Dance of a Lifetime

by Frank Downey

  "No!" Sophia yelled. "Not like that. Closer here, and then the turn. You're too far away."

  A few minutes later: "No, Warren, get in here! This is a tight hold, don't you remember?"

  "I guess not."

  They did a few more moves. "Warren, your arm is supposed to be around my waist from the back. Close into me."

  A few more moves. Sophia abruptly skated away from Warren. "Dammit, Warren, this is not going to work!"

  "What isn't going to work?"

  "You're afraid to get close to me! You keep messing up the choreography by pulling away from me!"

  "Sophia, we haven't done this choreography in three months. I'm just forgetting."

  "Since when do I have a better memory than you do?"

  "Better memory for dance steps? Since forever!" He turned to their four spectators, who were watching with increasing dismay. "I remember everything else in life better than she does, except choreography. Apparently, I have a better memory about her having a better memory for choreography." He grinned at his friends, and then grinned at Sophia. He succeeded in breaking the tension.

  "You're right," Sophia admitted with a smile. Then she dropped the smile, and looked down at her hands. "It just seemed like you were pulling away from me. I don't mind taking our time with our relationship, but we can't do that on the ice."

  "I'm not. And I'll prove it to you. Alexa? Cue up track two, if you please." He led Sophia to the middle of the ice. "Oh, and Lex? Get that camera ready. You get to take pictures of a command performance of a program that won a National silver medal."

  Sophia smiled. Then Alexa started the music. Glenn Miller filled the rink.

  They flew through their old free dance like they had done it yesterday, instead of months ago. They were a bit ragged, but that was to be expected. It wasn't perfect. It was a lot better at Nationals, or Worlds. But, for both of them, it felt fantastic. They both skated the whole program with wide smiles on their faces. And, when they got to the final bit, where they moved in close and tight, Warren proved what he had said.

  The audience of four clapped as loud as they were able. Sophia and Warren took mock bows, smiling and laughing.

  "Oh my God, I can't tell you how much I missed that," Sophia said to him.

  "Me too," Warren admitted.

  "Warren, you know what?" Alexa said. "You dance like you make love."

  Sophia glared at her. Warren said, "How so?"

  Alexa smiled. "The world revolves around your partner. I kept trying to watch both of you, but my eyes were glued to Sophia, and you made sure of that. God, you guys are good."

  Sophia's expression softened into a smile. "Yeah, it's actually called partnering. And he's the best in the world at it."

  Alexa grinned at her. "That's two things he's the best in the world at." Sophia gaped at her. She just laughed.

  * * *

  They all ended up going to brunch together. Sophia and Warren went up to drop off their skates.

  "Alexa makes you a bit uncomfortable." Warren said.

  "Well... maybe a little. She has more recent memories of sleeping with you than I do. I know why we're not jumping back into a physical relationship, and I agree with it. But... you know..."

  "I'd tell her to cool off the comments, but she won't listen to me, so why bother? That's just the way she is. She has a very unique attitude towards sex."

  "How so?"

  "She's not possessive about it at all, and can be very uncomprehending that other people are. And she talks about it like she was talking about how good the omelet is."

  "In other words, if she talks about sleeping with you, and I get all bent out of shape about it, she won't understand why."

  "Right. Listen, we can blow them off and go elsewhere, if this makes you uncomfortable."

  "No. I just won't get all bent out of shape about it. Do you love her?"

  "No."

  "If you never have sex with her again, will it bug you?"

  "No."

  "Will it bug her?"

  "If it's because you and I are trying to work through our problems, no. Not even a little bit. She said to me once, 'You and I are friends. I want my friends to be happy. You won't be happy with anyone other than Sophia. End of story.'"

  "That's a very generous attitude to have, actually."

  They got down to the dining hall. Their friends were already there, talking as they approached with their food.

  "Well, that's why Alexa wanted me to sleep with him," Caitlin was saying to Elise. "Not that I'm at all upset by the way things turned out," she said, cuddling into Papa Bear's side.

  "He's the best lover I've ever had. At least, the best male one. And I've had quite a few," Alexa was saying. Sophia and Warren sat down. "Ain't that right, Sophia? Now that you guys are back in the saddle, you must be very satisfied."

  Sophia looked down, not saying anything. Warren said, "Actually, we've postponed having a physical relationship again until we can repair our emotional one."

  Alexa looked down, dismayed. "Oh. Well, then, I'll just shut my big fat fucking mouth."

  "It's OK," Sophia smiled at her. "Really. Anticipation, and all that. Besides, I have a good memory."

  Alexa laughed, relieved.

  "Waitaminnit," Warren said. "Did you say, a minute ago, best male lover?"

  Alexa gave him an impish grin. "Did I never tell you that I was bi?"

  "No!" Warren cracked up.

  "Oops. Must have slipped my mind. But, yeah, I am."

  "Hmmmmmmm" Elise said from next to her, giving her an appraising look.

  "Watch out, Alexa," Sophia laughed. "I think my roomie sees something she likes."

  Alexa looked at Elise. "You're... ?"

  "Yes, I am," Elise said with a big grin.

  "I think I'm in trouble." Alexa was smiling.

  * * *

  Warren and Sophia were studying in Sophia's room later that day.

  "Do you know where my roommate is right now?" Sophia asked him.

  "No. Where?"

  "With Alexa." She giggled.

  "You're kidding."

  "Nope. I know Elise's type, and, believe me, Alexa is it. I was seeing that gleam in Elise's eye before Alexa said she was bi."

  "This is very funny, you know that?"

  "What, that you passed on your old sex buddy to your past-and-future girlfriend's roommate?"

  "Exactly!"

  Sophia smiled to herself, for more reasons than one.

  * * *

  Sophia's phone rang. "Hey, it's Elise. Is Warren there?"

  "Yeah."

  "I'm in Alexa's room. She wants both of you to come down."

  "OK."

  They went down, and found Alexa on the computer.

  "All right, this is the deal. I have a website, and I set up a special page for these." She showed Warren and Alexa the pictures she had taken. They looked great.

  "OK. Warren told me how to subscribe to the newsgroup and the mailing list. Here's the post I'm going to send out, with a pointer to the URL that I have those pictures on."

  SUBJECT: Daniels and Kelleher not split up!

  MESSAGE: I'm a good friend of Warren and Sophia. I go to Wisconsin with them. They have been working on some problems in their off-ice relationship, but they have not split up as a dance team. In fact, I have some photos of them practicing that I took today. They are fine on the ice, and their off-ice problems are being resolved. They plan to be at Nationals.

  "Well, is that good?" Alexa asked.

  "Perfect," Warren said.

  "Yeah, what he said. Thanks, Alexa." Sophia smiled at her.

  "Anytime."

  Chapter 63 - Warren Explodes

  Sophia had just gotten to Mary's office on Monday, and had settled in a chair. "I wonder where Warren is?" she asked, just as her cell phone rang.

  "Hiya, Sophie, it's Warren..."

  "Where are you?"

  "That's why I'm calling. I'm going to be a few minutes late."

&
nbsp; "WHAT? Why? Warren, we're sitting here waiting for you! I only have an hour per session, and I expected you to be here! This is important! What is so damn important that you would be late? I can't believe..."

  "Sophia!" Mary interjected.

  Sophia caught herself. "Warren?" she said into her cel phone. "Oh shit, he hung up."

  "I would have, too! Why were you yelling at him?" Mary said.

  "He's late."

  "Did he say why he's late?"

  Sophia looked down at her hands. "I never gave him a chance to say." She looked at the cell phone, and dialed Warren's number. To her surprise, he answered.

  "What?" he barked.

  "I'm sorry. I had no right to do that."

  "Fine."

  "Are you still coming?"

  "Yes. I'll be there in a few minutes." He hung up.

  "Sophia, what just happened?" Mary asked her.

  "I don't know. He said he was going to be late, and I just... I don't know. I panicked. I got an image of him in bed with Alexa or some other girl, or with his nose in a textbook, ignoring me, and I just... lost it."

  Just then the door opened, and Warren stumbled in. On a crutch, with one of his ankles taped up.

  "Oh Jesus, Warren! What happened?" Sophia asked.

  Mary had set up two chairs in front of her, for the two of them, and Sophia was sitting in one, but Warren did not take the other, instead plopping on the couch against the wall.

  "I sprained my ankle, walking across the quad. Slipped on some ice. And the campus police brought me up here, so I didn't have a car, so I had to hobble a block from the emergency room to this building. And, on top of that, I get yelled at."

  "Warren, I really am sorry. I just expected..."

  "That's right. You expected. You and every other fucking person in my life. Do you know the first thing my mother says to me when she calls? 'Are you keeping your grades up?' Then, it's 'Have you fixed things with Sophia yet?' Everybody asks me that! Like it's my fucking responsibility to fix what you broke! And, when I do--and end up taking care of you after another drunken binge in the bargain--I get yelled at because I'm a few minutes late. And I don't say a Goddamned thing because you are such a china doll that if I say anything, you'll break. Between you, and my schoolwork, and everybody's expectations of me--even to the point of all my friends asking me for advice--I am holding up the weight of the fucking world. And I can not do it anymore."

  Sophia looked stunned. Warren took a breath, and turned to her. "I am here for you. This is your problem, not mine. I do not deserve to be yelled at. I came very close to turning around and going back to the dorm. I've had it."

  "I really am sorry," Sophia said in a very small voice.

  "Warren, how long have you been holding that in?" Mary asked him.

  "Quite a while. My mother got it over the phone last night," he managed to smile a little at that.

  "Do you think I expect too much of you?" Sophia asked.

  "Sometimes."

  "You're probably right," Sophia agreed.

  "Do you ask anything from her?" Mary asked.

  Sophia interjected. "No, he doesn't. Very little. Maybe that's the problem, maybe you should ask more from me."

  Warren let out an exasperated sigh. "The last time I... forget that, I've said enough."

  "No, Warren. Say it," Sophia implored.

  "Warren, this is the time and place to get it all out," Mary agreed.

  "OK. The last time I asked something of you was at the beginning of the semester, when I asked you to cut me some slack while I got used to the workload. And we all know where that got me. And, I know you well enough, Sophia, to know that that had something to do with your expectations of me, because you didn't expect me to have problems with schoolwork. The Prep Genius, having problems with schoolwork? Never. He must be hiding something."

  "You're right," Sophia agreed. "That's exactly what I was thinking."

  "Warren," Mary asked, "are you bitter or resentful about Sophia breaking up with you?"

  "Oh, you betcha."

  Sophia looked at him, stunned.

  "Still?" Mary asked.

  "It was getting better. Screaming at me over the phone did not help."

  "Then, why are you here?" Mary asked. "Why are you still willing to work things out?"

  "Because I still love her. That never changed, not for a second. And because I still think it's worth it."

  Sophia relaxed. "Thanks, Warren. I needed to hear that."

  Warren smiled at her, and got up and hobbled to the chair next to her.

  "All right," Mary said. "Warren, you still think you can work things out?"

  "Yes."

  "Good. Now, we need to talk about the breakup. Sophia, over our past three sessions, has told me a lot about her history, both with you, and before you, Warren. There's a pattern here., and what Warren just went off about has a lot to do with it. Sophia, why did you go out with Scott?"

  "Because he asked me, and I had been without for a while."

  "Did you ever think he was any good for you?"

  "Deep down inside, probably not."

  "So, you panicked, and did something self-destructive."

  "That makes sense."

  "And who pulled your ass out of the fire?"

  Sophia smiled at Warren. "Mister Wonderful over here."

  "Right. Now, you told me about your first fight. This time, Warren didn't perform to your expectations. You panicked, and did something self-destructive--you got sloppy drunk. And who pulled your ass out of the fire again?"

  "Now, this breakup. Again, Warren was not meeting your expectations. And you panicked. And did something self-destructive--Eduardo--and waited for Warren to bail you out again. Even when he gave you a golden opportunity to help yourself, at the ice rink, you panicked even worse--and then went and did something more self-destructive, which finally got Warren's attention. Your relationship hums merrily along as long as things are OK. When you hit a rough spot, Sophia, you panic. When you panic you do something self-destructive. Now, this behavior predates Warren. You are still trying to get the attention you never got from your Dad, that you didn't get enough of from your Mom, and that you didn't get from your first boyfriends."

  Sophia looked stunned. "Oh my God." She took a deep breath. Warren grabbed her hand, and she looked at him with a grateful smile.

  "You did it today. Warren didn't meet your expectations, and you lashed out, because you panicked."

  "Why do I do it to Warren, though? That's what I don't understand."

  "Because you know, deep down in your heart, that I'll keep coming back for more," Warren said softly.

  "Huh?" Sophia asked.

  "Did you ever have any doubt that I'd try to fix things?"

  "Yeah, of course I did. I thought I wrecked things forever."

  "Maybe consciously, and maybe afterwards. But not while you were doing it, I don't think, especially subconsciously," Warren said.

  "I don't know," Sophia said. "Did you always know you'd try to fix things?"

  "I don't know, because I believed up until fairly recently that you had truly left me for another guy, and were probably still with him. I always hoped, I know that. And, yeah, I was playing the 'She's got to fix it' game for a while but, after I realized that you weren't with anyone else and regretted the breakup--yeah, after that I knew it was just a matter of time."

  "After I hurt you that much? You just said you were bitter and resentful."

  "Yeah, I was." Warren took a deep breath. "I can't think of much that you could do to me to truly make me give up, or to ever make me leave. That's probably what hurt the most."

  Sophia was stunned. She just looked at Warren, unable to say anything.

  Mary picked up the conversation. "Why do you say that, Warren? What hurt the most?"

  "When she broke up with me..." Warren stumbled a little bit. "I couldn't do that. I don't think I could ever do that. So, when she did it... I guess I realized that she doesn't love m
e as much as I love her."

  "That's not true," Sophia half-whispered.

  "Warren, I don't think it is necessarily true. Because of what we've talked about here. Sophia's got a problem. She's got a problem because of a past that has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, you are the recipient of the worst of it."

  "Warren," Sophia asked him, "had you ever doubted how I feel before this happened?"

  "No," he smiled.

  "Good. Because you shouldn't. What's in question here is how I deal with problems in my life, not the depth of my feelings for you. They are not in question. They never were, even when I broke up with you. I beg you to believe me."

  "I'll try, that's all I can promise."

  She smiled at him. "That's good enough."

  "Well, let's end on a good note," Mary smiled. "Are you guys going back home for Thanksgiving?"

  "No."

  "OK. Sophia, I will see you Wednesday. Warren, could you come again on Friday with her?"

  "Sure."

  Sophia got up, and Warren struggled to get out of the chair on his injured ankle. "Damn, that hurts!"

  "Did they give you anything for the pain?" Mary asked.

  "Yeah, but I haven't taken it yet. I didn't want to get all loopy in the middle of this." Warren smiled.

  "They only gave you one crutch?" Mary asked.

  "They said that was easier, since one of my legs is fine. I'm not so sure, though."

  "Come on, Snugglebear." Sophia grabbed the arm that wasn't holding the crutch. They made their way through the lobby and into the elevator.

  "Shit!" Warren said as they got out of the elevator on the ground floor. "My car's at the dorm."

  "We'll have to take the shuttlebus, then." Sophia grabbed his arm again. "Come on, I'll help."

  They got out to the shuttlebus stop, and Sophia helped Warren get up the stairs, and into a seat. They rode to their dorm in silence, holding hands. Sophia helped him get out of the bus, and then helped him up the long flight of stairs to the dorm lobby.

  "Come on, Warren. Lean on my arm. I'm not a china doll physically, you know."