The Pros of Cons

by Alison Cherry

  Second place went to the Disney Princesses fanvid. I cheered pretty loudly for that; it had been one of my favorites. The vidder, who was named BrandyBuckBeak and dressed as Captain America, complete with the mask and the shield, gave the crowd a patriotic salute as Beth pinned a red ribbon to his chest.

  First place went to a video called “Missing Scenes From Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” which consisted almost exclusively of footage of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black sneaking away from Order meetings so they could make out. The actors who played Remus and Sirius—who I was pretty sure were also the Sherlock and John who’d placed third at the Karaoke Extravaganza—were pretty awesome, and the whole thing looked like a blooper reel from an actual movie. I wasn’t at all surprised that it had won.

  So yeah, Soleil’s stupid dance thing didn’t win anything, which, yay. And our podcast didn’t win anything, either—but I didn’t even care that much, actually. All the stuff I did care about had already happened.

  After the ceremony was over, Phoebe said she had to catch up with a couple of her percussion people, and Callie said she had to find her dad. Which was fine, since they both promised to meet me back here for the Farewell Ball—but as soon as they left, I started feeling a little glum. I’d spent the whole day with them, and it was weird not to be around them now, even if it was only for a little while.

  Someone tapped my shoulder. Soleil, I thought, and tensed. But when I turned around, it wasn’t Soleil at all. It was Captain America, wearing the second-place ribbon. The mask had come off—which meant now I could see who it was underneath. Dirty-blond hair and dimples and cuteness and oh god.

  “Hey,” said Merry, grinning their face off.

  “Oh, hey!” I said. “Oh. Oh, that was you? That Disney Princess fanvid?”

  “That was me,” said Merry proudly.

  “It was, um. It was really good.” Ugh, my tongue felt sluggish and horrible and completely incapable of making words.

  “So was yours,” said Merry. “That was some of the coolest editing work I’ve ever heard. I’m really surprised you guys didn’t win anything.”

  My face went hot, and I had to change the subject, because if they gave me one more compliment, I would explode right there. Fortunately, that was when someone in a convention center T-shirt came over and told us we had to clear the room.

  “So, hey, what was that song?” I asked, as we moved with the crowd toward the door. “The one in your princess vid? I don’t think I know it.”

  “You don’t know Meredith Brooks?” said Merry, their eyebrows shooting up. “Come on, that’s only the greatest song of all time! How have you been alive this long without knowing that one?”

  “I haven’t been alive that long,” I said, which was probably number one on the list of the absolute dumbest things I could have said and where, where, where had my brain gone?

  “It’s been my personal anthem since I was about eight.” Merry waggled their eyebrows. “And I know you’re older than eight.”

  “Seventeen,” I said.

  “Only two years younger than me,” they said. “Sweet. Plenty of time for you to learn about important music before you go to college.”

  “Are … uh, are you in college?”

  They nodded. “I’m a freshman at Valencia. Right here in the great city of Orlando.”

  “Valencia?” I said. “Seriously? I’m totally applying there next year! I mean, a bunch of other places, too, but—that’s so cool.”

  “What about now?” Merry asked. “Where are you from?”

  “Right here in the great city of Orlando,” I replied. “Well, technically Winter Park, but nobody who isn’t from here knows where that is, so I usually say Orlando.”

  There was a pause. My stomach fluttered, and Merry’s smile widened. “We’re neighbors.”

  I nodded. We were out in the hall now, surrounded by a rapidly thinning crowd, and Merry didn’t seem like they had any intention of moving any farther.

  Pause.

  Pause.

  Awkward, awkward pause.

  I wasn’t allowed to just, like, grab them and kiss them right here in the hallway, right? That wasn’t a thing people could do?

  “Hey,” said Merry. “So … I overheard you and Soleil talking before the awards got announced. It sounded like— Okay, stop me if this is none of my business, but … did you guys have a fight?”

  “Oh. Yeah.” I sighed. “It turns out she’s a slightly horrible person.”

  Merry didn’t look remotely surprised. “Wanna talk about it?”

  I’d done more than enough talking last night. So I just shook my head and said, “It’s a long story.”

  “Well, are you okay, at least?”

  “Yeah,” I said with a smile. “I think so.”

  “Good,” said Merry. “Because I’m about to be really awkward at you, and it’ll go way better if you’re in a good mood.”

  “… Oh yeah?”

  “So, um. That thing I said before.”

  “What thing?” I said.

  “When you were interviewing me.”

  Oh god. That thing. I pushed my glasses up my nose and tried very hard not to die.

  “I was just sort of wondering,” they went on, “if you maybe—”

  “Yes!” The word exploded out of me before I even knew it was there. “Ilikeyoutoo. Yesyesyes.”

  So apparently I was a lunatic. Cool.

  Merry burst out laughing. “I was actually going to ask you something else. But that’s very good to know.”

  My face was on fire. Probably literally. “Uh. Sorry, what were you gonna ask?”

  “If you’d go to the Farewell Ball with me. As my date. I mean, I figure we’re both going anyway, but we could maybe walk in together, at least? Maybe dance together …?”

  “I’d … yes. That’d be awesome.”

  Merry nodded thoughtfully. “And maybe … maybe I could get your number? Text you after the con is over so I can ask you out for coffee?”

  Was this seriously happening?

  “Probably a good idea,” I said. “And just in case you were worried, I’m gonna say yes.”

  Merry put their hand dramatically to their chest. “Oh, thank heavens.”

  “Especially to the ball part,” I added. “Especially if you’re up for, say, dancing together where we can be sure Soleil will see us.”

  “Make her jealous?” said Merry. “I like it. And I can be like ‘Here’s my super-hot girlfriend Vanessa!’ really loudly where she can overhear.”

  I laughed. “And here’s my super-hot … uh …”

  Yikes. Was there a gender-neutral version of the girlfriend/boyfriend thing?

  Merry raised their eyebrows. Not like a challenge. More like they were waiting to see what I’d come up with.

  “My super-hot personfriend,” I said at last.

  Merry laughed again. “Aw, I love that! Yeah, I’ll totally be your fake personfriend for the evening.”

  “Fake for now.” Great. Yet another dumb thing that I probably shouldn’t have said.

  But Merry nodded. “For now. Let’s go out for coffee next week, and then see what happens.”

  I pushed my glasses up again. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”

  “Meantime,” they said, “wanna get something to eat before the dance?”

  “You’re not, um, eating with Tiff and … what was her name again?”

  “Jaya,” said Merry. “And nah, they’re waiting in line for autographs. Not really my scene. We’re all gonna meet up later. So … dinner?”

  I checked my phone. It was a little past eight, which meant I had plenty of time before I was supposed to meet back up with Callie and Phoebe. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

  “And maybe some ice cream after?” they said.

  “That sounds good, too.”

  “And also maybe you’ll let me kiss you?”

  “That—” I cut myself off, realizing what Merry’d just said. I swallowed h
ard. “Yeah. That … yes, that also sounds … very good. Very.”

  Merry reached up and touched a finger to my cheek, right above my jaw. It was a single, simple point of contact, but it sent little zings of yes yes yes all through me, and suddenly my whole body was awake, alert, and ready.

  I’d written the words over and over again, in tons of different fanfics. Bodies being drawn together like magnets. Leaning closer without meaning to. All that stuff. I’d written it, but I’d never actually understood what it felt like until right this second. Because Merry was moving closer, and I was, too, and then lips on mine and then arms around me and then tongue and it was awesome and—

  “Yeah, you get some, Cap!” shouted a voice from somewhere nearby.

  Merry and I pulled apart, giggling like loons as we looked for the source of the voice. Turns out, it was some girl dressed as the Black Widow, which was pretty appropriate. She waved. I waved back. Merry gave her a Captain America salute.

  “So how about crepes?” said Merry, holding out their arm like an old-timey gentleman.

  “Or,” I said, putting my hand on their elbow, “we could forget dinner and just go right to the ice cream.”

  “Skipping to the best part, huh?” said Merry, and leaned over to kiss my cheek. “I knew I liked you.”

  Ranking so low in both the ensemble and solo competitions at IPAC had really sucked. But not placing in the Creativity Corner thing didn’t bother me at all.

  Because even now, standing in the lobby waiting for Scott, I kept hearing snippets of conversations and creating a soundtrack in my mind, editing and rearranging to alter the mood and even the meaning of certain lines. I really didn’t want her to go, accompanied by a mournful violin, indicating sadness and regret and extreme melodrama. I really didn’t want her to go, followed by a trombone wah wah wah, indicating the line is a joke and you’d be an idiot to take it seriously. I really didn’t want her to go, spoken over low, disjointed chords gradually growing louder, indicating that something terrifying was about to happen.

  I really needed to practice that whole “hearing intention” thing.

  I glanced nervously at the elevators and tugged at the hem of my new Weird Sisters T-shirt. I’d bought it after we’d left the Creativity Corner, both because I liked Vanessa’s and because it seemed appropriate enough dance attire without going full costume.

  “Hey, Phoebe.”

  I whirled around and found myself facing Scott. “Oh! Hi.”

  He smiled tentatively, stretching his arms out a little and flexing his fingers. So he was nervous, too, which somehow made me feel both better and worse. When he opened his mouth to start talking, I stopped him.

  “Sorry, but there’s something I need to tell you before you say anything.” I took a deep breath. “First, I’m really sorry I didn’t meet up with you yesterday. I should have. But that girl who interviewed you for her podcast? That’s my friend Callie. I swear on my life I didn’t know she was going to talk to you. But she did, and … I heard it. Everything you said.”

  Scott blinked. “You did?”

  “Yeah.”

  His shoulders relaxed. “Thank god.”

  “What?” This was not the reaction I’d expected. “You aren’t mad or anything?”

  He shrugged. “Nope. Saying that stuff to some random girl was easier than saying it to you. And look,” he added, his smile vanishing. “I know you probably didn’t believe it when I said I didn’t tell everyone, but—”

  “No, I do,” I assured him. “I talked to Brian. I know they, um … heard us.”

  Scott didn’t even answer. He just slumped back against the wall and mouthed thank god to the ceiling. I started snickering, and he grinned at me. “What? I figured you were going to hate me forever.”

  “I don’t hate you.” As soon as I said that, I realized this was the part where I was supposed to tell him how I did feel about him. But I couldn’t. I’d been trying to psych myself up for this for the last two hours, but the fact was, I wasn’t ready yet.

  But neither was he. After all, he’d just told me it had been easier for him to tell “some random girl” how he felt about me. And he was clearly relieved he didn’t have to say it to my face. We were both bad at this, but maybe that was okay for now. No reason to rush anything.

  So instead of saying I like you or whatever a more romantically inclined person would say, I went with: “Got any plans next Saturday?”

  Scott’s eyes lit up, and he stepped forward. “No …”

  “Halo?”

  “Sure!” His smile turned slightly wicked. “Wait, actual Halo, or …”

  I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh. “Yes, actual Halo.”

  “That works, too.”

  The silence that followed managed to be both awkward and electric, and I stared down at my shoes. “Although, I mean, that was fun, before. Well, until … you know.”

  “I thought it was all fun.”

  I looked up. Now he was grinning in that very specific way he did when he was challenging me. I crossed my arms and smiled back, hoping I looked like someone whose pulse wasn’t racing out of control. “Yeah? Well, coffee-soaked underwear isn’t really my thing, just FYI.”

  He nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

  “Next time? That’s a pretty big assumption,” I said lightly.

  “I know.”

  Cats. We were both grinning like idiots by now, and my face and neck were probably beet red, and my stupid body was basically betraying me in every possible way. I needed to end this conversation before it turned into Phoebe’s Adventures in Sexland: The Sequel.

  “I need to get going,” I told him, taking a step back. (And how had we ended up standing this close, anyway?)

  “You’re not going to the showcase concert?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’ve got the Farewell Ball.”

  “The what?”

  “It’s a, um, dance. At the fan convention. I made some friends this week who’ll be there, so … What?” I added, because Scott was looking at me funny.

  “Nothing! It’s just … a ball? Seems kind of girly for you,” he teased. “Gonna get a fancy dress, get your hair and makeup done?”

  I flinched and instinctively opened my mouth to fire off a defensive retort. Then I paused and thought about what he’d said.

  “Yeah, so what if I am? Anything wrong with that?”

  Scott’s brow furrowed. “Well … no?”

  “Okay then.” I smiled. “See you later?”

  He smiled back. “Yeah.”

  I waved and headed across the lobby, my pulse gradually slowing to a normal rate. As I passed the registration desk, I heard a vaguely familiar woman ranting at the poor receptionist. “I demand this hotel compensate me for at least one night’s stay. Really, the entire thing should be free. This was the most important week of my Beige’s life, and neither of us could sleep a wink thanks to that horrible man next door with all those dead animals. The smell!”

  I half wanted to call her out on that—I’d spent enough time in the taxidermy trade show to know the animals didn’t smell at all. I glanced at her tiny daughter, who stood several feet away from her mother, gazing openmouthed at a huge group of WTFconners in costumes, clearly on their way to the dance. Beige’s face was scrubbed clean now; no wig, no black leather. She took a few steps toward A-wing and, for a second, I thought she was going to make a run for it. Then her mother glanced over her shoulder.

  “Beige! You stay right here next to me!” The little girl stopped in her tracks, crossed her arms, and pouted.

  Shaking my head, I headed toward the bridge to the convention center. A second later, someone nudged my arm.

  “Poor kid, right?” Merry said.

  I grinned. “Seriously. Hey, Vanessa!”

  On Merry’s other side, Vanessa smiled at me, her cheeks pink. “So, it looked like things went well with that Scott guy?”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Were you guys spying on me
?”

  “Not on purpose!” Vanessa exclaimed at the same time Merry said: “Obviously.”

  As soon as we entered the convention center, I could hear the thump thump thump of some pop song coming from the A-wing ballroom.

  “Yeah, it was …” I trailed off, because that was when I noticed they were holding hands. “Hey. Heyyyy.”

  Vanessa turned bright red, but she was smiling so hard it looked like her cheeks might split. Merry swung their clasped hands back and forth, beaming at her, and Vanessa somehow blushed even more.

  “Okay, stop,” I told them. “This is, like, an illegal level of adorable. You might get arrested.”

  Merry sighed loudly. “Oh well. Lock us up, if you must.”

  Vanessa tried to look scandalized and, when she failed miserably, pointed at my Weird Sisters shirt instead. “Hey, that looks familiar! Is it—”

  “Not yours! I bought one after the Creativity Corner,” I told her as we reached the ballroom. Merry let go of her hand to pull the doors open for us, and I leaned closer to Vanessa. “And don’t tell Callie, but I bought her one, too—I’m gonna try to hide it in her suitcase before she leaves. Seemed like we should all three have one, you know?”

  Vanessa didn’t say anything. Just beamed at me, her eyes all shiny. I grinned back. And maybe my eyes were a little shiny, too. And maybe I didn’t care. I linked my arm through hers, and Merry took her other hand, and we walked into the dance together.

  The Creativity Corner awards hadn’t made me nervous at all, but as I left the safe embrace of the pop culture junkies and made my way toward the taxidermy awards banquet, my stomach started tying itself in knots. I clutched my ticket in my sweaty hand and forced my feet to keep moving, even though it would’ve been so much easier to forget the whole thing and head straight to the Farewell Ball with my friends.

  Vanessa had stood up to Soleil even though she’d been terrified. Phoebe had swallowed her pride and shouldered the blame for ruining her friendship with Christina. If they could be strong, so could I. I had to do this, or nothing would change, and I’d be miserable forever.