The Gray-Haired Knitting Detective Series: (Books 1 - 3)

by D. E. Haggerty

  Jack waited until the ladies were out of hearing range before he spoke, “Well at least the kitchen table is safe from you two now.” He giggled.

  Noel chuckled while Izzy gasped. Her face turned a bright shade of red and her eyes widened to huge saucers. “You don’t mean,” Jack looked at the two. Noel nodded. “That will be some story to tell your child. Guess where you were conceived?” Jack slapped his forehead. “Oh, God, I’m going to be sick. I was present at the conception of this child.”

  “Geez, Jack, stop being a drama queen. It’s not like you stayed for the final act,” Izzy narrowed her eyes at him. “You didn’t, did you?”

  Jack slapped a hand across his chest. “Of course, I didn’t. I mean Noel’s got a fine ass.” Noel cleared his throat, but Izzy nodded enthusiastically in agreement. “But the whole male on female thing does nothing for me.”

  Izzy laughed. “I’m thinking we won’t be telling our child she was conceived on the kitchen table because her dad was too impatient to walk up the stairs.”

  “I wasn’t the only impatient one,” Noel whispered into her ear.

  Jack cleared his throat. “You two are insatiable!”

  “It’s the pregnancy hormones.” Izzy shrugged her shoulders. “Can’t help it.”

  “And the fact that you’re married to that hunk has nothing to with it?” Noel grunted. Jack was surprised he didn’t beat his chest like a caveman.

  “It doesn’t hurt to have a hunk on hand to take care of business,” Izzy agreed. The women returned with coffee and some leftover pie they had found hiding in the refrigerator. “But that’s my emergency pie!”

  They tsked at her. “Izzy girl,” Ally chided. “Do you really think we don’t remember what it’s like to be pregnant? We’ll start a roster of pie-making duties.”

  “Oh, my God! I love you guys… err… gals,” Izzy shouted and then inhaled a piece of pie before anyone else could get their hands on it.

  Chapter 13

  We need to do a recon mission

  Jack sat on Izzy’s sofa with the ladies in full-on detective mode. Rose had spent the day going through as much of Fabulous, Darling’s finances as possible and now everyone was chomping at the bit to hear what she’d discovered. The theories and conspiracies became ever more outrageous the longer they waited for Wyatt to arrive. When Wyatt finally blessed everyone with his appearance, one look from him let Jack know he was in for it. Without a word, Jack stood and motioned for Wyatt to follow him. He walked into Izzy’s office with Wyatt on his heels and closed the door behind him.

  Jack didn’t even get a chance to say ‘hi’ before Wyatt started in. “What the hell, Jack?” Jack raised an eyebrow in question. “Why are they here?”

  Jack sighed. “You agreed with Rose going through the accounts.”

  Wyatt glared. “Yeah, Rose. But not with a group of grandmas who should be home baking or something. Not putting their noses in someone else’s business.”

  Jack seethed. How dare he? He took a deep breath and counted to ten before answering. “I know it might seem strange to you, but they can help,” Wyatt grunted and put his hands on his hips. “Really. They helped solve Grandma’s murder.”

  Wyatt shook his head at Jack. “Seriously? You expect me to believe that? I’ve asked around since the other day. Everyone says they caused chaos but nothing about actually helping.”

  Jack shrugged. “You know how rumors are in this town. They never get anything right.”

  Wyatt stepped closer to Jack. “Why do you trust them more than you trust me?”

  “Huh?” Jack’s head spun at the change of topic. “What do you mean?”

  Wyatt reached forward and ran his finger down Jack’s cheek. “You’ve been avoiding me since we got back together.”

  Jack’s teeth clenched together. “We’re not back together. We made a mistake. That’s all.”

  “A mistake?” Wyatt took a step closer. “If you want my help, you’re going to have to admit to yourself that we are back together.”

  Jack barked out a laugh. He was done with Wyatt and his dramatics. “Your help? I don’t need or want your help.” He reached for the door. “If you want to be a part of this, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine as well. I don’t care either way.” He opened the door and looked back. “No matter what. We’re not back together.”

  Izzy was waiting for Jack at the entrance to the living room, but he just shook his head at her. She scrunched her nose but nodded. Wyatt rushed out of the office and slammed the door as he left the house. Jack shrugged and walked back to sit on the sofa. He allowed Izzy to hold his hand.

  The ladies watched Wyatt storm down the walkway to his car. Jack heard someone sing someone’s in trouble, but he couldn’t be sure who it was. He cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. Everyone immediately turned around and quieted down.

  “So,” Jack said looking at Rose. “Did you learn anything today?”

  Rose grabbed her notebook and shook her head. “Not really. I didn’t have much time so I just went through this month’s accounts. Everything seems pretty normal.” She handed him her notebook. “This is the profit and loss statement I copied.”

  Jack looked at it, his forehead crinkling. “The profits are much lower than we’ve been seeing. Why’s that?”

  Rose shrugged. “I can only know that if I review the previous months, maybe previous years.”

  Jack closed his eyes. “How long would that take?”

  “A few days, a week, maybe longer?” Rose shook her head. “This isn’t my area of expertise, but I could do a line by line comparison and see if there are any discrepancies.”

  Jack nodded. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be at the office for more than a day.” He had no problems with Rose being at the office, but Rose and the gray-haired gang were inseparable, and that he didn’t need. Danny had spent thirty minutes complaining to him about the gang. If there was anything more annoying than a grown man whining about the proper placement of women’s clothing for thirty minutes, he didn’t have a clue what that would be.

  “Well,” Rose slowly responded. “If you can get me the information, I can go through it at home.”

  Jack nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Betty cleared her throat. “So, what do we do in the meantime?” Thank God, Noel had gone to work. Jack was pretty sure Betty was about to get herself and the rest of the geriatric crew into a whole mess of trouble.

  “What do you mean?” Jack’s angelic voice almost sounded genuine.

  Betty grunted. “So you think this Damien guy is the one stealing from you?”

  Jack shrugged. “There’s nothing to point to that. Rose said this month’s accounts don’t look fudged or anything.”

  Another grunt. “But you didn’t have any problems until Damien showed up?”

  Jack didn’t dare respond. He had a feeling he knew where this was leading, and he didn’t like it one bit. His feelings had nothing to do with the fact that he was impossibly attracted to Damien. Nothing at all.

  “We need to do a recon mission,” Ally whispered and then looked around as if the walls had ears.

  “Recon?” asked Martha.

  “You know. Reconnaissance. Check things out,” Ally explained.

  Betty snorted. “You mean snooping.” Ally nodded quickly and grinned.

  “I’m in!” The gang of grandmas chimed in unison.

  “Oh, crap.” Izzy leaned forward. “Noel’s gonna be pissed when he finds out. Especially that I’m involved.” She smirked at Jack. “But I’m totally in.”

  Jack shrugged. “I still have my cat suit.”

  Betty rubbed her hands together. “So, what are we looking for?” She turned to Rose.

  “Well, if he’s stealing, then we should look for whether he’s living above his means. Driving a car he can’t afford, living in a house that’s above his pay level, stuff like that.” Jack looked at Rose in surprise. He’d never heard her speak so m
uch. And she sounded like she knew what she was talking about.

  Betty clapped. “Okay, Jack.” Jack nearly snapped to attention at her commanding voice. He stopped himself and nodded instead. “We’ll need his address and his salary amount.”

  Izzy held up her hand as if she were waiting to be called upon. Betty rolled her eyes. “Yes, Izzy?”

  “Damien just started working at Fabulous, Darling. He could have money from before or I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Be independently wealthy or something.”

  Jack snorted. “I think we can assume that someone working as a bookkeeper for me isn’t independently wealthy.”

  “Okay. But what about previous jobs? If he took a pay cut to work with you, then seeing if he ‘lives above his means’ is not gonna work.” Apparently sarcasm wasn’t enough to get her point across, so she used her fingers to create air quotes.

  Rose cleared her throat. “How did you decide his salary?”

  Jack shrugged. “He gave me a figure. I didn’t think it was outrageous, so that’s what I gave him.”

  “Wow,” breathed Martha. “I wish you had been my boss when I was still working.”

  Jack’s face heated up, but he didn’t speak.

  “I think we can assume that he would ask for an amount close to what he was receiving before. Maybe a bit more but nothing outrageous,” Rose said, and the other ladies nodded in agreement.

  “Okay.” Betty was back to rubbing her hands together. “When can we go on this recon mission?”

  Chapter 14

  Noel’s-mowing-without-a-T-shirt-on-phone tree

  Jack, Izzy, and the ladies met up at Izzy’s house the following night. The women were tittering in excitement. They had obviously coordinated their going-on-recon outfits. Their matching ensembles consisted of black, stretchy pants, black blouses, and black orthopedic shoes. They even had matching black scarves to hide their silver locks. Jack wondered if he should be escorting them to a casual funeral instead of going on this so-called recon mission.

  Jack had debated about getting into the catsuit and going on this ‘mission’. He mentally slapped his head at his use of the word mission. Sometimes he hung around the detective wannabes a bit too much. He knew that the most likely scenario was that Damien was stealing from him, but he just couldn’t believe it. Damien hadn’t tried to run and answered his questions when Jack confronted him. Damien had to be innocent. Jack’s conclusion had nothing to do with Damien registering out of this world on the hot-o-meter. Absolutely nothing.

  Izzy, on the other hand, wasn’t wearing anything remotely recon-mission-like. “What’s with the getup, Iz?” Jack asked as they formed their plan at Izzy’s kitchen table.

  Izzy blushed lightly. “I want to go with but I know Noel will go completely crazy if he finds out I’ve been sneaking around at night trying to break into someone’s house while I’m pregnant.” She shrugged. “He’s overprotective enough when I’m not pregnant. I don’t need an excuse for him to lock me in the basement.”

  Martha fanned herself. “He’s so overprotective. It’s hot.”

  Ally agreed. “And I get to see him mow the lawn with his shirt off.” She sighed.

  “Really?” Rosemary raised her eyebrows. “You call the minute you see Jack arrive here but when Noel’s out mowing without his shirt on, you don’t call?”

  Ally shrugged. “I don’t like to share.”

  “Seriously?” Now Martha was annoyed as well.

  Ally shrugged again. “I only have the one pair of binoculars.”

  “So? We’ll bring our own,” Martha said and Rosemary nodded in agreement. Rose, who had kept quiet, agreed as well.

  “Fine!” Ally waved her hands in surrender. “I’ll call you the next time Noel’s mowing without his shirt on.”

  “Hey! What about me?” Jack pouted.

  Betty clapped her hands. “We’ll add you to the Noel’s-mowing-without-a-T-shirt-on phone tree.” She cleared her throat. “Can we get back to the mission?”

  Izzy’s giggle was cut off when Betty pierced her with a threatening look. “Sorry,” she mumbled to Betty while staring at her hands. Jack coughed to cover his laugh.

  “Are we really gonna break in this time?” asked Martha. The last time they’d done a recon mission when they were searching for Izzy’s grandma’s killer, they hadn’t managed to actually get into the house. The occupant had scared the bejesus out of Izzy and she had gone running like a banshee.

  “I don’t think we need to get into the house. Can’t we just look through the windows and peek in? See if Damien’s got a lot of fancy stuff.” Rose’s suggestion sounded reasonable to Jack. He really doubted anyone could break into the house anyway. Although he wouldn’t put it past Betty to figure out a way in.

  “Okay.” Betty nodded. “We’ll take two cars and park a few houses away. Izzy will stay in the car. She’ll be our lookout as well as our getaway driver.”

  “She’s got you pegged right,” Jack whispered to Izzy and she giggled. Betty glared at them.

  “We’ll go in two groups. Jack, Ally, and Martha, you’re in the first group. You drive with Jack and take the backyard.” They nodded. “Rosemary and Rose, you’re with me. We’re in Izzy’s car.” Everyone nodded and stood. They loaded up in the cars and headed towards Damien’s house.

  Damien’s neighborhood was nothing to write home about. The homes were typical lower middle-class, single-story ranch houses. The yards were decent sized and all the lawns were mowed and otherwise well-kept. Jack looked around in disappointment. He didn’t like the idea of Damien living in an average home in an average neighborhood. Nothing about Damien said average.

  Everyone crept out of the cars and gathered at Izzy’s trunk. “You know your assignments,” Betty whispered as if they were a team of spies from Mission: Impossible. Except everyone nodded in apparent glee. No one on Mission: Impossible ever seemed gleeful to start a new mission

  Izzy crept back into the driver’s seat of her car as the group split in two. Jack grabbed Ally’s hand on his right and Martha’s hand on his left. He ignored their giggles and started to walk up Damien’s driveway to get to the backyard. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed there were no lights on in the house.

  Hey, wait a minute! Where was Damien at this time at night? Why wasn’t he home? Did he have a boyfriend? Was he out at a bar trying to pick someone up? Jack stopped and tried to turn around. He needed to go find out where Damien was. Who did he think he was? First, stealing from him and then cheating on him. Oh, wait. They were only an item in Jack’s head. Okay, Jack was maybe getting a bit carried away with his Damien fantasy. Too many late night hand sessions could do that to a guy.

  The tug from Ally on his arm got him turned around and back into reality. The backyard was nothing special. It was a simple rectangle of grass. There was no landscaping of any kind. No trees, shrubs, or flower gardens. Huh? Could Jack have read Damien wrong? He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to have a boring backyard, but this was beyond boring. Jack huffed.

  There was a sliding door in the middle of the house. Jack, trailed by Ally and Martha, crept toward it. Ally pulled a flashlight out of her pocket and they peered in. A dining room table piled with stacks of mail and newspapers was all they could see. That sure didn’t spell thief. They tiptoed away from the sliding door. Martha pointed to the other windows.

  Of course, only Jack was tall enough to look in the windows. He crept from window to window with the terrible two dragging along behind him. The first window was the kitchen. The kitchen with its yellow appliances and flowered wallpaper looked like it had been fashionable in the 70s. At least it was clean. Jack made a face but said nothing. It was impossible to see anything through the other two windows as they were covered with heavy curtains. Probably bedrooms.

  Jack hoped that Betty and her crew were having better luck. He heard a long honk right before he looked up and saw flashing blue lights. Shit. He grabbed Betty and Martha and ran toward the garage h
oping to get to the neighbor’s yard on the other side. Unfortunately, someone was waiting for them.

  “Hands in the air. Drop to your knees,” was shouted at them. Blinded by a flashlight, it was impossible to identify the speaker.

  Martha huffed. “There is no way I’m going to my knees, young man,” she yelled at the light.

  “Me either. I’ll never be able to get up again.” Ally agreed and put her hands on her hips in protest.

  Jack shook his head but quickly dropped to his knees. Only he would get caught while snooping with two grandmas who refused to listen to the police. He hung his head and pretended he was somewhere else, anywhere else.

  The cop lowered his flashlight and brought out a pair of cuffs. He started walking toward the group but stumbled when he took in Ally and Martha. He shook his head. “Are you ladies willing to go quietly into my squad car?” he asked.

  Ally and Martha took one look at the cop and nodded. “Wherever you want to go, officer,” Martha responded. Oh, great. Now they were flirting with the arresting officer. Jack waited patiently on his knees until the cop reached him. He was cuffed and then dragged to his feet.

  “Come on ladies,” the officer stated while pulling Jack to his patrol vehicle.

  There were two squad cars in Damien’s driveway. Betty, Rosemary, and Rose were already sitting in the backseat of the other car. They waved as Jack passed with Ally and Martha in tow. Jack shook his head at them and looked for Izzy. She sat in her car and mouthed sorry but didn’t make a move to help them. Jack knew it wouldn’t help anything if Izzy got out of the car. She’d just get arrested as well, but still he stuck his tongue out at her. The cop scanned the area to see where Jack’s tongue was pointed. Izzy immediately started up the car and with a squeal of the tires, took off. Jack chuckled.

  When Jack got into the back of the squad car, his nose wrinkled. Was that urine he smelled? He was pretty sure he now knew why no one looked gleeful on Mission: Impossible.