Love for Scale

by Michaela Greene

  A sense of impending doom washed over Rachel as she put the car in gear. Girding her loins, she glanced over at her mother. “What?”

  “Now this doctor…”

  God, not this again. Rachel turned back toward the windshield and pulled out of the parking spot, glad for an excuse to not have to look at her mother. “Ma, we’re just friends. Really, okay?”

  Pearl’s listening skills had never been her forte.

  “Are you and him…” Pearl paused, obviously choosing her words carefully. “Sexually active?”

  “Mother!” Rachel almost swerved into another car.

  “I’m just looking out for you, Rachel.”

  “I said we are just friends.”

  Pearl scowled. “I know all about FWB, Rachel.”

  Rachel looked over at her mother again. “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “You know, friends with benefits.”

  As Rachel nearly swallowed her tongue, she glanced over at her mother, somewhat heartened that Pearl actually looked uncomfortable. “It’s just that we’ve never really talked about…you know…sex. And since you’re seeing someone now, I think it’s time.”

  This is not happening. My mother is not initiating a sex talk with me.

  Rachel pulled up to a red light, giving herself a moment to think about the best way to approach this, the most uncomfortable conversation she could ever imagine. She had assumed and hoped that since she was twenty-seven (twenty-seven!) and her mother hadn’t broached the subject in high school, that she had managed to dodge the conversation altogether. Wrong, Pearl was just waiting for a time when she felt Rachel would need it.

  God, she assumes I’m a virgin.

  Not that Rachel was far off. Her sexual history was far from dynamic let alone plentiful, her current number of sexual partners having been stuck at four for the past three years. And even then, none of those partners had convinced Rachel that sex was all Sheri made it out to be.

  But she still wanted nothing to do with her mother’s sudden need to discuss sex with her.

  “Ma, for starters, Finn and I are just friends. Not friends with benefits; just friends. I’m not sure how many times I need to tell you that. Secondly, I really don’t want to be discussing sex with you.”

  Unfortunately, a speeding and on-fire eighteen wheeler couldn’t have stopped Pearl from the road she was heading down. “Sex is not something anyone should be ashamed of, Rachel.” Although her tone wasn’t convincing.

  I can’t believe this is happening to me. Rachel sped up the car, desperate to get home and away from her mother.

  “Are you thinking about birth control, honey?”

  No, I’m thinking about parricide. Blood started bubbling up into Rachel’s cheeks; she could feel herself getting hot with anger.

  “No, mother. I’m not thinking about birth control because I’m not having sex. Not with Finn, not with anyone. And quite frankly, even if I was, it’s none of your business!”

  Pearl gasped beside her. “Don’t you talk to me like that, Rachel Stern.”

  Rachel pulled into the driveway. She slammed hard on the brakes, jerking the car to a stop before turning on her mother. “Listen, Mother. You started this and I’m going to finish it. I do not need your lecture on sex nor on who I should or should not have it with. It is none of your business if I am on the pill or not. I appreciate that you are interested in my wellbeing, but you know what? I’m twenty-seven. I’m an adult who doesn’t have to answer to her mother for her sex life.”

  The words fell out of her mouth fast and furious as Pearl just stared at her daughter slack-jawed.

  It was several moments before either woman spoke. But it was Pearl who finally broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry. I just thought…”

  Rachel’s anger dissipated suddenly, replaced with guilt. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Ma. It’s just kind of personal, okay? And I’m honestly not seeing Finn that way. We’re really just friends. I am sure you would like it to be more than that, but it’s not. We’re just two people who have a lot in common, and it’s good to have someone in my life who really knows what I’m going through with the weight thing.” She held her mother’s gaze. “But that’s it. You got me?”

  Pearl nodded.

  “Okay, good. So, um, other than this incredibly awkward drive home, I had fun shopping with you, Mom.”

  Pearl took off her seatbelt and put her hand on the door handle. “I did, too, Rachel. I don’t see your brothers enough but it’s so nice to have you at home.” She smiled before she got out of the car.

  Rachel swallowed past the ball of guilt in her throat. Ugh, how was she supposed to tell her she was leaving now?

  Chapter 30

  “Okay now, Ma, there are going to be a few rules this evening,” Rachel said as she set the table. The good dishes had been brought out, the sterling silver polished to a brilliant shine, cloth napkins crisply ironed and folded neatly at each place. Pearl may as well have put a banner over the table: ‘Looking for doctor as husband for single daughter, please contact Pearl: yenta extraordinaire.’

  Pearl was in the kitchen unwrapping the salmon. “What are you talking about…rules?”

  “Finn is just my friend. Remember the conversation we had last night. Just friends. We go to Weight Watchers together and that is it. The only reason he’s coming to dinner tonight is because you asked him. It has absolutely nothing to do with any sort of relationship you may have concocted in your brain. And I don’t want you barraging him with questions about his family, income or anything else that might be even remotely personal. Got it?”

  Pearl didn’t say anything; her lips were pursed in a tight line. She didn’t like to be told what she could and couldn’t do in her own house.

  Rachel knew her warning was overkill, especially after she had blasted her mother in the car the night before. But that was over Pearl interrogating her, and Rachel knew how to deal with Pearl. She could handle herself. Finn didn’t need to be subjected to that kind of torture.

  Rachel looked up. “Did you hear me, Ma?”

  “Yes, Rachel, I heard you loud and clear,” Pearl snapped, her tone telling Rachel she’d heard—and resented—every syllable.

  Sliding the last knife into place, Rachel looked at the table, making sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. Platter for the fish, serving pieces for the salad and the steamed asparagus, small dish for the dill sauce, water goblets, even wine glasses, should anyone be so inclined. And four place settings.

  “What about your brother?” Pearl stood in the doorway.

  “What about my brother?”

  “He’s coming for dinner, he’s single now. What would he eat?” Pearl shrugged. She was convinced that Aaron would crumble and blow away if left to his own devices. Men didn’t cook in Pearl’s world. Even Rachel’s father, other than flipping the odd steak or rack of pork ribs on the barbecue, couldn’t be trusted to adequately feed himself.

  Rachel’s first reaction was to be angry that Aaron was even invited. But on more careful analysis, she realized Aaron’s presence would take some of the pressure off her and Finn. And if Pearl began her inappropriate antics, Aaron could be used as a distraction. Anyway, since Finn and she weren’t dating, there was no reason not to have Aaron there. Nodding to herself, she returned to the hutch to retrieve another place setting.

  Not only was she going to have to deal with the subject of her and Finn, but Rachel was planning on announcing her move. Although she hadn’t secured an apartment yet, she thought Finn’s idea of announcing it at dinner was a good one; with him there, Pearl was much less likely to make a scene. The same way Jeff had introduced his shiksa girlfriend at Chanukah. It was cowardly, Rachel knew, but safe. And she was going for safe. She could live with being a coward if it meant avoiding going nine rounds with Pearl ‘the guiltor’ Stern.

  The night before, after she and her mother had returned from shopping, Rachel had primed her dad while Pearl w
as in the bathtub.

  He had been sitting in bed, watching Criminal Minds when she stealthily approached.

  “Dad, can I talk to you for a quick second?” she said, her voice as low as she could get it without whispering. The ensuite bathroom was just a door away.

  Harry looked from the TV to his daughter. “Sure honey, what’s up?”

  Taking a deep breath, Rachel spit it out, not having the time to mince words. “I wanted to let you know first. I’m planning on moving out.” She swallowed, waiting.

  “Okay, honey.” He nodded as though she’d just announced they were out of milk.

  Overwhelmed by a sudden wave of guilt, Rachel began to cry. “I’m sorry, Dad. I think I just need to…I mean it’s time…”

  Harry slid over toward the center of the bed and patted the space beside him. Obediently, Rachel sat down, wiping at her tears with her thumb.

  Harry’s brow furrowed. “Honey, I said okay. You’re a grown woman. It’s time. What’s wrong?” He turned his head slightly away, looking at her from the side. “You’re not moving in with that doctor, are you? Is everything, you know, okay?”

  Oh my God, is he asking me if I’m pregnant? Rachel thought, feeling it was necessary to justify her sudden independence. “No, Dad. Nothing like that. I just think it’s time I get my own place. Alone.” She emphasized the last word, looking into her father’s eyes to make sure he understood her very clearly. What was with her parents? Did they think that having a friend of the opposite sex automatically meant you were having sex with him?

  “Well, honey, I think that’s great. And I’m assuming that since you’re here telling me this while your mother is soaking obliviously in the bathtub, that you want me to tell her. Is that right?”

  Rachel shook her head and chuckled. “No Dad. As tempting as that sounds, I’ve got to tell her myself. I was planning on doing it tomorrow at dinner, but I just wanted you to know it was coming.”

  Harry nodded. “I appreciate the heads up.”

  The sound of the plug being pulled out of the tub in the adjoining bathroom prompted Rachel to jump off the bed. “Thanks, Dad, you’re the best.” She leaned down to kiss her father on the cheek and thought she noticed the beginning of a tear in the corner of his eye.

  “Get out of here before your mother’s done.” He shooed Rachel out of the room.

  And now, standing at the table, only minutes away from her announcement, Rachel’s stomach was in knots. There was really no telling how her mother would react to her news.

  At six-thirty-two, the doorbell rang. “Go get the door, it’s your fiancé,” Pearl said, her head hovering over the vat of chicken soup as she stirred.

  “Ma!” Rachel scowled at her mother.

  Pearl put down the ladle and looked at Rachel wide-eyed. “Oy, you think your brother is the only one who can tell jokes. Lighten up and go get the door.”

  “Yeah, you’re a laugh riot,” Rachel muttered on her way to the door. She wiped her sweaty hands on her pants and looked through the peephole. It was Finn all right, carrying another bouquet of flowers. This was getting embarrassing. She opened the door.

  “Hi, Rachel.” Finn smiled, stepping into the house. “You look…really nice.”

  Rachel looked down, suddenly feeling shy. She smoothed her palms over her new skirt. “Thanks. But um you didn’t have to bring me flowers.” She closed the door behind him.

  “Oh, uh, they’re not for you.” Finn looked apologetic. “They’re for your mom, your family…for having me for dinner.”

  Okay, so that was embarrassing.

  “Let me take your coat,” she turned toward the closet to get a hanger so he wouldn’t see her blush. Stupid, stupid. How could she not have guessed that he would have brought a hostess gift? Well, truth be told, she’d never had a man come for dinner. Nor had any man ever given her flowers before Finn had the Saturday before. The entire evening was completely unprecedented. There was no telling how it would turn out. She took Finn’s coat, draping it over a hanger before she led him into the kitchen.

  Right into the lion’s den.

  “Hello, Mrs. Stern,” he said, holding out the bouquet. “Thanks so much for having me for dinner. These are for you.”

  “These are beautiful, thank you so much, Finnabin.”

  Rachel almost choked. “Ma, his name’s Finnegan.” She nodded at Finn to sit at the kitchen table.

  “Oh, my apologies…” Pearl actually looked embarrassed.

  “Just call me Finn, please, Mrs. Stern. It smells really good in here. That’s one thing I miss, my mother’s cooking. Looking to adopt an orphan?” Finn grinned, his smile broad and sincere.

  Score one for Finn. Nothing like complimenting a notorious feeder on her cooking. Pearl’s smile widened, even showing a few teeth as she twittered.

  Rachel regarded her new friend. He was the epitome of manners and social grace, his politeness even catching her mother off-guard: not something that happened often.

  “We’re just waiting for Rachel’s father and brother and then we’ll sit down. It won’t be long.”

  Rachel glanced at the clock on the wall. “Where is Dad?”

  “He stopped to get some wine, he’ll be here shortly.”

  As if on cue, the front door opened and then closed with a slam.

  But it wasn’t Harry.

  “I’m here! Where’s the food!” Aaron hollered from the front hall before even allowing anyone in the kitchen the pleasure of seeing his face.

  Pearl strode quickly out of the kitchen. “Aaron, mind your manners. We have company!”

  Aaron ignored the chastising. “Oh yeah, Rach’s new boyfriend. Where is he?” He looked inquisitively over his mother’s shoulder toward the kitchen.

  Please kill me now, Rachel thought, but instead of taking his ribbing, she lashed out, “It’s hard to imagine why your wife left you. You with all that charm,” she said, regretting it as soon as it was out of her mouth.

  Pearl spun around. “Rachel, enough!”

  By the time Aaron meandered his way into the kitchen, Finn was already on his feet.

  Aaron shook his head. “Nah, Mom, I probably deserved that.” He stuck out his hand toward Finn. “Nice to meet you, man. I’m Aaron, Rachel’s belligerent, yet charming older brother.”

  Belligerent is right, Rachel thought. Charming? Um, not quite.

  “I’m Finn. Nice to meet you.”

  Aaron pulled the lid off the pot of chicken soup, sticking his face into the plume of steam rising from the hot liquid. “Nice, Ma. Did you make a roast?”

  Pearl took the lid from her son, slapping his hand away. “No, we’re having fish.”

  Aaron blinked. “First you tell me we’re not going for Chinese food, then you have the nerve to say we’re not having meat?” He turned and looked at Finn and Rachel. “Is this your doing? Why did I even come?”

  Rachel shrugged. “I didn’t invite you.”

  Before Aaron had a chance to answer, the phone rang.

  Pearl nodded at Rachel. “Get the phone, it’s your father. He probably forgot what kind of wine to get.”

  Rachel reached over and picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

  “Is this Pearl Stern?” a woman’s voice asked.

  “No, this is her daughter. One moment please.” Rachel shrugged and passed the phone to her mother.

  “Hello?” Pearl paused, listening.

  Aaron turned to Rachel. “So what’s with the fish? She’s only ever made a fish for brunch.”

  “It’s because of my diet.” Rachel didn’t feel the need to tell her brother that Finn was also dieting .

  Aaron rolled his eyes just as the phone slipped out of Pearl’s hand, clanking loudly as it hit the tile floor. Pearl didn’t move to pick it up. She just stood staring at nothing as all the blood drained from her face.

  “Ma?” Rachel jumped up and grabbed the phone. “Ma? What’s wrong.”

  “Your father’s been in an accident. He’s in the ho
spital.”

  Feeling like she had been punched in the stomach, Rachel gasped for air. She felt instantly dizzy but took her mother’s elbow, easing her over into the chair she had just vacated. “Sit down for a sec, Ma. What did they say?” Hovering over her mother, Rachel leaned on the wall for support.

  Pearl shook her head and stood up. “I’ve got to go to the hospital. Oh my God, what am I going to do if he…?” Her hands flew to her mouth as the tears began rolling down her face.

  Aaron stood in the middle of the kitchen staring at his mother, mouth agape.

  Finn was on his feet in a second and turned off the stove before he faced Rachel. “I’ll drive. What hospital?”

  Rachel looked at him. She had never seen Finn look so serious. “It’s okay, you don’t need to come. I can drive.” Her voice sounded foreign to her: squeaky and high-pitched.

  Shaking his head, Finn stepped forward and took Rachel’s elbow, turning her toward him. “You’re in no shape to drive. C’mon.”

  Suddenly thankful that she didn’t have to be responsible for getting them all safely to the hospital, Rachel took a deep breath. “Thanks,” she said.

  “The General Hospital. Where your Zaidy died,” Pearl muttered as she grabbed her purse. Aaron took his mother’s arm, wordlessly leading her out of the house.

  Rachel tried to be strong. She tried not to cry. But just the thought of her dad… It was too much. As she locked the door behind them, her throat closed, the tears came. When she turned to walk toward the car, Finn was standing looking at her, unshed tears in his eyes.

  “C’mon. I’ll get you there,” he said softly as he took her arm. She breathed deeply and swallowed past the lump in her throat, taking comfort in his touch.

  And it didn’t seem weird that he was emotional. Finn could empathize: he had lost both his parents in a car accident.

  * * *

  The ten-minute ride to the hospital was the longest drive Rachel had ever taken. Sitting in the back seat, she and Aaron held hands; literally the first time in over a decade she had touched her brother. Aaron didn’t say anything, just looked out the window, but Rachel could feel his stress in the way his fingers squeezed her own every minute or so, searching for comfort. Pearl sat in the front passenger seat, reduced to soft sobbing. It was telling that she was beyond words.