Last Breath (A Gideon Johann Western Book 5)

by Duane Boehm

  “I think somebody needs to go get Doc. Tess is too young to carry that much fever for a long time and the medicine doesn’t seem to be working,” Abby announced.

  Gideon stood. “I’ll go. Zack can stay here with his baby and I’ll take his horse,” he said.

  Traveling as fast as he dared with dusk settling in, Gideon found Doc in the Last Chance purveying gossip. The doctor tipped back his beer and drained it before walking to his office to get his bag while the sheriff went to the stable to get the buggy hitched. Gideon tied his horse behind the carriage and rode back to the cabin with the doctor.

  As soon as Gideon entered the cabin, he could see that things were not good. Joann sat rocking Tess as the infant cried at the top of her lungs. Abby paced the floor. Chance slept in front of the fireplace. Zack and Winnie sat at the table looking lost.

  The doctor again listened to the baby’s chest and then took her temperature. “Her fever has hit one hundred and four and her lungs don’t sound any better. I’m going to give her a different medicine. I don’t like giving it to babies, but we don’t have much choice,” he said as he fished a bottle out of his bag.

  “Doc, you have to help her,” Joann cried out.

  “I’m trying, Joann,” he said as he dumped a teaspoon of medicine into Tess’s mouth. “Wipe her down with the rag again.”

  The cold rag made the baby scream until she cried herself to sleep. Much to Joann’s displeasure, the doctor insisted that Tess be laid down in her bed so that she didn’t absorb her mother’s body heat. Doc sat down at the table and watched the clock as it seemed to take forever to reach the forty–five minutes so that he could take her temperature again.

  Tess had not responded to the medicine and her fever remained unchanged. The doctor looked around the room at the faces peering back at him. He wasn’t sure what to say. For the first time, he worried that Tess’s condition appeared grave.

  “She’s unchanged. I don’t have anything else to offer. We’ll keep cooling her with a rag. It might be time to start praying,” Doc said and began rubbing his chin trying to think of something more encouraging to say.

  Joann and Abby hugged each other and started crying. Winnie followed suit at seeing her sister and mother in tears. Zack sat too stunned to express any emotion while Gideon paced the room.

  Needing to get away, Gideon walked outside and sat down on the swing. Doc followed and sat down beside him.

  “She’s not going to make it, is she?” Gideon asked.

  “She’s not a lost cause, but that fever needs to break. It worries me that the medicine isn’t helping and that she’s not eating. She’ll dehydrate,” Doc said.

  “Life’s not fair, is it?” Gideon said.

  “No, never has been and never will be. We have to play the hand we’re dealt and some never even get the chance to play. It’s best to guard your aces,” Doc said.

  A sigh escaped Gideon. “I’m going for a walk,” he said.

  “In the dark?” Doc asked.

  “I’ve spent a good portion of my life there,” Gideon said before trotting off the porch.

  Gideon wasn’t sure he could keep his emotions in check and wanted to be alone in case he failed. He walked down to the stream and listened to the water breaking over the rocks. The sound made him think of the years that he’d wasted running aimlessly. Returning to Last Stand had saved him and he’d come to believe that God had his hand in his life’s changes. He wondered why God would now bring such a precious little baby into the world only to snatch Tess away a couple of weeks later. The magnitude of his love for Tess amazed Gideon. It wasn’t that he loved her more than he loved his own kids, but there was something so liberating in loving a grandchild. Desperate to save the baby, he got down on his knees in prayer to offer his life in return for the survival of Tess. The tears ran down his cheeks and he felt as if they had washed away his burden. Walking back to the cabin, he had faith.

  The cabin seemed so quiet when Gideon entered that he could almost believe the home sat empty. Tess, Chance, and Winnie slept. Everyone else sat scattered about the room looking lost. Gideon made a point of squatting beside each of his family and encouraged them to keep faith that Tess would be fine. Abby and Joann seemed too lost in worry to really hear his words. Zack listened and nodded his head.

  Throughout the night, Doc gave the baby medicine and Abby and Joann took turns wiping Tess down with the wet cloth. Abby finally convinced Zack and Joann to go take a nap and Gideon fell asleep sitting in a chair.

  Sitting down beside Doc, Abby said, “It’s in God’s hands now, isn’t it?”

  “It is,” Doc answered as he pulled off his spectacles.

  “That poor little baby. And poor Zack and Joann too. I don’t know if Joann is strong enough to handle this,” she said.

  “She’s got your and Gideon’s fire in her. She’ll be alright,” Doc said.

  “I don’t know. We didn’t raise her. Uncle Jake and Aunt Rita are such gentle souls. I don’t know if she’s got our grit,” Abby mused.

  “Let’s just hope that things are better in the light of morning,” Doc said.

  The sun had barely peeked above the horizon when everybody began to stir. The family crowded around the doctor as he examined Tess. He put his stethoscope to her chest and listened. Her heartbeat had grown faint and her lungs sounded terrible. He didn’t need to take her temperature. Forty plus years of doctoring had taught him that the baby was fading. Babies never bounced back when they had deteriorated to the point where Tess had now arrived. Breaking the news was all that remained to be done.

  Doc pulled off his spectacles and rubbed his chin. He looked up at the expectant eyes staring at him and shook his head. “I’m sorry, but Tess is fading. There’s nothing left to do,” he said.

  Joann let out a wail that awakened Winnie and Chance. The children huddled on the floor with Winnie wrapping her arms around her little brother in a protective bear hug. Zack took his wife into his arms and tried to hug the pain away.

  Pushing away from Zack, Joann said, “Ethan. Somebody has to get Ethan. I want Tess baptized.”

  Using his sleeve to wipe his eyes, Gideon said, “I’ll go. I probably should have let them know what was going on before now.” He made a quick exit out the door.

  Gideon returned with Ethan and his family a short time later. After the Oakes family consoled everyone, Joann picked up Tess while Ethan began the baptism. The baby’s breathing had grown shallow and she no longer opened her eyes. Ethan sprinkled the holy water onto Tess and then led a prayer.

  Joann sat down in the rocker that Zack had surprised her with after Tess had been born. She rocked the child and sang lullabies. Zack sat on the fireplace hearth beside his wife, looking childlike and lost. Everyone else stood around not knowing what to say. The situation felt too dire to talk of anything else and nobody wanted to talk about what was happening before their eyes.

  The rocking went on for nearly an hour until Tess had taken her last breath. Joann called out to Doc. The doctor walked over with his stethoscope and listen one more time to Tess’s chest.

  “She’s gone,” he said with his voice breaking.

  With a wail so shrill that the noise felt ear piercing, Joann swaddled Tess against her chest and rocked her daughter. Scared from the tortured sounds, Winnie, Chance, and even Benjamin began crying, causing Sarah to lead the children outside to talk to them. Zack sat motionless and seemed too in shock to mourn. Gideon’s world was crumbling and Abby wrapped her arms around him before he could bolt for the door. She found herself in the rare spot of having to be the strong one and tried to comfort him. Through his tears, Gideon mumbled indecipherable words into her shoulder.

  “I have to go outside,” Gideon said pushed away from Abby.

  He walked outside past Sarah and the children sitting on the steps and headed for the stream. The sunlight was so bright that he had to squint and he wondered how the world could look so sunny without Tess in it. Standing where the wate
r made a pool, he watched the water break over the natural dam. As he stood there, he could hear footsteps approaching and knew the sounds came from Ethan without having to look.

  “Why?” Gideon asked without turning his head as Ethan came up beside him.

  “I don’t know,” Ethan answered.

  “Ethan, I had so much faith last night that Tess would be better today. What does the faith of a mustard seed moving mountains mean then? Why bring a child into the world for a couple of weeks only to snatch her away?” Gideon asked.

  “I think that sometimes God has other plans from what we think we need. Why that would involve taking Tess, I don’t know. It’s hard to find a good answer with a child’s death. Maybe Heaven needed Tess more than we did,” Ethan said.

  “Maybe God had a plan for me to get my life turned around so that he could bring pain to my whole family for me killing that boy and the sorrow I brought upon his family,” Gideon said.

  “No. No. No. You paid for that accident a hundred times over and you saved Benjamin’s life. I refuse to believe that our God is a spiteful God,” Ethan said.

  “I just don’t know anymore,” Gideon said.

  “You’ve come too far to ever go back to the way things were. Time will heal this terrible burden. You have to have faith that this is all part of God’s plan no matter how wrong it seems. There’s really no other way to make sense of life. We need to get back inside. Your family needs you,” Ethan said.

  “I know they do. Joann needed to hold Tess for a while,” Gideon said and turned around and started walking.

  The children remained sitting subdued on the steps, but Sarah had returned indoors and sat at the table with Doc and Abby. Joann’s wailing had stopped, but she remained in the rocker holding the baby and Zack sat beside her.

  “I can’t get Tess away from her. I’m not sure she even hears me and Zack just sits there,” Abby said quietly.

  Gideon walked in front of the rocker and put his hands on its arms to stop the rocking. He reached up and gently grasped Joann’s chin and turned her so that they looked eye to eye. In a soft, but firm voice, Gideon said, “Joann, you need to listen to me. You need to let me have Tess and you and Zack need to go rest. You’re exhausted. We will talk when you get up.”

  Joann reflexively held the baby out to Gideon. He took the baby, cradling Tess in his arms. Doc walked over and grabbed his bag. The doctor pulled out a bottle of laudanum and administered two teaspoons to Joann as if dealing with a child. She made a face as she swallowed the medicine, but never spoke. Doc did the same for Zack. Abby came over and took Joann by the hand, leading her to the bedroom with Zack following like a puppy.

  Abby returned as Gideon laid the body into the bassinet. The sight of her husband gently tucking the baby in as if Tess were sleeping, crumbled Abby’s last wall of stoicism and she collapsed into a chair. Her crying came so hard that she had trouble catching her breath and moments past before she realized that Gideon and Sarah stood on either side of her clutching her shoulders. Neither spoke, but waited for her to cry herself out.

  Standing, Abby wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. Her posture slowly straightened until she stood gun barrel straight and she pulled her shoulders back almost unperceptively. “Gideon, we’re going to have to hold their hands through this and be the strong ones. Zack might be strong enough, but Joann has never dealt with anything close to this,” she said.

  Chapter 20

  Digging the hole in the ground for the grave seemed to Ethan to be the hardest job he’d ever attempted. He and Finnie took turns laboring at the work. Tess would be buried beside Gideon’s mother in the family plot and Ethan had shouldered most of the responsibilities for making all the necessary arrangements. Zack currently seemed incapable of making any decisions. Gideon had his hands full taking care of his family and was in a dark place himself that worried Ethan. Trying to decide where to bury the baby turned into an ordeal of indecision until Ethan had stepped everyone through the idea of burying her beside Martha Johann. He had no desire to be involved with the choice, but nobody else seemed to be functioning well enough to come to a decision.

  “Mary’s miscarriage was a sad enough affair, but the pain of loving a baby for two weeks before she is snatched from your hands is just unfathomable,” Finnie said as he moved to relieve Ethan at digging the hole.

  “That it is. I’m worried about all of them. I only hope that time will heal their pain, but I fear it will be a good long time,” Ethan said, climbing out of the hole and mopping his brow with his sleeve.

  Ethan and Finnie finished digging the grave and walked inside Gideon’s empty cabin to clean up. The family had been gone all day to the wake at Zack and Joann’s cabin. Rushing to change clothes, the two men felt obligated to hurry back to the wake to help greet neighbors and friends as well as comfort the family.

  Upon arriving at the Barlow cabin, both men scanned the yard, surprised by the number of wagons and horses. Word of the baby’s death had spread quickly to Ethan’s congregation and from there to the town.

  “That’s quite a showing,” Finnie remarked.

  “Yes, it is. I’m afraid that it might be a little overwhelming considering the circumstance,” Ethan noted.

  “Let’s go see if we can do our part. Maybe we can help clear them out,” Finnie said.

  “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I dread seeing that poor little baby in her coffin. It’s about the saddest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Ethan said as he climbed down from his horse.

  “I know. It makes me worry about Mary and our baby. I wish she could be here, but Doc wouldn’t have any part of it and I don’t suppose seeing Mary pregnant right now would do Joann any good,” Finnie said as they walked up the stairs to the porch.

  The crowd inside the new cabin made maneuvering around the rooms difficult. Food brought by the visitors sat everywhere. Gideon and Zack stood on either side of the coffin greeting people. Joann sat in her rocker with Abby standing by her side holding Chance. The grieving young mother managed to thank people for coming, but made no other attempts at conversation.

  Ethan sidled up beside Gideon and forced himself to look down at Tess. Gideon had asked the cabinetmaker to build a beautiful coffin out of the craftsman’s stock of walnut. The baby’s body rested on a quilt that Abby had made for Tess before her birth and by Tess’s side was tucked a ragdoll. Ethan found himself trying to pretend that Tess lay there sleeping. He quickly turned his head away and looked at Gideon.

  “How are you holding up?” Ethan asked.

  “This is the easy part. Talking keeps me from thinking too much. It’s the quiet times that are hard,” Gideon said.

  “How are Joann and Abby doing?” Ethan inquired.

  “Abby is holding up pretty well. I think she may be dealing with this better than I am. Joann is really struggling. I’m not sure she’ll ever be the same and it breaks my heart. That girl is too full of life to let the light go out. I just don’t know,” Gideon said quietly so Zack couldn’t hear.

  The crowd eventually thinned out until only Ethan and Gideon’s families remained. Tired from all the standing, the adults dropped into chairs while the children headed outside to play. Having talked all day, the conversations now lagged and caused an uncomfortable silence.

  Seeing the need to take charge, Sarah stood. “I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m starving and there’s enough food here to feed an army. Everybody needs to eat,” she announced.

  ∞

  All of the pews were packed with people at Ethan’s church for the funeral. Ethan scanned the room from the podium wishing that he could get this kind of attendance for his Sunday service. Eyeing Tess’s family, he tried to determine their state of mind. Joann looked like glass ready to drop on rock. Abby seemed to be coping the best of the bunch. Zack had the appearance of being in a stupor and Ethan doubted that the young man had really yet begun to deal with his grief. Knowing Gideon the best, Ethan knew that an explosion wait
ed around the corner. The only question was when.

  Ethan welcomed everyone and led them in a prayer before beginning the service. “Usually, this is a time to reflect on the life of the one that passed. That’s a hard thing to do when your life was as short as Tess’s was. I will say that Tess was beautiful and a good baby. She brought immense joy to those that loved her during her short life. None of us that were around her will ever forget her and she will live on in our memories forever. At times like these, the question that many ask is why a merciful God would take a baby so young. I know that we all struggle to find a good answer, but I believe it comes down to faith. Just as we have faith that there is a God, we have to have faith that God has reasons for wanting Tess in Heaven. No matter how much we hurt and grieve, we have to keep faith that we’ll all be together someday and then we will understand the ways of the Lord. In the days that come, I ask all of you to pray for Joann, Zack, Gideon, Abby, Winnie, and Chance. You all know that these people mean the world to me and I pray that I can be as much comfort to them as they have been to me in my times of need,” Ethan said before reading Psalms 23 and leading in the reciting of the Lord’s Prayer.

  Gideon and Zack arose to place the lid on the coffin before nailing it shut. As they lifted up the top, Joann bolted from her seat and ran to the casket. She bent over to kiss Tess before draping herself across the box.

  “Daddy, please don’t do it. Please, I can’t let her go. She’ll be in the dark,” Joann cried out.

  Looking at his daughter and then towards Abby, Gideon stood at a loss on what next to do. Abby and Sarah walked up, each gently taking Joann by an arm and helping her off the coffin.

  “Joann, we have to bury her now,” Abby said in a soothing voice.

  Joann gazed into her mother’s eyes, but Abby wasn’t even sure whether her words had even registered with her daughter. They walked her back to her seat and she sat meekly as Gideon nailed the casket shut.