Michelle nodded. “That would sure help.”
“Do you think I’d ever get to see him again if I gave him up?” Amber asked.
“Probably not. But you’d have to ask the adoption agency about that. Maybe your social worker could give you more information.” As she was speaking, the bell rang.
“Yeah.” Amber paused then added, “Thanks for everything.” She stood up. “Guess I’d better go.”
“Amber came and talked to me at lunch today,” Michelle said to Steve that night as they sat around the dinner table. “She asked me if I thought she should consider adoption.”
“What’s adoption, Mommy?” Madison asked, her mouth full of broccoli.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Michelle reminded her.
“Adoption is when a mommy and daddy get a special gift from God,” Steve told their daughter.
Madison swallowed her food. “What kind of gift?”
“A baby,” Michelle replied.
“Or sometimes an older child,” Steve added.
“Doesn’t the baby’s mommy want to keep it?” Maddie asked.
“Sometimes mommies can’t keep their babies, honey,” she replied.
“Are you going to keep me?” Maddie asked, her brow furrowed.
“Of course we are, princess,” Steve said. “You will always, always be our little girl.”
“Even when I grow up big like Mommy?” she wanted to know.
Steve smiled and tweaked her nose. “Even then.”
She grinned. “Can we adoption a baby so I have a brother or sister?”
“No sweetheart. We aren’t adopting a baby,” Michelle corrected. She momentarily thought again of little Caleb. He’d be about seven now. She prayed a silent prayer for the son they’d never know.
As if reading her mind, Steve reached over and placed his hand on hers. She looked at him and saw a glimmering of the disappointment they both had experienced those seven years ago. Then she redirected her attention to their daughter. “Finished?” she asked.
Madison nodded. “Can I go play?” she asked, pushing her chair away from the table.
“Sure. But bath time’s in half an hour,” Michelle replied. She watched as Madison scampered off, her braids bouncing as she left.
“How come you were so nice to me when we used to see each other at the park?” Jack demanded.
“What are you talking about?” Amber replied.
“I’m talking about how you treat me now that we’re home.” He paused and then added, “You’re different, Amber.”
“Fat and mean,” she offered sarcastically.
“Yeah,” he replied, turning to leave the room.
“I’m not fat, stupid. I’m pregnant.” She plopped down on her bed and looked away from him.
“Funny,” he replied. “You’re hilarious.”
“I’m not trying to be funny, Jack.” Her vision blurred with tears, and she cussed softly under her breath. “It’s true. I’m pregnant. I’m having a baby, little brother. What do you think of that?”
Jack stared at her, incredulous. “Does Mom know?”
“Of course she knows, moron.” Amber hated talking to him like this, but the words just seemed to find their own way out of her mouth.
“You’re messed up, Amber,” he said.
“You think?” she replied, shaking her head.
“So what are you going to do? Have an abortion?”
“No. I’m having the baby.” She studied his face for a reaction.
Jack’s expression told all. “You can’t have a baby. You’re only fourteen.”
“I know how old I am, Jack. And I am having a baby. It’s a boy.”
“How do you know?” he asked.
“They show you at the doctor’s office,” she replied. “It’s called an ultrasound. You can see the baby in there.”
Jack’s eyes were like saucers. “Are you going to keep it?” he finally asked.
“Maybe. I don’t know yet,” she said. “But hey, think of this, little brother – you’re going to be an uncle. Uncle Jack.”
“Whoa…” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’ve never heard of a kid being an uncle.”
“Well now you have.” She picked up a throw pillow from the bed and hugged it. “Uncle Jack.”
He looked at her and grinned. “Mommy!”
Amber pelted him with the pillow while he ducked for cover. As they both laughed, she felt a new sensation lifting some of the oppressive weight on her shoulders.
Hope.
Maybe she really could do this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Amber awoke from a dream of the park. This time she was with her baby, pushing him in the infant swing as he giggled in delight. She lay still in bed, savoring the dream. It was Saturday, and she didn’t have to hurry off to school.
Placing her hand over the baby’s hidden dwelling, she spoke softly. “I love you, little guy.” And then she felt it — a kick that startled her. “Whoa!” She sat up and called out to her mom.
“What is it?” her mother asked as she rushed into Amber’s room looking panicky.
“I just felt him move,” Amber replied. “He kicked really hard right here.”
Stacy sat down on the bed beside her, placing her hand on Amber’s abdomen. But the baby was still again.
“I was just having a really good dream about taking him to the park,” Amber began. “Then I woke up and was talking to him, when all of the sudden he kicked me.” She smiled excitedly.
“That’s nice,” her mom replied, but her face didn’t match her words.
“What, Mom? What’s wrong?”
“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up about what it’s like to have a baby, Amber. It’s not all fun and games at the park.”
Amber felt her mother’s mood seeping into her own pores. “Yeah. Right.”
Stacy stood and started to walk out of the room.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Wanna go to church with me tomorrow?”
She turned and looked at Amber, but it seemed like she didn’t really see her. “I don’t think so, honey. I’m still pretty tired these days.”
“Whatever.”
A worried look clouded her mother’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Amber. Maybe in a couple of weeks.”
Amber looked away and nodded. “Sure.”
As if to redeem herself, Stacy added, “I can give you a ride over there if you’d like.”
“Okay.” Amber nodded, brushing past her mother as she headed for the bathroom. “Thanks.”
Ben looked out over his growing congregation. He was about to make his final point as he wrapped up his message for the morning.
“And so we see that only two of the spies had the faith required to lead the Israelites into the promised land. Only Joshua and Caleb believed that God would be faithful to protect them and provide for their every need.”
He searched their faces for a moment, and found his eyes resting on Michelle’s student, Amber Gamble, who was hanging on every word.
Smiling warmly, he continued, “What promised land does God have for you today? In what area of your life is He asking you to trust Him fully with the outcome, to step out in faith – trusting and believing that He will never leave you nor forsake you?”
He paused to give them a moment to consider the questions. Then he closed with a simple prayer. As the parishioners filed out of their rows, he noticed Amber’s swollen middle. Dear Lord, help her, he prayed silently. Then he turned to greet the members of his flock.
“That was really good,” Amber said to Michelle, as they walked out of the church.
“Yeah. Ben’s a great Bible teacher,” she replied.
Amber sighed. “I wish my mom would have stayed. She’s like the ten other spies – always afraid of bad things happening.”
“She’s had a rough time, Amber. Hopefully things will start turning around,” she offered. What else could she say? She didn’t want her to
know how genuinely concerned she was about the future of her family.
How did I get so deeply involved with all this, Lord? she wondered. But she knew teaching for her would always be more about the kids than the curriculum. Especially those with broken hearts and lives like Amber.
As Maddie raced up to them in the hallway, she noticed Amber’s eager response. There’s really a little girl buried under her teen façade, isn’t there, God? How will she manage as a mother in a few short months?
Amber felt embarrassed and frustrated as she searched the rack of maternity clothes at the local discount store. Bonnie stayed by her side, offering suggestions. “How about these?” she asked, holding up a pair of jeans for Amber’s consideration.
They looked like something her mom would wear. She shook her head and kept rifling through the rack. “Maybe we should go back into the junior department and look at the bigger sizes.”
Bonnie smiled. “Okay, we can try that.”
Amber tried on several pairs of jeans that were larger than her normal size, but they were too big in the rear and tight on her middle. Her eyes traveled to the surrounding racks as she eyed the styles her peers were wearing.
“You okay?” Bonnie asked.
“Yeah, I guess,” she replied.
They eventually returned to the maternity section, where Amber selected the least offensive pair of jeans she could find. They purchased two pairs and left.
As they walked out to the car, Bonnie turned to her and asked, “Have you thought anymore about what you want to do once the baby is born?”
“You mean, am I going to keep him?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know. Why?”
“I thought maybe you would want to know more about adoption choices, just in case.” Bonnie pointed the clicker at the car and unlocked the doors. After they climbed in, she continued, “There are county and private adoptions you could consider.”
“What’s the difference?” Amber asked. She was pretty sure she’d be keeping him, but just in case, it wouldn’t hurt to know her options.
“County is something I can take care of for you. We’d fill out the necessary paperwork, and then after the baby is born, the county will place him with the next family on the waiting list.
“It’s strictly confidential, and you would be relinquishing all rights and contact with the baby. The county screens the families, so they would be placing him somewhere safe, but you would have no knowledge of the family other than that.”
Amber nodded. She didn’t like the sound of it.
Bonnie pulled out of the parking lot. “With private adoption, you work with an attorney or agency. Most of the time, you have a chance to know more about the adoptive family.
“You might even get to see pictures of them and have some limited contact with them after the adoption, depending on the agreement you make through the agency or attorney.”
“Oh,” Amber replied. “That definitely sounds better than the county thing.”
“If you want me to, I can do some research for you. Figure out a good agency or attorney we might talk to.”
“I think Mrs. B’s husband is an attorney. I wonder if he could talk to me,” Amber said.
Bonnie looked at her and smiled. “You really like them, don’t you?”
She nodded. “Yeah. They’re cool.”
“I don’t know what type of law Mr. Baron practices, Amber, but I’ll see what I can find out. If he doesn’t do family law, he wouldn’t be involved in adoptions. But he might know someone who is.”
“Okay. Thanks,” Amber replied, trying to imagine what it would be like to talk to a stranger about giving up her baby.
As scared as she was about becoming a mom, she wondered if giving him up would be just as bad as what her dad did when he left. Wouldn’t it be saying to her kid that she didn’t want him, didn’t love him enough to keep him?
All these thoughts swam through her head as they drove to their next stop – her OB appointment for a check up.
Soon she was on the examining table again, the ultrasound wand pressed into the blob of gel on her abdomen. Almost immediately, she heard the rapid heartbeat. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
“Sounds good,” the doctor said. She continued to study the image on the screen. “Hmmm,” she murmured to herself.
“Is something wrong?” Amber asked anxiously. She didn’t like the way her doctor was staring at the screen.
“It looks like you might have a little problem with the placenta,” she began to explain. “I noticed it was low last time. But now it looks like it may be covering part of the cervix.”
“What does that mean?” Amber tried to control herself, but she felt like she would start crying any minute. Was the baby going to die?
The doctor put the wand down and turned to face her. “It’s a condition called placenta previa. It’s not hurting the baby. He’s fine,” she said reassuringly. “But it makes your pregnancy a little riskier as it progresses.”
“How?” Anxiety threatened to overtake her.
“It can endanger you and the baby during delivery. We will need to watch you carefully and schedule a C-section for the birth.”
“But the baby will be okay?”
“He should be fine. But it’s important that I keep a close tab on you. We’ll want to monitor this with regular visits, especially as you move toward the last trimester.” She took a clean towel and wiped the gel from Amber’s skin. “Have you made any decisions about the baby?” she asked.
“Not yet. Why?”
“When you do, we’ll need to talk about some other important considerations.”
“Like what?”
“Like whether or not you want an adoptive parent or parents present when he is born, if you decide to go that route. Or decisions like breast or bottle-feeding if you decide to keep him. And we’ll also want to discuss birth control for the future, regardless of which decision you make.”
Amber’s mind was spinning with the information she’d just heard. How did she get herself into this mess? She was supposed to be a kid being taken care of by her own parents, doing things like going to football games and school dances and figuring out what classes she was going to take in high school.
Maybe she’d better talk to someone about adoption like her social worker suggested.
Michelle was browning the meat for their spaghetti dinner when the phone rang. Bonnie Blackwell the caller ID revealed. She picked it up and punched the talk button. “Hi, Bonnie. What’s up?” she asked as she continued to stir the meat with her free hand.
“Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“No. It’s okay.” She glanced out through the open door and saw Madison playing tea party with her stuffed animals. “I’ve got a few minutes.”
“Your husband came up in a conversation with Amber today,” Bonnie revealed.
“Really?” Michelle’s curiosity was piqued.
“Yeah. We were talking about adoption choices, and Amber was wondering if he might know about privately arranged ones. He doesn’t happen to practice family law, does he?”
“No. Sorry. He does mostly corporate stuff.” Michelle paused, then added, “We do know of someone in Portland, though.”
“Great. Can I get his contact information from you?”
“Actually, it’s a female attorney. Hold on. I’ll get her number.” Michelle turned the burner off and dug into the junk drawer for her personal phone book.
Flipping to the B’s she spotted Veronica Blake’s number. Painful memories shot through her mind, but she silenced them quickly and gave the information to Bonnie.
“Thanks, Michelle. This is really helpful. I’ll give her a call.”
“Okay. You can tell her I gave you her number.” Michelle took a deep breath and added, “Make sure Amber really thinks this through.”
“You sound concerned,” Bonnie replied.
Michelle hesitated before responding. “I just hope she’s really
sure before she takes this step. I’ve been on the other side of private adoption, and I know how much is hanging on the line for people who hope to finally have a baby of their own.”
“I had no idea your daughter was adopted,” Bonnie said.
“Oh. No. Not Maddie.” Michelle stammered. “Steve and I almost adopted another baby before we had her.”
“What happened?” Bonnie asked.
“The birth mother changed her mind after he was born.” Michelle felt the old scab on her heart reopening. “We’d already told our families and decorated the nursery and everything.”
She tried to keep her voice even and steady. “God had other parenting plans for us. But I know how heartbreaking it can be if a birth mother chooses you and then changes her mind.”
“I’m so sorry, Michelle. I will try to help Amber understand the gravity of her decision, whichever way she goes. How would you feel about me sharing your story with her?”
“If you think it would help, go ahead. But she needs to understand that this is confidential. Not something I want her talking about with friends or other kids at school.”
“Of course. I’ll make sure she knows that.”
After their conversation, Michelle started to put the phone book back into its drawer. She stared for a moment at the attorney’s name and allowed the gamut of emotions she’d felt during that tumultuous season of her life to wash over her once again.
The struggles with infertility, the eager anticipation of little Caleb’s adoption into their family, and the devastating blow when his birth mother had rescinded her decision.
“Mommy? Are you okay?” Maddie’s voice invaded her memories, bringing her back to reality. “You look sad.”
Michelle pulled her daughter close. “Mommy’s fine, honey.” She kissed the top of her head and added, “Time to wash up for supper.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
The drive to Portland was a quiet one. Taking advantage of a release day from school for teacher planning, Bonnie was taking Amber and her mother to meet with the adoption attorney.
Into Magnolia (Sandy Cove Series Book 3) Page 20
