The Stick Handler

by Fox, Cathryn

  “You think that’s why I love you?” I say as I take in her rosy cheeks.

  “Of course.”

  She’s right, her easy-going attitude is one of the many things I love about her. She doesn’t need designer clothes, makeup or fancy shoes and purses to make her happy. After her father left, she and her mother survived on very little, but she never once complained about her lot in life. Whenever I tried to buy her things, she got mad at me, insisted on paying her own way, or going without. She had no daddy to give her credit cards, and wouldn’t in a million years think about going after a guy for his money. Why the hell is she still single anyway? Oh right, she has a deep distrust of guys.

  I look at the big king-sized bed. “It only has one bed, though,” I say.

  She shrugs. “We’ve shared a bed before.”

  “True, but you can’t expect me to sleep in that bed with my wife, and not have sex with her,” I tease. Or maybe I’m not teasing. Jesus, I’m so fucked. “This is our honeymoon.”

  She elbows me in the gut and air leaves my lungs. “I am not your wife. I’m only pretending to be.”

  She leans to the side, one curvy hip jutting out as she gathers her long hair, and pulls an elastic off her wrist. It’s a familiar move, one I’ve seen her do numerous times, but it’s still as sexy as fuck. She throws herself onto the bed, grabs the remote and stretches out. “Think we can get any English stations?” she asks as she flicks on the TV.

  “Probably, this place caters to tourists.”

  She flicks through the stations, and I head to the kitchen. The fridge is full of snack foods that I’d ordered in ahead of times. Most of our meals will be in the local restaurants. “Hungry?”

  “Starving.”

  I search around, and pull out cream cheese, smoked salmon, and grab some crackers from the cupboard. Arianna hates most of the things Katee and I like, and would never be caught dead eating carbs this late at night. Then again, for years now Katee has been watching what she eats. Not that she needs to. She’s perfect no matter her size. Dropping the food onto the counter, I lift my gaze, find her peeling her coat from her body.

  “Warming up?”

  “Yes.” She taps the bed, stretches out and widens her legs. “But you in this bed sharing your body heat, and food too, of course, will help me warm up even more.”

  Jesus, when she says stuff like that, it fills my head with inappropriate thoughts. I briefly pinch my eyes shut and work to get my shit together. Seriously though, does she not have any idea what sharing a bed with her does to me? How hard it is for me not to strip her bare and show her how could we could be together when she puts her hands on my body? How can she be so unaware of the effect she has on me?

  Oh, because she doesn’t think of you as a real guy, dude.

  I guess that’s why no matter how much I tease her, no matter how many inappropriate things I say it just rolls off her shoulders. Fuck, I want to tell her how I feel, but she’s made it blatantly clear that she doesn’t think of me as anything other than her friend. I can’t risk telling her and making things awkward. It would only ruin what we have. But being with her like this…well, everything about it feels so damn right.

  If only this was our honeymoon—a real one. Then again, everything about it is wrong, because this isn’t where she’d want to be. If I said as much, she’d no doubt flee, and I’d lose the best friend I ever had. But how can I fucking go on pretending? I can never marry or love another woman, not when I can’t get past Katee. That much is obvious.

  Then go get her.

  Wait, what?

  If you love her so much, make her see you as a real guy. Show her what the two of you could have together.

  I pause as some inner voice urges me to go after what I want. Should I? Should I pull out all the plays and get my best friend to look at me as more?

  What if ruins our friendship and she runs the other way?

  What if she doesn’t?

  Fuck knows, I’m miserable. Can’t move forward, backward or upside down in life and will likely end up miserable and alone if I don’t do something. As that thought runs around my brain and taunts me, I go back to the fridge and pull out one more item. Oysters.

  “Hey Luke, I found a station with chick flicks.”

  “Great,” I groan.

  She laughs. “Come on, don’t pretend you don’t like them.”

  I plate the food, grab two beers from the fridge and step back into the main living area. The fire is now blazing, creating a warm blue glow in the cozy chalet. I hand her a beer, and set the plate on the bed between us. As I do I can’t help but think of Ari. She’d never be caught eating in bed, let alone drinking beer. When it comes right down to it, she’s the antithesis of Katee. Maybe that’s why I went with it. Nothing about her reminded me of the girl I’m crazy about. Seriously though, did I really think that would help me move on?

  When Katee sees all the food, she gives a deep, sexy moan that strokes my dick. “My favorites.”

  “I know. Mine too. I had the placed stocked for my honeymoon.”

  She gives me a disbelieving look. “Are you telling me Arianna eats cream cheese and crackers?”

  “No, but you do, so I called in yesterday and added a few things to the list.”

  “Aww, you’re so sweet. I probably shouldn’t eat any of this, though.”

  I pick up a buttery cracker and put it in her mouth. Her eyes roll back. “You’re perfect, I told you that. Now eat.”

  As she chews the cracker, she picks up an oyster and crinkles her nose. “Wait, Oysters? Since when did we start eating oysters?”

  I wink at her. “It’s our honeymoon. Helps with the mood.”

  Rolling her eyes at me, she slides one into her mouth. “Mmm…delish.” Goddammit, that mouth. What I’d do to slide my cock in there, hear her moan around it. “Wait, I didn’t just swallow a pearl, did I?”

  I laugh at that. “Pretty sure you didn’t.”

  “It would be cool to find a pearl in one, though, don’t you think?”

  “Chances are slim.”

  “Still, a girl can hope, and what fun it would be to open one and find a surprise inside.” She licks her bottom lip, and to stop myself from leaning into her, and tasting her mouth, I glance at the TV. I read the little logo on the bottom right of the screen. “I’m not watching any station called Passionflix, unless it’s porn.”

  Katee giggles and nudges me. “Remember that time we watched that dirty show when your mom and dad were out?”

  I fix my pillow, settle against the headboard, and toss an oyster into my mouth. “I remember.” Fuck, do I ever remember. It was the beginning of my porn addiction. One that led to many nights masturbating to the image of Katee.

  “That was kind of fun,” she says, reaching for a cracker. “Very educational.”

  I nearly choke on my oyster. “Educational?”

  She shrugs and spreads cream cheese on a cracker. “I was sixteen. I had never given a blow job before and had no idea what to experience in bed.”

  “I hope you’re not basing your experiences now on what you saw then?”

  She grimaces. “No, not really.”

  “Jesus, Katee.” I sit up a little straighter. “You are, aren’t you?”

  She averts her gaze, nibbles her cracker. “Uh…no.”

  “Real life sex shouldn’t be like what you see in porn. On the screen, it’s usually wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.” I hope to fuck the men she’s been with have done right by her, putting her needs above their own, and cherishing her like she deserves. But as I think about that, rage prowls through my blood. I cannot, for one second, think about another man with his hands or mouth on her.

  She blinks up at me. “I just…that’s how I learned to give a proper blow job.”

  Kill me. Fucking. Now.

  “You’re telling me you give porn star blow jobs?”

  She puts her hand over her mouth and giggles some more. “I don’t know if I’d classify the
m as porn star blow jobs.” She grabs her pillow and covers her face to hide her embarrassment. “I used to think you had to blow on a guy. Like actually blow on him.” Her voice is muffled through the pillow and for a second I wonder if I heard her right. “I’m so glad we watched that movie. I would have made a complete fool out of myself.”

  As I try to dispel the image of another man’s cock in her mouth, I take the pillow away. “You could have searched it on the internet to learn how it was done. Or asked me.”

  She gives a fast shake of her head, her brown eyes big and horrified. “My mother used to borrow my laptop. I couldn’t risk her or anyone seeing what I was searching for, and I wasn’t about to ask you.”

  “Why not?” Without thinking it through, I jump from the bed, fish my laptop out of my carry-on bag and settle down next to her, closer this time. I wait for her to answer my question, and when she doesn’t, I continue with, “Did you at least learn about what physical things you liked in bed from watching porn?” Leave it to Katee to be concerned about a man’s pleasure before her own.

  She tosses another oyster into her mouth. “No. I learned that from touching myself.” As soon as the words leave her mouth, she makes an ‘eeping’ sound, and grabs the pillow again. With my cock jumping in my pants, I pull it away, and my gaze rakes over her face. Jesus, she’s so sexy when she blushes.

  “Don’t be shy with me,” I say. “I’m not a real guy, remember.” Shit, what am I doing? She’s my best friend and she trusts me. I shouldn’t be using our closeness to find out about her sex life. But there is a part of me that wants to make sure she’s getting what she needs in the bedroom. Too bad the other part is the guy who wants to give it to you.

  “I know, but we don’t usually talk about sex.” She wipes the corners of her mouth. “I think the oysters are loosening my tongue.”

  I hand her another one.

  “What are you doing?” she asks when I pull up my favorite porn site.

  “We’re going to watch porn.”

  She sits up a little straighter. “We are?”

  I give a casual shrug, even though nothing about this situation feels casual. “Sure, why not?”

  “Ah, because…I’m not sixteen anymore.”

  “You’re my best friend, and there are a lot of assholes out there. I just want to make sure your expectations are on target.”

  “Look, I get porn is just about the physical act, and it supposedly feels different when emotions are involved.”

  “Yeah, there’s a difference,” I say, even though I’ve never experienced it firsthand. “But I just want you to know that any guy who is with you should put you on a pedestal and treat you right in the bedroom. Even without the emotions, I need to make sure you know what ‘treating you right’ really means.”

  She whistles and gives a slow shake of her head. “My God, Arianna is one lucky woman.”

  My stomach drops. Fuck man, I wish I could tell Katee the truth. She deserves that from me, but I’m a guy of my word and I gave my word to Arianna. One week. One week of silence. After Ari comes to her senses and I make a clean break, I’ll tell Katee everything.

  Will you tell her how you feel?

  I’m not sure, but until then, we’ll watch a little porn, and ride out our week here, away from the public eye and the scrutiny. Ari is a beloved socialite, and I can just imagine the shit that’s being said about me. But here on the slopes, I don’t expect anyone to know me, so I can relax and enjoy the anonymity for a change. I hit the play button and move the near empty plate of food out of our way to be even closer to her. Our legs touch, and my entire body tenses. I silently curse under my breath. How the hell am I going to make it a week—a night—sharing this bed without putting my hands and mouth all over her?

  She eyes me, and I hold my breath. Has she finally woken up, become aware of what her touch does to me? Is she going to call me out on that?

  “Do you have a porn subscription or something?” she asks, and I let loose a relieved breath.

  “Something like that,” I say, and she grins at me.

  She widens her legs, then closes them, like she’s making snow angels. “Here I thought I knew everything about you.”

  I grin at her. “You don’t know everything, Katee.”

  “That seems like a challenge to me,” she says playfully. “Maybe I’ll have to spend the week figuring out all your dirty little secrets.”

  Oh, if she only knew.

  The movie starts, and Katee shifts restlessly beside me as the opening credits roll. In all of ten seconds flat, we’re watching an office romance porn—and I use the word romance lightly—where the boss wastes no time going down on his secretary on top of his desk. I chose this one on purpose, knowing exactly how it opened. I angle my head to see Katee, note the way her breathing has changed as she absently twirls her hair around her finger, something she does when she’s concentrating. I’m not even sure she knows she’s doing it. But I’m well aware of her body language, what she’s saying without using her voice.

  I turn back to the screen as the woman shamelessly rubs herself up against her boss. “Like what you see, Katee?”

  “Yeah,” she says, her voice a breathless whisper. “That’s good,” she says so quietly I have to strain to hear her. Okay, maybe this wasn’t my smartest move because seeing my best friend aroused, admitting how she likes watching a guy go down on his girl, and not being able to do anything about it might just be the end of me.

  Why can’t you do anything about it?

  “So…uh…you’ve done this, right?” I ask.

  She slowly turns her head my way, her eyes a bit glazed. “I’ve never done that, but I’ve been on the receiving end of it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  I clear my throat. “That’s what I’m asking, and good. Every woman should get off on oral sex before penetration. That’s rule number one in my playbook, and I just want to make sure it is in yours, too.”

  She goes quiet for a moment, and looks back at the screen. “Luke?”

  “Hmm?” I hit the volume on the keyboard, turn it down a bit to hear her whispered words.

  “I’ve never really…” She points to my laptop, and crinkles up her cute little nose. “Orgasmed from that, though.”

  I scrub my chin, as the visual of her sprawled across a desk—or this bed—my face buried between her legs until she comes all over my tongue fill my thoughts. “Shit.”

  “Why shit?” A worried look comes over her face and she shuffles backward like she’s just been slapped. What the hell? What is going on with her?

  “No…nothing, uh. Wait, you do you enjoy oral sex, don’t you?” She gives a nonchalant shrug.

  “It’s…okay. I guess.”

  “Just okay?” I briefly close my eyes. I’m starting to get the sense that no guy has ever done it right for her?

  “I wouldn’t write home about it or anything.”

  “And I’m sure you mother appreciates that,” I say and we both laugh, the tension easing a bit between us. I watch the guy lick the girl’s sex, circle her clit, and I shift the laptop to hide my erection. A frown comes over Katee, and I can’t quiet figure out what it is about this scene that is both arousing her and bothering her. “What?”

  “I…never mind.” She looks down at the bedding.

  “Spill. I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything.”

  “I just… I wonder if there is something wrong with me.”

  “How so?”

  “You said a woman should get off on oral sex before penetration, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I…ugh, this is so embarrassing.”

  I capture her hand, give it a squeeze. “Come on, since when were you not able to tell me something embarrassing.”

  “This is different.”

  “Different than the night you threw up in your hair and I had to put you in the shower.” The flu had come upon her fast, and I had to strip her to her underwear and climb into the sh
ower with her to get her clean. “What about the night you peed your pants because you drank too many energy drinks at the outdoor concert, and the line up to the bathrooms were a mile long.” She groans, and I continue with, “How about the night—”

  She puts her hand up, palm out. “Fine, fine. I don’t need to be reminded of every screw up.” She sets her beer on the nightstand, and watches the screen a moment longer before finally saying, “I think there is something wrong with my body.” A loud moan from my computer speaker fills the room, and we both watch as the guy inserts his fingers into the girl’s pussy, and she belts out a cry. Overacting much? “The only time I orgasm is when I touch myself. No guy has ever been able to do it for me. I think there’s something wrong with me.”

  I nearly swallow my tongue as I visualize her hands on her body.

  I take a deep breath, let it out slowly and hope I don’t sound like I’d just eaten a bucket of nails when I ask, “So you’re telling me no guy has really satisfied you? Has never taken the time to learn your body, learn your likes and dislikes?”

  “I guess not.”

  Okay, Luke, here’s your chance to change her view of you, and get her to see you as more. If what I have in mind doesn’t change the way she looks at me, and she just thinks I’m helping her out, I have less of a chance of ruining our friendship.

  Here goes nothing.

  “Have you ever told a guy what you liked?”

  She shakes her head. “God, no.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know, Luke. I guess I just don’t know how to say all the dirty things I’m thinking.”

  She thinks dirty things?

  “Then do you show him?” I ask.

  “Show him?

  “You know, when he does something you like, you moan in response, or you know…grab his head and hold him between your legs when he’s licking you just right.”

  She takes in a fast breath. “Ah, no, not really.”

  “Look, Katee, there is nothing wrong with you. You just need to give a few nonverbal clues if you’re not comfortable saying what you like.” I tap my head. “We catch on quick. We’re not all thick up here.”