I allowed the reality of this to wash over me. I was facing a future which would have to contain Serra—a thought that I wasn’t exactly relishing—but that was only a small part of it. We wouldn’t be together, but we would have to co-parent. I could do that. I already knew that I would do anything for this child; I would give him or her the whole world…
“…and there’s the feet.” I finally realized that the doctor was still talking, telling us stuff about our child.
“Can you tell me the sex of the baby?” I asked. Now that the fantasy of being a father was real, I wanted to be able to complete it with either pink or blue.
“Not at this stage,” he replied, turning to face me. His cheeks were still tinged with pink from his blush earlier on. “The baby is too small at the moment for us to be able to tell. That will come later on at around twenty weeks, or maybe a little earlier.”
“Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but can you explain how she’s twelve weeks along already?” Riley asked. “If it’s Kaiden’s baby, I mean.”
Shit, thank god she was here. I’d been so caught up with staring in wonder at the ultrasound that it hadn’t even occurred to me that I’d only slept with Serra just under ten weeks ago, not twelve.
Serra glared at Riley as she spoke, finally seeming to notice her again, and Dr. Banks nodded.
“Simple. The way a pregnancy is calculated is by when the mother’s last period was. That’s usually two weeks before conception, so when we say twelve weeks, it means that the baby was actually properly conceived about ten weeks ago. Does that make sense?”
I noticed Riley’s face fall a little, but she regained her composure and nodded. “Oh, of course. Yes, that makes sense,” she said.
Serra’s eyes gleamed with triumph, and I looked away from her and back at the image in front of me, still completely stunned and overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe there was really a baby there, and that I’d been wrong all along. I’d been such an asshole in assuming she’d lied about the pregnancy, but the dates added up, and there was a real baby on that ultrasound screen right now.
It was definitely my kid. It had to be.
My life was about to become something unexpected, a new journey that would shape and define me, and I couldn’t wait to see our child for the first time.
“Okay, well if that’s all you need today, I’ll wrap this up,” Dr. Banks said. He started packing up and handed Serra some tissues for her stomach.
She shot me another triumphant smile as she wiped the gel off her skin, and I stepped backwards, wanting to get outside for some fresh air. All of this had suddenly become far too much for me. “I’ll just…erm… I’ll meet you outside,” I said as a weird sense of claustrophobia overtook.
I pushed open the door and raced out of the room, and I could sense someone following me, which pissed me off a little. Had I not made it clear that I wanted to be by myself? I didn’t turn to acknowledge whoever it was, and I didn’t stop until the cold air hit my body, cooling off my temper a bit. I sucked in a few deep breaths before spinning around to see who had made the unwise decision to join me.
Riley.
“I know you don’t want me here right now,” she said. She held up her hands, not allowing me to get a word in, but honestly, she was the one person I didn’t mind seeing right now. “But I couldn’t stay in there with her either.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”
“Are you okay?” she asked, touching my arm lightly.
“Yeah. I mean, it isn’t ideal. I don’t love the idea of having Serra in my life forever, but I’m still excited at the thought of being a dad. It’s scary as shit, but good too. I know I can do a good job of it.”
“Yeah, I know you can too,” Riley said. I felt her step away from me, giving me the space that I wanted, but I couldn’t help but wish that she’d stayed close.
“Look, I’m going to go and give you and Serra the space that you need,” she said. “I think you have a lot to talk about. I need to go and sort out the details for your press conference anyway. You could even do the conference with Serra, if you want. That would certainly help you look good.”
“Sure. Whatever you think,” I replied, nodding distractedly. “Just let me know the details.”
“I’ll call you in half an hour or so.”
With that, she was gone. I stared at the spot where she’d just been standing, and it was darkened with a familiar shadow a moment later.
“Urgh, finally. That boring bitch has vanished. We can finally have some fun,” Serra said. “Let’s go to breakfast.”
I gritted my teeth, trying not to let her rile me up. “Okay, fine. I suppose we have a lot to talk about.”
“I know. That’s why we should go and get food while we do it. I’m eating for two now,” she said, rubbing her stomach. “Come on!”
She tugged impatiently on my arm, leaving me with no choice, and I followed behind, wishing that I was still with Riley and not her.
“Let’s go in here,” she said, gesturing towards some pretentious café that I would’ve never picked if I had the choice. “You’re paying.”
It looked like we would be doing exactly what Serra wanted from now on…
As we sat down at a table near the window, she instantly launched into a tale about her show. I nodded along as if I was listening, but really my mind was somewhere else entirely. My brain was flickering between images of myself with Riley and then me with a baby in my arms. The images weren’t connected, and they never would be—she’d made that obvious when she pushed me off her as I tried to kiss her last night—but somehow they’d become entwined in my mind.
“…and then she said that she wouldn’t have blown the casting director if she’d known about…”
“Are you ready to order?” A waiter finally made an appearance at our table, shutting Serra up for a second.
“Bring me an egg white omelet with a mimosa,” Serra asked, apparently forgetting there was such a thing as manners.
“Wait, no,” I said, immediately incensed. “You can’t have a mimosa. You can’t drink!”
How dare she risk my baby’s health just because she wanted to booze it up at eight in the morning? Christ, she was nuts.
“Don’t be so boring, it’s only a quick drink,” she said, throwing her hands dramatically in the air. “I can have one. The doctor said it’s safe.”
“No,” I said firmly. “I don’t want you risking it. If there’s one rule I have about this, it’s that you can’t drink while you’re pregnant.”
“You’re gonna be getting a drink!”
“No, I’m not,” I hissed. “It’s breakfast time, for Christ’s sake. I was going to get water.”
She pouted, and I looked up at the waiter. “I’ll have the eggs Benedict and a glass of water, please. And she’ll have water too,” I said, giving him no choice.
He smiled and nodded as he jotted down our orders, and Serra flashed him a sweet smile which faded into a glare the second he walked away.
“What was that all about?” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Are you trying to control me?”
“Of course not. None of this is about me and you. We’re not gonna be together, I told you that. I just want to sort out what we’re going to do for the baby. I really want to do everything I can for our child, and I want to make sure he or she has the best start to life. That begins with proper nutrition while you’re pregnant, and no alcohol.”
“Whatever,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “There’s still plenty of time to sort the rest of the baby stuff out, by the way. Can’t we just enjoy breakfast?”
I sighed, pushing my anger down, and before I got the chance to speak again, my phone rang.
“Hold on, it’s Riley,” I said to Serra, ignoring her as she rolled her eyes almost to the back of her head, making her opinion very clear. “Hello?”
“Hi. Your press conference is going to be at eleven. Usual place,” Riley said.
She was all busi
ness now, as if all of the emotional stuff that passed between us had never happened…as if the kiss last night never happened.
Her sharp tone threw me a bit, and I didn’t know how to react to this version of Riley. Maybe it was because I was currently with Serra. Was she the jealous type? I realized that I really didn’t know. I barely knew anything about Riley anymore, and that made me sad. However, within that sadness was a spark of hope. If she was jealous of Serra, then there had to be a reason for that jealousy…right?
“Okay, sure. Will you be there?” I asked, hoping desperately that she would. I’d feel much more comfortable with my safety net beside me.
“No, I have another appointment,” she said. Her voice seemed to have become even more strained. “But your manager will be there, of course. I’ve sent him the script for you to read to the press, and he’ll be keeping me updated through texts. Serra’s entourage will be there too.”
“Right.” I wanted to say so much more, but I had no idea where to begin.
“Okay, I’ll call you later and we can talk about how it went. Remember, stick to the script,” she said. She hung up before I could even reply.
“Sure. Bye,” I said to the dead line, not wanting to look awkward in front of Serra.
She rolled her eyes at me again, seemingly for no reason, and I vaguely wondered if she was going to develop some sort of ocular issues from the amount of eye-rolling she did.
“Okay, back to what you were saying earlier,” I said, deciding to tackle one problem at a time. “If you don’t want to discuss any of our important business, then we do need to talk about the press conference that’s been set up today. We need to plan exactly what to say and how we’re going to portray this situation.”
“Oh my god!” she replied with a nasty laugh. “Who this hell is this version of Kaiden Cross? We don’t deal with that shit. We just turn up, say whatever bullshit that’s written on our script, and then go home. Why are you getting all worried?”
She pulled a compact mirror out of her designer bag and began to inspect her face. Her pale skin, which was lightly sprinkled with freckles, looked jarringly natural compared to her collagen-plumped lips and oversized breasts. Her big blue eyes might have looked attractive once, but now all I could see in them were the secrets that lay behind them. She was good-looking overall, but there was no denying that Riley was far prettier to me.
There was just a wonderful uniqueness to Riley. Her smooth caramel-toned skin, her deep brown eyes that matched her long, luscious hair perfectly…she was just lovely. On top of that, she was real. Not fake, not primped, not hiding behind a mask of foundation and mascara. She had an aura that drew me in and never wanted to let me go.
As far as I was concerned, there was absolutely no comparison between the two women, yet here I was with the nightmarish soon-to-be mother of my child, and Riley was about as distant as she could get…
Chapter 9
Riley
“Okay,” I murmured to myself. “Let’s just do this.”
I’d headed right from Dr. Banks’ office to my own office to finalize all the press conference details, and then I’d gone onto my own doctor’s office. I’d made the appointment to discover my BRCA test results as quickly as I could, and now here I was, facing my fears.
I pushed open the door, allowing the warmth of the medical center’s interior to engulf me for a moment. It should have been a comfort, but it felt more like a restrictive prison, and it was almost as if I couldn’t breathe.
I walked over to the reception desk, trying to act normally. My insides were churning like mad, but I didn’t allow that to show on my face.
“Hi, I’m Riley Solis,” I said. “I have an appointment with Dr. Zhang at eleven-fifteen.”
As I mentioned the time, I thought of Kaiden and Serra at their press conference. Of course, I should have been there, but the Grove Medical Center was almost impossible to get an appointment with most of the time, and I’d been lucky to get one this soon. Not only that, I needed to put my health first right now.
“Sure, if you’d like to take a seat, your name will be called when the doctor is ready for you,” the receptionist said, not knowing just how important this appointment was for me. She was treating me like this was just any old day, but then again, how could she know what I was in here for?
I walked over to one of the seats, grabbing a glossy magazine as I went. I flicked through the pages, keeping my eyes trained on the images as if I was really reading, but the truth was that my mind was all over the damn place. Images of my mother and my aunt flashed up into my mind, giving me an insight into what my future might hold if I carried this genetic mutation.
I tried to convince myself that I’d be okay—after all, just because something was strongly hereditary didn’t necessarily mean I had it. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I did. I could just sense it. It was like a dark shadow looming over me.
My heart was racing long before my name was called, but it got much worse as I headed towards Dr. Zhang’s room, and I began to worry that it would actually explode right out of my chest. Oh well, if that happened, at least I was in a doctor’s office, right?
This was actually the second time I’d gone through this feeling of dread today, but this was so much worse. I’d been worried for Kaiden’s sake, but that was a baby—a baby that he wanted—whereas this was life or death. My life or death.
I knocked lightly on the door, seeing my hand shake and tremble. Calm down, I scolded myself, but my body completely ignored my command.
“Come in,” came the doctor’s friendly sounding voice.
“Hello,” I croaked as I pushed my way into the room, finally showing some of my nerves.
“Hello. Please take a seat.” She smiled, indicating towards a chair, and I slumped downwards, wishing I could be anywhere else in the entire world.
She typed something into her computer, and I tried to gauge the results based on her expression. Unfortunately, her face remained impassive.
“All right, Miss Solis,” she said, clicking something with her mouse. I couldn’t help but notice her voice becoming more serious but tainted with compassion. “The results are back…”
My mouth started to feel like cotton wool.
“…from pathology…”
Oh God, I can’t take this anymore.
“…and I’m very sorry to say…”
Oh no. No, no, no.
“…that unfortunately you do carry a mutation of the BRCA-1 gene.”
My world crumbled, the room swirling around me, and everything vanished until it was just me and my pain. It’s there. The mutation is there, just like I knew it would be.
“Now, as you know, the longer you leave this, the higher your cancer risk becomes.”
Cancer. In my mind’s eye, I saw my Mom dying, tubes coming out of every orifice in a clinical-smelling hospital bed. She’d wanted to go home, but I’d ignored her wishes, preferring to get her the best care instead. I’d been in total denial, convinced that she could still be saved, and now I wished every day that I’d brought her home to die peacefully in her own bedroom with its lovely view onto the terrace garden she’d grown and tended for years.
“What…what can be done?” I finally choked out.
Dr. Zhang put a hand on my shoulder and gently patted it for a second.
“I know you’re only twenty-four, and this is all coming as a big shock to you, but we do need to think about your future, so I’m glad you’re asking. Would you like me to get you a glass of water first? You look a little pale, and I’ll understand if you need a minute to collect your thoughts.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. Please go on.”
She nodded. “All right. I’ve had a careful look at all of your notes, and I’m sorry to say that your best option to completely prevent future breast cancer is to eventually have your breasts removed in a double mastectomy procedure,” she said. “In cases such as this, it’s often best to have the ovaries
removed in an oophorectomy procedure, seeing as the chances of developing ovarian cancer are almost as high as the breast cancer risk. Also, there’s somewhat of a risk of uterine cancer too, and given your family history there, I’d have to recommend a hysterectomy as well as the other procedures. There are some women who carry this mutation and never develop any cancers at all, but the risk is still high.”
“I see.”
“Of course, you don’t have to get the surgeries. This is just my recommendation, but many other doctors would tell you the same. It would be for the best, in order to keep you healthy, but the decision is yours.”
As her words washed over me, the image of my mother vanished, and an image of my future dying body took its place. My heart seemed to leap into my mouth, and one hand instinctively went to my chest, as if I were subconsciously trying to defend my breasts from being cut off.
Dr. Zhang noticed and gave me a gentle smile. “I often refer other patients who undergo mastectomies to a plastic surgeon to discuss breast implants, so if you wish to do that, we can talk about that at some stage.”
I nodded numbly, but getting implants to replace my natural breasts was the furthest thing from my mind right now.
“Of course, you don’t need to make a decision about the surgeries right now, but you will need to act sooner rather than later. Which brings about the next major issue—children.”
I saw Kaiden, Serra and their baby in my mind’s eye, and I imagined myself next to them, childless and alone.
“If you do get the oophorectomy and hysterectomy, you’ll no longer be able to conceive naturally or carry a child. So if you want to have a baby the old-fashioned way, you’ll need to consider getting pregnant as soon as possible and having the surgery afterwards. Or if your life isn’t in the right place for that right now, then you may want to freeze some of your eggs for future surrogacy use.”
Bad Boy Brit (A British Bad Boy Romance) Page 30
