by Ivy Smoak
I dove behind the couch to avoid getting hit by splinters when they rammed the door. But instead they just used some sort of skeleton key and opened the door the old-fashioned way.
"Ash?" she said.
"Ash isn't here," I said as robotically as possible. I reached up and pulled a blanket over myself.
"I think she's hiding behind the couch," said another female voice.
"She's definitely not," I replied.
I braced myself as they tugged the blanket off me. But instead of staring at a SWAT team, I found myself staring at Chastity and Madison. And Liz. Damn it. Getting arrested and taken to sex rehab would have been better than having to hang out with Liz.
Madison gave me a quizzical look. "Why are you hiding under a blanket? And why aren't you answering your phone?"
"I took a vow of reclusivity. And hid my phone in my desk."
"But it's Friday. We always hang out on Fridays."
"Not anymore. I'm never leaving this apartment again."
"It went that bad, huh?" asked Chastity.
I gave her a stern look. "I really don't want to talk about it."
"Talk about what?" asked Madison.
"I..." I started, but Chastity held up her freshly manicured hand to stop me.
"She got food poisoning from some Indian place," said Chastity. "Had explosive diarrhea earlier. It was truly awful. You know how that goes with curry."
What? I appreciated her lying for me, but there was no reason for her to make it so graphic. She was probably just pissed that I didn't call her immediately after my doctor's appointment. I almost had, but then I decided that it was better for the story of Dr. Lyons to never be told. Or rather…incident #2. God, I hated that I’d experienced two unspeakable incidents.
Liz plopped down in my favorite spot on the couch. "Explosive diarrhea? Ew."
"Yeah, it was pretty bad." I walked over towards the door. "Well, thanks for stopping by. But you guys should probably just hang out without me tonight."
"No way," said Madison. "If you're not feeling well, we'll just stay here."
"You really don't have to..."
"Best friends don't leave each other alone."
I really wish you would. "Aw, that's so sweet."
“And Single Girl Rule #2…” Chastity said.
I sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I know the rule. Girls’ night is every Friday. No exceptions.” Damn it, those crazy rules!
"And if you're not feeling well, that means more cookies and drinks for the rest of us," said Madison, protectively cradling her Oreos and six-pack of wine coolers.
"I'm actually pretty hungry. Here, let's get those in the fridge." I pried the bottles out of her death-grip and took them into the kitchen. I cracked one open for myself, offered one to Chastity, and then hid a few in the back of the fridge. No one had ever taught Madison's cheap ass that it's polite to leave whatever's left of the food you bring to a party, so I had taken to hiding half of whatever she brought. At least she brought something, though. Liz always arrived with nothing more than a bad attitude and a penchant for falling asleep before 9.
Once we were all settled on the couch, Madison asked what was new with everyone. Chastity told us about her latest Tinder match. Liz shrugged and said nothing. Then they looked at me.
I took a sip of my wine cooler to buy some time to think of an answer that wasn't horribly shameful. "Mainly just getting ready for my first day of work."
"I can’t wait for you to come work with us!” said Madison. “It’ll be like we’re back in high school. This is so exciting!"
"Yeah," I said with mock enthusiasm. "It's gonna be so much fun waking up at 6 am every morning and having to put on pants."
"Pants are a great choice," said Madison. "I don’t know if they've done any studies on it, but I have a suspicion that women who wear pants are more likely to make almost as much as men doing the same jobs. It's one small way to trick the patriarchy..."
Chastity shook her head. "I respectfully disagree. You gotta go skirts all the way. The shorter the better. How do you think I got you this job at BIMG?"
I knew it.
Madison glared at her and took a huge swig of alcohol. “Please tell me you’re joking. That’s the sort of thing that’s ruining…”
"Hey," I said, cutting her off before this conversation really got out of hand. "How about we watch a movie or something?"
"Good idea," agreed Chastity. “I think Spaceboy is performing on the Night Show tonight and I’ve been secretly dying waiting for you to say it was okay to turn on the TV. Ah! They’re on!”
Madison snatched the remote from her. “What are you doing? Ash doesn’t want to watch that.”
I don’t?
"Why not?" asked Chastity.
"She used to love listening to Spaceboy with...him," said Madison.
She can't even say Joe's name? "You can say his name, you know,” I said. “Joe, Joe, Joe. It's not a big deal. I'm over it. And yes, I did used to listen to Spaceboy with him. And yes, one or two of their songs still remind me of him. But their new stuff is amazing.”
“And don’t forget about how hot they are,” said Chastity.
“Amen to that.” I took a sip of my wine cooler and then lifted my wine glass in my free hand. Who knew the combination of wine and wine coolers was so scrumptious?
“They’re okay,” said Madison.
Chastity stared at her in disbelief. “Uh, are you blind? Look at them!” She pointed to the screen as it zoomed up on DJ Spaceboy’s perfect face. Or what we could see of it. As always, most of his face was covered by a futuristic visor. But his soft lips and magnificent jawline were left exposed. “The things I’d let him do to me with those lips…”
“Wait,” I said, turning to her. “I thought he was dead to you?” I actually remembered perfectly, because that meant DJ Spaceboy was all mine.
“He was. But I’ve forgiven him. I thought about it more, and I realized that it was my fault that he ignored me. I mean…I flashed him in like, the most boring way possible. Pulling up my t-shirt and just letting my boobs flop out works on most guys, but DJ Spaceboy is a freaking rock star. He probably sees like twenty boobs a day. Maybe even twenty pairs. If I want to get a backstage pass, I’m gonna need to step up my flashing game.”
“How exactly does one step up their flashing game?” I asked.
Chastity put her drink down and scooched forward on the couch as if she was about to share something really important. “Well, first off, I’m not going to flash DJ Spaceboy. He gets all the attention, but his crew deserves attention too. So I’m going to dress up just like them - full space helmet, clingy body suit - and then slowly unzip it. I’m still toying with the idea of wearing nipple tassels underneath. Yes, it’s a little 1920s burlesque, but it would help get their attention. And it creates some mystery. Like…hey, I’ve got great tits, but if you wanna see the nips, you have to give me a backstage pass.”
“Why debase yourself just for a backstage pass?” asked Madison.
Chastity hit pause and walked over to the TV screen. “Exhibit A and B,” she said, pointing to the dancers’ crotches. Their clingy body suits did little to hide the rather large outline of their dicks as they thrust at the air. “Ash, back me up here. What would you do with these beautiful men if you got a backstage pass?”
Um… Sweat profusely? Try to unmask them to see if one of them was my stalker? Wait! Was DJ Spaceboy my stalker? I squinted and tried to picture my stalker with DJ Spaceboy’s visor on. Did they have the same chin? No. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t one of the two dancers. Their faces were completely covered. And they were both about the same height as my stalker… I pictured myself backstage, grabbing his huge cock through his spacesuit. Just like I’d done to Dr. Lyons. Oh God. Not that. If it was anything like that, he’d be limp. And then he’d toss me out and call security.
I reached for my bottle, but it was empty. My wine glass was empty too. Have my friends noticed that I’m double-fisti
ng alcohol? Whatever. After today, I needed it. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed another one of Madison's non-hidden bottles. As I passed the window on my way back, I glanced outside to see if the pizza guy had pulled up yet. Sure enough, the Nico’s delivery car was parked outside. I expected to see the pizza guy get out with my steaming hot 'za, but instead the car pulled away.
"Hey guys," I said. "Want some pizza?"
"Sure," said Chastity.
Liz woke up and wiped some drool off her face. "Pizza? Yes please."
"If you want," said Madison. "Just hurry up and order it. I’m starving.”
"Alright, watch this." I snapped my fingers and then opened the front door.
My friends all looked shocked when they saw the pizza sitting on my welcome mat. As I leaned into the hallway to grab it, I saw Homeless Rutherford sashaying down the hall. Oh no. I had a horrible feeling that the cheese on my pizza had just been licked. Damn it, pizza boy! Why didn't you knock like you were supposed to?
"How much do we owe you?" asked Liz.
"It was like $20." Is she really going to chip in?
She opened her purse and pulled out a crumpled-up bill. "This should cover it." She tossed it on the table and grabbed a slice.
I was about to stop her from eating the cheese that Rutherford had definitely just licked, but then I noticed that she had given me a single dollar. Not a single bill. A single dollar. As in, a George Washington. One hundred cents. "That's perfect," I said. I choked back a gag as she bit into her slice.
Madison handed me a five. "How'd you summon this pizza?"
"Yeah," said Chastity. "It almost seemed like you wished for it and it just appeared."
"That reminds me of that weird letter that you got at your divorce party," said Madison.
"Ha, yeah," I said. "I forgot about that." Please let's not talk about it. I polished off my second wine cooler and then poured myself another glass of wine. I was so hungry, but I wasn't about to touch that infected pizza. A few Oreos would have to suffice.
“What do you guys think?” asked Chastity. She was holding a ruler up to the screen and scribbling numbers in a notebook with her other hand. “Is DJ Spaceboy 6’2? If you account for his distance from the camera…” She shifted her ruler to the paused image of the dancer’s junk. Her eyes got wide. “Wow, the dancer’s cocks are even bigger than I thought.”
I swirled the wine around in my glass. It was almost empty. "No wonder Joe got so mad when I told him that Spaceboy was my celebrity hall pass.”
Chastity spun around. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold everything. You guys had celebrity hall passes? And by Spaceboy…do you mean DJ Spaceboy only? Or all three of them? Because that’s a pretty baller move to try to get a gangbang out of your celebrity hall pass."
"I never specified. But it wasn’t real.” Well, I mean…I fantasized about it. But that was beside the point. “I just said it to piss him off. He had come home late the night before and I was getting a little suspicious that he was cheating. Guess I was right.”
"God, I hate that asshole," muttered Madison.
"Fuck Joe," said Chastity.
"Yeah. Fuck Joe!" I drained my glass.
Chastity and Madison raised their glasses and drank them down. Liz would have too, but she had fallen asleep again. Or maybe Rutherford's germs had killed her. Oh well.
Madison slammed her empty bottle down on my coffee table. "We should take a selfie of us having fun to make him jealous."
Was it really necessary for her to ruin my coffee table? God, I hated house guests. "Jealous of what? Not being here? I don't think he hated anything more than getting stuck participating in girls' night."
"You have a better idea?" asked Madison.
"How about a picture of Ash on a sexy date?" suggested Chastity as she poured us all more wine.
I nodded. "It's a good idea, but such a picture would only exist if I had actually gone on a date. And you all know that I don’t date after the incident." And incident #2. Which no one needed to know about.
Chastity stared at me. It felt like her eyes were boring into my soul. Did she somehow know about what I’d done to Dr. Lyons? I could mentally hear her saying, “Single Girl Rule #6: Always kiss and tell.”
Oh God, she knows! "Okay, fine!" I yelled. "I admit it. I'm a rapist."
Chapter 11 - The Contract
Friday
Madison spit her wine into her cup. "What now?"
"I raped a man today."
"That's not possible," said Chastity. "Girls can't be rapists. You can't fuck a limp dick."
"Sure you can. You just have to fold up the dick and balls and shove it all up there."
"Uh..."
"I tried it with Joe once when he couldn't get hard. It was just as unpleasant as it sounds. Although in a way it does kind of serve as a nice metaphor for our relationship. Being with him was like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Only in this case, the round peg is his limp dick and balls all folded up like origami and the square hole is my vagina."
Madison made a gagging noise. "I think I just threw up in my mouth."
"Anyway," I said. "I guess you guys are right. I didn't rape anyone. It was more of a sexual assault, if you want to be technical about it."
"Now that just sounds fun," said Chastity. "The doctor, I assume?"
I nodded. "Oh God, it was horrifying. I called him a filthy pervert and then fell over while trying to take my pants off." Saying it out loud made me want to crawl under the couch and never come out.
Chastity laughed and muted the TV. "Whole story. Now."
The alcohol pumping through my blood made it easy to tell the whole story. By the end I was even laughing about it. God, had I actually done all that? It felt like a strange dream.
"Wow," said Chastity. "You really misread that situation."
“Because of you!”
She laughed.
"Don't feel too bad," said Madison. "He's probably raped plenty of girls before. He had it coming."
"Well I didn't do it all on my own," I said. "Chastity was the one that convinced me it was part of the Society."
"I just thought you'd flirt with him a little and maybe get his number. How was I to know that sweet innocent Ash was suddenly going to turn into a huge slut?"
"Hey!" I crumpled up some paper and threw it at her.
Chastity swatted the paper away. "I mean...you tried to fuck your doctor. I'm not sure how to sugarcoat that."
"You told me to! And the terms and conditions were very ambiguous. They should have been more clear about how to identify if I was in a wish."
Madison looked back and forth between us. "The Society? Terms and conditions? I think you two have had too much to drink."
"Oh yeah, I didn't tell you? I joined a sex club." The alcohol had won. My filter was completely gone.
"It's true," said Chastity.
Madison shook her head. "Stop messing with me."
"We're not." I went and got my phone out of its hiding spot. I clicked through the ten missed call alerts from Madison and logged in to the Society's app. "Here are the terms and conditions." I tossed her my phone.
She looked horrified as she scrolled down. Chastity read over her shoulder.
"Whoa, hold on." Chastity snatched the phone from her. "Clause 14. Wish invitations will be delivered via discreet black envelopes. Once an envelope is received, the Member will accept or decline the invitation via the app."
"Yeah," I said. "That's how it works apparently. So what?"
"Did you ever receive an envelope telling you to seduce Dr. Lyons?"
"No."
"And was it on a Tuesday or Thursday after 8:30 pm?"
"No..."
"Then why the hell did you think it was a wish?"
I threw my hands in the air. "I don't know. There was a stupid GenieMD poster. And you were very convincing." And I haven’t had sex in ages!
"You know what I think it was?" asked Chastity.
"What?"
&
nbsp; "I think you just really wanted to bang Dr. Lyons."
I was going to protest, but maybe she had a point. The fantasy I’d envisioned in my head was hot. The contract itself was kind of hot. Everything about the Society seemed wrong but oh so right. I swallowed hard.
"Honestly, I'm not sure you read these terms and conditions at all,” Chastity said. “Even mentioning the Society is a blatant violation of the very first rule. Much less letting all of us see the app."
"You're right. Give me my phone back. I won't tell you anything else about it. Mainly because there won't be anything else to tell. After that train wreck, there's no way I'm going on another date. Or wish. Or whatever it’s called." Besides, I’d broken the rules. Surely I was going to be kicked out.
I reached for my phone, but Chastity tossed it to Madison. It was a classic game of drunken monkey in the middle. And there was no way I was going to win. "Okay, I give up. I'll let you keep reading, but you have to let me read too. I’ve only read up to the part about expected behaviors."
They agreed, and we huddled around my phone. Madison set the ground rules: we’d read each section, and then we’d discuss.
EXPECTED BEHAVIORS
18) The Member will be ready and willing to engage in:
18a) Role-playing
18b) Kissing
18c) Fellatio
18d) Receiving cunnilingus
18e) Voyeurism
18f) Unprotected sex
18g) Public Sex - only in front of other members
18h) Group sex
19) The Member will receive a description of the role she is expected to play in each wish.
20) The Member will stay in character at all times during wishes.
21) If the Member is expected to make a sexual advance, it will be clear in her role description.
22) The Member should not expect to engage in sexual intercourse during every wish. Often times she will be an extra in the fulfillment of another member's wish.
"This whole thing is horrifying," said Madison, "but I am impressed that they went out of their way to mention that you'll likely receive cunnilingus. I thought for sure the men in this group would just be using you without returning the favor. The use of the feminine pronoun is also a nice touch."
