Places I Never Meant To Go

by Shay Lynam

  I logged on and got into IM.

  Tyler says: You on?

  A waitress came up and asked me if I wanted anything. I ordered a cup of black coffee to help settle my sick stomach and my pounding headache.

  Emily says: What are you gonna do if one of these days I'm not?

  Tyler says: Well, I would have to find something productive to do, I guess.

  Emily says: Oh, we can't have that, can we?

  Tyler says: The day I become a productive member of society is the day Hell freezes over.

  Emily says: I like you more and more everyday, Tyler. Ha-ha

  Had my heart really just fluttered?

  Emily says: So what are you up to?

  “Here's your coffee, Ty,” the waitress said setting it down next to my hand.

  “Thanks,” I replied and took a sip.

  Tyler says: You'll never guess what I am doing right now.

  Emily says: Performing a very risky surgery.

  Tyler says: I'm talented, but not quite. I am sitting in a coffee shop, drinking black coffee.

  Emily says: Wow, how is your screenplay going?

  Tyler says: Good, I can't decide whether my protagonist should go after the girl or fall head over heels in love with his super sidekick.

  Emily says: Ooh, why not both?

  Tyler says: I like how you think.

  Emily says: :) So how are you doing, with your mom gone?

  This caught me a bit off guard. Not to sound like a terrible person but I hadn't given it much thought since I'd left the funeral the day before. I'm sure my mom hadn't always been such a jerk. Maybe things had been different when I was younger. I guess it just seemed to me like once I was old enough to take care of myself, she decided she was done being a mom. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she had moved across the country from New York to Vancouver, Washington just to be with my dad, and then he left her so she moved back and decided that all men were jerks that would leave when they wanted.

  Tyler says: I 'm doing okay.

  Emily says: I couldn't imagine losing my mom.

  Tyler says: Well, I'm sure you two have a better relationship than I ever did with my mom.

  Emily says: What about your dad?

  Tyler says: I never met him. He probably doesn't even know she died. I wouldn't have known if her lawyer hadn't called me about her will.

  Emily says: Did she leave you anything?

  Tyler says: Yeah, I guess she was trying to look like a model mommy and left me everything. I don't want it though. I don't need her money or her penthouse or cave or whatever the heck she lived in.

  Emily says: You really didn't like her, did you?

  Tyler says: It's not so much that I didn't like her, I guess. It's hard to not like someone you don't really know.

  Emily says: Yeah.

  Tyler says: I don't mean to lay this all on you. We don't even really know each other and here I am telling you all my problems.

  Emily says: It's alright :) I'm glad I can be here for you.

  Tyler says: Me too.

  By now the other two computers had become occupied and I was feeling a bit too uncomfortable with how small the place was. It seemed it was getting smaller by the second.

  Tyler says: I'm gonna head off now. It was good talking and I hope you will be around tonight.

  Emily says: You can count on it :)

  Back outside the coffee shop, I lit a cigarette and continued on down the street, away from the apartment. It had to be nearing noon by now and Paul still hadn't texted me yet to let me know if the girl was gone. Remembering how she had looked the night before made me wonder for a split second if she really was a vampire and that maybe she had gotten Paul. I was beginning to worry when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. “Gone. You owe me BIG TIME.” With a smile, I turned and headed for home.

  Once inside, I found Paul crouched on the floor with a hand broom and dust pan. “She broke eight out of ten of our plates. You always seem to pick crazy girls.”

  “I guess I just have a gift.”

  “Remember that girl that was into that dominatrix stuff?”

  “Yeah. Now she was crazy.”

  Paul stood back up and began emptying the dustpan into the garbage. “Whatever happened to her?”

  “I think she became a nun,” I replied, sitting down at the table.

  Paul chuckled. “Bless her.” He sat down across from me. “Are you happy with your life, Tyler?”

  I looked up at him. I wanted to say something witty and sarcastic but seeing the concern in his eyes made me want to tell him the truth. And the fact that I wanted to tell him the truth also made me want to kick him down a notch on my list of people I could stand. Andy was starting to seem a little more interesting.

  “Happy as a clam, my good friend,” I finally said getting up and going to the cupboard. A lone bottle of Jack sat staring at me and I swiped it up, along with a glass.

  “Of course, cuz a happy man would drown his sorrows in alcohol.”

  “Better to drown them than live with them,” I replied and ditched the glass. Paul watched as I took a swig from the bottle. “No, really, man. I'm alright.”

  “Yeah? You haven't said a word to me about your mom. And her lawyer called again.”

  “I don't want to talk to him.”

  “You need to,” Paul said, waiting until my eyes finally met his. “I mean sure, you and your mom didn't really talk but she must have cared somewhat to have put you in her will.”

  “She just couldn't imagine letting her riches go to waste, sitting in a bank account untouched forever. And God forbid her house be left and ransacked by squatters and homeless people who need it more than I do. Heck, I should just go and open all the doors and windows, open my own shelter.”

  “There's the charitable person I know and love,” Paul muttered, taking the bottle from me and tipping it back into his mouth.

  “Yeah, maybe I'll take all her money and rent one of those big blimps and dump it out the sides. I could be like Oprah. You get a million, you get a million. Everyone get's a million!”

  “That would be nice,” Paul said, his speech beginning to slur a bit. “This economy sucks.”

  I grabbed the bottle from him. “I'll drink to that.”

  “You'll drink to anything.”

  “I'll drink to that too.”

  chapter two.

  Work was especially terrible the following week. It wasn't enough that Andy sat next to me, constantly chatting up his customers, but Jameson, not James or Jim, was on my butt now more than ever as I had yet to meet my quota for the month and there was only a few days left.

  “You have an attitude problem.”

  “I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem,” I retorted.

  Jameson, not James or Jim, chuckled, shaking his head. “I'm not really sure why I hired you, Tyler,” he muttered and walked away from my desk.

  “I'm sure it was my upstanding personality and smashing good-looks.” I called back, putting the phone down on the receiver a little harder than necessary.

  With a sigh, I rested my head in my hands, pushing my palms against my eyes. What had led me to end up here? It’s odd how life is rarely about those big important choices, but hinges on the small stupid choices you didn’t even realize were choices until it was too late. Sure I hadn't made the best ones in life, but then again, they weren't all that bad either. So I had settled for my AA after high school when the rest of my friends went on to get their Bachelors, and some their Masters. Okay, so maybe that was a more important choice but you get the picture.

  “Hey, T-bag. Looks like you're buying again tonight.” Andy said, sitting on the corner of my desk.

  “Want to buy me a drink?”

  I looked at the girl that had just sat down next to me at the bar. She was wearing a bright red, low cut dress and, from what I could tell, nothing else. I smiled. “What are you drinking?”

  “Vodka and cranberry.”r />
  “My kind of girl,” I said motioning for the bartender to come over. A few drinks in, the girl was already over the edge. I almost felt bad that I didn't even know her name. Almost.

  “Look,” she giggled. “My mood ring is turning blue.”

  “Does that mean you're drunk?”

  “No, silly.” she whacked my arm. “It means I'm happy.” Then she pulled it off her finger and jammed it onto mine. “What's it say about your mood?”

  I looked at the little moon shaped rock. "I'm stressing about work. Or I want to sleep with you I can't tell which."

  She leaned in close. “Which do you want it to mean?”

  Really, I was thinking about Emily. This was the first time I had felt guilty talking to another girl. It's not like we were dating or anything. She lived on the other side of the country for crying out loud. She was probably in some bar in Portland talking to a guy with fake glasses and cowboy boots, drinking lite beer and flirting. The guilt turned suddenly into jealousy. I could just see her surrounded by guys, twirling a strand of blonde hair around her finger and laughing at their ironic jokes.

  I turned to the girl in the red dress next to me. “Let's get out of here.” I smiled.

  The next morning, I headed downstairs.

  “You know the drill,” I said grabbing a new pack of cigarettes.

  Paul put down his coffee cup loudly. “Why am I always the barer of bad news?”

  “People seem to like you better.”

  “Yeah, because I don't use women as my personal playthings and then sneak out while they're still sleeping.”

  I smirked putting a cigarette between my lips. “I see no flaw in my system. It's worked perfectly so far.”

  Paul stood up and walked over to me. “Yeah from your point of view. I have been cried on, yelled at, one girl even punched me,” he said, flicking the end of my cigarette so it broke in half.

  I took it back out of my mouth. “Shall I pay for you to go see a therapist?

  “If anyone needs one, it's you.”

  “I've got my therapy right here,” I said, pulling another from the box. “And it seems I'm running late to my session. Again, text me when she's gone. You're a pal.”

  "It's hopeless arguing with you," Paul called after me.

  "I know it is. So why do you keep doing it?"

  Tyler says: Hey

  Emily says: what's cookin', good lookin'?

  Tyler says: Did you really just say that?

  Emily says: I might have.

  Tyler says: Can I ask you a question?

  Emily says: You just did ;)

  Tyler says: Can I ask you... two questions?

  Emily says: Ha-ha, I suppose.

  Tyler says: Okay well, my second one is, what does your typical Friday night look like?

  Emily says: What brought this on?

  Tyler says: Well, to be completely honest, I may or may not have been with a girl last night.

  Emily says: “may or may not” doesn't really coincide with being completely honest.

  Tyler says: Okay, well I was with a girl last night and... well, I felt weird about it.

  Emily says: Felt weird, how?

  Tyler says: I guess I just want to know what you think about it.

  Emily says: Why does it matter what I think?

  Tyler says: ...I don't know.

  Emily says: Tyler...

  I could feel my heart hammering and my stomach drop. This was the part where she tells me we're just friends. That even though we had been talking every day for the past six months, she was also talking to three other guys besides me. I could picture her desktop covered in IM windows, her bottom toolbar flashing like a Christmas tree with all these conversations. And she was probably married. With three kids. And a boyfriend.

  Emily says: I've kind of sworn off guys for a while. I really like talking to you though.

  Tyler says: Can I ask why?

  Emily says: I guess I'm a skeptic when it comes to love.

  Tyler says: Whoever said anything about love? Ha-ha...

  Emily says: You know what I mean. The movies and the pop songs, they're to blame for all lies and the heartache, everything.

  Tyler says: Actually, I understand completely. This world has a warped view of love.

  Emily says: Yeah.

  Tyler says: Yeah.

  Emily says: Go find a thesaurus. Yeah is under "Y". Go ahead, I'll wait. ;)

  Tyler says: You think you're so clever.

  Emily says: Oh, I know I am :) Anyway, I have to get to class now.

  Tyler says: On a Saturday?

  Emily says: I'm retaking a test I didn't do too well on.

  Tyler says: I bet you got an A-

  Emily says: ...so.

  Tyler says: You're such an over-achiever.

  Emily says: Darn straight. It was good talking to you today, Tyler.

  Tyler says: It's always good talking to you, Emily :)

  “So do you like this girl?” Paul asked me once I'd gotten home.

  “Which one?”

  “The one you've been talking to secretly online for the past several months.”

  I froze mid-putting my coat on the rack next to the door. Turning around, I saw that Paul was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. I finally chuckled. “You know me, Paul. What do you think?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We're talking about everything here, right?”

  I shrugged. “Sure.”

  “I think you're trying too hard to keep yourself from growing up.”

  I couldn't help but laugh. “What's that supposed to mean?”

  “Think about it, Tyler. You have the most dead end job possible. Your Friday nights consist of getting drunk and sleeping with the first girl who bats an eyelash at you. You've fallen into such a routine that it's going to take something big to get you out of it.”

  “I'm fine with my life,” I muttered.

  “Really? What did you want to be when you grew up?”

  “Tyrannical war-lord,” I said. “And if that didn't work out, interior designer.”

  Paul sneered. “I'll ignore the sarcasm. I'm trying to be a good friend here, Ty. Even if you're not. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I am happy,” I said, my voice raising a bit.

  “Are you?” Paul's raised above mine. “Can you look me in the eye and honestly say that you are happy with your life right now? Cuz if I were you, I would be one miserable SOB.”

  The two of us just stared at each other for the longest time. I didn't really know what to say to that. It was true. Everything Paul was saying was true. When had my life turned to crap? When had I completely given up on myself.

  “I need to take a walk,” I finally said quietly, taking my coat back off the rack.

  “Where are you going?” Paul asked, his voice low again.

  “I'm not sure yet.”

  I really didn't know where I was going to go. Once I had gotten all the way down the stairs, I turned left and just walked. I passed the little hole in the wall coffee shop without a glance. It really is easy to pass up without noticing it. No wonder it's always so empty.

  Paul was one of those guys from the get go that is just easy to get along with. He was my roommate in college so I met him our first day. Both of us were freshman, both of us new to the area, being it was on Long Island. My mom had refused to help me pack or come with me as I had a huge college fund, more for places like Columbia, and it made her sick to her stomach that I didn't want to follow “my” dreams of becoming a successful businessman and take over her empire someday. So here I was alone, and Paul was also alone. And after that first day, we decided to be alone together. Like I said, this guy was easy to get along with. After college I found out he was also easy to live with. I ended up getting my AA then got bored and moved back to the city while Paul stayed behind and earned his Bachelors.