How to Be Someone Else

by Rachel Del

  Their eyes grew wide.

  “It’s been like, three months, Penny,” Ash said with disbelief.

  “I know, but it’s complicated.”

  Natalie looked like she had some thoughts on the matter, but was keeping them to herself.

  I sighed heavily. “He’s been reaching out to me, calling and texting, but I’m just not ready yet. And I don’t know how long it will be until I am. I guess I kind of expected him to understand that.”

  “So what happened last night?” Ash looked at me with curious eyes, shoving a forkful of potatoes into her mouth.

  “There was no food in the house, so I took Dex to Mastrioni’s. He’s a sucker for that place. When we pulled up, there were two surprises waiting for us. The first, Alex was there, and the sec—”

  “So Alex was involved in this!” Nat smirked at me like she was pretty damn proud of herself.

  I dropped my head into my hands. “Oh, my God.”

  “I’m just saying…”

  “Seriously, can I just finish my damn story before you guys get back on the ever so thrilling topic of my relationship with Alex?”

  Nat smiled across the table at Ash. “Oh, good, she realizes that we’re not going to let that one go untouched.”

  Ash returned the smile and a groan rumbled from deep within my throat.

  “So yeah, Alex was there — surprise! — But that wasn’t it. My dad was there, and he wasn’t alone.”

  Natalie and Ash both perked up.

  “Shit, for real?”

  I swiveled my head to look at Ash. “Unfortunately.”

  “He was with some blonde bimbo half his age.”

  “Of course he was. Men are so obvious.”

  I had to agree with Ash.

  “It gets worse. I spoke to her.”

  Natalie didn’t hide her surprise. “You talked to them?”

  I shook my head. “Not them. Her.”

  “Now I’m confused.”

  “My dad had gone off somewhere so I hatched a plan to talk to her. I needed to figure out what the hell was going on. And this is where it gets bad, really bad. She said they were there celebrating their anniversary. Their one-year anniversary.”

  Ash pinched the bridge of her nose, but said nothing, so I looked over at Natalie, waiting on her response.

  “Oh, my God.” The wheels were turning in her head. She looked back and forth between Ash and me. “Are all men pigs?”

  I was about to agree with her when an image of Alex pulling me into his arms last night flooded over me. It was incredulous that catching my cheating father had brought us back to each other, but I wasn’t going to question it. I was too happy to have Alex back.

  Natalie watched me with raised eyebrows. “Please tell me you chewed him out?”

  I dropped my chin. “It was too … I don’t know … sad. I was too sad. And confused. Alex rushed me back to my car, we spoke for a few minutes, and then I just got the heck out of there.”

  “But you’re going to tell him off, right?”

  I sucked on my lips. “I want to, but I kind of feel like I need some more information first.”

  “What else is there to know? He was cheating on your mom!”

  I turned to Ash. “I know he was. But, I don’t know, I kind of feel like I should talk to my mom first.”

  There was no question that my father was in the wrong, but I knew enough to understand that the only two people who know what is truly going on in a relationship, are the two people who are in it. I needed to talk to my mom. If she knew about the blonde, that was one thing, but if she didn’t…. I felt like I owed it to her to tell her before she found out from someone else.

  Nat gave me a sad smile. “I get it.”

  I stabbed at the now cold eggs on my plate before dropping my fork and diving into the bacon instead. We sat in grateful silence for a few moments before I caught Natalie and Ash shooting each other a series of looks across the booth.

  I was almost certain I knew what was coming.

  Natalie looked at Ash before turning her brown eyes on me. “Now, can we talk about what the hell is going on with you and Alex?”

  I frowned. “You’re impossible.”

  “Yeah, but you love me.”

  I scrunched up my nose. “Well, just so you know, your stock is plummeting along with every word that comes out of your mouth.”

  “I’ll choose my next words carefully then,” she said with a wicked smile.

  Ash spoke up. “You guys obviously got past all your bull if you’re talking again.”

  I shrugged. “There’s bound to still be a lot of awkwardness between the two of us, but right now, I’m honestly just happy to have my best friend back.”

  “I need you to screw me until I can forget the last twenty-fours ever happened.”

  Ryan’s wide eyes stared back at me. “You know, most people say ‘hello’ first.”

  I tugged off my dress and then slipped my hand under the hem of his t-shirt, pushing it up his chest. “Pick your battles, dude.”

  I pulled his mouth to mine hungrily, knowing he wouldn’t deny me.

  A moan passed through his lips. “Mmmm, you’re right. I’m always happy to be your distraction from anything and everything.”

  “Good,” I said, slipping my hand under the waist band of his shorts.

  Later, I would talk to my mom. But right now, all I wanted to do was forget everything I’d seen and heard the night before.

  Chapter 34

  Alex

  I’d woken up that morning feeling lighter than I had in weeks. Through some kind of twist of fate, Penny and I had found our way back to each other. Though my heart hurt for Penny and what we had witnessed at the restaurant, I couldn’t help but feel optimistic for the first time in a long time.

  I’d been given another chance with Penny. I wouldn’t let it slip by this time.

  The day went by as slowly as it possibly could, though having a boss turned fuck buddy turned boss again could have had something to do with it. But, in her defense, Monica had been incredibly cool about the fact that I’d said someone else’s name while we were … well … you know.

  I dialed Penny’s number the moment I sat down in my car, anxiously waiting for her to answer.

  “Hey, Alex.”

  I smiled. It was as though nothing had changed.

  “Just checking in on how you’re feeling after last night.”

  She exhaled into the phone. “I can’t get the image of her out of my head.”

  “I can’t even imagine, Pen. I’m sorry.”

  “I feel like such an idiot. Like, I was mad at him before I really even had a reason to be. Now I feel like my anger has been completely justified. And intensified. I don’t know how I’m ever going to look at him the same way again.”

  I turned the key in the ignition and my car sputtered to life. “Do you want me to come over? I could pick up tacos and we can watch all the bad movies you can handle … get your mind off of things.”

  “Nah, that’s okay. I’m … I’ll be okay.”

  “Are you sure? I can ditch the tacos and get us a bottle of tequila.”

  “Another time, okay?”

  I nodded a couple times before realizing she couldn’t see me. “Well, if you change your mind, you know my number.”

  “Thanks, Alex.”

  Penny may not have wanted to see me, but I wasn’t deterred. I knew now more than ever she needed me.

  Penny

  I see her in my dreams, except in them she knows who I am when I approach her out front of the restaurant. She startles as my father returns to her side, wrapping her long, skinny fingers around his forearm for security. When my father finally looks at me, I know. I know that he didn’t mean to fall for her, that if he could, he would take it all back in a second. He would put our family back together.

  But reality is nothing like in my dreams, a truth that I’ve come to know too well this summer.

  I slip from bed an
d head downstairs, a dull buzzing in my head. My mother is sitting at the kitchen table with a half-empty cup of coffee in front of her. She motions to it when she spots me come into the room. “There’s more, if you want some.”

  I help myself to a cup and sit across from her at the table.

  Tell her, I think. Just do it.

  “Mom?” It came out as a croak, and I cleared my throat roughly. “Can I talk to you about something?”

  She pushed her mug to the side. “Of course. What is it?”

  How could I say it? Her heart was already broken; I knew it just by looking at her.

  “What is it, Penny? You’re worrying me.”

  I wrapped my hands around the steaming cup of coffee. “I saw dad last night.”

  Her mouth formed a tight line. “Okay…”

  I lifted my eyes to hers. “He wasn’t alone. He was … he was with someone. A woman.”

  I watched my mother for any sign of a reaction, but she sat still, stoic. It was so unlike her. “You don’t really seem like you’re surprised, mom.”

  Her shoulders dropped slowly, her resolve going with them.

  She didn’t have to say the words.

  “You knew.”

  Her gaze fell to the table. “Yes.”

  “But … ho—, wh—” I couldn’t find my words.

  “Things had been bad for a while, Penny. Your father and I … we weren’t on the same page anymore. We didn’t want the same things. I just … I couldn’t be what he wanted … and that’s okay.”

  But I shook my head. “How is that okay? He was cheating on you, mom. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? If he wanted out, if he wanted someone else, he should have been a man and told you first.”

  “It’s complicated, Penny.”

  “But it’s not, mom.” I released a heavy breath. “I was already so mad about him leaving. I don’t know how I’m ever going to face him again. Not after this. I feel like I’ve seen too much.”

  I startled when my mom’s hands slipped into mine. “Don’t take it out on your father, Penny. It takes two people to end a marriage.”

  I pulled my hands back. “You can’t possibly believe that. Not now.”

  “But, I do. We’re only human, Penny, and we make mistakes. If you’re going to be mad, it should be with the both of us. We both let you and Dex down. Your father isn’t alone in this.”

  My mouth formed into a tight line. “No. No, he did this. He broke us.” I jumped to my feet, bumping the table and sloshing coffee out of my cup and onto the table. “I can’t listen to this nonsense anymore.”

  Chapter 35

  Penny

  It’d been days since I’d seen P.J. I had too much to catch her up on. Now that I wasn’t writing — for four more days, anyway — there was nothing for us to do but talk; which I did, mostly. I filled her in on the newest developments in my parental saga. “Can you believe that?”

  I’d been talking for the last fifteen minutes, filling her in on the events of my evening. When my gaze finally lifted to meet hers, P.J. doesn’t look at all disturbed. “Not everything is as it seems.”

  My nose wrinkled. “What do you mean?”

  She leaned forward. “I mean that you’ve only heard one side to the story.”

  “So, what, you want me to talk to my dad about why he cheated? Get all the sordid details? No thanks.”

  “He’s your dad, Penny. Maybe that doesn’t mean much to you kids these days, but one day you’ll look back and wish you hadn’t been so immature about the whole thing.”

  I reeled back in my seat. “What the hell does that mean?”

  P.J. pulled in a deep breath and released it. “It means you shouldn’t go judging your father so harshly before you know his side of things.

  P.J. jumped in her seat when my fists hit the table between us. “Enough! Why are you pretending to know something you know nothing about?”

  When she fixed her eyes on me they were darker than I had ever seen before. I gulped, feeling suddenly ashamed. “I know a lot more than you think, Penny.”

  The way she spit my name sent a shiver down my spine.

  “I know that you’re going to wake up one day and regret the way you’ve treated your father, and probably your mother too, and that Alex is the best shot at happiness you’re ever going to get, but you seem determined to do everything you can to ruin that.”

  I sat back, my eyes wide and my mouth gaping. I focused on the rise and fall of my chest, willing myself to relax. “Who … do … you … think … you … are?” I said through gritted teeth.

  P.J.’s eyes softened some, but her body was rigid and still. “I’m you … twenty-five years later.”

  I threw up my hands and scoffed. “I know that you’re trying to stop me from making the same mistakes you did, P.J., but only one thing remains true. You talk about all these things as if you know me, but you don’t. And you never will. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You’ve got to back off, you’re suffocating me.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’ve had no problem accepting my help so far.”

  I sucked in a quick breath, trying to steady myself. I’d never seen this side of P.J., never thought that our friendship would ever delve into this kind of territory, but now that we were there it was almost comical I never saw it coming.

  “I know what this is about,” I said, sneering. “This is about my book. I’m bleeding some of my best stuff ever out onto the pages and you’re stuck.”

  P.J.’s face broke out into a smile and she laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  I pursed my lips and crossed my arms. I was certainly not kidding.

  “I forgot how full of shit you can be.”

  And that was it, I’d had enough. “Screw you, P.J.”

  I gathered my laptop and purse as quickly as I could and stormed out of the coffee shop, not thinking or caring about what it was that I was walking away from.

  Alex

  Penny wanted to know if she was being crazy. “But do you think I overreacted?”

  I smiled because she looked so cute with her face scrunched up with concern. “Pen, you know how I feel about her. Something has never quite sat right with me, but I think you may have jumped the gun a little. I mean, saying that she’s acting out of jealously? That was probably a bit of a stretch.”

  “So I overreacted.”

  I cocked my head to the side and sighed. “A little, yes.”

  “That’s great.” I could see her body psychically deflate.

  “I will admit that it’s weird how she reacted about your dad.”

  She perked up. “Right?”

  I clicked my tongue and slipped my bottom lip between my teeth. “Super weird. But maybe there’s an explanation. Maybe she went through something similar?”

  I didn’t know why I was suddenly defending someone that I didn’t trust. Especially since I’d never met her.

  I tucked my finger under Penny’s chin and lifted her head until her eyes met mine. “You know, an apology can go a long way.”

  But she shook her head. “I basically told her that she’s jealous because I’m writing and she’s not. She’s right; I’m totally full of shit.”

  “Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to talk to her?”

  It wasn’t an ideal solution, but right now I would do anything to make Penny feel better. Plus, I wanted to meet this woman who had been taking over Penny’s life for the past three months.

  I can already picture what I would say. She’s afraid, P.J.. She’s afraid of losing you, of losing the friendship that the two of you have built. You remember what life was like at twenty-one. You know she didn’t mean what she said. She’s trying to find her way in life, and whether she realizes it or not she’s getting close, and it’s scaring her.

  Penny shook her head and I sighed with relief. “I’ve got to do this myself,” she said.

  I couldn’t help but feel proud of her. Twenty-one years old or not, s
he had a good head on her shoulders. I wouldn’t have fallen for her otherwise.

  She rose to her feet and set down her wine glass.

  “Right now?”

  She was already halfway out the door. “No, not right now. Right now I have a little something else in mind.”

  I knew only two things at that moment. One, she was running off to Ryan. And two, I would have done anything to stop her.

  Only I didn’t.

  Chapter 36

  Penny

  A week passed, and I failed to gather the strength to confront my father. Every time I thought I could do it, panic took over. It didn’t matter that my anger grew with each passing day.

  When it was a reasonable hour, I called and asked Ash to come over. True to form, she didn’t come empty-handed.

  She looked at me over the top of her shot glass. “Don’t you want to hear his side of things?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “Well, as long as you know.”

  I took down the shot, embracing the burn in my throat. “This is messed up, Ash. I mean, how much more complicated is this situation going to get before I physically combust?”

  “Isn’t it worse not knowing? I mean, you’re not the only one hurting. Think about it. The guy may have that blonde bimbo, but look at all he had to give up to have her. I’m sure he goes to bed every night thinking about you guys, and that you’re the first thing he thinks of the moment he wakes up.”

  I didn’t answer for a second, surprised. She was right, frustratingly so. “How do I even start that conversation?”

  Ash took another shot. “You could start by apologizing.”

  “For what?” I shot.

  “You’ve been completely avoiding the guy, Penny. He moved out, what, over three months ago, and you haven’t spoken to him for more than five minutes. I’m surprised he hasn’t tracked you down and forced you to talk to him.”

  “It’s because he doesn’t care about us, not really. He made that very clear the moment he started cheating on my mother.”

  She sighed. “He deserves to be heard, Penny. I think deep down, you know that.”