How to Be Someone Else

by Rachel Del

  Penny took in a shaky breath. “Up until three months ago, I thought I had everything all figured out. I knew where my life was headed and what my future was going to look like. And then my dad left us, and I swear to God, Alex, a piece of me went with him.”

  I dropped my gaze, unable to look her in the eye anymore.

  “But everything is different now, Alex. I can promise you that.” She smiled, briefly. “I was so convinced that everything was out of my control, but I’d been wrong. So wrong. Everything I did, every decision I made, every word I wrote … it was me all along. I had it in me all along.”

  She looked down at her hands in her lap. “I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions this summer, but the worst one of all was choosing to push you away.”

  I swallowed. “You did more than just push me away, Pen. You made me feel like shit for caring, for trying to help you. I don’t know what I did to deserve that.”

  Her brow dropped. “Nothing. You did nothing but love and support me.”

  “Don’t you see?” My voice boomed louder than intended. “I couldn’t take it anymore.”

  Her words came out as a whisper. “You just left … without telling me.”

  “You don’t get it, Penny. I had to. I couldn’t keep putting myself in the line of fire like that. I had to get out before—” I let my words trail off.

  “I’m so sorry, Alex. I know I’ve treated you unfairly and—”

  “Unfairly? Unfairly? You treated me like shit, Pen. And any time I tried to help you, you screamed at me and pushed me away. And then, when I thought you’d finally realized you needed me in an entirely different way … that you’d realized your feelings go beyond friendship … You ran to him, Pen. How could you do that to me?”

  Her face bent in pain. “I was scared.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, you certainly had every reason to be scared.”

  She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, blinking away tears. “I was scared, am scared. How could I not be? You’re my best friend, Alex. What if we got together and it didn’t work out? What if we ruined everything we’ve spent the last nine years building?”

  “You are always looking to the end of things before they’ve even begun, Pen. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out, and maybe we wouldn’t have been able to be friends afterwards.” I swallowed hard. “But what if it did work out?”

  Her eyes shone with tears. “That’s why I’m here, Alex. That’s why I came all this way.”

  Her hand came to rest on my knee. I looked at it for a moment before lifting my eyes to meet hers, emotion burning in my throat.

  “Nothing in my life has been going according to plan. Everything I thought I knew to be true has crashed and burned right before my eyes. But you’ve been the one and only constant in my life … the one truly real thing in my life. And I was scared. I was scared that I would fuck it up like everything else. I knew that I couldn’t go into this — us — without my whole heart.”

  So that was why she was here. She had come all this way to tell me that we couldn’t be together.

  But I already knew. I knew it the moment she left me and ran to Ryan. I knew it the moment she woke up in bed next to me, there, but not really there … not completely, anyway.

  “I ran away, Alex. Things got hard and real, and I ran away because I couldn’t bear the thought of ruining us like I ruined everything else.” She pulled in a shaky breath. “But I can’t run away anymore. I don’t want to run away anymore. Alex, I came here to beg you for another chance. To tell you that I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, to the place where I can tell you with absolute certainty that I am in love with you. I came here to tell you I’m sorry and to ask if you can forgive me. Can you forgive me?”

  I didn’t overthink it, I just acted. My hands found her waist and I pulled her on top of me, her legs straddling me. “I love you, too.”

  Her mouth found mine, hungrily. It was a kiss that said everything we needed to say: I forgive you, and I’ll never let you down again.

  We broke apart at the sound of a gasp from the doorway, both of us turning in tandem to see Amy and my nieces standing just outside the door, their mouths open and eyes wide with surprise. She ushered them through the door and coaxed them up the stairs with the promise of episodes of Paw Patrol. I was nervous when she turned back to us.

  Her heels clicked on the wood floor as she made her way towards us. Her eyes were unreadable, a trait that she shared with our mother.

  I stole a curious glance at Penny beside me.

  “Ames, I—” but she lifted a hand to quiet me.

  Her arms rose and found their way around Penny’s shoulders, pulling her tightly against her. She pressed her lips against Penny’s ear.

  I strained to make out what she was saying, but came up empty.

  Amy pulled away from Penny, smiling at me briefly before bending to slip off her heels. Penny and I watched in silence as she set them down by the door and ascended the stairs. We were once again alone.

  Her mouth was on mine before I could say a word. Whereas the first kiss was about forgiveness and understanding, this kiss was pure desire, pure lust.

  I broke away, breathless. “What did Amy say to you?”

  A sly smile spread across Penny’s face. “It’s about time.”

  Penny’s hands slid up my chest and curled themselves around my jaw, pulling me closer. I inhaled the tiniest of breaths before her lips were on mine again. She had said she loved me. I hadn’t imagined it. I deepened the kiss, the room around us fading to black.

  Even before I had known it, I had been hers. But now, I could finally call her mine. And I wasn’t ever going to let her go again.

  She pulled away from me, breathless. “And to think that we could have been doing that all along.”

  I smiled and pressed my forehead to hers. “As much as I wish we could, we can’t do anything to change the past. But I’d like to think I speak for the both of us when I say that I’m pretty fucking excited about what’s to come.”

  “I love you, Alex.”

  I pressed my lips softly to hers. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 46

  Alex

  I pulled Penny up the stairs with my index finger pressed against my lips and led her into the guest room. I clicked the door shut silently behind us. Penny looked … different. Her lips that had always been pink, as though she permanently wore lipstick, were red and swollen. Her chest heaved with every heavy breath. I knew that look, but seeing it on Penny was enough to drive me wild.

  I lunged for her, pressing her hard against the dresser. I caught a spark of lust flicker behind her eyes right before my mouth crashed against hers. My hands found their way onto her ass, and I cupped it, lifting her up and onto the dresser. I pressed my hips into her, spreading her legs apart. Her hands moved up my sides eventually landing in my hair.

  She pulled away from me, gasping for air, but her hands held me close. She inched closer, her nose brushing against mine. Her lips were so close and every inch of me wanted to close the distance between us once and for all. For a moment, I couldn’t think. Not with her so close to me. Not with her ruby red lips still wet from our kiss. This was all I had ever wanted. Her. This moment. I was already dreading its end.

  Her eyes locked on mine, hazel against brown, and we both knew there was nothing else to say. Her mouth closed over mine, her hands now on my jaw, pulling me closer.

  At that moment, there was no other thought than her. This. Us. My hands found her hips, circling them and pressing our hips together just enough for her to feel my excitement, my desire, pressing against her. A moan escaped her lips; a sound that I was certain would be the death of me.

  I broke away from her and backed up just enough to give me room to pull her shirt over her head. And then I did the same with my own. Penny smiled at me; one side of her lip pinched between her teeth, as she slid off the dresser and removed her pants. I discarded my own and then let my eyes roam down her body. It wasn’t
anything I hadn’t already seen, not really; a bra and panties covered just as much as a bathing suit. But my body knew this was different.

  I slid my hand onto her hip, turning her around, and guided her onto her back on the bed. I bent down, hovering above her as I moved down her body, kissing her from her shoulders to her chest, settling myself between her legs. Everywhere my lips and hands went, I left a trail of goosebumps on her skin.

  “Alex,” she whispered. But I didn’t stop. Instead, I moved further down her body, my fingers hooking the band of her panties, pulling them down. I didn’t wait, couldn’t wait. I urged her legs apart, opening her up to me completely and dipped down, closing my lips over the tip of her. Her body rose to meet me, another moan slipping from her lips.

  I pulled my mouth away to quickly say, “That sound will be the death of me.”

  “And that mouth of yours will be the death of me.”

  I smiled before moving my tongue back into place against her, moving in a figure-eight pattern before sucking gently. Her hips rolled against me, urging me on, and she stilled when I slipped a single finger into her. And then another.

  My free hand explored her body, moving from her hips to her covered breasts. Through the thin fabric I could feel her nipples, hard and ready.

  She was close, I could feel it, and so I pulled away, needing to be inside of her the first time she came with me.

  I stood, removing my last article of clothing, my eyes on her as she discarded her bra. Her breasts were a perfect, milky white, and as she scooted up on the bed I brought my lips down on her left nipple, taking it in my mouth. She sighed deeply, parting her legs as my knee crept up towards her. My heart hammered in my chest so loudly that I was certain she could hear it. I trailed kisses up her neck and chin.

  She opened her heavy lids and looked up at me, smiling.

  This was all I needed. All I wanted. Forever.

  Her hands sprung to life, landing on my hips and urging me onto the bed beside her. I watched in awe as she crawled between my legs, settling between my thighs. I pulsed involuntarily as she bent over, licking a long line up my shaft. And then her mouth closed over me, taking me all in and I knew I was in heaven.

  She knew what she was doing and before long, I found myself teetering dangerously close to the edge. I reached down, pulling her away from me and closer all at once. My mouth found hers as her legs straddled me, her warm, wet center pressing down on me.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. “Are on the pill?” I asked, though I couldn’t think of anything less sexy to say at that moment.

  “Mmm hmm,” she moaned, her eyes fixed on me. She didn’t wait for me to make the first move. Instead, she reached down between us, grasping me in her tiny hand and pressed me against her entrance. Our eyes locked as I began to move, slowly easing myself inside her. Her eyes began to flutter closed.

  “No, keep your eyes open. Look at me.”

  She released a deep sigh and fixed her eyes on me once again. Her thighs trembled as I moved deeper and deeper. Just when I was about to fill her completely, I found the bend of her hips and pushed her away, pulling her back down on me just as quickly.

  Every motion, every thrust, every moan and whimper made me feel as though I could burst at any moment.

  “Yes,” she cried out as I pushed her away then pulled her closer. “Yes.”

  “Fuck,” I said, my voice rough. I knew I couldn’t take it much longer. I wrapped my hand around the back of her head and pulled her close, her breasts pressing hard against my chest, our hips moving in tandem. Her warm breath was heavy against my chest as she came, exploding around me. I slammed into her one final time and came, filling her.

  Penny’s lips cracked open in a smile and I brought my mouth to hers.

  “Please don’t be scared,” I whispered.

  She pressed her forehead to mine. “Never again, I promise. I’m yours, all yours.”

  I smiled. “Say that again.”

  “I’m all yours.”

  This was my future. She was my future. I’d never been so sure of anything in my entire life. It no longer mattered what we had done in the past. The moment she told me she was in love with me, everything that happened before that instant faded into the distance.

  Epilogue - Alex

  Three Months Later

  The morning sun was blazing through the uncovered windows. I nudged the sleeping form beside me, eliciting a groan. Penny didn’t move. I nudged him again. She rolled over to face me, her hair matted to one side and her eyes heavy with sleep.

  She squinted. “You need curtains.”

  I pulled her against me, burrowing my face into her neck. “I’ve been a little too busy with other, much more important things.”

  I placed a kiss softly on her neck, smirking as she pushed me away. “Don’t be starting something that you can’t finish.”

  My knee nudged her thighs apart and a growl escaped my lips. “I happen to think that I’m quite good at finishing what I start.”

  “Uh uh, we have brunch with my parents in forty minutes.”

  My eyes rolled back in my head as I pulled away from her, flopping back onto my side of the bed. “Damn, you’re right.”

  Her brows jumped. “Hey, don’t you forget whose idea this was in the first place.”

  Penny pushed back the covers and dropped her feet to the tile floor, wincing. “Crap, that’s cold.” She fumbled for my slippers.

  I stretched and got to my feet. “I’ll buy an area rug, eventually.”

  “And curtains.”

  “And curtains,” I repeated. “And whatever else will make you feel at home here.”

  She smiled at the thought. “You okay with waiting until the end of the school year for me to move in?”

  I shrugged. “It’s not like you won’t be spending most of your time here, anyway. We’ll just be waiting until May to make it official.”

  I pulled her into his arms and burrowed my face into her neck, breathing her in. I still couldn’t believe I was here, back in her arms. It was where I belonged, always had been and always would be.

  The last few months had been everything I’d imagined. Penny was easy to be with. But then again, there was never any doubt that she wouldn’t be, that we wouldn’t be a great fit. And ten minutes later, when we walked outside to our cars together, I couldn’t help but feel that everything was exactly as it was meant to be.

  I beat Penny to the restaurant. Tony and Jill Williams had already arrived, and stood from their seats when I approached the table. I took Tony’s outstretched hand, shaking it, and then wrapped my arms loosely around Jill’s arms, pulling her into a hug. She looked good, much better than when we had last seen her.

  “Where’s Penny?”

  I took a seat. “She’ll be here any minute, we had to drive separately.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure approach the table, hesitating the closer she got to the three of us. I stole a glimpse at Tony, gauging his reaction, but it was Jill’s face that caught my attention. Her mouth had formed into a smile I knew well. It was the same one Penny made when she was trying to hide her discomfort.

  I turned slowly, taking in the blonde woman beside me, my mouth dropping open slightly as it dawned on me where I had seen her before.

  Tony stood up before I could say anything. She fell into line beside him and his hand skimmed across her waist. “I don’t believe you’ve met Gretchen, Alex.”

  I snapped out of my haze and stood, reaching out my hand to shake hers. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  Gretchen took the empty seat beside Tony, one I hadn’t noticed before, and smiled at him before turning her attention to Jill. “Jill, it’s nice to see you again. You look well.”

  My eyes crept towards Penny’s mother. I hadn’t seen them in months, but I’d heard a few things here and there when Penny was open to discussing it.

  “Hello, Gretchen.” Jill said, but her eyes were on me.

  Penny arrived a fe
w minutes later, walking into the restaurant like she owned the place. I watched her approach, my eyes drinking her in. She’d changed her outfit after I’d left, opting for a loose, olive green sweater and tight jeans. On her feet where the same pair of brown booties I’d seen her wear every fall and winter for two years. Her hair, which she wore down, had grown so long over the summer. It brushed the top of her perfect breasts. I had to look away in fear that her parents would be able to see right through my next thought.

  I stood to pull out her chair, placing a soft kiss on her cheek as she sat. The smile she gave me then set off fireworks in my chest. “Hi.”

  It would never get old. “Hi,” I said, biting my bottom lip.

  “Oh for goodness sakes, the two of you are too cute for words!”

  Tony nodded obligingly. He turned to me, his face turning serious. “Alex, I should have said this a long time ago, but thank you. We had a bit of a rough time with Penny there for a while, and I don’t think she could have gotten through it without your love and support.”

  My heart beat loudly in my chest. It was now or never.

  I looked back and forth between Penny’s parents. “Jill … Tony … I love your daughter very much. And it was my idea to meet with you today because there’s something I really need to say. It won’t be today, or tomorrow, but one day I am going to ask your daughter to marry me. I can only hope I continue to prove to you that I will do everything in my power to make her the happiest woman alive.”

  Penny’s face had gone crimson red, but she pulled my hand into her lap under the table and gave it a squeeze.

  “She’s my forever. I’m certain of that.”

  Jill tucked her chin to her shoulder, smiling widely at Tony, who stared straight ahead at me. For a moment, I thought I’d said too much.

  “She would be lucky to have you. We all would be.”

  I gave him a brief nod. “Thank you, sir.”

  The waiter came by and took our orders. My cheeks were frozen in a smile, so happy to be here with the three of them.