Until Sydney: A Tanner Cycle Novel

by Marissa Dobson

  “Where are we?”

  “A little more than an hour outside of Indiana. Hell if I know the town’s name but I’m sure there’s something in the room to enlighten us if you’re keen on knowing.” Scanning the area, he walked toward the door and slid the old-fashioned key into the lock before holding it open for her. “Inside.”

  “I thought Jay was the one who got ordered around by guards, not me. When did I become the prisoner?”

  “I presume the same time I kidnapped you.” A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

  She was tempted to fight him but reasoning overcame that urge. He didn’t deserve for her to act like that. He’d come to her rescue hours after Jay was taken into custody, whisking her away to safety and risking his own welfare in the process. She didn’t want to see him get tied up in this because of her. How could Jay drag him into this after everything that had happened?

  Side of the road motels tended to be disgusting but when she stepped into the room she was surprised that it was cleaner than she’d expected. Two full beds with a bedside table between them and a dresser with a television on it—other than that, the room was bare of any decorations. No wall art or welcome pamphlets with local attractions. None of that mattered to her as she plopped down onto the bed and focused on him. “Why did you come?”

  “Now, Syd, you know that answer.” He set their bags on top of the dresser and turned toward her.

  “No, Coal, I don’t.” Uneasy, she picked at the small hole forming just above the knee of her jeans. “After everything…”

  “After nothing. Nothing that happened before matters.” He squatted before her and took her hands into his. “You’re stressed and you need to rest. Things will look better in the morning.”

  “You said those same words to me before but things weren’t better in the morning. They were worse. Everything was worse.” She hated that the tears burned in her eyes again but as much as she tried to blink them away, they seemed to double in intensity. She wanted to go back to a time when things were simpler, a time when her mother was still alive and things were better. “How can you not hate us? Hate me?”

  “I could never hate you.” He cupped the side of her face with his hand, dragging his thumb gently under her eyes to wipe away the tears that had begun to fall. “Never, Syd. Never.”

  “You’re…” Her voice broke and she had to stop to take a deep breath. “You’re the only one who calls me Syd. I’ve missed it. I’ve missed you.” Every time she spotted him in a magazine or on television, a little piece of her died. One day he had been everything to her and the next day he was gone, leaving behind an empty hole in her chest. You took my heart with you when you left me.

  Chapter Three

  Exhaustion ate at Coal but sleep wouldn’t come. Too much weighed on his shoulders. Her words cut like knives into his heart. How can you not hate me? Did she think he’d left town because of her? That he blamed her for any of the shit they’d had to go through? Had Jay said something to make her think that? His reasons for leaving town had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact he had four younger brothers who looked up to him. They needed someone to step up and keep the family together, to keep them in school, and provide for them—his responsibility, so that’s what he did. Leaving Syd had been the hardest part. He’d wanted to toss her into his truck and take her with him, but he couldn’t. At the time, she’d been underage.

  His cell vibrated with another message from Cal. Tank’s on his way. The car will be swapped by daylight. He grinned at the phone. Ever reliable, Cay came through for him and would back him on this even if he wasn’t sure Coal was making the right decision. His brother had never understood the relationship he had with Syd; hell, how could he when Coal didn’t even understand it himself? Not wanting to analyze the relationship right then, he shot a reply. Thanks. We’ll get on the road when Tank arrives.

  The soft light from the television was enough for him to take in the image of Syd lying in the next bed. She hadn’t put up much of a fight when he told her they’d share this room, that he wasn’t letting her out of his sight, let alone in another room. Separated, they might not be as lucky as they had been back at her house. He didn’t believe anyone had followed them but he wasn’t willing to take the chance, and if he was honest, he wanted her close.

  What did that say about him? She was Jay’s little sister. He was supposed to protect her, not think about stripping her out of her clothes and making love to her. About kissing away the sadness in her eyes, and holding her tight against him until the fear stopped consuming her. She had transformed from a teenage girl to a woman in what seemed like a blink of an eye. She’d always had him wrapped around her finger, conning Jay into allowing her to hang out with them.

  The age difference should have kept them apart but somehow, they’d managed to overcome that. Maybe it was everything she’d gone through with her family, which made her more mature than some of the girls he knew. While they had always been close, in a friendship sort of way, that had been it. She had been a little sister to him. Now, she brought emotions to life within him he’d never experienced. She called to him in a way a woman called to a man. His dick had been hard for her since his gaze landed on her. The way she clung to him, as if he was all she ever needed, made him want to prove himself to her.

  Bro, I hope you know what you’re doing. He could have replied to Cay, reassuring him that he was well aware of what he was doing but the one thing he didn’t do was lie to his brothers. He’d shield them whenever possible but an outright lie was out of the question. They were all each other had and had stuck together when they were delivered the toughest blow they had ever overcome—the sudden death of their parents.

  Readjusting to get comfortable, he leaned back against the headboard only to have the rusted old metal frame creak under his weight. He let his gaze roam from the cell phone still in his hand to her. Concerned the noise had disturbed her after she had finally fallen into a restless sleep only an hour ago, he was pleasantly surprised to find her still in deep slumber.

  His thoughts drifted back to the last time she’d been asleep in his company. It seemed like so long ago, a lifetime ago. She was so young, so broken. As for him, he wasn’t sure what he was back then. He could barely keep things together, snapping at his brothers for the slightest infractions.

  His childhood bedroom was mostly bare, with everything packed in boxes, ready for the move. One of the only things that remained in the room was his bed. Anger and grief ate at him as he stalked toward it, ready to throw his leather jacket onto the mattress, when a fraction of a second before he let go, he realized it was occupied. There in the center of his bed Sydney curled into a tight ball, wearing his t-shirt. Her eyelids fluttered open as if she felt his presence, or maybe she’d heard him coming up the stairs.

  “What are you doing here? It’s late. You should be home.” He dropped his jacket at the foot of the bed.

  “Please don’t go,” she begged, tears running down her face, smearing her makeup. “Or take me with you.”

  His chest tightened and he dropped onto the bed next to her. She didn’t realize how many times he’d thought about that very thing, but it wasn’t possible. She was thirteen and he already had enough to take care of with his brothers. Yet, leaving her with her father seemed to be a fate worse than death. Kidnapping a minor would put everything he’d worked for out of reach. He’d lose custody of his own brothers and they were counting on him. He couldn’t save everyone, and unfortunately his brothers had to come first. It wasn’t a choice he’d made easily but this was the only way to save his family.

  Instead of explaining the situation to her, he held his arms out for her until she came to him, and he wrapped them around her, holding her tight against him. “I’m sorry, Syd.” One day, he hoped she’d understand. He hoped she’d make it through the hell that her family surrounded her with, and would come out stronger on the other side.

  Had she come out stron
ger on the other side? He wasn’t sure. She still seemed so young and innocent. How had she lived through years under her father and still be pure in heart? She knew what her family had done, what they were capable of, and what they were involved in. Yet, she’d stayed strong to the vow she’d made that night and had never followed them down that road of self-destruction. No doubt her commitment had been tested countless times but her will had been stronger than temptation.

  While he hadn’t made it back to his hometown often—more like he chose not to come back to town—he still kept in touch with her, mostly through occasional emails, but he called her cell phone at least once a year on her birthday.

  He dragged his hand through his hair, sending the long strands scattering backwards. She was finally of age. Eighteen as of a few weeks ago. During that call, he’d noticed something different in her voice, but she wouldn’t explain. He’d thought it was just the stress from work, but the sadness in her tone had nagged at him until he made the decision to go to her once he could take a break from the business commitments.

  Break from business commitments. It hadn’t been an excuse at first. At the time, he happened to be in the midst of a big business deal he couldn’t just walk away from. But the longer he put it off, the more excuses he found. Going back to face her and possibly finding she had indeed followed in Jay’s footsteps would have killed something within him. Distance hadn’t hidden from him that Jay was getting deeper involved with the life of crime he had chosen and it would have been only a matter of time before he was in too deep. Had that already happened or would he be able to save her from the mess her brother had left her neck deep in?

  “Your brows are knitted together in deep thought.” She propped up onto her elbow and watched him.

  “You’re supposed to be sleeping. Jay would be pissed if he thought I wasn’t taking care of you.”

  “Jay has enough of his own problems.” She pushed down the blanket and sat up. “You’re worried. Did Cay find something? Do you think someone followed us? Is that why you haven’t slept?” She threw the questions at him without giving him a chance to answer any of them.

  “Everything is fine.”

  “Don’t lie to me.” She shot off the bed and moved toward the bathroom before turning back to him. “I’m not a child anymore. I don’t need you sheltering me from what’s happening. If they’re tailing us, I have a right to know.”

  “Fuck, Syd.” He hopped off the bed and stalked toward her. She took a step back. That didn’t sit well with him. The fear in her eyes sent pains through his chest. What had happened that she was afraid of him? For her to back away from him after all the years they had spent together was worse than when he had been shot by her shithead brother. If anyone laid a hand on her, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he’d kill them. Yet, as much as he wanted to close the distance between them, he stopped himself and dropped his hands to his sides. “Oh baby, what happened to you?”

  “Noth—”

  “Now who’s lying?” Unable to resist this time, he went to her when the fear in her eyes was taken over by sorrow. “Talk to me, baby.”

  “Like you’re talking to me.” She shook her head. “Just forget it.”

  “No.” He wrapped his hand around her wrist, stopping her before she could pull away from him. “Truth.”

  “I thought we promised to always be truthful to each other?”

  “You’re right. Come here.” Holding her wrists, he pulled her away from the wall to sit on his bed. He sat down next to her then took her hand in his, interlocking their fingers. The simple act felt right, but it also made him want something more, something he couldn’t have. “We learned more about the situation Jay is involved with.”

  “How bad is it?”

  “Bad.” He squeezed her hand. “Jay was transporting meth across state lines. This is his third felony drug charge, and with the laws in Pennsylvania, you and I both know they’re going to hit him hard for that, but there’s more. He had a gun on him when they arrested him. That’s bad enough since he’s a felon but…”

  She turned to look at him when he stopped. “What?”

  His anger at Jay raged within him. If he ever got his hands on that bastard, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to allow his old friend to walk away from the encounter. To have to tell Syd that her brother might be responsible for murder was enough to break the resolve within him and have him heading back to Pittsburgh to have a chat with his old buddy. Jay was all Syd had left and the fact that he’d chosen a life of crime over keeping her safe enraged Coal. She deserved better than that. How did a family of lawbreakers end up with such a perfect daughter?

  “Coal…” Her voice was hesitant as if she was afraid of what he’d say.

  “The gun he had on him has been linked to another crime.” With his thumb, he caressed the back of her hand and for the first time since they’d sat down on the bed, he met her gaze. “Syd, Jay may be facing murder charges.”

  “Murder!” She shook her head. “He wouldn’t…”

  The urge to comfort her, to tell her things would be fine and that Jay couldn’t have had anything to do with it, lingered within him, but he kept his mouth shut. She deserved better than that. He couldn’t say Jay hadn’t pulled the trigger knowing that his friend was entirely capable of doing just that. He wouldn’t lie to her by telling her it would be fine and Jay wouldn’t be in prison for murder because the way the evidence was mounting, it was entirely possible. From what Cay gathered, the cops had already suspected him of the murder but they hadn’t had enough evidence to charge him. Now, with the gun, it seemed to seal the case with a giant red bow.

  Sydney couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her face. Coal wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her tight against him, and offering her what comfort he could. She was too lost to take in the words he whispered in her ear. She was all too aware of Jay’s life of crime—but murder? She didn’t want to believe it but the image of him coming home with blood on his clothes flashed before her eyes.

  Exhausted, she sat in the dark living room, waiting. Jay promised he’d be home early, that they could have dinner together. It was her eighteenth birthday and while Jay had offered to throw her a party or take her out to dinner, she’d opted for a quiet meal at home with just the two of them. A party wouldn’t have been for her. The only people who would have shown up were Jay’s friends. The others from school had kept their distance since—

  The door opened and Jay staggered in. She was surprised that he was drunk, but it hurt more that he hadn’t remembered what day it was. He barely shut the door behind him when she questioned him. “Where have you been?” She flicked on the lamp beside the sofa, revealing her presence. With the light casting a warm glow over the shabby living room, she could see the state he was in, the blood smeared across his shirt, his hands covered in blood. “Shit, Jay! What happened to you? Are you hurt?”

  “It’s…it’s not…mine,” he stuttered, and swayed on his feet.

  “Whose—” He held up his hand, stopping her before she could finish the question, and it might have been for the best. She didn’t want to know whose blood it was or what he had done.

  “Don’t stand there and look so innocent.” He staggered farther into the room, barely making it to the first chair before collapsing. “You’re part of this family and the same rage that boils within me runs inside of you. I’ve protected you this long, as I promised Dad I would, but it’s time you stepped into the family business.”

  “Never.” She shook her head violently enough to hear her neck crack. “I’ve never wanted anything to do with that shit. I wish you’d get out. I don’t want you to end up in prison like Dad and Tim”

  “I’m not as stupid as them. I’ll leave the country before the police can lock me in a cage for the rest of my life.” Dragging a whiskey bottle out of the front pocket of his jacket, he used his other hand to draw attention to the blood he was covered in. “What do you think this is from? I’ll
tell you I didn’t get this much blood on me from shaving.”

  “Don’t, Jay, I don’t want to know.”

  “Well, know this…” He pushed up out of the chair and came to stand close to her. The stench of alcohol and blood clung to him, making her sick from the very smell. “If you’re not part of the business, you’re expendable. I won’t risk my life any longer for some bitch who thinks she’s too good for her family.”

  “Syd…” The softness in Coal’s voice as he called her name forced the demons from her past away. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “My family…” She tipped her head to look at him and realized that, while she’d been lost in her thoughts, he had gotten her to move deeper onto the bed. They now leaned against the headboard, his arm tightly around her, holding her against the length of his body. The spare blanket he had pulled out from the dresser drawer earlier was now draped over her. The sweetness of his actions filled her chest with a lightness that hadn’t been there before. Coal was a caring and attentive man. How could she drag him down with her family?

  “What, baby?” He caressed his finger along the curve of her cheek. “What about them?”

  “Murderers…they’re murderers.” She let out a deep breath, relieved to finally say it aloud. If there was one person who wouldn’t judge her, it would be Coal. He knew what they were capable of and still, he’d come for her. “My father sold teenagers drugs from a batch that he knew was laced. Two died because he didn’t care about anything other than making money. Tim—”

  “Don’t, Syd. Just leave it in the past.”

  She nodded, giving in to him because it wasn’t something she wanted to discuss, either. “Now Jay…”

  “Just because he had the gun in his possession doesn’t mean he’s guilty.”