S.N.O.T.

by Nichol Williams

  Monty stood up and surveyed the house with its stone gargoyles and ivy clad walls. Rooms stretched out along the bottom floor. Searching, he found the one that Seamus had said they needed to enter through. The problem was a light shone out indicating that it was occupied.

  ‘Can you see anything?’ Jebediah asked as he stood up and moved close to Monty’s position.

  ‘That’s the room we need,’ Monty said, pointing it out. ‘It’s lit but I haven’t seen any movement yet.’

  ‘Jeb, Jeb,’ Cordelia hissed, reaching up and tugging the back of his jeans.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked, looking down at her.

  Cordelia pointed into the distance to where two Spriggons stood by the studded oak front door; vile, emaciated creatures that were so evil and malevolent they made the Gnomes look sweet. What they lacked in stature they more than made up for in speed and agility, their clawed fingers perfectly formed to rip the flesh from the bones of their victims.

  ‘Hold this,’ Jebediah said, and handed his broom to Cordelia.

  As they prepared to make a run for it across the grass something moved on top of the roof. Diving back down, Jebediah searched the grey outline of the building. His heart hammered against his chest frantically and his throat became dry. A tingling sensation spread out from his neck and down his arms as though someone were pouring ice-cold water down his spine.

  ‘There it is,’ Chester whispered urgently. ‘There on the roof.’

  Following the direction of his finger they could see a small grey Dragon sat with its wings folded and its front legs tucked between its back legs.

  Craning his neck to gain a better view, Monty said in hushed tones, ‘It’s a Ginko Grey.’

  ‘It’ll spot us as soon as we move,’ Jebediah squeaked, the despondency and hysteria in his voice taking over.

  ‘We need something to distract it,’ Monty said, fixing his eyes straight on Alex.

  ‘What are you looking at me for?’ Alex asked, with panic steadily rising in his tone. His brow had become puckered and his eyes almost burst from his sockets.

  ‘You can draw it away while we make a run for it,’ Monty replied, as though he were asking him to frolic with nothing more than a Jack Russell.

  ‘You must be joking,’ Alex almost screamed, looking towards Jebediah for help.

  Monty ignored his concern and continued, ‘It’s only about a year old so it won’t be able to breathe fire yet - well not properly anyway.’

  ‘FIRE,’ Alex choked, now really starting to panic.

  Monty sighed. ‘Like I said, they can’t breathe it properly so there’s no need to worry,’ he argued and pulled Alex roughly to his feet. ‘Just go out there and run about a bit but whatever you do draw it away from the window.’ With that he pushed Alex out from behind the cover of trees and into the clearing.

  The Dragon spied the movement with its glossy black eyes. Straightening up, it flapped its leathery wings once or twice and pushed off its enormous bulk from the ornate stonework. Gliding through the air it headed for Alex who had become rooted to the spot through fear.

  ‘Run,’ Monty and Jebediah shouted as quietly as they could.

  Cordelia bit her lip anxiously, nearly drawing blood from the pressure, and peeked through her hands which she had hidden behind.

  Adrenalin kicked in, surging through his veins as self-preservation became paramount. Sprinting as fast as he could, he lured the beast away from the house as Monty had instructed.

  ‘Come on,’ Monty urged and broke cover, dashing over the sprawling lawn to the house.

  Peering inside he saw what appeared to be a library. Rows upon row of books lined the walls. A leather armchair was situated by an unlit fire, occupied by a sleeping, elderly Gnome.

  Very carefully he placed the tip of his wand to the glass and whispered, ‘Ut aqua.’

  The glass rippled and quivered, allowing the three of them to climb through. Stepping into the room, Seamus silently crept past the slumbering Gnome, who was snoring loudly, and made his way to the far end of the room and to another door.

  For a heart-stopping second they all gasped as the handle squeaked, metal grinding metal. Jebediah looked round to make sure that the noise had not disturbed the Gnome and breathed an audible sigh of relief when he saw that it had not stirred.

  Seamus put his eye to the crack in the door. The hallway appeared empty but he held up his hand, preventing Jebediah and Monty from moving. Instantly disappearing, the door opened wider and the tapping of his shoes could be heard against the immaculately polished tiled floor.

  With a flash he reappeared on the other side of the hall and in his arms was a struggling Imp. His hand was firmly over the Imp’s mouth to prevent it from alerting any guards.

  Jebediah and Monty made sure the coast was clear before hurrying to where Seamus was standing, still holding the Imp, which was beginning to struggle wildly.

  Monty whispered, ‘Tacet’, ensuring that the Imp would remain silent. He conjured up some cord which slithered like a snake as it wound its way up from the creature’s feet to its wrists.

  Seamus pointed to the door located to the side of them. Swallowing hard, Jebediah opened it. He inched his head round first to check that the room was vacant and then edged his way in followed by Monty and Seamus who was still holding the now subdued Imp.

  The room was a medium sized study of sorts, but the most worrying part was that it didn’t seem to be guarded. If the Leprechaun was right and this was where the Gnomes hid their money, surely there would be mechanisms in place to ensure that nobody could steal it? Despite its being empty, Jebediah had a sinister feeling that he couldn’t shake off.

  Seamus dropped the Imp unceremoniously on the floor and shuffled over the rich deep-pile carpet to where a desk sat. Switching on a lamp, all their eyes were drawn to a small silver casket, ornately gilded in gold and set with precious stones that glinted in the light, giving off mesmerising rays.

  ‘Tis a beautiful ting Fairy craftsmanship,’ Seamus said with awe and greed in his voice, his trembling, stubby hands already reaching out to the box.

  Lifting the lid slowly, Monty and Jebediah took a sharp intake of breath as they came face to face with bundles of large white Grooble notes. It was the largest amount of money that either of them had ever seen in their lives.

  ‘Grab it and then we can get out of here,’ Jebediah whispered as his fingers clenched round a wad.

  A picture that hung on the wall behind the desk, which none of them had noticed in their haste, suddenly let rip with a bloodcurdling scream. From within the oils of the portrait a Banshee floated out, a white dress billowing about her. The hollow eyes, wide and fathomless, fixed on them as she continued to fill the entire house with her horrific screams.

  Without pausing, they emptied the casket of its contents, stashing the money in every available space in their clothing.

  * * *

  ‘Did you hear that?’ Cordelia asked Chester as they crouched down behind the tree.

  ‘Hear what?’ he replied, his eyes firmly focused on Alex who was trying to dodge the Dragon by running round in circles.

  ‘I thought I heard a scream,’ she continued, her head tilting to one side like a dog while her brow puckered, desperately trying to see if she could hear it again.

  ‘Well if it was high-pitched and girly it’ll be Jebediah I imagine,’ he drawled, his attention still firmly on Alex.

  ‘Oh shut up,’ Cordelia snapped, ‘I think they could be in serious trouble.’ Her patience with him was wearing thin and, regardless of what he said, she felt uneasy about the situation.

  ‘The only one in trouble is him,’ he replied, pointing to Alex who was still running round in circles like a headless chicken, his clothes ablaze. ‘Ooooh,’ Chester said, grimacing as he drew in air through his t
eeth. Cupping his hands to either side of his mouth he called, ‘Drop and roll, drop and roll.’ Lowering his hands he said glibly over his shoulder to Cordelia, ‘If he doesn’t drop and roll he’ll never put the flames out you know.’

  Cordelia wasn’t listening though. Her mind was still preoccupied with the events taking place inside the house.

  ‘We’ve got to help,’ she cried.

  ‘He’s fine,’ Chester said lazily. ‘Look, he’s only smouldering now.’

  ‘Not him!’ she hissed, pointing to Alex who was now rolling around the floor, tiny wisps of smoke rising up from his body. ‘I mean Jebediah. I think they could be in serious trouble.’

  Chester shook his head. ‘He’ll be fine. Monty and Seamus are with him,’ he said, lightly dismissing her fears.

  * * *

  CRASH!

  The trio had just snatched the last bundle of notes when the door flew open and in ran two Spriggons. One pounced onto the wall and ran along the top edge near the cornicing, its clawed fingers ripping the plaster off in great chunks which showered down on them. The other charged headlong at the centre of the group. Its steel-like claws twitched menacingly in pincer movements as it honed in on them.

  Monty picked up the silver casket that Seamus had appreciated with such avarice and lobbed it as hard as he could, shouting, ‘RUN!’

  The box bounced off the Spriggon, knocking it backwards and giving them time to run.

  Seamus vanished and Monty and Jebediah ran into the hallway in sheer panic, sliding to a halt as they desperately sought a way out.

  Jebediah turned to his right and Monty to his left as they searched for another escape route, the one they had previously used now being blocked by the once sleeping Gnome who had been awakened by the Banshee’s screams.

  Jebediah met an impasse. The Banshee, it seemed, had alerted the rest of the Gnomes to the chaos. Seven of them in all stood before him. Long, crooked noses sat on small, misshapen, warty heads while sunglasses hid narrow, menacing eyes. Each one was dressed in a black Armani suit with a crisp white shirt and black tie, the height of suave sophistication. Monty was faced with the same spectacle.

  Turning back Jebediah ran at full pelt. The floor was shiny. As Monty loomed, he tried to stop but his feet wouldn’t grip. He hit Monty head-on like a train at full speed. There was no time to wipe the blood from his nose which he was sure had been broken in the impact.

  A Spriggon howled like a wolf as it launched itself directly at Jebediah. Instinctively, he raised his arms to protect himself. Closing his eyes, he cringed and waited for the inevitable clawing and slashing of skin.

  It didn’t happen.

  The Spriggon had stopped in midair, a startled expression on its face. Changing direction it flew at the oncoming Gnomes, knocking them down like skittles with the force of a 10lb bowling ball.

  Monty didn’t hang around. Dragging Jebediah to his feet he ran at the elderly Gnome, his palm outstretched, and demonstrated a perfect rugby hand-off that any player would be proud of, sending the Gnome flying up into the air and dropping to the floor with a sickening crunch. Without a second thought, they ran over the crumpled, inert body and made for the window.

  ‘Just jump!’ Monty bellowed as he dived at the window headfirst.

  They were followed by Seamus who had reappeared after his encounter with the Spriggon.

  Monty and Jebediah hit the grass at speed and landed in a heap. Seamus landed on Monty’s head with a crash.

  Cordelia shoved Chester, who was still watching the unfortunate Alex, and shouted, ‘They’re out!’ She sprinted forward, clutching Monty and Jebediah’s brooms as well as her own, them all waving about as she ran.

  Monty was still dazed after his jump and failed to grab his broom, instead trying to grasp one of the imaginary ones that floated either side of the real one that Cordelia was holding.

  ‘Run this way,’ Chester called out to Alex who was still trying to weave in and out of the Dragon’s flame.

  Jebediah mounted his broom and Seamus jumped on the back. Cordelia and Chester climbed on their own brooms and kicked off from the ground with all their might.

  Alex thought his lungs were about to burst as he ran towards Monty, the grass seeming never-ending and his goal further away than ever.

  Monty kicked off from the ground and flew towards Alex at such a pace that the grass beneath him quivered.

  ‘Grab my hand!’ he shouted to Alex as he drew near.

  Monty pulled hard on the broom and lifted into the sky as the Ginko Grey let forth a ball of fire.

  Alex was slipping. Monty’s hand was sweating too much and he couldn’t hold on. Lifting his other arm, he frantically scrabbled for the broom but it was still inches away from his grasp. Like a pea popping from its shell his hand slipped from Monty’s. Emitting a terrified scream he plummeted towards the ground. The Dragon saw its chance. Opening its powerful, mighty jaws, a double row of razor sharp teeth readied themselves.

  With his life flashing before his eyes, Alex sent up a silent prayer for a miracle when something hard grabbed him around the waist.

  ‘Kick your legs over,’ he heard Monty yell frantically.

  Alex lifted his leg and struggled to swing it over the broom. Righting himself, he clung tightly to Monty and rested his head against his back as they sped off into the distance.

  Down below, the Gnomes in unison removed their dark sunglasses, folded them up and slipped them into their breast pockets as they watched the midnight sky above.

  A pair of highly polished shoes tapped against the stone steps of the mansion. The Gnome they belonged to looked into the heavens. His camelhair coat rested lightly on his shoulders, covering his immaculately tailored suit and silk shirt.

  His facial features, already sharp and pointed, were accentuated as he snarled, ‘Find them. Get my money back then kill them.’

  The Gnomes cowered as he spoke, none of them daring to meet his steely gaze.

  ‘If you fail,’ he continued venomously, ‘then I’ll feed you piece by piece to the Dragon - while you’re still alive.’

  Turning on his heels, he walked back into the house and gave a Spriggon a hefty kick with the tip of his shoe, smashing it against the wall where it slowly slid down into a heap. Venting his anger on the unfortunate creature was not enough and his minions knew it.

  * * *

  They didn’t dare to slow their speed until Ganoobis Hall was far behind them in the distance, the billowing smoke from the chimneys long gone.

  Alex still clung to Monty in absolute fear, his hands trembling as he muttered incoherently to himself.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Monty called out to him, his voice nearly lost on the wind as it rushed past their ears.

  There was no reply. Monty called out again. This time he was met with the tremendous sound of retching and the feeling of being slapped on the back followed by a warm sensation that spread through his clothes. Shuddering inwardly, he kept his eyes firmly fixed ahead and swore under his breath.

  When they finally got back the only person who walked through the door of Jebediah’s house beaming radiantly was Chester.

  ‘All in all that went well,’ he chirped, sitting down at the table and helping himself to a packet of chocolate digestives that had been left there earlier.

  ‘You are joking?’ Monty snarled incredulously. ‘It started off badly when that stupid dog mistook my leg for a tree and then just got worse.’

  Turning round he showed the assembled group his back.

  ‘Urgh,’ Cordelia cried, pulling a face, as Alex dropped like a lead weight into a chair and mumbled senselessly about fire and Dragons.

  ‘I’m going to get a shower,’ Monty huffed, and began pulling out the money he had stuffed into the pockets of his trousers and threw it down onto the tabl
e.

  As he disappeared through the door, Jebediah called out after him, ‘You can raid my wardrobe for anything you want.’

  There wasn’t perhaps anything that he had that would fit particularly well but it was better than nothing.

  Alex, who was still sat mumbling to himself, the charred remains of his clothes hanging limply from his body, held a glazed faraway look in his eyes. His face was blackened and what was left of his hair stood on end. Cordelia sat down beside him and attempted to flatten the back of his hair over the bald patch that had been created. It crumbled to ash in her hands. With a look of horror she wiped her fingers and gave up.

  Jebediah felt the front of his face. A warm, sticky fluid met his fingers. Rushing to the mirror he stared aghast at the sight before him. Where he had collided with Monty not only did he have a very red and swollen nose now bleeding profusely but the spots had burst. Fluorescent green pus ran down his face making him look like a stripy sweet-wrapper.

  By the time Monty returned downstairs, Alex had regained most of his senses and was sipping a drink of hot tea which Cordelia had made and Seamus had finished counting the money.

  ‘Tis just short o’ twenty-seven thousand Groobles it tis,’ he announced with extreme satisfaction.

  ‘Wow,’ Chester said, running his hand over the clean white crisp piles of money. Rich or not, it was more money than even he had ever seen up close.

  Picking up a bundle, Jebediah handed it over to Seamus. ‘Here, that’s for you.’

  ‘Fer me?’ he said astounded. His eyes widened and a look of astonishment crossed his face as he clutched the wad of money.

  ‘You certainly earned it,’ Jebediah said, ‘so you may as well have it. Anyway, I think you should head back to Ireland. The Gnomes will be after us now.’

  Cordelia, who couldn’t take her eyes of the pieces of pink toilet roll that Jebediah had stuffed up his nose to stem the flow of blood, asked, ‘Did you leave that note I wrote in Goblin?’