Caution: Witch In Progress

by Lynne North

  Gertie and Bertha spent some time practising their grimaces together. Every attempt had only ended in fits of laughter. Gertie could manage little more than a lopsided smile, no matter how mean she wanted to look. When Bertha tried, her eyes goggled, her chins wobbled, and she turned a bright shade of red as if about to explode. Gertie couldn’t help but splutter every time she did it.

  As they recovered from yet another laughing fit, they decided that if they could grimace already, they wouldn’t need the lesson. They would wait to be taught by the expert to do it properly. At least neither of them felt alone in their worry any more.

  Gertie and Bertha arrived early for their class. The idea was to make sure they could get seats at the back. They hoped they might avoid being noticed there, and not get asked to do anything. As it happened, Fang and his growing crowd of admirers were already there, sat right at the front. Gertie should have known. Fang had always been a show off. He probably had a wonderful grimace planned, and couldn’t wait for his chance to show everyone.

  The room soon filled up. Everyone seemed quite eager to start their first real witchery class.

  When Mr Wolfsbane walked in, they all fell silent immediately. Gertie wasn’t sure whether it was out of politeness, or a bit of fear. Mr Wolfsbane really was scary to look at. He stared around at everyone with his dark eyes peering from under heavy eyebrows. Gertie tried to make herself a bit smaller when his eyes rested on her for a moment, but his gaze soon passed on. Once the teacher was sure everyone was there, he began to speak.

  ‘Hello, everyone,’ his deep, gruff voice rumbled. ‘Welcome to your first class. If you are all prepared to work hard, then I’m sure we’ll get along fine.’

  That last part almost sounded like a threat. Gertie looked over at Bertha who had turned quite pale, and decided to work very hard.

  ‘I am Mr Wolfsbane,’ the warlock continued. ‘And I am about to teach you The Grimace.’

  With that, he quickly thrust his face forwards and grimaced so horribly, accompanied by a fearsome growl, that the whole class made shocked shrieks. Even Fang did, to Gertie’s surprise. She had to admit though; Fang was the nearest pupil to Mr Wolfsbane at the time. It looked to all in the room, including Fang, that the teacher was lurching forwards to eat him.

  Once the class settled down again, Mr Wolfsbane smiled. It was not quite as frightening as his grimace, but was close.

  ‘That, was a grimace,’ the teacher continued, clearly pleased by the reaction. ‘And that, is the response you will be aiming to get from your victims.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ Gertie said very quietly.

  Bertha looked like she was trying to disappear under her desk. She had no chance, but it was wobbling dangerously.

  ‘Now,’ continued the warlock. ‘Let’s see. Who shall we have first?’

  He looked around as Gertie tried to shrink even smaller. Bertha was now stuck half way between her chair and under the desk.

  The teachers gaze rested on someone on the front row, and he exclaimed ‘Oh yes. Oh, that’s wonderful! What a fantastic first grimace.’ He approached the young warlock. Gertie heard a muttered reply from the boy, but couldn’t catch what he said.

  ‘Oh,’ replied the teacher, sounding a little shocked. ‘You’re not doing it yet? Oh, well, uhm, congratulations, Ghoul is it?’ The boy nodded. ‘Right, yes, congratulations on having such an, uhm, such an appropriate face for this class, Ghoul. I’m sure you’ll do well. Right then, uhm, moving on…’

  ‘Could I try, sir?’ asked Fang, his hand raised.

  ‘A volunteer, wonderful,’ said the teacher. ‘Yes, certainly. Fang, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Right, good. Off you go then. Give it all you’ve got. Try to scare us all.’

  Fang gave his grimace all the effort he could.

  ‘Oh yes,’ encouraged Mr Wolfsbane. ‘Very good, Fang. Notice the drool, class. That’s a very nice touch. Okay, one thing to always remember is that a good grimace is vital to true spell formation. Without a good grimace, there is always the possibility you won’t be taken seriously. Open your desks now, and you will find a book, “Perfecting Your Grimace”. I want you all to read the first three chapters before our next class. You will also find a mirror in your desks, and a notebook and pen. I want you all to practice your grimace remembering these three important points. Take this down.’

  He turned to the blackboard and wrote:

  1) Grimace with feeling.

  2) Let your grimace become a part of your spell, and a part of you.

  3) Above all, MEAN IT.

  Gertie opened her notebook and jotted down the three points. She hoped they would help her, but didn’t feel too confident yet.

  ‘Okay, class,’ continued the teacher. ‘Into your mirrors…GRIMACE.’

  Gertie tried. Her face smiled back at her. She tried again. Her reflection looked worried. She suddenly had the feeling she was being watched. Looking away from her mirror, she saw that Fang had turned to stare at her. He obviously didn’t think he needed to practice his grimace at all. He laughed, and said something to the tall witch sat next to him. Gertie recognised her as Malicia. She laughed too, and also turned to watch Gertie.

  Mr Wolfsbane was walking between the desks taking a look at everyone’s attempts, giving advice or praise where he thought it necessary.

  ‘Excellent, yes. Try showing a little more teeth, Lucyfer, that’s it. Good. Can you manage a squint, Hexa? Oh good try. Like the sound of that, Clawd, really mean.’

  He seemed to suddenly become aware the class were watching something else, and noticed Fang.

  ‘Is anything wrong, Fang?’ he asked. ‘Would you like to share the joke with us all?’

  ‘No, sir,’ grinned the young warlock. ‘There’s nothing wrong. I’m just wondering how someone who doesn’t even look like a witch will be able to make a grimace,’ he added smugly.

  Mr Wolfsbane clearly knew who the boy was referring to.

  ‘That’s better, Gertie,’ Mr Wolfsbane addressed her. Gertie glanced back at the mirror and realised there was a different expression on her face. It even looked a bit mean. ‘You need to feel it, mean it, Gertie,’ he added. ‘And, yes, get angry. It will help. You, Fang, attend to your own grimace,’ he added rather sternly.

  Fang turned quickly back to the front, quite in shock. He was used to everyone agreeing with him, and didn’t seem to like this new turn of events one bit.

  ‘Keep trying, Gertie,’ the teacher added, moving on to Bertha. He pulled her desk away slightly so she could sit up again. ‘No time for sitting back relaxing, Bertha,’ he said. ‘Into your mirror now, grimace.’

  Bertha gave of her best, and looked about to burst a blood vessel. Mr Wolfsbane patted her on the head with a ‘Keep trying, you’ll get there.’

  Gertie felt better, much better. Maybe Mr Wolfsbane was alright after all. He had sided with her against Fang! She looked back at the mirror and tried again. A smile. She thought of Fang trying to show her up in front of everyone, and tried again. Oh yes, she almost frightened herself! Now she knew what to do. Just think of Fang, and get angry.

  Gertie also found that her grimace looked even better if she narrowed her eyes a bit too, because then no one could see how big and innocent they were.

  She watched Mr Wolfsbane move from Bertha to the next desk, his shoulders shaking. Gertie felt sure he was trying not to laugh. She saw him turn to look at her from across the room, and smile. Gertie decided he liked her. What he clearly didn’t like was pupils picking on others. It wouldn’t happen in his class.

  By the end of class, Gertie didn’t think she had done badly at all. For her, that was really good. She said as much to Bertha as they walked backed down the corridor. Bertha was munching her way through her second chocolate bar to calm her nerves after the stress of having to stay awake for a full lesson.

  ‘Mr Wolfsbane is quite nice, when he’s not grimacing,’ Gertie concluded.

  Bertha said she wasn�
��t so sure. He didn’t let anyone get away with anything. Not even eating or sleeping in class.

  Gertie went back to Bertha’s room with her for a while. They decided they would read the first three chapters of “Perfecting Your Grimace” together so they could discuss anything they didn’t understand.

  Bertha’s room wasn’t as nice as Gertie’s, as it only overlooked the moat and blasted heath. Apart from that though, it was very similar. Jasper raised an ear as the girls went in, and gave one weary flop of his little tail. That was about as much energy and enthusiasm you ever got out of Jasper, unless you were offering him something to eat. Bertha’s familiar, Jasper, was a very overweight pug dog. Bertha agreed that Jasper hadn’t helped her much more with her spells than Owl had Gertie, but she loved him anyway.

  Gertie stroked the rolls of fat around Jasper’s neck while he nodded off again. He only opened his eyes when Bertha rattled a packet of biscuits she brought out ‘to help us concentrate.’

  Gertie nibbled at one while she concentrated on the text book. It made a lot of sense, and even mentioned the benefits of having an Evil Eye like Gran. Not that it mentioned Gran in the book, but Gertie immediately thought of her. She wondered if she stared for a while, without blinking, if it would make her eyes go red. It didn’t. It just made them water. Bertha asked her why she was crying, offering her a consoling biscuit. Gertie decided the unblinking stare wasn’t a very good idea. It would be no use at all if her victim thought she was crying.

  That was something else Gertie didn’t understand either. Why would anyone want to harm a victim? They would have to do something terrible to Ma or Gran, or Owl or Wart (maybe even to Bat), for Gertie to want to harm anyone. And then she probably wouldn’t want to harm them very much. She wasn’t entirely sure she had the right idea about witchery. Everything she was told seemed to be aimed at doing nasty things to other people, and Gertie didn’t know why. Maybe she would when she grew up to be a real witch. No matter what happened, Gertie never doubted she would grow up to become a true witch. Her Gran had told her so, and she was always right. Well, almost always.

  The book said when you were casting a spell on someone, it was usually because you were angry with them. This wasn’t always the case in Vile Vale, or maybe some witches got angry more quickly than others, thought Gertie. The anger would help to form the grimace, the book added.

  ‘I worked that one out for myself in class!’ shrieked Gertie.

  Bertha and Jasper both jumped. They were beginning to doze again, the biscuits nothing but a pleasant memory.

  ‘What?’ asked Bertha, bleary eyed.

  ‘Are you not reading your book?’ Gertie asked.

  ‘It put me to sleep,’ replied Bertha in a drowsy voice.

  So do most things, thought Gertie, but left Bertha to it while she continued to read.

  An hour later when Gertie tiptoed out to go back to her own room, Bertha and Jasper were both snoring loudly.

  Chapter Nine

  Once Gertie had read her assigned chapters (twice), she also read chapter four for good measure. She was determined to stay on the good side of Mr Wolfsbane. Not just because he was scary, but because he had stood up to Fang for her too.

  She was now free until the gong went for evening meal, so she decided to go to check on Wart. Owl was out somewhere, hopefully not getting into any mischief. He seemed to be more used to his surroundings and finding his way about now. He had gone knocking on Hexa’s window a couple of times over the first few days at the Academy. Hexa’s room was next to Gertie’s, so he wasn’t too out of his way. Hexa wasn’t what Gertie could call a friend, but at least she had been kind to Owl. She had let him in through her window, and brought him round to Gertie’s room. Gertie had thanked her, and asked her in, but Hexa had made polite excuses not to come in. Gertie understood. Everyone wanted to be part of the “In Crowd”, and associating with the “Oddballs” as Gertie had heard herself and Bertha described, was not the best way to join. Owl had been getting the right window since then, so Gertie had seen little or nothing of Hexa apart from at meals or in class. At least Owl was settling in.

  Gertie set off down the stone steps and out the front door of the Academy. Crossing the bridge, she turned to head for Wart’s pond. Suddenly she saw something from the corner of her eye, or at least she thought she did. Moving closer to the moat, she peered across the water. Not the best word for it, maybe sludge would be more appropriate. No, there was nothing to see. Gertie felt sure she had seen a shape or movement in the moat. She would mention it to Bertha later to see if she had ever seen anything.

  Gertie forgot all about it for now as she arrived at the stagnant pond. Wart wasn’t on his favourite rock, but he soon returned chewing madly. His mouth was full of something or other. Gertie didn’t want to know what.

  ‘Hi, Wart!’ she called. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Croak,’ replied the toad.

  ‘Oh good,’ replied the young witch. She always put her own interpretation on what Wart might be saying back to her. Today, he was fine.

  ‘I’m happy you’ve settled into your new home,’ she said as Wart swam over to have his lovely smooth back stroked.

  She then decided he had probably swum over to see if she had anything tasty to give him, or if she was going to take him anywhere interesting in her pocket. Still, Wart didn’t mind the stroking. It always made his eyes go all relaxed and sleepy. Maybe he hadn’t forgotten all those heavy warts, and wasn’t taking any chances on them growing back. As long as Gertie stroked him, he could feel safe from warts. She guessed he was right.

  After a while, Gertie said her goodbyes. She headed back to the Academy to get cleaned up before evening meal. The moat appeared still and undisturbed this time.

  It wasn’t long before the gong sounded, and eager footsteps began to descend the steps. The food really was lovely here.

  Bertha, as always, was first in. Meal times were the only occasions when Gertie saw Bertha moving with speed. Bertha always saved a place next to her for Gertie. Well, that’s what she said anyway. The truth was, no one else wanted to sit too near to her. When Bertha ate, food tended to fly all over, and everyone got a bit.

  Today’s meal was potatoes, meat and devilled dumplings. Not as good as Ma’s dumplings, but tasty all the same. Bertha had soon finished hers, and began looking around to see if anyone seemed about to leave anything. Gertie remembered about the moat, and told Bertha she thought she might have seen something in it.

  ‘It will be the moat monster,’ replied Bertha. ‘Oh Haggie, are you going to leave that dumpling?’

  ‘The what?’ asked Gertie.

  ‘Uhm?’ asked Bertha through a mouthful of the dumpling she had reached over for.

  ‘In the moat…’ reminded Gertie.

  ‘Oh yes,’ replied the big girl. ‘Are you leaving that potato?’

  Gertie nodded. Taking it, Bertha continued. ‘The moat monster, you know.’

  ‘No, I don’t know,’ replied Gertie, puzzled.

  ‘Oh, I thought everyone knew about the moat monster. Well, you aren’t missing much anyway.’ Bertha concluded, eyeing the table for any more interesting leftovers. ‘I see him quite often from my window. I think he mainly lives over my side. No one pays him any attention. He’s too grumpy.’

  Gertie was intrigued. Fancy there being a monster in the moat, and she didn’t even know! Just wait until she told Ma and Gran. They would be even more impressed.

  She went to sleep that night thinking of going over to say hello to him when she got the chance, and of the classes tomorrow.

  Gertie awoke well before the sound of the breakfast gong. Now that her first lesson had gone better than she had expected, she was quite looking forward to the ones today. This morning, Miss Hemlock would teach them The Point, and then this afternoon the trainee witches and warlocks would return to her class to learn The Voice. Gertie was quite excited.

  Gertie and Bertha still arranged to get down to class early for seats at
the back, but neither of them felt quite as worried. For one thing, Miss Hemlock didn’t look half as fierce as Mr Wolfsbane.

  As it turned out, Miss Hemlock soon made it clear she wouldn’t take any nonsense either. With clearly less respect for a mere witch as opposed to a warlock, Fang continued to talk to his group even after Miss Hemlock had walked in and stood waiting for silence. He was soon stopped mid sentence by a bellowed ‘SILENCE!’ that echoed around the room in a way allowing for no disobedience whatsoever.

  ‘That was, The Voice’ said Miss Hemlock, who was only small but had certainly grown in the eyes of the pupils. ‘I did not intend to use The Voice until this afternoon’s lesson, and then only for teaching purposes. What I will not tolerate however, young warlock,’ she pointed at Fang, ‘is being ignored.’

  Fang muttered his apologies, saying he hadn’t seen her come in and other such nonsense, well humbled. As Miss Hemlock turned her back to write on the blackboard, he muttered something else, this time about being picked on in every class so far. The teacher swung around so fast Fang almost swallowed the pen top he was chewing.

  Telling him to ‘Please choke quietly,’ she turned back to the board, and wrote:

  THE POINT: Used to direct the Spell.

  ‘For any of you who do not already know,’ she now addressed the class, ‘I am Miss Hemlock, and I am about to teach you The Point. As it says on the board, the point will be used to direct any spell you decide to cast. The first rule therefore is, any ideas class?’