Static Mayhem

by Edward Aubry

  Harrison looked past Apryl. He could still see Claudia and Jake. His earlier prediction of a possible collision prediction had not come true. Claudia had apparently been aware of Jake the whole time, and when she reached him, she put her hand on his arm. He turned his head quickly, so it seemed he had not seen her coming.

  "I'm not so sure Jake is still going to want to live with me when we get there," Apryl said. "It'll probably be better for him, anyway, to get a little independence. Do they let people take rooms alone? Or do we have to have roommates?"

  So, thought Harrison, it begins. His first impression of her had been that she was smart and attractive, that she must be simply biding her time with Jake until someone better came along. Later, when she spoke up in Jake's defense, he had thought he had misjudged her and had chided himself for assuming that she would be so shallow. It looked now like he had been right the first time. She was already getting ready to dump Jake. For his own good. Sure thing. Harrison surprised himself by being disappointed in her. He had actually been hoping, for once, that his cynicism was off-base. He had believed that Apryl was made out of better stuff than that.

  "I have a cabin all to myself," Jeannette was saying, "and there are plenty of rooms in the hotels for single occupants. If you two want to live separately, that shouldn't be a problem."

  Except maybe for Jake, thought Harrison. Maybe he was imagining it, but it seemed to him that Jeannette was disappointed as well.

  Harrison watched Claudia talking to Jake. She was holding her arms out like wings, and then she held them up with an expression of mock alarm. She was laughing. He was laughing, too. She was telling him a story, though Harrison had no idea what it was. He also noticed that Claudia was laughing a lot more than he had seen her do recently. She seemed to be laughing at almost everything Jake said.

  "Don't look now," said Jeannette, "but our little girl appears to be taking an interest in your man."

  Apryl looked at Harrison, and he pointed over her shoulder at Jake and Claudia. She turned to look. What she saw did not appear to clarify the comment. "What, you mean Jake?" she said.

  Jeannette was visibly confused. "Ah," she said. "I thought you two were-"

  "Jake is seventeen!"

  Harrison had misread his age, evidently. He was gratified to see he had not been the only one to make that mistake. "How old are you?" he asked.

  "Twenty-five!"

  In that moment, Harrison's picture of their relationship resolved itself into a completely different shape. Apryl wasn't protective in an overbearing girlfriend way, but like a big sister. She wasn't dumping Jake, she was kicking him out of the nest. He had absolutely no sense of whether they had offended her by assuming that she and Jake were involved. It seemed like it could go either way. He tried apologizing.

  "I thought that, too," he said. "I think we all did. You both look like you could be about twenty, and I just assumed you had paired off. That was pretty stupid. I guess."

  She was looking at him with her mouth screwed up, assessing both the insult and the apology. She smirked. "It is kind of funny, actually," she said. "Maybe I should have said something earlier. It just never occurred to me that you all would think that." She scratched her forehead. "Maybe you should pass it along, clear it up. Don't say anything to Jake, though," she added. "I think he'd be seriously embarrassed."

  Glimmer touched down on the blanket. Today's choice from the Barbie wardrobe had sheer sleeves, a black corset, and a skirt with a black and purple swirl pattern. On her head was a black pointy hat with a wide brim. She also held a small plastic broomstick, only a functionless prop. No shoes.

  "Little early for Halloween," said Jeannette. "Isn't it?"

  Glimmer shrugged, and helped herself to a cookie crumb from an open omni. "It's a pretty dress," she said. "I didn't realize it was seasonal."

  "What's the status on our fungal friend?" asked Harrison.

  "Coming along," she said. "It's starting to trust us. Shouldn't be more than an hour or two now."

  Harrison felt an unexpected pang of guilt. "Trust us? Wow. It's in for a rough surprise. I didn't realize we were tricking it." He took a sip from a bottle of Coke. "Seems wrong, somehow."

  Glimmer gawked at him. "It's a mushroom, Harry. Get a grip."

  He laughed. "Right. Never mind."

  Glimmer let out an exasperated sigh, fishing for more crumbs. "This whole thing feels like a fool's errand to me."

  "What?" said Apryl. "The scavenger hunt? I thought this was your idea."

  "Yeah," said the pixie, chewing. "Still, it's just a guess, and not a very sound one at that." She swallowed. "It's just, we're preparing a remedy for something that couldn't really be the cause. I mean, obviously, the timing is pretty convincing, but what your guy built really shouldn't have been able to do all this." She waved to indicate the whole planet. "As near as Hadley can tell, it shouldn't have done anything at all. He would have needed to cast a spell to activate it, and he wouldn't have had any way to do that. And even if he could, these things are for disrupting magic, but before he set it off, there was no magic here. All the magic in this world came afterwards, probably from the bomb itself. It all just takes us around in circles. It makes no sense." She brushed her hands, wiping off metacrumbs. "I just wish he had been able to tell us something."

  Jeannette looked away. "I have a few wishes of my own," she said bitterly.

  "I know," said Glimmer, shaking her head. "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up first." She flew around Jeannette and hovered in front of her face. "It wasn't your fault," she said. "You never could have seen that coming."

  "I know it wasn't my fault," said the doctor. "This stuff happens all the time, even when the patient isn't cursed. It's just so damn frustrating. If you'd been there from the start, we might have been able to save him." Glimmer shook her head, sadly. The pixie had seen the mess in the old man's chest cavity. Saving him had never been an option. "All right, then," said Jeannette. "We might have at least made him comfortable, or coherent enough to tell us something useful. I think it's safe to say we're all frustrated by that."

  "What was that thing he said when we first got there?" asked Harrison. "Something about tying someone up. Maybe he wasn't just delirious. Do you think that might have meant something?"

  "Roping somebody," corrected Jeannette. "I assumed he was having a fever dream."

  "Rope him," said Apryl. They all turned to look at her. "He had been saying that for weeks. We would ask him, 'rope who?' but he never explained it. He just kept saying it over and over. 'Rope him. Rope him.' He also kept saying it wasn't his fault. We kind of figured he was projecting blame onto someone, but he wouldn't say who."

  Harrison shook his head in frustration. If it did mean something, they'd never know now.

  "Glimmer?" said Jeannette. Her tone was more worried than inquisitive, and Harrison looked at the pixie.

  She was chewing her knuckle. Her eyes were wide, and there were two streaks of glitter leading from them to her chin. He realized, as the moment drew out in slow motion, that he had never seen pixie tears before. His heart started racing.

  Glimmer took her finger out of her mouth. She was not making eye contact with any of them. "Why," she started, and choked. They waited a second for her regain her composure, during which she turned on Harrison. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me this before?"

  No one moved.

  "What?" Harrison asked, trying not to panic. Of all the people there, he was the one best able to know from Glimmer's manner that the time to panic had arrived.

  Glimmer took a deep breath. "Jeannette," she said, still looking at Harrison. "Get Apryl back to the buggy. Tell Sgt. Smith to call Lt. Anderson and request an immediate pickup. Harrison, go tell Claudia and Jake that we're going back to Chicago. Right now. I'll get Alec and Louise."

  "What about the mushroom?"

  "Fuck the mushroom!"

  Jeannette and Apryl weren't moving. "Go," said Harrison. They went.
To Glimmer, he said, very quietly, "We're not safe here, are we?"

  She flew to his ear, which he knew was completely unnecessary, and whispered, "We aren't safe anywhere." Then she flew away.

  Harrison sprinted to the brook. Claudia and Jake were still laughing. Harrison looked at Jake and finally saw it: he was just a boy. "Let's go, kids," he said, clapping his hands. "Back to the buggy. Glimmer says we have to get a move on."

  Claudia looked puzzled, but not quite suspicious. "Why?"

  "She didn't say," Harrison lied. "Maybe she just found some manticore poop that we have to collect. Who knows? She just said we need to head out, Now."

  Claudia's eyes narrowed. Now she was suspicious. "Before we have the mushroom?"

  "Yeah." He was a terrible liar, and knew that the more he explained, the fishier it would sound.

  "Go on back," Claudia said to Jake. "I need to have a word with Harrison." Jake looked at both of them. He clearly didn't want to be involved in whatever dynamic he was seeing, but he obeyed her. "What's going on?" she said.

  "I truly don't know," Harrison said. "We told Glimmer that the old guy kept saying, 'rope him,' before he died, and she freaked out. We have to go now."

  "Rope who?" said Claudia.

  "Rope whom," said Harrison.

  Claudia put her hand over her eyes and said through her teeth, "Oh, I could just slap-"

  "I don't know! Did you hear it that time? I don't know why, but we have to get going."

  Alec and Louise were running up the bank of the stream now. Claudia chose to wait for them.

  "Why are you two still here?" barked Louise.

  "I …," said Claudia, then stopped, probably realizing she didn't have an excuse. She had stayed there to fence with Harrison.

  He guessed that Louise wouldn't want to hear that. "We're going now," he said.

  There was a splash in the little river. It was dramatic enough that Claudia got wet, and her reflex was to be pissed off. "Damn it!" she said, shaking her hands. She looked up at Louise.

  Squatting on the back of the president's neck was a bright green animal, the approximate shape of a frog and the approximate size of a beaver. Unlike a frog, it had a long prehensile tail, which was wrapped around the president's eyes, and a very wide mouth, which was clamped over her shoulder, covering it completely, from her head to halfway down her upper arm. Blood was running from under its lips.

  Louise fell to the ground.

  The frog thing leapt straight into the air. It was moving so fast Harrison thought it might actually be flying, but then he saw the parabola turn, and he knew it was just a freakishly high jump. Alec had his left hand raised and pointed at the creature, and for an instant, Harrison thought the spy was trying to bring it down using the Force. He had a very bizarre cognitive moment as he tried to remember which impossible things were now possible. Then he heard a monstrous squeal. Alec might actually have succeeded. By the time the beast had hit the ground, however, Bess's hilt was clearly visible, protruding from its torso. Alec knelt and felt Louise's wrist, then her neck. Her shoulder was a mess, covered with blood and badly swollen. Her skin was turning black. He looked up at Harrison wordlessly, shook his head, then ran over to collect the fallen creature.

  Claudia buckled. "Louise? Louise! Are you?" She touched Louise's hair.

  This was happening way too fast for Harrison. They had gone from being in trouble to being under attack to being leaderless in just moments. As afraid as Harrison was, his response was negligible compared to Claudia's. "Claudia?" he said. "You've got to get back to the buggy."

  If she heard him, she didn't show it. "Louise?" she begged. "Mom?"

  And here was another piece of the puzzle Harrison had not seen before. Given his own experience with New Chicago's adoption policy, he should have, but somehow he had assumed that a law that applied to everyone under the age of eighteen would not apply to this one girl. But of course it did. Of course it would.

  "Claudia," he crouched down next to her. "Claudia, come on. We have to go!"

  She was sobbing. "I love you," she said, stroking Louise's face. "You know I love you, right?"

  Harrison looked at Louise's open, motionless eyes. "She knows," he said. "We have to go, now."

  "Mom?" said Claudia again.

  He grabbed her shoulder. "Tiananmen! We have to go!"

  She slapped him across the face, hard enough to knock him to the ground. Before he could get up, she dropped to her knees on his chest and slapped him again.

  "Don't you ever call me that!" she shrieked. He could feel hot tears falling on his face. "That fat bastard Bob called me that, like he thought it was funny! I hate him! Don't you ever use that word around me!"

  "Claudia," he whispered. "We have to go."

  She woke up.

  She climbed off him, stood up, and rubbed her eyes. She looked down at Louise's supine form. "Oh, God!" she cried out, covered her eyes. Harrison took her shoulder, more gently this time. She shook it off. "I'm okay," she lied.

  "Good," he lied back. "Get going." She ran.

  Harrison went over to Alec, who was studying the creature. "Where's Glimmer?" he asked.

  "Went scouting," said Alec. "Not soon enough, I'd say." He looked up. "Why aren't you back at the transport?"

  Harrison ignored the question. "What is that?" he asked, pointing to the small, dead monster.

  "I have no bloody idea," said Alec.

  His choice of words turned Harrison's stomach. "Are you coming?" he asked.

  Alec nodded, then picked up the creature by its front and back legs, and flung it over his shoulders. Harrison resisted the urge to throw up. They started to sprint. Alec was the faster runner, by far, and did not even look back to see if Harrison was keeping up. For once, Harrison did not blame him.

  A bolt of lightning hit Alec in the back. He tumbled to the ground.

  Harrison stopped dead. The lightning had come from behind him.

  He whipped around. Standing way back near the trees where they had found the mushroom was a creature, vaguely humanoid, but not human. It was shorter than Harrison, probably by at least a foot, maybe two. Its skin was a dark gray, and even from a distance it looked diseased, lumpy, flaky. It wore a robe that looked like it had been woven from pure filth, and atop its head, resting between two oversized, top-mounted ears, sat a dark gray cone, a mockery of a wizard's hat or a dunce cap. Its hands were glowing and smoking. It was grinning, and its teeth seemed to glow yellow against its gray features. On either side of it, two humans emerged from the trees. They were carrying drawn swords. Harrison tried to estimate the amount of time it would take him to find and draw Bess. He didn't like his odds.

  One of them shouted at Harrison, "Put your hands-"

  But Harrison never learned where they wanted his hands. Orange light streaked through all three hostiles, zigzagging between them. He had seen this before. Even knowing what it was did not make it less upsetting. They fell in a swamp of their own blood. He watched the streak of orange light zip straight up, then down into the stream.

  An instant later, Glimmer hovered in front of him, clean, naked, and angry. "Why are you still running around out here?" she demanded.

  "I was getting Alec," he said.

  She looked down at the crumpled spy. "Looks like you got him."

  "Is everyone back?" he asked, walking faster now, still shaking.

  "Mike is dead," she said. The sergeant. Another death, so quickly. Harrison felt unexpected regret. Mike Smith had been unlike Harrison in almost every way, and he hadn't had much success connecting with him. He had hoped he might get to know the man better. Now he never would. "Everyone else is locked inside the transport," she told him. "We were ambushed over there. Three guys with swords. He apparently killed one of them, but the other two overpowered him before I got there. They're dead now."

  Harrison walked past Alec's body, not looking down at it.

  "What are you doing?" said Glimmer. He stopped and turned around. She was hove
ring over Alec. "I can't drag him the whole way back myself."

  "He's alive?"

  "Oh," said Glimmer, slapping her head. "Right. Duh. Sorry. Yeah. He's still alive. Should've said that first."

  "What about Louise?" he asked desperately, suddenly finding a flimsy shred of hope on which to hang the question.

  Glimmer sighed. "No. Tough break, that."

  Harrison went back to Alec's unconscious form, picked him up by the shoulders, and started hauling him back to the transport. He was heavier than he looked. When they heard a sudden roar overhead, Harrison almost dropped him. He looked up to see the familiar form of the flier. "Thank God. That was fast."

  "It's the wrong color," said Glimmer, and Harrison froze. They only had one of those vehicles, having stolen it during their stay in Texas. Theirs was olive green. This one was reddish black. It was almost the same exact shape, but now Harrison noticed a few subtle differences in form.

  As Harrison and Glimmer watched, the new flier swooped down on the transport. It lowered itself slowly on top of it. Its claws were open, hungry, greedy.

  "Nooo!" cried Harrison. He dropped Alec to the ground and ran.

  The roar got louder. It seemed to be coming from two directions at once. He pushed himself to go faster, having no idea if he would get there in time, or what he could possibly do to make a difference. The volume of the roar grew behind him, and a gust of hot wind threw him to the ground. Lying on his belly, he could not see what happened next.

  He heard it, though.

  It was the sound of metal on metal, angry, destructive, unwilling to yield, yet yielding all the same. It was the very hammer and anvil of the gods. The horrible noise sounded twice more, and somewhere nestled inside it was something like the sound of breaking glass.