Don’t Lie to Me

by Amber Bardan

  “Emma?”

  That’s it. My time in the human trafficking basement of horror ruined my mind. Because he looked and sounded a lot like Avner.

  He pulled me to my feet, and squeezed me.

  It was his scent that did it, that comforting masculine scent that sent my receptors firing. It was him.

  “Avner.” I hugged him back, heart still pounding in my throat. “You were a little slow, I had to rescue myself.”

  He kissed my hair. “They never stood a chance.”

  Weariness melted my muscles, leaving me shivery and jellied. He barked something in Arabic. One of the men nodded and moved through the doors. The other came with us, out of the incomplete parking lot construction and into one of two idling black vans.

  The other man took off his mask, revealing Emilio’s familiar unsmiling face. He examined me as we tore away from the construction zone.

  “Where are you hurt?”

  “I’m not hurt.” I lounged in Avner’s embrace. His voice seemed awfully far away.

  “Emma, you’re soaked in blood.”

  “Oh, that’s Dean’s.” The inside of the van fogged. “Had to stake him like a vampire.”

  Emilio prodded at me, then dug in his medical bag.

  “But he deserved it, Avner. He really did.” I yanked the chain out of my bra. “He tried to take our coin, but it’s alright, I got it back for you.”

  Avner’s fist closed around mine, and he squeezed. “Baby, did they give you something?”

  His voice warbled.

  “I wouldn’t let it go.” I snuggled deeper into him. “I’ll never let go.”

  He whispered something back—perhaps repeating my own words, because it sounded a lot like, “Emma, don’t let go.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Emma

  Of all the lies we tell, perhaps the most wicked is the one where we say everything’s going to be okay.

  Angelina offered me no such condescending bullshit.

  The fact she was at the hospital when I came to meant that everything was pretty bloody terrible, even if the good doc hadn’t said so to my face.

  She leaned over and kissed my cheek. I had a flash of our positions reversed not so long ago. If only I had a merry surprise to reveal. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

  “I’m not going to have you hovering at my deathbed.”

  She blanched at my turn of phrase, but why sugarcoat it. We were all going to have to get used to the reality that my deathbed was exactly what this was.

  “You’re pregnant, and the last thing I want is to spoil your happiness.” I stole a look at her stomach. She’d worn a fitted knit dress today, and for the first time since I’d found out, she actually really looked like a pregnant woman.

  “Babe, that’s something you can’t control.”

  A wave of guilt washed over me. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t start with that,” she said, and gave my hand a light squeeze. “So, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

  I smiled. “Okay.”

  No use trying to change Angelina’s mind when it was set. Avner rose from his seat beside me and led her out. He closed the door behind her, and for the first time in the past few days, between tests, doctors and the endless stream of specialists he’d had flown in, the two of us were alone and awake.

  His expression hit me like a brick to my chest.

  My hand flew to the tube at my nose, the oxygen chemical and stinging. But I didn’t tear it out. There were so many questions I needed to ask—what happened after he found me, was Rohan okay, what about the fact I’d killed Dean, what about how Avner apparently had a sister he’d rescued who I’d heard nothing about?

  He stalked toward me, his jaw set hard, his eyes blazing. Sick or not, I’d be facing the music with him now. My questions faded.

  He leaned over me, and planted his hands on either side of the pillow by my head.

  “Emma.” He said my name, and the aching sound of it, damning and desperate, clawed through my chest. Forget my damaged heart, he’d be the death of me.

  “I’m sorry.” Hurt rose like a fist into my esophagus. I was sorry for so much. For not telling him everything when I had the chance. Yet, even more I was sorry for every second I’d held back, and every moment of being in love that we’d miss. “I really thought there’d be more time.”

  The possibility that I’d end up here, dying in front of someone who loved me, had been a door bolted closed in my heart, one I’d never intended to open.

  I’d thought there’d be longer, sure—but Avner was the one who made me want to believe there’d be hope. Who made me want to take the risk.

  “There is going to be more time,” he swore, not in the placating way people tended to do. He swore it, and the way he scanned my gaze, driving it in, made me want to cry.

  He believed it.

  I touched his face. “I love you, Avner.”

  “I love you too.” He flinched, his expression contracting, my first clue he was actually scared. I always knew he’d never be able to accept this.

  “There’s going to be more time,” he repeated, and the wall came back down over his eyes. “I don’t care what I have to do.”

  I couldn’t have him take responsibility for trying to fix me. Blaming himself when he couldn’t.

  Fury bristled into his features. “I don’t care if I have to buy the fucking hospital—every hospital. If I have to rip someone’s heart out myself—I’ll have you on top of the list.”

  My teeth clicked together, and it took all I had to speak. “No, you won’t.”

  He frowned, his voice dropping an octave. “Yes, I will.”

  “No—”

  “Stop arguing. I will.”

  “You won’t.” I put my hand to his chest and pushed him back, then dragged myself further upright. “You won’t do anything to interfere with a process that exists for a reason. I’ll wait and hope it works for me, but if it doesn’t, then that’s the way it is.”

  He stared at me, his eyes expanding. “There’s no way you can expect me to go along with that.”

  “I can, because my mother was on that list.” I gasped for air. Everything in my upper body throbbed and burned. “I’ve seen other kids’ mothers die on that list. I’ve seen teenagers die on that list.” I swiped my wet cheeks. I wasn’t a saint, or a martyr, or even all that selfless. There was a massive frantic, terrified part of me that wanted to throw myself against him and beg to be saved, no matter the cost. Maybe I would if I hadn’t been in so many hospital rooms just like this one. “So whose mother are you going to sacrifice to bump me up? Whose child deserves to die because you love me? Whose life is worth less than mine because my boyfriend is rich and powerful?”

  His jaw snapped and his eyes shone. “I’m going to do whatever I have to do, Emma. On this you have no choice.”

  “Yes I do.” I shuffled higher. I might be weak, but I still wasn’t helpless. “Because if I believe you can’t control yourself I’ll have you banned from visiting. If you bribe your way back in I’ll discharge myself, and if that doesn’t work then I’ll just plain refuse treatment.”

  He stared at me. I stared right back. Tension snapped taut between us. My will shook.

  I watched his do the same.

  He slumped. “You can’t ask this of me.”

  “I’m not asking, I’m demanding.”

  His chair flew back. My head spun. He gave me one last furious look, then left the room.

  * * *

  Warmth enveloped me in the dark. I rolled into his arms. The IV tugged on my arm. My chest relaxed. I’d almost feared—no let’s be honest, I was fucking terrified, that he wouldn’t come back.

  I’d asked too much of him.

 
“I won’t interfere with the process.” He hugged me. “But you will not ever deny me seeing you.”

  I snuggled closer. I may have refused his interference, but one of the perks of Avner’s affection was the luxury hospital room, with a bed big enough to hold him too.

  “I promise.” I sniffled against his shirt. “But you don’t have to stick around.”

  “Why the fuck would I leave now?” He drew back. In the pale light I saw only the outline of his frown.

  “You didn’t sign up for this.” My eyes streamed, and I hoped he couldn’t see them. He didn’t know what he’d been getting into with me. I’d never warned him. “You shouldn’t have to go through this. I won’t begrudge you if you go.” I bit my bottom lip. “I know you found your sister...”

  His breath whooshed. He still hadn’t confessed that to me. Weren’t we just a pair.

  “She deserves to have your focus now.”

  “You think I only have time for one of you?” His broad hand came to my face, smudging the tears. “Emma, this has never been easy, but it’s always been worth it. You seem to be operating under the assumption that it’s not—or you’re not.”

  I squeezed shut my eyes.

  “You are.” He rubbed under my eye. “Perhaps you learned not to believe it every time you were let down by the people you should have been able to count on.”

  A shudder rolled through me. How did he know how to hit my every nail on its head?

  “If no one ever showed you, or told you, I’ll tell you why I’m glad you’re mine.” His breath whispered against my damp lips. “You are generous to those who need it, you are kind to those who don’t deserve it, you are tolerant of people others don’t try to understand. Most of all, you are loyal to those you let yourself love, even when they’re unworthy.”

  I grabbed his wrist and held on. Did he really see me that way?

  “I gave you my heart knowing you would treasure it.”

  I cried. I saw how he’d done just that. Given his big broken heart to me, and my damaged one gave an agonized squeeze, because I would not be around for any more treasuring.

  “I’ve always known that if I gave you my secrets you would guard them, but I lacked the courage to. I broke your trust by not sharing my secrets. I lost your faith by withholding my honesty. I was undeserving of your loyalty because my devotion to you was not as great as my determination not to put you at risk.”

  My heart throbbed with memories of my whole life. Every time I’d given my dad the benefit of the doubt. Every time he hadn’t been able to drive me to a game because he was drunk when he swore he would. Every time I’d lied for him, and every time I’d paid the damned mortgage. He hadn’t deserved my loyalty but I’d given it.

  Avner earned all the love I had for him.

  “No.” I shook my face against his hand. “I should’ve told you mine.”

  “Perhaps, but there’s only one thing for it now.” He grabbed the back of my scalp, and tilted my face closer to his. “Ask me anything you want to know.”

  My pulse thrummed with a bittersweet ache. How I’d longed for him to say this—to speak to me like this. Everything. I wanted to know everything. Yet, of all the rampaging questions exploding through my mind, the one that pushed up through the rest was the most selfish.

  “Remember the night of the wedding?” I slid my hand up his chest.

  He breathed deeply. Of course he did.

  “Remember when we were in my room?” I buried my hand in his hair, wanting to yank it for the way he’d left me hanging. “Why did you leave?”

  We breathed together, and that memory pulsed—his hand between my legs. Our bodies pressed together. The desperate rush of need.

  “Ahh.” His voice dropped low and husky. “The minty taste of your tongue still sweetened my mouth when duty pulled me from your room...”

  Avner

  This wasn’t right. I watched her pale face as she slept. Pain pulsed through me so deep, my muscles contracted, nerves bristling in stinging agony.

  “I’m so sorry, there’s nothing more that can be done.”

  The words of every doctor, of every so-called expert, ripped through me in slashes.

  “Her heart is irreparably damaged...”

  I looked at her—no. There was more that would be done. Everything would be done. I touched her hair. Remembered it wound around my fist. Remembered it half over her eyes when we’d spoken softly, curled together at night.

  I don’t know when she became essential to me like this, only that she was. Only that I’d be the one who died if I didn’t have her.

  She’d fought for me. When she’d been taken, no matter what they told her, no matter what they put her through, no matter the betrayal they tried to convince her of, she never gave me up.

  Emma was loyal. Emma was strong. Emma was brave.

  I hadn’t lied the day I’d asked her to work with me. We were meant to be partners. We still had great things to do together, her and me.

  I wouldn’t give up on her—no matter what I had to do.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Emma

  Bright light turned my eyelids red.

  I blinked into the blinding glare. Surely it wasn’t time yet?

  The days had passed, and yeah, I knew I’d been asleep more than awake, but there’d be more of a hint before death, wouldn’t there?

  Someone would’ve let me know time was up.

  Avner’s face swam in my vision and it was 100 percent self-satisfied.

  “Hi, baby.”

  I blinked again. Sure, he’d be in my version of heaven, but he wouldn’t be allowed to look so smug. That’d break heavenly laws.

  The room came into focus. Medical lamps shone above us in a surgical room.

  Holy shit, he’d moved me somewhere.

  “What have you done?” I scrubbed my face, knocking the oxygen tube.

  He took my fingers. “Nothing you forbade me from doing.”

  He smirked, and oh crap, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed his arrogant smirk. What the hell was he up to?

  “Remember how I suggested we should be partners?”

  Why was he talking about business at a time like this? “Yeah?”

  “Turns out, we’d have been great.” He moved in front of me, blocking the eyeball-piercing light. “I knew you could do it.”

  He kissed me, and thank god for the oxygen tube, because he stole my breath.

  I glanced at a nurse packing away things. “What’s going on?”

  “Remember how I downloaded Waldolf’s servers?”

  “Of course I remember—” I stared at the big, stubborn, determined face I loved. Holy shit. He’d been working on my research while I’d been sick. “You didn’t?”

  “I did, and it works.”

  Hope flared in me brighter than the lights. What I’d developed was mostly theory.

  Theory is fine.

  Theories don’t necessarily hold up in practice.

  “Well, I suppose if it has to be tested on someone...” It may as well be someone who’s dying.

  His smug smile slipped. “You think I’d take that kind of chance on you?” He leaned back and his fingers flew down the buttons on his shirt.

  A piece of gauze with a small red dot in the center was taped to his chest.

  I blinked, almost not believing what I knew I saw. “You tested it on yourself?”

  “Had to make sure it wouldn’t hurt you.” His smile softened.

  My chest panged. The stubborn, careless man. He’d taken that risk for me? I’d never have allowed it. But, god, I loved him. Live or die, I was simply grateful to have had him at all.

  “Well, I’m ready.” I let my head relax on the pillows.

&nb
sp; “For what?” His eyes sparkled.

  For a giant-ass needle to the heart. To see if this is the beginning or the end. “For my turn.”

  He smiled again, and reached from the top of my hospital gown. My gaze flew to his finger, inching the collar down.

  Sound whirled like the ocean in my ears.

  A matching piece of gauze stuck to my chest. The whirling got loader, then it hit—what that sound was.

  My heart beat loud and strong. “You did it...”

  The slow-spreading grin he gave me said it all. A laugh of gasped disbelief started in my belly then spread out, building until my body shook, and joy sent my head light.

  Avner’s gaze raked over me, like the first time we met—as though he’d never heard a laugh before. Then he scooped me up, and pried the oxygen tube from my face and tossed it aside. I took a giant breath, though my chest seemed choked and full.

  He kissed me again. I kissed him back, knowing the taste of him, and the feel of him, and now I knew him down to his core. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself to him. Energy coursed through me that I’d been missing for so long.

  He broke the kiss. I gripped him harder. We might have a whole future ahead of us, but I wasn’t ready to let this moment go yet.

  “If you’re feeling well enough, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

  “Rebecca?” My eyes flew wide. I’d asked about her again and again, but hadn’t been well enough to go to the rehabilitation center to see her.

  “She’s home, and won’t be kept from her new sister.”

  I laughed. From what he’d told me, Rebecca and I shared similar attitudes, and she’d slowly been coming back to herself. “I can’t wait.”

  I’d fallen for Avner without knowing who he was or what he was capable of. Now I loved him for all I’d discovered and all I had yet to learn.

  Now there was time to find the rest out.

  Epilogue

  Emma

  “Whoa there, mumma-jugs, a girls got to breathe.” I clutched my sides, attempting to remain upright as Angelina brutally tied off the corset of my dress, then stood beside me.