[The Watchers 20.0] Dominion - Enduring

by SJ West

  I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. All I can feel is this raw, gaping hole inside my chest, making it almost impossible for me to breathe. There’s a chasm now that no amount of time or wishing will allow me to breach. I know without having to be told that Cade is in Heaven. It’s the one place I can’t reach. If I could die, I would take my own life to be with him, but how can a thing like me find peace in death?

  I can’t. I’m doomed to live an eternity yearning for someone I will never be able to see again no matter what I do.

  “Cade,” I cry out in a whimper as I drop to my knees in misery, wishing he could hear me. Wishing he could come back to me.

  I lie down on the floor and curl up into a ball, sobbing until no more tears come. After a long while, I finally calm down enough to start breathing normally again, but I can’t seem to find the will to move. I’m barely breathing. I’m barely there.

  I’m not sure how long I stay on that floor, but eventually I find enough energy to sit up. I begin to cry again when I realize all I want is for Cade to hold me and tell me everything will be all right, but he can’t do that. He’s dead. Gone forever, and I’ll never see him again. I’ll never feel his hands touching my face. I’ll never feel his lips pressed against mine or hear him tell me he loves me. All of that has been stripped away from me forever, leaving me with nothing but pain.

  I look around the hallway, realizing I can’t stand to be here anymore. I have to leave. I have to get away before my shadow finds me to taunt me over my loss. I phase to the Nexus, being careful not to look at the floor. If I see Cade’s ashes, I might break down again and never leave this place.

  I have to get out before my grief weakens me again. I look at the universe of planets, knowing that running away won’t work forever, but right now it’s my only alternative. I can’t stay on Earth or go back to Sierra. I have to find a new place to call home.

  Nothing takes your mind off your own problems like conquering a new world.

  Chapter 23

  (Anna’s Point of View)

  That evening, after everyone leaves, Malcolm and I go to Mars to bring our children back home. I haven’t spent much time with my mother’s father, but that is partially my fault. I didn’t want to rush a relationship with him. The few times we have been together, I’ve felt an awkwardness between us that makes me uncomfortable. He hasn’t said as much, but I don’t believe he blames me for my mother’s early death anymore, yet when he looks at me, there’s a sadness in his eyes that I know will never go away. I’m sure it’s because he sees a lot of my mother in my face. It’s not exactly something I can change or would even want to for that matter. So I limit the time we spend together for both our sakes.

  When we return home, I practically have to tell Marcus that I want him to leave. I can appreciate his desire to be around Liana because of her connection to Arel, but all I want is a quiet moment with my family where we can just be together and shut the world out for one night.

  “I will build a barricade against this door to keep people out if I have to,” Malcolm declares as he closes the door to the study.

  “Just come here and look at our beautiful babies,” I urge him from my place on the floor in front of the fireplace.

  “They are pretty cute,” Lucas agrees from his seat beside me on the makeshift pallet of blankets we made so we could all sit together.

  Malcolm sits down on the other side of me with his legs crossed.

  “Yes, I do believe your mother and I did a fine job making you a little brother and sister to play with. Maybe we should get started on making you some more siblings.”

  “Oh no,” I say. “We’re not making any more babies for quite a while. Let me recover from this pregnancy first. Then we can talk about having more children.”

  “Well, if my opinion matters at all,” Vala tells us from her position beside Malcolm, “I vote for sooner rather than later.”

  Luna walks over to me and starts to lick my left cheek, as if she sympathizes with my plight.

  “At least you understand, girl,” I say, ruffling the white flaming fur on the side of her neck.

  She licks me one more time and goes back to lie on the other side of Lucas.

  Both Liam and Liana are lying in front of us on the pallet, gurgling as they try to look at us all around them.

  “If I have my wish,” I tell them both, leaning forward until my head is over them and I have their complete attention, “the two of you will have charmed, happy lives.”

  As I gaze at my babies, I notice Liana’s bluer than blue eyes watching me closely. To me, it’s proof that the connection between her and Helena is still present and that the bracelet does nothing more than act as a temporary dam. Yet maybe Helena doesn’t hate me as much as she once did now that she’s trying to build a life with Cade. It would solve so many of my worries for Liana if that turns out to be the case.

  Someone softly knocks on the study door. It’s a hesitant knock, and I immediately know something is wrong.

  I stand from my place with my family and go to the door, even though Malcolm urges me to ignore the plea for our attention.

  When I open the door, I find Lucifer standing in the hallway with a troubled frown on his face.

  “You wouldn’t be back here this soon if something wasn’t wrong,” I immediately say, feeling panicked. “What’s happened?”

  Lucifer looks farther into the room to find Malcolm.

  “I need to take you and Malcolm somewhere,” he tells me cryptically. “There’s something the two of you need to know about.”

  “Can we bring the children and the dogs?” I ask, not wanting to leave them behind.

  “It would be better if you didn’t,” Lucifer says, glancing back into the room. It seems like he’s looking directly at Lucas. “It might be too upsetting,” he whispers to me.

  “I’ll go get Jered to come up here to look after them,” Malcolm says before phasing to the stables.

  “You’re scaring me,” I whisper back to my father. “What’s wrong?”

  Lucifer shakes his head. “I would rather show you, so you can fully understand what’s taken place.”

  It only takes a minute for Malcolm to return with Jered. Once the children are secure, Malcolm and I step into the hallway in front of my father, holding hands. Lucifer touches my shoulder and phases us without informing us beforehand where we’re going.

  He doesn’t even have to tell us where we are once we arrive.

  We’re in Hell, yet the room he’s brought us to is beautiful. As I stare at the plethora of soft, glowing balls of light floating in the room, I have to ask, “Are these planets?”

  “Yes. They’re ones I’ve been to over the years,” Lucifer tells us. “I call this place the Nexus, and almost every inhabitable world in the universe is represented here.”

  “And why did you bring us here?” Malcolm asks.

  “Because I need to tell you what happened here today,” my father begins, even though he looks reluctant to weave his tale. “Anna, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, especially today when you have so much to celebrate, but I thought the sooner I told you, the better it would be for you.”

  “What bad news?” I ask breathlessly, wondering what terrible tragedy could have happened to make my dad return from Heaven so soon.

  “Cade is dead,” he tells us quickly, as if saying it fast will make it hurt me less.

  I don’t need to ask who killed Cade. Besides myself, there should only be one other person in existence who has the power to kill an angel protected by one of Bai’s tattoos.

  “That doesn’t make any sense, Dad. I saw Helena’s love for Cade in her eyes. Why would she kill him?” I ask as feelings of rage and sorrow fight for control over my body.

  “She didn’t mean to,” Lucifer says as he kneels down on one knee in front of us. It’s only then that I see the pile of ash on the floor. I gasp, covering my mouth with both hands as I stare at what’s left of Cade. “Helena
was never made to love someone,” Lucifer tells us, seeming unable to take his eyes off Cade’s sparkling black ashes either. “The fact that she found a way to do it still baffles me, but she did love Cade. She loved him so much that every part of her being became electrified with it. I talked with my father, and He basically confirmed my theory about what transpired here.”

  When Lucifer doesn’t continue right away, Malcolm says, “Well, don’t leave us hanging. What happened?”

  Lucifer stands back up. “She allowed herself to feel the love she has for Cade while they were here in Hell. It was the worst possible place she could have brought him to share her feelings.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “I think Helena believed that by leaving her domain she could have a life separate from it. What she doesn’t seem to grasp is that everything that happens here affects her. With the arrival of new souls from Virga, Hell became filled with an overload of energy. I’m sure she felt it when it happened, but it was only when she came back here that she absorbed it all. Her body became the physical manifestation of an old-fashioned powder keg; her love for Cade acted like a spark, triggering the explosion. Opening her heart to him caused a tremendous release of energy all at once and resulted in this,” Lucifer says, returning his gaze to Cade’s ashes.

  I feel a sorrow for Helena that I never thought I could feel. To finally find the one person in the universe she could truly love, only to kill him with it.

  “Where is Helena now?” I ask, feeling a need to go to her. I don’t know if she’ll talk to me, but I can’t just ignore the pain she’s in right now.

  Lucifer lifts his eyes to look at the miniature planets surrounding us.

  “She’s gone to one of these worlds,” he tells us.

  “Which one?” I ask impatiently.

  “I don’t know,” he says, standing back up, “and my father won’t tell me.”

  “Wait,” Malcolm says, looking around us, “are you saying that from here we can go to any of these planets?”

  “Yes,” Lucifer confirms. “I left permanent phase trails to all of them.”

  “Permanent?” Malcolm questions, looking confused. “Our trails always fade over time.”

  “Yes, but you didn’t have the power of Hell behind you to keep them open. I did.”

  I sigh heavily because I know finding Helena will be an impossible task.

  “There’s no way we can find her,” I say. “Not unless she wants to be found.”

  “I’m not sure you want to find her right now anyway,” my father says, sounding as if finding Helena might lead to dire consequences. “After she works through her grief, she’s going to be mad. Madder than you or I have ever seen her. I think it would be better for everyone involved if you left her alone for a while. There may come a time when you can reach out to her, but I don’t believe that time is now, Anna.”

  “Lucifer is right,” Malcolm tells me. “I know you want to help her because that’s just the kind of person you are, but you need to let her cool down first. Let her go through her grieving period. If she was able to kill Cade with her love, she might be able to kill you with her anger. I think we should feel lucky that she’s left Earth. I pity the planet she’s gone to now.”

  I know Malcolm is right, but my heart still goes out to Helena and Cade: to find one another in this world full of people, only to have the love they felt for one another be the reason Cade was snatched away.

  “Have you seen Cade?” I ask my father.

  “Yes. He’s dealing with what happened.”

  “Should I go to him?”

  “I think you need to give him some time too. Loss is a horrible thing, and when that loss will last an eternity, it’s not an easy idea to comprehend.”

  “I understand.” I want to go to Cade, but I do understand his need for privacy right now. I can remember feeling the sadness of my mother when she thought she would be separated from Lucifer forever. I can only assume Cade is experiencing that same sense of loss.

  “We’ll have to tell Lucas,” Malcolm says to me with a great deal of dread.

  “I know,” I reply, tearing up at the thought of having to tell our little boy that his best friend is dead.

  “I’ll do it,” Malcolm offers, placing a comforting arm around my shoulders. “You’ve been through enough.”

  “It’s not like you haven’t been through everything with me,” I tell him, loving the thoughtfulness but knowing I can’t take it. “We’ll both tell him.”

  Malcolm nods his agreement, knowing he won’t be able to change my mind.

  “Thank you for coming back to explain everything to us,” I tell my father, walking over to give him a hug.

  “I felt you needed to know the truth,” he says, patting me on the back. “I should return to your mother. Apparently she missed me while I was gone.”

  I pull back. “I’m sure she did.”

  “Good luck with telling Lucas and your friends,” my father wishes us just before he phases. However, I can see by his phase trail that he’s gone to a city I don’t recognize. It seems strange that he wouldn’t return to Heaven right away, but I assume he has his reasons.

  I look at the planets in the Nexus, wondering which one will have to feel the wrath of Helena’s loss. All I know is that I pity them greatly, and my heart aches for Helena. She was so close to having everything she wanted. Now, it’s lost forever.

  When we return home, we ask Jered to stay so he can hear the news and deliver the unhappy tidings to everyone else for us.

  Lucas’ sorrow over Cade’s death makes everything feel real and final. He crawls into Malcolm’s arms and cries his heart out. We sit there with him, trying to bring him comfort, and I know a part of Lucas’ childhood has come to a tragic end. It wasn’t something I could protect him from, and unfortunately death is simply a lesson that everyone has to learn to deal with at some point in his or her life. I just wish he could have been older before having to face it and that his first experience with it hadn’t been with his best friend.

  I think about the wall of seashells Cade has at his beach house and make a mental note to have it moved to the palace. I know how much pride Lucas felt every time they added a new shell to their collection. When he gets older, I know my son will appreciate having it in memory of his first best friend.

  Lucas ends up crying himself to sleep. After we tuck him into bed, I ask Vala to stay with him through the night and to let us know when he wakes up. Luna, of course, doesn’t leave our son’s side and crawls onto his bed to sleep beside him.

  After I feed the babies and we have them tucked into our bed, I follow my son’s lead and crawl onto my husband’s lap to finally cry out my own sorrow over losing Cade. Malcolm tries to urge me to go see him in Heaven, but I refuse. I want to respect Cade’s feelings and allow him time to heal.

  He had won the love of someone who wasn’t supposed to be able to feel such an emotion. We all knew Helena loved Cade, but she refused to admit it, even to herself. When she finally did, all was lost, and that kind of love story is worthy of my tears.

  Epilogue

  “Empress Anna, would you like pancakes or waffles for breakfast this morning? ‘Cause those are my two specialties.”

  I smile as I look at Lucas standing by his father at the stove.

  “Hmm, that’s a very difficult decision, Prince Lucas. I hereby decree that you should cook whatever you think I might want this morning.”

  Lucas giggles not because of my answer, but because I called him a prince.

  Three months have passed since the night Lucifer came to tell us the circumstances surrounding Cade’s death. For days afterwards, I worried Helena would come back to Earth and find a way to blame us for what happened to him. Yet we haven’t heard from or seen her since the trial on Mars. I pray she’s made peace with her beloved’s death, but I know if I were in her shoes, I would never truly be able to forgive myself. At the very least, I hope she finds a way to go on with her life.

/>   The election to determine whether Catherine or I would be Empress of Cirrus happened only a month ago. It took longer than expected to repair the infrastructure of Cirrus enough for people to return to their homes. Malcolm kept telling me not to worry about being elected, but worry I did until the ballots were counted. As usual, my husband was right.

  I ended up with eighty percent of the votes, a landslide win. It turned out that having my citizens live in the down-world for a while gave them firsthand knowledge of how difficult it is to live on the surface. They were able to fully understand how sharing cloud city technology could change the lives of those on the ground. Since Catherine was part of the old regime and stagnant in her beliefs about sharing technology with the down-worlders, the people decided to vote for change. I represented a future they all wanted to live in.

  Now that we all live in the palace again, life is back to normal and the only problems we have to face are the small, everyday ones.

  “I bet Liana would like to gnaw on a waffle,” Marcus says from his position at the kitchen table as he holds my daughter. “It might massage her gums and stop her from being so cranky.”

  “I’m all for trying that trick,” Zane says from his seat right beside Marcus as he cradles Liam in his arms. “Though I’m thinking we might need to pray to our father for backup.”

  I can’t help but laugh at my two War Angels and their predicament.

  “Waffles it is then,” Malcolm declares, settling the age-old argument between the two tasty pastries.

  “So are you two in charge of the babies today?” I ask Marcus and Zane.

  For the past two months, the War Angels have been taking turns caring for the twins. Malcolm and I felt it was important for them to learn the basics of childcare, so that they are prepared when it comes time for them to have children of their own. We weren’t about to have them become fathers and expect their wives to do all the work. As far as I know, none of my War Angels have found loves of their own yet. I thought for sure that, out of the two thousand of them, at least one would have found someone they want to marry. Yet none of them have. Sometimes I get the feeling they’re waiting because they fear something bad is about to happen. I don’t know if it’s the uncertainty of Helena’s whereabouts and what she’s doing that’s causing them to hold back, or something else.