The Gray-Haired Knitting Detective Series: (Books 1 - 3)
Page 1
THE GRAY-HAIRED KNITTING DETECTIVES
BOOKS 1 - 3
By D.E. HAGGERTY
Copyright © 2015 D.E. Haggerty
All rights reserved.
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
The Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives Series boxed set includes the books Murder, Mystery & Dating Mayhem, Jack Gets His Man, and Love in the Time of Murder. All books in the series are works of fiction. Names, characters, and events are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental. The incidents depicted are pure imagination.
Table of Contents
MURDER, MYSTERY & DATING MAYHEM
Chapter 1
“Middle of the Road” – The Pretenders
Chapter 2
"Let’s Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
Chapter 3
"Grandma" by Pam Feather
Chapter 4
"That’s What Friends are For” by Dionne Warwick
Chapter 5
"Bad Moon Rising” by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Chapter 6
"Friends Will be Friends” by Queen
Chapter 7
"Lightening Crashes” by Live
Chapter 8
"Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton
Chapter 9
"Listen” by Beyoncé
Chapter 10
"Call the Police” by James Morrison
Chapter 11
"With a Little Help from my Friends” by Joe Cocker
Chapter 12
"Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves
Chapter 13
"I Fought the Law” by The Clash
Chapter 14
"Please Read The Letter” by Robert Plant
Chapter 15
"Dream Weaver” by Gary Wright
Chapter 16
"Price Tag” by Jesse J
Chapter 17
"I Knew You were Trouble” by Taylor Swift
Chapter 18
"Land of Confusion” by Genesis
Chapter 19
"Building a Mystery” by Sarah McLachlan
Chapter 20
"I’ve been Searching” by Chicago
Chapter 21
"Ice Cream” by Sarah McClachlan
Chapter 22
"Contagious” by Avril Lavigne
Chapter 23
"Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis
Chapter 24
"I Never Knew You” by Jason Mraz
Chapter 25
"I’m a Mess” by Ed Sheeran
Chapter 26
"I’ll be Your Man” by James Blunt
Chapter 27
"Barbie Girl” by Aqua
Chapter 28
"I Can’t Drive 55” by Sammy Hagar
Chapter 29
"Don´t Tell Me What To Do” by Pam Tillis
Chapter 30
"Do You Want to Know a Secret?” by The Beatles
Chapter 31
"Thieves in the Temple” by Prince
Chapter 32
"Enter Sandman” by Metallica
Chapter 33
"Why Can’t This Be Love” by Van Halen
Chapter 34
“Guilty” by Joe Cocker
Chapter 35
“The End” by The Doors
Epilogue
"Happy” by Natasha Bedingfield
JACK GETS HIS MAN
Chapter 1
Oh babe, you can kick my ass anytime
Chapter 2
A hard-on wasn’t a turn-on
Chapter 3
I could really use some eye candy
Chapter 4
Don’t disappoint us
Chapter 5
What kind of name is Fred for a woman?
Chapter 6
I want to scream like a little girl and go hide
Chapter 7
Hot! He’s hot
Chapter 8
Just spit it out
Chapter 9
No office quickie?
Chapter 10
Wannabes my ass
Chapter 11
To tuck certain assets away
Chapter 12
It is what it is
Chapter 13
We need to do a recon mission
Chapter 14
Noel’s-mowing-without-a-T-shirt-on-phone tree
Chapter 15
Mr. Hot and Delicious Cop would be a great distraction
Chapter 16
They were going to get it now
Chapter 17
Sex was never the problem
Chapter 18
Well, crap
Chapter 19
I’m an idiot
Chapter 20
What do we do now?
Chapter 21
No hanky-panky!
Chapter 22
Don’t know if I want to go there
Chapter 23
No sense poking the bear
Chapter 24
Gather the troops
Chapter 25
Let’s get this party started
Chapter 26
Another recon mission
Chapter 27
Would we do something stupid?
Chapter 28
What’s your big idea?
Chapter 29
The drama train was chugging along
Chapter 30
It’s too late
Chapter 31
Chances were it was dangerous
Chapter 32
Fucking’s right
Chapter 33
Oh, it’s a problem alright
Chapter 34
It’s all really simple
Chapter 35
What the fuck do you know about it?
Chapter 36
My boobs are sore
Chapter 37
Another one bites the dust
LOVE IN THE TIME OF MURDER
Chapter 1
“Sometimes I feel my whole life has been one big rejection.” Marilyn Monroe
Chapter 2
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.” Robert Frost
Chapter 3
“There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t met yet.” William Butler Yeats
Chapter 4
“... the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Chapter 5
“Pity is just another form of abuse.” Michael J. Fox
Chapter 6
“…[a] woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself...” Susan B. Anthony
Chapter 7
“The one thing that can solve most of our problems is dancing.” James Brown
Chapter 8
“If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.” John Churton Collins
Chapter 9
“And the Queen... she reminds me of my grandma.” will.i.am
Chapter 10
“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Chapter 11
“There is nothing I would not do for those who are
really my friends.” Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
Chapter 12
“Honey, a girl can’t keep a man like that as a friend. He’s a lover or an ex-lover, but never a friend.” Nicole Williams, Crash
Chapter 13
“Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.” Ambrose Bierce
Chapter 14
“You want to believe that there's one relationship in life that's beyond betrayal. A relationship that's beyond that kind of hurt. And there isn't.” Caleb Carr
Chapter 15
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” Dr. Seuss
Chapter 16
“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Chapter 17
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
Chapter 18
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Mitch Albom
Chapter 19
“It is not possible to go forward while looking back.” Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
Chapter 20
“But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.” Khaled Hosseini
Chapter 21
“A photograph is usually looked at - seldom looked into.” Ansel Adams
Chapter 22
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison
Chapter 23
“Money's a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to meet.” Henry James
Chapter 24
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” Gloria Steinem
Chapter 25
“A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope.” Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
Chapter 26
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” Dr. Seuss
Chapter 27
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” Douglas Adams
Chapter 28
“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Chapter 29
“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it.” Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now
Chapter 30
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss
Chapter 31
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
Chapter 32
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss
Thanks!
MURDER, MYSTERY & DATING MAYHEM
By D.E. HAGGERTY
Copyright © 2015 D.E. Haggerty
All rights reserved.
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Murder, Mystery & Dating Mayhem is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and events are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental. The incidents depicted are pure imagination.
Dedication
To all the women who have survived turning 40 and managed to come out on the other side unscathed or perhaps just a tiny bit scathed, but all the stronger for it
Chapter 1
“Middle of the Road” – The Pretenders
“Ugh!” I shout at the mirror and throw my eyebrow tweezers at it. Expecting a loud thunk but only getting a little ping instead, annoys me further. Growing old sucks balls and not just any balls – big, hairy, sweaty balls. I can handle the wrinkles. Everyone gets wrinkles. I can even handle the gray hair. After all, it can look dignified or, more likely, be dyed back to its original color when all else fails. But dark hairs on my chin? That’s where I draw the line.
I hear a laugh behind me and look to see Jack staring at me with mirth in his eyes. I should have never given the man a key to my house. Jack is my BFF and has been since the first day of middle school. Some kid called me metal mouth and before I had a chance to smack him, which I totally would have, Jack came to my rescue. We’ve been inseparable ever since. When Jack came out to his parents, I was the one standing next to him holding his hand. He slept on the floor of my bedroom at my parents’ house for a month until his own calmed down.
Just because Jack is my BFF doesn’t mean I don’t get embarrassed when he catches me trying to rid myself of evidence that I am aging and much faster than him at that. Jack’s my age, but he looks at least a decade younger. Life is so freaking unfair!
“Put down your weapons,” Jack says and raises his hands in surrender.
“Ha, flipping ha,” I mutter. I narrow my eyes when I catch sight of a pink flyer in his hands. Oh no. My BFF is the king of harebrained schemes, and a pink flyer can only mean bad news. I start to back away but have nowhere to go in my tiny bathroom.
Jack smiles and starts stalking me like a predator. He waves the flyer at me. He actually bounces on his toes in excitement. “I signed you up for speed dating!” Speed dating? Also known as – how can I embarrass myself over and over in a single evening?
I stop moving backward, cross my arms across my chest and plant my feet. “You did what!” I may have shrieked.
Jack’s smile turns into a smirk.
“I’m not going,” I announce and try to push past him.
Jack is having none of that. He grips my elbow, stopping me. “Oh yes you are missy! You’re going or I’m going to tell everyone about your little chin hair problem.”
I gasp. “You wouldn’t!” He doesn’t respond but continues to smirk at me. Shoot, he totally would. The little creep! I drop my face into my hands and whine. “Why? Why are you doing this to me?”
Jack throws his head back and laughs. “Seriously?” He raises one eyebrow at me. “You need to get laid woman!”
It’s annoying how Jack is almost always right. I do indeed need to get laid. I recently turned forty, and I’ve been a widow for almost five years. I’ve tried getting back in the game a few times, but I’m just not that interested. Okay, I lie. I’m totally interested, but the dates I’ve suffered through since losing my husband were disasters of such epic proportions, I gave up.
I blame myself. I have no idea how to date. Ryan, my late husband, was my first and only boyfriend, and then I married him. We met in college and it’s not like dating is something you do in college, or at least I didn’t. Ryan and I just hung out together watching movies and having drinks at the bar with other friends. At some point, he started calling me his girlfriend and that was that. We married straight out of college and then he died when I was thirty-five. Going on your first date at the age of thirty-six is not fun, let me tell you. I’m awkward at the best of times. On a date, when I’m nervous, I’m a downright disaster. Speed dating can’t be any worse, I guess.
“Fine,” I groan. “When is it?”
“Tonight.” He mutters and then starts to back out of the room before turning tail and full-out running away.
“What?” I shout as I chase after him. I catch up to him and grab the flyer. He’s got some nerve. And then a brilliant idea hits me. I cross my arms and go on the attack. “If I have to go, then you’re going with me.”
Jack’s laughter immediately stops. It’s his turn to cross his arms. He looks down from his six-foot-three-inch towering height
and raises an eyebrow at me. “And, pray tell, who am I going to meet at this affair?” In case I miss his meaning, he adds a whole lot of diva to his voice.
“I don’t care,” I shrug. “But I’m not going alone and that’s final.”
“Fine,” Jack huffs and stalks off. “I’ll pick you up at 6,” he yells through the screen door.
Three hours later I’ve managed to rid my chin of any hairy evidence and cleaned myself up reasonably well. Since I don’t usually wear make-up, I suck, like majorly, at putting it on, but the bags under my eyes aren’t going to disappear on their own. Puffy eyes are testimony of an afternoon spent staring at my computer screen working on Jack’s website. As a freelance graphic designer, I have to grab every assignment that I can. But even if I didn’t need to take every job that comes my way, this is Jack we’re talking about. I’d do anything for the man – even humiliate myself at a speed dating event – and he knows it.
I put down the eyeliner pencil and have a look at the results. For a middle-aged woman, I don’t look entirely unfortunate. Even though I workout like the devil possessed, I’m slightly overweight but at a height of five-eight, I can carry a bit of extra weight. Fortunately, for me, most of my weight falls into the tits and ass categories. My hair is curly, brown, and currently long. I hope my long eyelashes and sparkly green eyes distract from the wrinkles around my eyes.
The doorbell rings and halts my perusal of my looks. I grab my bag and jacket from the bed and head to the front door. Jack’s already standing inside. He only rang the doorbell to make sure I got a move on.
“Damn girl, you look hot!” He exclaims as I reach up on tippy toes to kiss his cheek.
“You know,” I say as we head out the door to Jack’s car. “If you just played for the other team, we could get together and wouldn’t have to do the stupid speed dating thing.”
Jack laughs as he opens his car door for me. “We tried that, remember?”
Why does Jack have to remind me? At the start of high school, I forced Jack to take me to the homecoming dance. Even though he had yet to come out, he was already pretty comfortable with being gay, but I had convinced myself I was in love with my best friend. After the dance, I kissed him on the mouth. His reaction? He yelled “yuck!” and wiped his mouth. It took a month of schmoozing before I would talk to the handsome, gay guy again.
Chapter 2
"Let’s Get It On" by Marvin Gaye