Safe Word

by Mummert, Teresa

  “Nice to meet you. My name is Amber.” Her eyes flicked from mine back to Rose. “Let’s get you inside before we let all the bought air out.” I gave her a grateful smile and drudged up the steps, hating the tightening in my chest that I felt whenever I came back home.

  The house still smelled the same, even with the scented candles that Amber was fond of. It brought me right back to a time when I had never felt so helpless, which was fitting, given the reason we were here.

  “So you live here?” Rose’s voice cracked as she avoided looking at Amber, instead eyeing the old family photographs that lined the entryway table.

  “I help keep it maintained. I stay here every few days when I don’t have somewhere else to go.” Amber answered Rose, but her eyes were on me. Rose didn’t miss it and followed Amber’s gaze to mine. I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets as I let out a long breath.

  “I don’t like to come back here. Too many memories. Amber needed a place to stay, so it was only right to help each other out.”

  Rose smiled. She hadn’t expected me to have a friend, no doubt. But the way her eyes danced over Amber, I knew she was worried there was something more between us. I cared for Amber as a friend, and even though we had crossed the line into something more on occasion, I could never want to be with her that way. I was emotionally unavailable for anyone who wasn’t Rose.

  “So…you hungry?” Amber asked as she made her way into the kitchen. I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck as I waited for Rose to follow her. My eyes took in the knickknacks that had been there since before my mother passed away. I wanted to throw it all away, but Amber refused. She was certain that one day I would regret it. The only thing I regretted was not burning this place to the ground years ago.

  “Amber. Do you think you can find something for Rose to wear? Something comfortable.” I hoped she understood that I didn’t want Rose walking around like a piece of fucking eye candy. I had enough to worry about and didn’t need the distraction of a hard-on every time I looked at her.

  “Sure,” she called over her shoulder as I stepped inside the kitchen. Rose sat at the small oak kitchen table with a glass of water in her hands. Amber placed a pot of hot water on the stove and turned it on before sliding by me with a smirk on her face. I was glad she found this whole thing amusing, because sharing a meal with these two women was the last thing I wanted to do today. At least I knew they were both safe.

  I crossed the room and sat opposite Rose. Her eyes flicked up to mine, and she sucked her lower lip between her teeth.

  “What is it?” I asked, knowing damn well she wanted to know if Amber and I were sleeping together.

  “Nothing.” She shrugged and took a sip from her glass. I hoped she would let us make it through this crisis before throwing another shit storm on my plate.

  “I’ve known Amber for years. She’s a friend. You can trust her,” I said as Amber entered the kitchen with a pair of jeans and a T-shirt in her hands.

  “This should fit you.” She held them out to Rose who stood, giving her a grateful smile.

  “Thanks. These sweatpants in this hot weather are killing me.”

  Amber smiled back and slid into her seat as Rose took off to find a place to change.

  “You wanna tell me what is going on?” she asked as she nervously adjusted her loose ponytail.

  “You know it can’t be good if it brought me back here.” I grabbed Rose’s glass and swallowed a swig of her water.

  “Does she know?”

  I didn’t say anything as I slid my thumb down the length of the glass, collecting the condensation with my thumb. Amber sighed dramatically and leaned back in her seat as she grabbed her pack of cigarettes on the table and pulled one out.

  “Those things will kill you.” I smirked, remembering my pack-a-day habit.

  “I can promise you that hanging around the likes of you will get me killed long before these.” She laughed as she held the lighter to the end and sucked in a deep breath.

  “I saved you once.” I smiled, looking over at her as she stretched her legs out past the table.

  “That you did. That why she is here? You saving her too?” Her eyebrow cocked up, but there was a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. She knew what Rose meant to me. It was painfully obvious that from day one I’d left my heart with someone else.

  “I hope.”

  Rose came into the kitchen wearing dark-wash jeans that hung low on her hips with a tiny T-shirt stretched dangerously tight across her chest. Amber looked between us and laughed, shaking her head as she got up to continue cooking her food.

  “So…what is the plan?” Rose asked as she slid her hands into her pockets, shoving her jeans down a fraction of an inch.

  “This is it. You stay here with Amber and I will fix this shit.”

  “You just want me to sit around and hope everything works out okay?” She scoffed, and I could tell Amber was laughing, even as she stood with her back to us at the stove.

  “That is exactly what you are going to do. It isn’t up for debate.”

  Rose furrowed her brow and stuck out her lower lip in a pout. God her mouth was so fucking sexy.

  “I hope you like macaroni and cheese. I didn’t do much shopping since the last time I was here,” Amber called to us. Rose walked past me to her seat and I grabbed hold of her hips, pulling her back onto my lap. Her hair fell into my face and I brushed it aside so I could whisper in her ear.

  “Those jeans look fucking amazing on you.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe if we live through this you will get to take them off me again.”

  “Is that how this works? You are telling me what to do now?” I gripped her hips harder and pressed her ass down roughly against my cock.

  There was a splash followed by a sizzling sound as Amber grabbed her hand, bending over in pain.

  “Ow! Fuck!” she cried out as she danced around the kitchen. I helped Rose off my lap and went to the sink. I grabbed an old dish towel and soaked it in cold water before taking Amber’s hand and inspecting the red splotch that stretched over her palm.

  “Shh…it’s okay. Not that bad,” I said in a hushed tone as I pressed the cold rag against the burn.

  I watched Rose leave from the corner of my eye, but Amber had tears threatening to spill over, and I needed to make sure she was all right.

  “Is there still a first-aid kit in the bathroom?” I asked as I pulled the rag away and inspected the wound.

  “I’ll be fine.” She pulled back her hand and wiped her cheek to remove the wayward tear that had fallen. She stood up on her toes and looped her arms around my neck. “Thank you for taking care of me,” she said.

  Rose cleared her throat. I pulled back from the embrace to see Rose with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face.

  “Thought you might need this, but looks like you got what you need.” She held out a small first-aid kit. I took it from her, wondering what I had done to upset her so much. Her eyes narrowed at Amber before she took off out the front door.

  “Shit,” I cursed under my breath. “I have to go get her. Amber nodded and took the kit from my hands so I could jog after Rose.

  I headed out the front door and scanned the yard. I watched her disappear into the woods. I had an eerie sense of déjà vu as I jogged to catch up with her, calling her name as I ran. This wasn’t a dream though, and my feet moved swiftly across the lawn to catch her. She sat just behind an old tree, picking at a loose seam on her jeans.

  “I don’t know what I did to upset you, but you can’t fucking run away from me like that. It’s not safe and I won’t lose you again. Do you hear me?”

  She looked up at me through swollen, damp eyes and my heart broke. I sank down to her eye level and lifted her chin with my fingers.

  “What did I do?”

  “Are you sleeping with her?”

  I didn’t know how to respond. After I opened my heart to Rose, she was the only woman I could ever see myself with again. Sh
e really couldn’t have expected me to stay single all of these years while she got engaged to that fuckhead lawyer, did she? I didn’t want to lie to her. I knew starting our relationship off that way would only end in disaster. But I couldn’t risk her flipping out and trying to leave when so many people had her on their hit lists. The details could wait until she was safe and I knew the danger had passed.

  “I have not touched another woman since I touched you. I wouldn’t do that to you.” I used the pad of my thumb to wipe away a tear that fell down her cheek.

  “I see the way she looks at you.”

  “Can you blame her?” Rose giggled at my joke. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you something to eat.” I held out my hand and she glanced down at it for a moment before slipping her fingers inside mine. I stood, pulling her to her feet and immediately pinning her between me and the tree.

  “I love you. That has never stopped from the very first moment I met you,” I said before slipping my hand into her hair and pulling her lips against mine. The urgency in the way she kissed me only solidified that she was feeling the same way about me that I was about her. Her hands slid over my shoulders and into my hair. I pressed my hips into hers, wishing we could block out the rest of the world so I could make love to her, but Amber would be waiting and she was cooking us a meal. I reluctantly pulled back, taking a minute to let my heart rate slow before I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the trees.

  “I’m sorry I acted like a jealous girlfriend,” she said as we walked back across the yard.

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m yours and I want you to fight for us. I will fight for you every day for the rest of my life if I have to.” A wave of guilt washed over me as I thought of how short lived our lives together could be. I was in too deep with Danny’s crew to escape unscathed. I had known from day one that to get out would be the end. I never anticipated Rose becoming a part of this.

  “Hopefully when all of this is over we can just relax and enjoy life.”

  It was wishful thinking but I loved her optimism. I could only see the storm and she was picturing a silver lining.

  As we reached the front porch I remembered that Amber was inside and things would be tense for the duration of our stay. I hated the fact that I would have to leave, and the two of them would have ample time to talk, but I trusted Amber and I knew she understood that our arrangement as casual lovers was nothing more than that.

  I placed my hand on the small of Rose’s back as she walked up to the porch and inside the house.

  “Didn’t think you were coming back,” Amber called cheerily from the kitchen. Rose glanced over her shoulder at me and I gave her a reassuring smile. Amber had dished out the macaroni and cheese and was placing them on the table. “I’ll get to the store and pick up some better meals soon.”

  “No. This is fine. Thank you.” Rose took her seat and glanced over at me as she picked up her spoon. I gave her a wink, proud that she was putting her concern behind her. Amber pulled up a chair from beside the fridge and sat in front of us. We ate in silence for a few minutes. It was uncomfortable, like I had imagined it would be.

  “I’ll move my things out of your room and use your parents’ old bed,” Amber said, breaking the silence. I could feel my face heat as I thought of my father. Even after all of these years, my hate for him had not faded. In fact, I think I grew angrier at him with each passing year.

  “That’s not necessary. I won’t be sleeping here tonight.”

  Both the women stopped eating and looked at me quizzically.

  “We can’t run forever, Rose. You of all people should know that doesn’t work. I need to fix this.”

  “What are you going to do?” she asked.

  I glanced at Amber who looked down at her plate and then back to me. She was all too aware of what I did to someone who threatened a woman.

  “I’m going to make sure you are safe.” I shoveled another bite of food into my mouth to let her know I was done talking. The truth was, I had no idea what I was going to do to fix this. But I was willing to do whatever it took.

  If everything worked out, I could let Amber have the house. She needed a stable place to live. She had turned her life around a lot since I had met her. She was no longer stripping, even though her attire would have suggested otherwise. Now she helped out at Cane’s Grocery four days a week. It wasn’t much, but she didn’t have to worry about bills. I took care of all of that. Rose and I could start over somewhere else. I knew the day that the mob job fell through I would be leaving for good; I just didn’t know how Rose was going to factor into this plan now. The kind of life I lived wasn’t safe for her, and even when I eliminated the current threats, there would inevitably be more.

  Both women seemed to have lost their appetites, pushing their food around their plates with their silverware.

  “Nothing is going to happen to me,” I stated to neither one in particular. I took the last bite of my food and pushed away from the table. I brought my dish to the sink to rinse it under the water.

  “I’ll get that. Amber rushed to my side to take the dish. “You let me stay here for free. It’s the least I could do.” I let her take it from my hand and smiled down at her.

  “You keep up after this place. It helps me a lot. You know that.”

  She smiled back with sadness in her eyes and I knew she wanted to say something but was holding back.

  “I’m gonna show Rose around. Get her settled in before I go.” I grabbed a dishtowel and dried my hands. Amber only nodded and focused on scrubbing the plate that was already clean.

  “The grand tour, huh?” Rose asked as she stood, raising her eyebrow suggestively. I couldn’t help but grin.

  “Come on. I cocked my head toward the entrance. She walked by me and I paused to admire her ass in those skin-tight jeans. She was a work of art. I followed her past the front door to the living room. It wasn’t much. The furniture was old and worn, done in a dated, flowery fabric. My mother had loved them even though they were a garage-sale find. She had always been proud of her bargain-hunting skills. The only new object was a small flat screen that stuck out like a sore thumb in the old house. I had purchased it for Amber to give her some form of entertainment when she spent the night here. “This is the family room.” I hated that name. We had never felt like a family in here. Rose walked to the mantle. There was no fireplace. It had been bricked over years ago, but the mantle remained. It was covered in old metal picture frames, filled with memories I would sooner forget. Her eyes danced from frame to frame, squinting as she looked them over.

  “Exactly how I remember you.” She smiled over her shoulder at me. I crossed the room, standing behind her. I reached around her arm and picked up the picture, recalling the day it had been taken.

  It was Easter Sunday and even though I was too old to participate in any holiday activities, my mom insisted in making me a basket full of candy. I acted like it was nothing, as typical teenagers do. My heart clenched in my chest as I pictured the sadness in her eyes. That was the last holiday I would spend with her. I sat it back on the shelf and cleared my throat.

  “Come on.” I turned and left the room, not waiting for Rose. I heard her feet on the linoleum floor and knew she had followed. This place fucked with my head almost as much as trying to readjust everything in my life to allow Rose in it.

  “There is the downstairs bathroom, which you already know.” Thinking of how she had run to find a first-aid kit for Amber, not knowing who she was to me or why she was in my home, made my heart swell with more love for this woman. I grabbed the shaky banister and began to climb the steep, wooden staircase. I hated going up these steps. I hated the vivid flashbacks of my mother and father fighting while I tried to sleep. Most nights I would sneak out to Rose’s under the guise of wanting to help her, but I needed that time together as much as she had. She had no idea how much of an impact she had made on my life, and if we got out of all of this, I would have to thank her every day for being there for me. />
  The upstairs was dark and I flipped on the light inside my childhood bedroom at the top of the stairs. It did not turn on and I frowned; I tried the switch again but with no luck.

  “The light must have blown. I’ll take care of that later.” The room was pitch dark, but we could still see the silhouette of my bed and dresser. “This was my room.” I took a deep breath and pulled the door closed behind me.

  “There is the bathroom with a shower. I’m sure Amber has everything you would need.” I walked by her and pushed open the last door set off to the left. I flicked on the light and was transported back to a very ugly time in my life. “My parents’ room.” I clenched my jaw trying to hide the anger in my voice. There were very little traces of my father left. He was killed months before my mother took her own life. I couldn’t begin to understand why she would decide to end it after we were finally free. She acted as if it had all been her fault, and if she had just been a better wife she wouldn’t have been beaten or left widowed. She clung to my father’s possessions like they were her lifeline. After her death I cleared out anything I could find that reminded me of him and burned it in the backyard. Still, this place haunted me with memories of my mother’s pain.

  “This is nice.” Rose stepped inside the room, her eyes searching it and nodding in approval. I rubbed my hand over my head feeling that familiar sting of regret. “You can stay in here if you like or I can have Amber switch with you.”

  “Why does she stay in your room?” she asked as she ran her fingers over the red-and-white gingham bedspread.

  “Honestly, I don’t know.” I shrugged as I walked over to her, tucking her beautiful brown hair behind her ear. “I haven’t been inside this room for years, and I think she assumed that meant she couldn’t come in either.”

  “You’re in here now.” She placed her hands on my chest and I wished my heart hadn’t been beating so fucking erratically.