanted to hug her, to hold her, to tell her how humbled he felt by her decision not to do away with this child. He got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he thought about how close he’d come to never knowing this baby existed. But she’d set down the rules of their relationship and he could only abide by them.

  He started to get up when Marilee touched his hand.

  “What?” he asked.

  “After your shower, you may as well sleep here with me.”

  Hope soared. “You mean—”

  “All I’m saying is...we’re married. You need a place to sleep. We will share the bed.”

  “What about the no-touch rules?” Justin asked.

  “I wasn’t offering sex, just a place to sleep.”

  Justin grinned. It was the first break in her hard-line approach. It wasn’t much, but he would take what he could get.

  “It won’t take me long to shower,” he said.

  “Take your time. I’ll probably be asleep when you come out anyway.”

  It had to be the fastest shower he’d ever taken, and she wasn’t asleep after all.

  “I’m going to make sure everything is locked up,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

  Marilee listened to the sound of his footsteps as he went through the rooms, checking doors and windows, making sure they were locked in safely for the night, and as she did, it hit her that she was really no longer alone. She would never go to bed afraid again, or wake up lonely. And he’d assured her that her money worries were a thing of the past. She hugged the knowledge to herself and closed her eyes, trying to sleep.

  But Justin was back too soon, and when he sat on the side of the bed and then turned out the light, she caught herself holding her breath. The mattress gave as he stretched out beside her, and when he pulled the covers over himself, she realized he was tucking her back in, as well. Again, the simple act of tenderness was unnerving. How was she going to guard her heart against a man like this?

  Justin felt her nervousness as if it were a living, breathing thing and it made him even more regretful. Impulsively he rolled over on his side and put his arm across her body then gave her a gentle tug.

  “What are you doing?” Marilee hissed.

  “Relax, darlin’. I just don’t want you to roll off the bed.”

  When he spooned himself against the curve of her backside and then began to breathe easy, she willed herself not to cry. It wasn’t the way she’d dreamed her wedding night would be.

  A minute passed and then another and another. Marilee had almost convinced herself that nothing mattered except getting some rest, when a horrible thought occurred. Without thinking she blurted out a question.

  “Justin?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “In the morning...”

  “Yes?”

  “Will you be here when I wake up?”

  It was the fear in her voice that was his undoing. He buried his face against the nape of her neck and pulled her close against his body, his hand cradling the swell of her belly.

  “Yes, darlin’, I’ll be here. You’re my wife, remember? You’re never going to wake up alone again.”

  She didn’t answer because words were beyond her. Long after he’d drifted off to sleep, she was still awake, holding on to him and his promise for dear life.
>
  By noon the next day, they were on their way to Lubbock. Marilee rode with her chin up and her hands curled into fists, braced for the troubles that still lay ahead.

  CHAPTER 4

  All the way to the ranch, Marilee kept thinking that this was just a dream and that any minute she would wake up back in her little house in Amarillo, late for work. But the farther they drove, the more real it became. Twice Justin stopped so she could use the bathroom and stretch her legs, and she hadn’t even had to ask. His thoughtfulness and understanding was unexpected. As they entered the outskirts of Lubbock, the traffic became more congested. She saw him glance nervously at her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Just checking to make sure you’re buckled up.”

  “Oh.”

  Another long stretch of silence came and went as they passed through the city on their way to the ranch. Finally Marilee could stand it no more.

  “Justin.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not looking forward to this.”

  He sighed. “I know.”

  “You should have called your parents. I don’t think it’s fair to just show up with me in tow.”

  He shook his head. “I know them better than you do. Trust me, okay? Besides, calling them just seems to be a coward’s way out. I’d rather tell them face-to-face.”

  Her shoulders slumped and she tried not to sigh. Her whole childhood had existed within her parents’ battle zone of a marriage. She hated confrontations more than anything else.

  Justin frowned. He wished there was an easier way to do this, but at this late date in her pregnancy, it was impossible. As he glanced at Marilee again, a wave of protectiveness washed over him. The last thing he wanted was for her to be hurt.

  “Marilee?”

  “Yes?”

  “Stop worrying so much. I’m well past grown and my parents don’t run my life. I do not answer to either of them anymore. I inherited the ranch from my grandfather and the place is all mine. The fact that they are living with me is partially due to the fact that it gives my mother pleasure to let her friends think she and Dad have two homes and, selfishly, it gives me more time to tend to the ranch if I’m not dealing with the house, as well. But there’s something you need to know. If you let her, my mother will run over you, especially when I’m not around. You’re going to have to stick up for yourself or she’ll make your life miserable.”