Dance of a Lifetime

by Frank Downey

  "No, he's right." Ellen offered.

  "I'm sorry, Mrs. K. I know you thought it was going to go better than this. I don't mean to be a jerk." He sighed. "I just don't know if I can handle this, if she backslides because of it." Ellen nodded agreement. "As for you," he said to Brian. "Who I am, is Sophia's boyfriend. Who I also am is the guy who helped her stitch herself back together because of the lingering damage that you caused. Who I am is the guy who lived through that horror that she just told you about when you weren't here. Who I am is the person that loves her more than anything else in the world, who loves her more than life itself, and who proves it by being here every day, which is more than I can say for you." And with that he stormed out of the room and up the stairs.

  Brian watched him go. "Ellen, how much of this is true?"

  "Every word."

  "She was that bad?"

  "If not worse."

  "Oh Jesus."

  Warren entered Sophia's room. "Soph?"

  She was on the bed, sobbing convulsively, clutching a pillow, shaking violently. Warren came up behind her on the bed. "Soph?" He touched her shoulder, and she flinched, violently. Oh, Shit, Warren thought, but then Sophia realized who had touched her.

  "Warren? Oh, God, Warren! Why did she bring him in here? Why? Why? Why?" she cried pitifully.

  Warren turned her towards him, lied down next to her, and wrapped her in his arms. "It's OK, Soph. Let it out. It's all right."

  It took quite a long time for her to calm down. Warren stayed with her the whole time, holding her, whispering encouragement in her ear. Finally, the sobbing stopped, her shaking subsided, and she took a deep breath.

  "Warren, whatsoever would I do without you?"

  "Cuddle one of your teddy bears?" He cracked. Sophia managed to grin at that. "There's my Pookie."

  "Thank God I'm somebody's Pookie. Since you're all I've got."

  "I'm not all you got. Sophia, your mother loves you."

  "She does not love me if she brought him in here!"

  "Yes she does. It was a huge error in judgement, but she thought she was doing the right thing."

  Sophia sniffled. "I suppose you're right. Just don't tell me the sperm donor down there loves me."

  "I won't. I have no idea what his motives are."

  "Trying to ease his conscience, no doubt."

  "Oh, that won't be easy, after your outburst. And I had a little one of my own."

  "You did?"

  "Got to take care of my Pookie, don't I ?" Warren grinned.

  "And I'm always grateful." Sophia said. "But, don't worry, Snugglebear. There won't be any jagged edges this time. I had my outburst, I had my cry, and I had my Romeo comfort me. I am not going to let his sudden reappearance awaken all the old demons. I refuse to."

  "Good for you, Juliet."

  "I don't intend to lose my head over this."

  "Well, you shouldn't. You are a Straight A student, right?" He grinned at her. She grinned right back.

  "Warren, you are the light of my life, you know that?"

  "Sophia?" A voice came from the door. "Honey, I am so sorry. If I had known you were going to react like that... and, dammit, I should have known. It was stupid. Can you ever forgive me?"

  "Yeah, Mom." Sophia grinned at her.

  "I was hoping letting him in here would close some old wounds, not reopen them. It was a stupid hope."

  "Why would you think that?"

  "Because he's not the same man that left us 12 years ago."

  "He convinced you of this?"

  "I've known it for a while. He's always written. He does support you, he has since you were seven or so and he got back on his feet. He encloses notes with the checks. I've never written back, but he's not the same man. He asked to see you, and I thought you might be able to talk some things out."

  "Why hadn't he wanted to see me before this?"

  "Because he knows what he did to you, to us. He is horrified that you were still living the effects from it twelve years later. He figured if he stayed away, that would go away." She smirked. "He was never the best at understanding psychology."

  "So why come back now?"

  "He's wanted to come back for some time. He figured you'd be old enough, now, to not be affected by what he did."

  "He's wrong."

  "I know. He knows now, too."

  "Is he still here?"

  "Yes."

  "Is he waiting for me to come back down?"

  "I told him I would try. I also told him there was a snowball's chance in hell, but I told him I would try. If I couldn't get you to come back down, he will leave."

  Sophia thought. "Warren, what do you think?"

  "Oh, don't get me involved in this!" Sophia and Ellen both laughed.

  "Warren, I just want your opinion." Sophia asked.

  Warren sighed. "OK. Yeah, he's done some serious damage. But, you had your outburst. You told him everything you've been wanting to tell him for some time, no doubt. Now, if, and only if, you think you can go back down there without breaking down again, you might want to at least think about it. You screamed at him twelve years of abandonment and frustration. Like I said, if you can handle it, it might not hurt to listen."

  Sophia thought, and took a big breath, "OK. I'll do it. Warren, you need to be there with me."

  They went downstairs. Sophia sat down at the table across from him. "Hi."

  "Hi." Brian looked up at Warren leaning against the wall. "No offense to your boyfriend, but is there anyway we can do this alone?"

  "No," Sophia said with finality. "I'm willing to listen, but Warren stays."

  "OK." Brian took a deep breath. "Telling you I'm sorry is woefully inadequate. Saying that I wish I could make it up to you is pathetic. But I have no other words. I wish I could have come back sooner. I wish I could have never left in the first place. I wish I hadn't been an abusive drunk. But I can't take any of that back."

  "Why did you come back, now?" Sophia asked him.

  "I just wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you turned out. Even if I had no part in that, you are still my daughter. Heck, I wanted to see what you looked like."

  "You just had to look in a mirror for that. Except for the gender, of course," Warren interjected from the corner.

  "Excuse me?" Brian asked.

  "When I walked into this room, I knew immediately who you were, without being told." Warren told him.

  "Soph, you might have other issues with the man, but you can certainly thank his genetics for those faaaaabulous good looks of yours." Even Sophia chuckled at that. "The resemblance is unmistakable."

  "He's right. Except you got your mom's complexion." Brian got serious again. "I wanted to just see you. It was probably selfish of me, I know. If I had realized you were still dealing with the damage I caused, I never would have come back."

  "I've been in AA for a very long time. I don't drink, and I do not hit people, especially women and children, anymore. I've been through lots of therapy, besides the AA. I've managed to straighten my life out. I just wish you didn't have to pay for it."

  "I'm OK. Really," Sophia smiled.

  "Good. No thanks to me, but good all the same." Brian took another breath. "When your mother and I got married, and you were born, I was not ready for it. Not even a little bit. I tried. I did try. And I failed, spectacularly, in every way possible. I am sorry. I wish I could offer you more, I really do. But I can't. It's too late for that."

  He slid a piece of paper over to her. "That is my address and phone number. I live on the South Shore, now, down towards Cape Cod. If you want to call, write, or come visit, great. If you don't want to call, write, or come visit, that is your choice. Unless you want to, you will never hear from me again. If you need or want anything from me, all you have to do is ask. I would love to try to get reacquainted with you, but that is your decision, and, if you never want to see me again, I will understand, completely." He took another breath. "One other thing. You have a stepmother. You also ha
ve two sisters. Briana is almost three. Katrina is just a couple of months."

  Sophia looked up, surprised. "I do?"

  "Yeah. And, before you ask, my wife knows all about my past, including the abuse and the alcohol. She understands, as I do, that this is my past. I'm still paying for it, but I'm trying to not let it eat me up inside. Sophia, don't let it eat you up inside, either. Please."

  :"I won't."

  "Good. If you would like to meet your stepmother and sisters, without dealing with me, call that number and ask for Michelle. That's your stepmother's name. She knows all about you, would love to meet you, and will keep me out of it if that is what you wish." He took out a picture and handed it to her. "That's Briana. She'd love to meet you, too."

  "My God, she looks just like me!"

  "Yeah, she does. And this is Katrina." He handed over another picture, of an infant. "I've got a second chance. I don't plan to blow this one. I wish I hadn't blown the first one."

  He stood up. "Goodbye, Sophia. You know where to find me. I do love you. I never stopped. And it's OK if you don't believe that." With that, he walked out of the house.

  Sophia started crying. She looked through the door, sobbing.

  "He's still out there, Soph. He's sitting in his car. I think he's trying to compose himself, too."

  "Oh damn," cried Sophia. "Do I really want to do this?"

  "Only you can answer that, Pookie."

  "Can people really change that much?"

  Warren pointed to her report card, still sitting on the counter. "Do you really have to ask that question?"

  Sophia thought for a second, then jumped out of the chair, sprinted towards the door, flung it open, and called, "Dad! Wait!"

  When Warren looked out the window, he saw Sophia giving her father a hug.

  Chapter 32 - Getting Closer

  The rest of their sophomore years passed in a flash. They went to parties, hung out together, Sophia kept her grades up in spectacular fashion. They hung out with Crash and Jessie, who were getting closer and closer, much to Sophia and Warren's (inward) delight and (outward) amusement. Sophia turned Sweet Sixteen, and eagerly began driver's ed, causing much affectionate grumbling from Warren, who wouldn't be sixteen for a while. They passed their test to compete in Junior Dance, and were working on a free dance to start competing with in the fall.

  Sophia talked to her father on the phone, trying to establish some sort of relationship. Then, one Saturday in early July, Sophia accepted an invitation to his house. She insisted Warren come, also, and her father agreed. He offered to come pick them up, but they decided to take the train. They had taken the train into Boston before and loved it, so continuing past Boston and to the South Shore was no problem. Brian picked them up at the train station.

  They drove a bit, until they came to a house. It wasn't huge, but it was nice and well kept.

  "This is it," smiled Brian. He went to the door, Sophia and Warren following.

  Sophia's stepmother, Michelle, was waiting for her. Sophia had talked to her on the phone and had found her to be very nice. "Sophia! I'm so glad I finally get to meet you!" she said, giving Sophia a big hug. "Nice to meet you, too, Warren," she said, shaking his hand, "I've heard a lot about you."

  Sophia walked in the house, and looked around. In an adjoining room, she saw half a face and one eye peeking at her-then, when noticed, it disappeared around the corner.

  Sophia laughed. "I think somebody is hiding."

  Michelle laughed. "Briana? Come on out, honey."

  She did-and Sophia gasped. The little three-year-old girl stood in front of her, and, it was almost like looking in a time-warp mirror. She didn't have Sophia's pale complexion-that came from Ellen-but the long, straight black hair; the deep brown eyes, and the button nose-that she had.

  "Hi." Briana said shyly. "I'm Briana. I'm your sister." And she politely held out her hand.

  Sophia laughed delightedly, approached the child, knelt down, and took the hand. "Hi, Briana. I'm Sophia. I'm your sister, too."

  "And there's no mistaking that, is there?" Warren chuckled from behind them.

  "You ain't kidding," Michelle agreed.

  Warren approached the child. "Hi, Briana. I'm Warren." He kneeled down and extended his hand. She looked at it hesitantly.

  "She's a little wary around strange men," Michelle told him.

  "Oh, he's only strange some of the time," Sophia quipped. Warren stuck his tongue out at her, which made Briana giggle. She decided to take the outstretched hand.

  "Hi, Warren. Are you my sister, too?"

  Everyone cracked up laughing at that. "No, Briana, I'm a boy. Only girls are sisters. Boys are brothers. But, no, I'm not your brother."

  "Not yet," quipped Sophia, earning a wide-eyed stare from Brian.

  Warren just laughed. "Let's see if she can grasp brother and sister before we throw future-brother-in-law at her, shall we? No, Briana, I'm not your brother. I'm Sophia's boyfriend."

  "Boyfriend?" Briana asked.

  "Future-brother-in-law might have been easier to explain than boyfriend, dear heart," Sophia teased.

  "You just keep quiet over there." Warren smirked. He turned back to Briana. "I'm Sophia's very special friend, and when a girl has a very special friend that's a boy, it's called a boyfriend."

  "Oh." Briana chewed on that one for a minute. "Does that mean that Sophia is your girlfriend?"

  "You got it. You're a very smart girl." Briana beamed at him.

  Warren had sat on the couch next to Sophia by this time. Briana insisted on sitting in between them. Neither of them minded. "I have a boyfriend," the little girl proclaimed.

  "Oh, you do?" Warren asked.

  "Yeah. Alan. He's in my school."

  "She goes to preschool in the mornings," Michelle supplied.

  "Alan's my boyfriend." Briana thought for a minute. "What do you do with a boyfriend?"

  Sophia burst out laughing, turning red, almost choking. "Oh, boy," she managed to blurt out.

  Warren smiled bemusedly at her. "Keep your mind out of b-e-d, dear." Brian and Michelle just looked at each other. Warren turned back towards Briana. "Well, there's lots of things you can do with a boyfriend. Sophia and I watch TV together. We go to the movies. We ice skate. We go to parties. We hang out with two of our friends, who are also boyfriend and girlfriend. We play on the computer together. We love to dance together. Lots of things."

  "Oh." Briana thought about that one for a minute. "Do you kiss?"

  Sophia lost it again. Warren just looked at Briana and said, "Sometimes."

  "She watches way too much TV, I think" Michelle said, bemused.

  "I don't kiss my boyfriend. Kissing's gross," Briana offered.

  "That's good. You don't have to kiss, you know."

  "Good." She got off the couch. "I have to go potty now. Be right back." And she was off.

  Warren just looked at Sophia, and they burst out laughing. As did Michelle and Brian.

  "Wow, she's a trip," smiled Warren.

  "Warren, I cannot believe how quickly she took to you," Brian commented. "You are really good with kids."

  "I've noticed that, too," said Sophia. She looked at her father. "Fits right in with his career goals."

  "What are your career goals, Warren?" Brian asked.

  Warren just smiled. "Pediatrician." Brian and Michelle laughed at that.

  "Good choice, from what I just saw," Michelle agreed.

  Sophia was still sputtering. "Have you recovered from the question about what to do with a boyfriend, Pookie?"

  Sophia burst out laughing again. "I'm horrible. She asked that, and the first thing that popped into my mind was a very vivid picture of last night. What can you do with a boyfriend, indeed. Well, she'll find out, in 15 years or so."

  Warren noticed Brian staring at them. "Pookie, I think you just told your father something he didn't know. And probably didn't want to know."

  Sophia blushed, but smiled. "Oops."

  Brian ea
sed up a bit, and smiled slightly. "Hey. Remember, this is the second time I've seen you since you were three years old. It's bad enough that you're all grown up. Now I have to deal with you being... uh..."

  Sophia blushed. "I think 'sexually active' is the phrase you're looking for, Dad."

  Brian grimaced. "Just please, please, please tell me you are using every form of protection known to man."

  "Pretty much," Sophia grinned. "I want seven just like Briana, but not now." Everyone laughed at that.

  "For my part, I need to get through med school and learn how to treat babies before I start making them," Warren added.

  "Does your mother know?" Brian asked.

  "Oh, she's known for a while. I don't keep it a secret." Sophia took a deep breath. "You wanted to get to know me, Dad. Well, here comes some things about me you'd probably rather not know, but you need to. Warren was not my first. I spent two years having unpleasant sex that was not completely voluntary with guys that beat me." Michelle gasped, and looked at Brian, who appeared to be close to tears. Sophia smiled. "Now I'm having fantastic sex that is completely voluntary with the most wonderful guy in the world. I can't hide it. It's part of who I am. Considering what I went through before Warren, it's a glorious part of who I am."

  "Sophia, I'm so sorry," Brian said.

  "Dad, don't. It's over, I'm recovered, and I blamed you for it for far too long and I'm not going to do that anymore."

  "I'm partially to blame, though."

  "Maybe. Maybe not. The important part is that I no longer blame you. It's not important. It's really not." She got a lopsided grin. "If you can forgive your little baby for having an active sex life, than I certainly can forgive you for having me too young."

  Brian smiled. "Deal."

  Michelle quipped, "Just don't let Briana in on the joys of sex for a few years, OK?"

  "You got it," Sophia cracked up laughing.

  Suddenly, they heard a cry from upstairs. Michelle got up, smiling. "Well, Sophia, I think that's your other sister, wanting to be introduced. I need to change her, so I'll be down in a minute."

  "Do you have any career goals, Sophia?" Brian asked.

  "Yeah. I'm going to study meteorology."

  "Really? That's fantastic!"