Reunited with the Rancher

by Brenda Minton

  “I guess there’s no chance you’ll stay?” Isaac asked as they left the building.

  “I can’t.”

  “Can’t or won’t?” Isaac pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Carson. “Drive?”

  Carson looked at the keys and then at Isaac. “You okay? I know you don’t want me to pry.”

  “No, I don’t. If I was fine, would I be letting you drive?”

  “Guess you wouldn’t. Fair enough. But if you need anything...” He left the offer hanging.

  “You won’t be here, so what’s the point. I’ll find a doctor around these parts.” Isaac got in on the passenger side and leaned his seat back.

  “Where to?”

  “Feed store.” Isaac reached for sunglasses and slipped them on.

  “Got it.” Carson eased the truck onto the main road.

  The feed store sat next to the train tracks, because that’s the way it used to be done. Local people brought in their grains, the trains loaded them or unloaded other products. He’d been told that most of that had changed back in the 1970s. But the feed store still stood, handling produce and grains for locals, but not shipping anything across the country as they had once done.

  “Do you want to stay in the truck?” he asked Isaac as they sat in the parked truck.

  “Yeah, I think I will.” Isaac pulled his hat down over his face. “If anyone asks, I’ve got the flu. It’s contagious so they shouldn’t get close.”

  Carson gave him another careful look and headed into the feed store. He remembered going there a lot as a kid. He would ride to town with Jack, have breakfast at Mattie’s and then hit the feed store and the grocery store. At the feed store there were always a few locals sitting around drinking coffee and talking about the price of cattle, milk and horses and the possibility of rain.

  Life in Hope hadn’t been all bad. Lots of memories were bubbling up, after having been pushed aside for a lot of years.

  Walking through the door was a lot like stepping back in time. He could almost imagine he was a kid again. He’d get a bottle of grape soda from the cooler and a candy stick out of the canister on the counter. The store smelled the same, too. Molasses used in grain, the chemical smell of bug spray, and coffee that had been too long on the burner. He headed to the counter and smiled when he realized that it was the same woman who had been there twenty years ago.

  “Well, look who’s here—it’s Carson West. Last time I saw you, you were a skinny little boy who hadn’t hit his growth spurt. Skinny and brown as a nut from being out in the sun all day. Look at you now. I heard you’re a big surgeon in Dallas. Your daddy is so proud of you.” She finally took a breath. Before she could ramble on some more, he had to say something.

  Finally, he remembered her name. “It’s good to see you, Mrs. Baxter.”

  “How does it feel to be back at the ranch? Things have changed, haven’t they?”

  “Yes, things have definitely changed.” He leaned back and checked the truck and Isaac. “I need to place an order. Isaac has the flu so he sent me in to tell you all to deliver the regular order of grain tomorrow and he needs a few mineral blocks.”

  “I can do that.” She wrote down the order on a notepad. “Now, I sure hope you’re planning on staying in town. That new clinic sure could use a doctor.”

  “Yes, it is a nice clinic. And I’m sure they’ll find someone to work there.”

  Her features fell in disappointment. “Oh, I see. You won’t be staying, then?”

  “I’m afraid not. I have plans to move to Chicago.”

  “Well, I hope you don’t mind me saying, you sure look like you belong in Hope,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “But then, I guess it would be difficult for you to come back here after having such an amazing career.”

  “I’m just getting started on that career.”

  “Oh, of course, but you’ve done really well for yourself.”

  He peeked again at the truck. “Well, it was good catching up with you. I should go. Isaac is pretty sick.”

  “He gets a little peaked from time to time. I hope it’s nothing serious.”

  “Nah, he’s fine.”

  Carson headed to the truck. He climbed back behind the wheel and glanced at his brother. Isaac shifted and pushed his hat up enough that Carson could see his eyes.

  “Did Marla put you through the mill with a million questions?”

  “She barely took a breath.”

  Isaac pulled the hat back down over his eyes. “She means well but the woman knows everything about everyone in the three-state area.”

  By that he meant Oklahoma, Missouri and Arkansas. Carson grinned as he backed out of the parking space. “She tried to get as much information out of me as humanly possible in the five minutes I was in there.”

  When they pulled into the garage of the main house, Isaac pushed his hat back and raised the seat. He swiped at the perspiration on his brow.

  “You okay?”

  “I will be,” he grumbled as he slowly got out of the truck.

  “I could take you to the ER,” Carson offered.

  “I don’t need the ER.”

  “Fine, but do you have something for the pain?”

  Isaac made an attempt at shoving past him. “I can only have over-the-counter pain meds.”

  Carson knew what that meant, and sighed.

  Isaac stopped on the steps to the house and pulled the cinnamon toothpick out of his mouth. “My binkie.”

  “Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to get all sympathetic and big brother protector. It happens. You come home injured and you have no other options but pain meds. And then you realize the pain is still there and the meds aren’t working. You don’t want to be an addict, but you also don’t want to live in pain. And then the addiction has you. I’m on the other side and I’m a winner. No need for sympathy.”

  Carson held his hands up in surrender. “Wouldn’t think of it.”

  Isaac pushed the door open. “I’m going inside for some tea.”

  “Tea?” Carson followed him through the utility room.

  “Feverfew, lavender and mint,” he listed as he walked to the kitchen. “It might be a placebo but it helps.”

  “I don’t doubt it works.”

  Isaac leaned on the counter and took a deep breath. Kylie appeared from the family room, Andy and Maggie following her. He’d left his children with Jack. He gave her a questioning look and dropped his gaze from her to his children.

  “Jack had to go out to the barn. Problem with some cattle he had delivered today. Don’t worry, they’re fine.” Kylie switched her focus to Isaac. “Need tea?”

  “This stinks,” Isaac muttered as he sat on a stool.

  Kylie put a teapot on the stove and leaned down to pick up Maggie. Carson watched as his daughter snuggled close to Kylie.

  “I should take her,” he said. “They need a nap and I know you have other things to do.”

  “Carson, I don’t mind.” Kylie dropped a kiss on his daughter’s head.

  Of course she didn’t, but he saw a bond forming when he looked at the two of them. He saw heartache when they left—not just his children, but Kylie. He ignored other thoughts that were popping into his head that he didn’t want to acknowledge. He had to leave soon. That was the harsh reality. But he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. That was the even harsher truth.

  * * *

  Kylie had never had a difficult time letting go. She’d done it enough times in her life that she should be a pro at it. But releasing Maggie to Carson, that took something from her. If he hadn’t been looking at her with that expression of concern, as if he thought she might fall apart, maybe she wouldn’t feel so wounded.

  He had gotten the diagnosis correct, though. She thought she might fa
ll apart. When he put the children back in that SUV and they drove away for good, she knew it would hurt worse than anything she’d ever experienced.

  She definitely wasn’t looking forward to it.

  Carson held Maggie and reached a hand out for Andy. “How about if I read you a story? Andy can help us.”

  Kylie turned away. She couldn’t watch. Carson would see the longing in her eyes. He would feel sorry for her. She didn’t want sympathy. Or pity.

  The teapot began to whistle. She poured the water in the cup and the aroma, bitter but soothing, filled the air. She wanted to stand and breathe in the lavender until her heart calmed down a bit.

  “Kylie?” Isaac reached a hand across the counter. “You okay?”

  “Of course.”

  “Make yourself a cup, why don’t you,” he suggested.

  She shook her head. She squeezed a bit of honey in the tea and stirred. Carefully she slid it across the counter to him.

  “Sit with me,” he prodded. His tone was brotherly and it shattered her calm.

  She shook her head. “No, I think I have to go for a walk.”

  “I’m going to hurt him,” Isaac muttered, pushing himself up from the stool.

  “It isn’t his fault.” She brushed at dampness in her eyes. “I need to go now.”

  Kylie walked out the back door and took a deep breath. She loved October. And this was perfect weather. The air was cooler than it had been for several days. She stepped down off the patio and headed for the corral where a few horses moved about, reaching occasionally for grass. One of the horses, a pale, almost white palomino saw her and trotted up to the fence. She’d seen him yesterday when they unloaded the new horses. He had stood out to her. She’d immediately asked Jack what he had planned for the animal.

  Jack had told her he was just extra stock for the ranch, for the group home, wherever they needed him. Or for her, if that’s what she wanted, he said. She rubbed the horse’s face as he reached across the white vinyl rail of the fence.

  “Look at you, like moonlight.”

  The horse moved his head up and down as if he understood the compliment. “You like that, do you?”

  She leaned close, inhaling his scent. She loved the smell of horses when they were warm from the sun.

  Footsteps crunching on the gravel warned that she was no longer alone. She glanced back, surprised to see Carson. She really hadn’t wanted him to follow her. It only made things more difficult, having him feel as if he needed to check on her, comfort her. And she could see in his eyes that was what he planned.

  She really didn’t need to be coddled. She’d been strong all of her life. She wasn’t used to needing anyone, or to leaning on someone. She didn’t want to be a person he felt he had to take care of. She didn’t want to look in his eyes and see that he still held back because he hadn’t let go of Anna. And she didn’t like that she felt that way.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as he stood next to her at the fence. The horse reached, nipping a little at his sleeve. He ran his hand down the horse’s neck. “Nice horse.”

  “He is. Jack told me I could claim him. I don’t see a reason to. I’m just going to pet him, talk to him and love him. Someone else can ride him.”

  “You could ride him.”

  “I don’t think I can.” She kissed the horse on the nose. “Where are the kids?”

  “Sleeping on a pallet on the floor. Rambo is next to Andy. Jack is in his recliner. Isaac is stretched out on the sofa watching old episodes of Cops. I have full confidence that between the two grown men and the dog, my children are safe.”

  “I’m sure they are.”

  He paused for a moment. Then he murmured, “They’ll miss you, you know.”

  She blinked, his words hitting somewhere near her heart the way an arrow would penetrate the most vulnerable area. She would miss his children. She would miss him.

  “I’ll miss them, too,” she admitted. “I knew it the day you drove up that this would be difficult. I knew if you stayed more than an hour that I would want you to stay forever. That I would want them to stay. I realize I shouldn’t feel this way about someone I really barely know. But life is funny that way.”

  “We were friends once. That isn’t barely knowing someone. We shared a lot of secrets, you and me.”

  She hid her face, thinking of some of those most painful secrets she’d told him. Things that no child should have had to confide to a friend. She should have had a parent to turn to.

  “Yes, we were friends,” she admitted.

  He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “If things had been different...”

  They might have been high school sweethearts, she thought. They might have gotten married. She shook off that old dream. If he had stayed here, Andy or Maggie wouldn’t exist.

  She eased herself from his embrace. “I can’t have children.”

  “What?” His voice changed, subtly to a softer tone, the way people talked to someone who they thought might fall apart.

  She wasn’t going to fall apart. His children had taught her something. They’d taught her she could love a child completely, a child that wasn’t hers. Maybe that wasn’t the case for everyone, but it seemed to be true for her.

  “The shrapnel did damage to my legs, my hips, and it did some internal damage.” She reached for the horse again, needing to touch something real, living.

  “I’m so sorry, Kylie.” His arm tightened around her.

  “Please don’t. It’s just, I’m telling you this so you know I have so much to be thankful for. I love my life on this ranch. I love helping others. Please don’t mess that up.”

  By making her want more. By making her want him, and children with him. His children.

  She walked away, and she wasn’t surprised that he let her go. Either he didn’t want to have this conversation. Or he knew she needed space. Either way, he let her go.

  She wished he’d come after her. A small, selfish part of her wanted him to chase after her and tell her they could be more than friends. He could share his life and his children with her. He could settle for Hope, settle for being a small-town doctor.

  But the truth was, why would he want to settle? Settle for someone broken who couldn’t have children? Settle for something small when he could go somewhere big and be something amazing?

  It seemed cruel, that after all these years, he had dropped back in her life for just a temporary visit. A visit that showed her what she’d missed out on.

  She almost wished he’d never come back at all.

  Almost.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “When do you plan on leaving?” Jack asked on Sunday morning.

  Carson poured his dad a cup of coffee. “About two weeks ago.”

  Jack sipped his coffee, a guilty grin on his face. “Yeah, I guess we did change your plans.”

  “Yeah, you did.” Carson grabbed up their dirty plates and put them in the dishwasher. The kids had eaten and were in the family room watching television, already dressed for church. “I have to leave Tuesday.”

  “I see. Well, it was a good visit. And I hope you can come back for a visit,” Jack said lightly, a little too easily.

  “It’ll depend on the job situation.”

  “You’re sure you want to leave?”

  “I have to.”

  Jack cocked his head to the side and studied him. “There’s a mighty big difference between have to and want to.”

  Carson realized his mistake. One word changed everything.

  “I have to,” he repeated. He no longer really knew his reasons why. He could think of a few. He’d made a commitment, a plan, and he always stuck to his plans. That’s how he’d gotten where he was. He was a trauma surgeon, not a family practitioner. And Andy. Now, with the dog, things had changed. There would be opportunities t
hat hadn’t been there before. But leaving wouldn’t be easy. The time spent at Mercy Ranch had changed them all.

  “What about Kylie?” Jack asked, his voice softer, less gruff.

  “Kylie is amazing and I’m glad she’s here. But we’re just friends.”

  “Really? Is that what you kids call it now? Friends?”

  Carson didn’t know what to call it. He knew that Kylie had put up a wall between them. Probably to protect herself. That’s about the only thing he knew, other than that when he had kissed her he’d felt a lot of things, including feelings of guilt.

  “Carson, do you know why I never remarried?”

  “Nope, but I guess you’re going to tell me.”

  Jack chuckled and got up to pour himself another cup of coffee. He sat back down and pointed to the empty stool next to him. Carson remained standing.

  “I never felt divorced. Your mother left so quickly and without a goodbye. It never seemed real. I kept thinking she would come back one day.”

  “Stop.” Carson walked away. “I’m not doing this with you.”

  “I know, but you’re going to have to think about what I’m saying, because if you don’t, you’re going to miss out on something. Your kids will miss out. You’re determined to get to Chicago and start a new life for yourself and your kids, but you haven’t dealt with your old life.”

  “Okay, you’ve said what you wanted to say. Let’s just leave it there. If and when I ever decide to move on, it’s going to be my decision. Mine. No one else’s.”

  He hadn’t heard the door open but he saw her. Kylie stood just inside the back door, her face pale. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I should knock once in a while.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve never knocked and you’re not going to start now.” Jack waved her forward. “Get a cup of coffee, and there’s some left of the healthy breakfast Carson made.”

  “Thanks, I already ate.”

  “I bet it wasn’t tofu.” Jack made a face, obviously trying to lighten the mood, but when he looked at Kylie, Carson saw her emotions written plainly on her face. He felt the same but knew better than to mention it to her. She’d made it clear that she needed to be strong.