Santa Claus Is Missing: A Christmas Harem Gamelit

by Sean Shake

  “I love Christmas,” the redhead said.

  “That’s good,” I replied. “Because you’re gonna help us save it. If we—” I stopped, looked around. “Shit.”

  “What is it?” Alexa asked as I ran to the front door.

  “I fucking forgot about Krampus.”

  41

  I peered out over the balcony, but I’d parked in such a way that I couldn’t see Krampus in the bed of my truck.

  Goddammit, I thought. God fucking dammit.

  Calm down, another part of me urged myself, it’s fine. He was passed out drunk. He’ll still be there.

  Yes, of course he would still be there.

  I took the stairs faster than I ever had, making it down in record time.

  But it wasn’t fast enough. The truck bed was empty.

  I looked around the area, but it was deserted, and it wasn’t like a seven-foot demon was easy to miss.

  Though apparently it was easy to lose one.

  “Krampus!” I called out.

  If anyone heard me, they’d probably just think I was calling out for my grandpa.

  That’s what I planned on saying if anyone asked who I was looking for: my senile old grandpa.

  Who was dressed up in a demon yeti suit. And was also seven-feet tall.

  That was somewhat believable. I was pretty tall, after all.

  “Krampus!” I called again.

  No reply.

  I activated Track to scan the area for spectral trails.

  My eyes widened in surprise.

  Trails. Trails everywhere.

  And I mean absolutely everywhere.

  The place was lit up like a… well, like a Christmas tree.

  There were colors I hadn’t even seen before, vibrant yellows and dark violets.

  What the hell? Was there some kind of wizards’ gathering around here?

  I ran back up the stairs and told Alexa and Rue what happened.

  “That sounds like Krampus,” Alexa said.

  “You seem way too calm.”

  “Alcohol does that to me,” she said. “I think I’m still a little bit drunk. At least I’m not burning up.”

  “I don’t think we have anything to worry about,” Rue assured me. It wasn’t very reassuring however.

  “You’re joking, right? You don’t think we have anything to worry about about a big demon wandering around Miami?”

  “He’s been around a long time. He knows how to stay out of trouble. Or get into trouble and not get caught. Or get into trouble, get caught, but then break free.”

  “Brilliant,” I said. “So we’re going let him wander around Earth? Is that it?”

  “You have a better idea?” she quipped.

  “Yeah. We figure out why there’s a bunch of spectral residue down there.”

  “And how do you propose we do that? Investigate? If we do that you’ll just waste more of your limited points that we need for making elves. We can’t afford to waste time like that. We’ve got a Christmas holiday to save, and now less than eleven days to do it.”

  Was it really after midnight? Damn, time flew when you were having fun with elves and demons.

  I let out a grunt. “I must be the worst Santa ever. My first day on the job and I let loose the Yule Lads onto Earth, create something that’s not an elf, and now lose a demon.”

  “Don’t forget letting your wife get kidnapped,” Rue added cheerfully.

  “You’re married?” the redhead asked.

  I looked at her and felt lust stir up in me. “Would you please put some clothes on? It is really distracting.”

  “I don’t think I want to wear clothes ever again. I feel natural like this.”

  “You have to wear clothes.”

  “Actually she really doesn’t,” Rue interjected. “It’s not as if we have a dress code or anything. I’m sure the other elves won’t mind. They’re all women, or they usually are. There’d only be men if you want to… you know.” She wiggled her fingers against each other in an obscene motion.

  It put a distasteful image in my mind.

  Other people could do whatever they wanted, but like brussels sprouts, I found that idea disgusting.

  I also found coffee disgusting, which apparently a lot of people liked.

  And cigarettes. People did like cigarettes.

  Basically people were rather strange in their likes and dislikes.

  Hell, I liked eating green bananas. I’d literally been called a heathen for that.

  By a Wiccan ex-girlfriend, ironically. The same seventeen-year-old I’d lost my virginity to.

  I took one more glance outside, surveying the area from this higher vantage point now that I knew Krampus wasn’t in the truck.

  I also activated Track again—as it was so cheap to use—to look for spectral traces.

  From this distance I actually couldn’t see the ones down below me. That was interesting. There was an effective range on it.

  So I couldn’t just look off into the distance and see a spectral trail. I would actually have to get close to it.

  Even from up here, I didn’t see Krampus anywhere.

  Feeling once more defeated, I turned off Track, went inside, and locked the door.

  I turned around and found the redhead standing right in front of me, smiling at me. She was slightly shorter than me now without her heels. “What now?” she asked excitedly.

  “We’re going to sleep.”

  “Sleep?” Rue asked. “We can’t sleep. We have so much work to do.”

  I struggled to pull out my phone from my tight Santa pants, then checked the time.

  “It’s late. We can’t do any work right now.”

  “I beg to differ. You had naked girls dancing around you outside the club. I’m sure you could’ve transformed a few of them.”

  My mind flashed back to the girl with the jiggling ass. I had told her I would be back. I felt slightly guilty about that for some odd reason.

  Probably my libido trying to guilt me into an irrational and unwise decision.

  “I need points to convert them, right?”

  “You found that part of the interface,” Rue said sounding impressed. “Good for you. How many do you have?”

  “It wasn’t that hard to find. Oh yeah, did you make the interface? Cause some of the messages seem like you.”

  She slapped my face.

  “Ow, the fu—”

  “Focus. How many points do you have?”

  “Don’t hit me!”

  “Why,” she lilted, “are you going to punish me?”

  “If you do that again I just might,” I said angrily.

  “Promise?”

  I grunted, anger turning to arousal.

  Fucking hot chicks.

  I checked my stats.

  STATS

  Points

  Available: 52

  Generation rate: 10 per Earth hour while sleeping

  Max capacity: 125

  Energy

  Fire: 51%

  Ice: 29%

  Progress

  Unique Gifts: 0 created, 0 planned

  Total Gifts: 0 created

  Households Remaining: 2.1 billion

  Percent Complete: 0%

  Resources

  Sleigh: N/A

  Reindeer: 1

  Elves: 0

  Workshops: 0

  Headquarters: 1, hidden

  Spirits

  Spirit of Christmas: 4

  Spirit of Ice: 27

  Spirit of Fire: 8

  Spirit of Air: 0

  Spirit of Joy: 0

  Spirit of Time: 0

  “Fifty-two. It says I have zero elves still.”

  “Good, that’s how it’s supposed to work. They’re still changing, so they’re not yours yet. How much does it cost? Elf Creation.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “Everyone’s different. They auto-calibrate, but you’re the first Santa to use the contacts.”

  “Great, I’m a guine
a pig.”

  She frowned. “You’re human. I hope. I hope I didn’t just watch a guinea pig have sex.”

  I couldn’t tell if she was joking. “It cost ten points.”

  “So… you started with… ninety-two?”

  “A hundred twenty-five. I used some for finding you guys.”

  “Still, that’s like almost ten-percent per conversion. How much do you gain while sleeping?”

  “Ten an hour.”

  “Wow, that’s… crappy. Hopefully you improve quick. But, still, you can get five more girls before you run out of points.”

  “We’re gonna need more elves than that,” I said. “I can’t just go do them one at a time.”

  “I was watching you,” Rue said, “so I know for fact you only have one penis. So actually you only can do them one at a time.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” She was right though, I would have to do them one at a time.

  It only took a few minutes, and if it was based on just my… well, my orgasm, and not theirs, then maybe I could get that time down to a minute or two.

  My refractory period seemed shortened or maybe even eliminated, so it actually wouldn’t take that long to do a hundred of them.

  Once I had the points.

  Jesus, what had my life come to? I had to do a hundred girls to turn them into elves?

  And what was wrong with me that I was bitching about it?

  Stop being a pussy, I told myself. Man up and fuck these chicks.

  Not much of a pep talk, but it got me horny at least.

  Besides, maybe I would spot Krampus wandering around.

  Hell, he might have even gone back to the club. Like a lost dog finding its way home.

  “Fine. There were a few that drew my attention back there. If they’re even still there. Can I just do them in my truck?”

  “It’s a bit low class,” Rue said. “But you’re a bit low class yourself, so it seems fitting.”

  “You’re kind of an asshole,” I told her.

  “Oh, you haven’t seen my asshole.”

  “Yes and I don’t—” I stopped myself, realizing I actually did want to see it. “All right, fine. You girls stay here, guard the sleeping ones from… Krampus, I guess. If he comes back.”

  “Oh Krampus won’t hurt us,” Alexa said.

  “Won’t hurt you,” Rue corrected. “He might very well hurt someone else. Even if he doesn’t mean to.”

  “Great, you’ll be safe here then with Alexa. I can take care of myself.”

  “I should go with you,” the redhead said.

  “You can’t go anywhere with me naked. So you’d have to put clothes on.”

  She bit her lip uncertainly. “Oh. That’s a hard decision.”

  “Great, you sit here and think about it and I’ll be back in a bit.”

  “Okay!” she said excitedly. “I feel I need to make something. Do you have any parts?”

  Alexa and Rue exchanged glances.

  “What is it?” I asked them

  “Construction instinct. Like when you get pregnant and want to nest, except instead of nesting, new elves want to build things. It’s like the elven equivalent of being pregnant. Or being born, actually. In any case it’s a strong compulsion, and you shouldn’t deny her it.”

  “Great, fine. Have her build things. I’ve got a box of old computer parts in my closet. I’ve been meaning to sell them, maybe she can make something out of them.”

  In my mind’s eye I got an image of a gingerbread house made from old motherboards and no-longer-relevant GPUs.

  The redhead bounced exuberantly, and on the third bounce stayed in the air, floating there.

  I rolled my eyes and left the girls to deal with it.

  They knew more about it than I did anyway.

  I got in my truck and drove alone back toward the abandoned-but-not-abandoned club.

  I had a throbbing erection, and my excitement to create another elf was rather high.

  I felt as though I was doing something illicit, and that somehow made me more excited.

  Or maybe it was just the fact that I knew—not hoped, not thought, not believed, but knew—that when I got there I would be able to have sex with pretty much any girl I wanted to.

  42

  I drove to the club, erection throbbing, thinking about the girl with the round, jiggly ass.

  What was with her and my attraction to her?

  Other than the fact that boobs and butts were inherently compelling, I couldn’t think of anything that particularly stood out about her.

  She was definitely attractive, but not enough to warrant this insane level of arousal I felt.

  I pulled up to the club and parked right in front, this time not needing to hide around a corner to keep Krampus out of sight—lot of good that did.

  I was disappointed when I saw no one outside and the bouncer back at the door.

  I got out and went up to the door. “Hey again. Looks like you got your pants back on. I was worried there for a minute.”

  He frowned deeply at me, almost angrily. “What are you talking about. Is that some kind of passcode? Because we don’t do that here.”

  “No it’s…” I trailed off. “Do you remember me?”

  “Buddy, do you know how many bouncing jobs I do? I see so many people every night. Literally hundreds. I can’t be expected to remember faces. Especially not of the guys.” He scratched his face. “Actually now that I think about, I might be more likely to remember a guy, since there are so many pretty girls that they all blur into one.

  “Though I do remember a redhead. I can’t remember when, but I think she actually came here naked.” He looked up and to the right and rubbed his chin, which had a bit of dark stubble on it. “Huh. When was that? Maybe it was a dream. It seems real, but also dreamlike.”

  “Very interesting,” I said. “Sounds like fun. I’ll just be heading in now.”

  I expected him to stop me from entering the club without any beautiful girls on my arms, but he didn’t even seem to notice as I walked past him, still rubbing his chin and looking up at the sky, apparently pondering the naked redhead.

  I wondered if that was Krampus’s doing, or Rue’s.

  Hadn’t she said something about a cloaking ability?

  Having to be turned on to use it?

  I thought so, maybe when she was jumpstarting my truck.

  And she had been turned on in the VIP room, so maybe she had some residual arousal.

  Inside the club, no one was doing a strange dance with their pants around their ankles, and everyone looked to be fully clothed.

  Well not fully clothed, but normal attire for a Miami nightclub.

  I walked around the dancefloor, searching the crowd for a girl that drew my interest, but mainly looking for the one who’d pulled down her pants outside.

  I didn’t know why I was so obsessed with her, but I couldn’t get the image of her perfectly round, jiggling ass out of my mind.

  But after five minutes of no luck, I gave up hope of finding her.

  She must’ve gone home.

  I’d ask the bouncer on the way out, but I doubted he’d remember any of it.

  Hell, maybe she was wandering the streets, pants still around her ankles, wondering how she got there.

  So I started looking for other girls. I only needed five, which was good, because only five drew my interest at all.

  And out of those five there were only three I felt compelled to mate with.

  I decided to get all five of them anyway. Might as well use up the rest of my points.

  Going up to each of them I’d grab them by the hand and start leading them through the club toward the others I had spotted.

  By the time I was done I had all five around me, my arms around the waists of the two nearest to me.

  We were laughing as we left the club together, though I wasn’t sure why.

  I was mainly laughing because of how crazy it was to be able to just get girls like this.
<
br />   Perhaps they were laughing because I was laughing.

  Outside the bouncer was gone again.

  He was not a very good bouncer.

  “Oooh,” one of the girls I had picked up said as we got to my truck. “I like men who drive trucks. They usually have big cocks. At least if they’re tall.”

  “My brother has a truck,” another girl said.

  “Does he have a big cock?” the first girl asked with a wicked grin.

  “It’s about average,” the second girl replied, apparently unperturbed.

  The first girl frowned. “That’s gross.”

  “Average cocks?”

  “No. That you’ve seen your brother’s cock.”

  “Oh. Yeah. He got drunk one night and fell in the tub and I had to go pull him out before he drowned in the shower.

  “Wasn’t exactly the most fun I ever had. But it makes for great story. Nothing better than embarrassing your little brother around his friends.”

  “I think I’d be the one who was embarrassed,” the first girl said.

  The second girl shrugged.

  I herded them into the truck, and then headed back to my apartment.

  “So where are we going?” the girl from the passenger seat said.

  I hadn’t paid attention to their features, but now I looked at her. Her hair was a dark bluish-black, one streak dyed an actual dark blue. Her eyes were dark as well, at least in the dark of the truck.

  Her outfit consisted of what looked like an assassin’s outfit, but with more cleavage showing.

  It actually looked somewhat similar to my Santa suit, except all black, and more strappy with extra belts going in odd directions.

  And high-heeled boots.

  “We’re going back to my apartment, where I’m going to bang each one of you.”

  The girl in the passenger seat licked her top lip. “Wow, you’re forward.”

  “You’re surprised?” one of the girls in the backseat asked. “He did just pull us out of the club without saying a word. Actually I’m not sure why I even came with him. He could be a serial killer.”

  “I’m not a serial killer,” I assured her. “I’ve never killed anyone. I don’t even kill insects. Just seems pointless. Like, what are they gonna do to you?”

  “I hate ants,” another girl said.

  Glancing in the mirror, I saw that she was another redhead.