Where the Dead Live

by Marissa Farrar

  It hadn’t taken long for Nick to arrange some volunteer work teaching English to Cambodian children in a remote village. Within weeks of making the decision, his bags were packed.

  Now, only silence met her question and a sickening sensation churned with the wine she’d drunk. Her right hand flicked unconsciously to her left and she twisted the diamond solitaire binding her third finger.

  "Nick?"

  He sighed down the phone."Look Sash, I've been thinking. Why don't you come out and join me for a bit? You could work out here. They’re always looking for more teachers…"

  Acid rose from her stomach and burned the back of her throat. They’d had this conversation before. The first time had been six months ago when he’d been first due to come home. He was only supposed to have been gone a few months. Sasha could have gone with him. Nick wanted her to, but she’d already finished that chapter of her life and didn't want to retrace old steps. Naturally, she was upset when he left, but she’d believed the experience would be good for him, good for them. He would return more fulfilled. Sasha never contemplated the idea that he wouldn't want to come back.

  "Please don't do this to me, Nick. You know I can't."

  "Of course you can, Sash. We can short-let the flat and your mum would look after Merlin. She dotes on that cat."

  Sasha sighed. "It’s not about practicalities. My life is here and I don't want to go away again. It would be like putting my life on hold.”

  "You don’t have much of a life, Sash. You go to work, watch television and go out drinking in bars. No one is going to notice if you’re gone."

  Sasha bristled and spoke through gritted teeth. "I may not be out changing the world, but I happen to love my life."

  "More than me you mean." Bitterness tainted his voice.

  "Don’t forget, you’re the one who left me, Nick!"

  "I wanted to make a difference."

  "How noble..."

  They fell silent, hurt and anger buzzing through the phone line.

  Eventually, Sasha asked, "So what are you really saying, Nick? That you don't want to come home?"

  "I want you here with me."

  "Just be fucking straight with me will you,” Sasha yelled. “Are you coming home or not?"

  "I can't leave here, Sash. These people mean too much to me."

  "And I don't mean shit!" She swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the burning lump choking her.

  "Don't be ridiculous."

  "I am not ridiculous!" She trembled with anger. "It is not ridiculous to want my fiancé home, or to not want to traipse off to some foreign country at the drop of a hat."

  Nick spoke again, his voice distant and even. "I’m sorry but I’m not coming back, not yet at least. I've changed my flight back to London. I’m going to Bali for a couple of week’s holiday instead. I want you to come, but if you’re not here by the time I leave, I’ll assume you don't love me enough to make the effort."

  He hung up.

  Heat rushed to Sasha’s cheeks and her mouth dropped open.

  The sheer nerve! He could at least have come home for a couple of weeks, spent some time with her. Now, not only was he not coming home, but he also expected her to give up her life to fly out to him and go to freaking Bali!

  Sasha yelled in frustration and flung the phone across the room. The handset landed with a crash and Merlin, who had been sleeping soundly, oblivious to the drama unfolding around him, shot out of his seat.

  "Oh, I'm sorry, Merlin! I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to scare you."

  Sasha got up and tried to coax the shivering Siamese cat from under the television stand. He let out a pitiful yowl. She reached under and pulled him out by the scruff of his neck. Clutching him in her arms, she buried her face in his soft fur and let the tears come.

  Despite not seeing each other for a year, Sasha believed Nick to be her future. She’d thought it from the moment they met, but now that future seemed to be disintegrating. What he’d said about her life hurt and she was bitterly disappointed about not having him back in London.

  Was she being selfish for not going? Was Nick right in thinking her simple, normal life was not enough? Or was he the one being selfish by asking her to give up everything to be with him?

  Sasha didn't know what to think.

  She had less than eight days to decide what to do. In eight days, she’d either be sitting at home crying while he boarded a plane to fly away from her, or she’d be on a plane herself, going to meet him.

  Her boss would go mad.

  Was she seriously contemplating this?

  Yes, she thought. Why not?

  She could fly to Cambodia, on to Bali, spend a couple of weeks with Nick, remind him what he was missing and then come home again. After all, it didn't have to be forever. Just long enough to save their relationship. Perhaps the trip wouldn’t be such hardship; she imagined loads of women would love to be in her place.

  Sasha's tears subsided and she wiped her face in her cat's already-damp fur.

  The next morning, Sasha jumped on the tube for the short ride to her office near Angel Station. She’d been working as a recruitment consultant for almost three years now. There shouldn’t be any reason why she wouldn’t be able to take some time off, but she couldn’t ignore the nerves tugging at her insides. Sasha caught herself chewing at her nails, a habit she’d dropped years ago. Disgusted, she pulled her hand away.

  Her boss, Alison Killery, though only a few years older than Sasha, was one of those focused, career-minded women who always made Sasha feel slightly inferior and intimidated.

  Sasha got into work, went to her own desk and sat down. She waited for Alison to drink her first cup of coffee and trawl through her emails before she got up the courage to approach.

  Alison glanced up before Sasha reached her desk.

  “Hey, Sasha,” Alison said, smiling. “Everything all right?”

  Sasha smiled back. Her heart thumped audibly and sweat slicked the palms of her hands.

  “Actually,” she said, “I have a huge favor to ask.”

  “Sounds ominous,” Alison said, raising her eyebrows.

  Sasha took a deep breath. “I need the next three weeks off.” She hurried on before Alison cut her off. “I’ve not had a holiday since last year. I’ve got days I need to use up and Nick is still in Cambodia…”

  “Nick is still in Cambodia?” Alison frowned. “Isn’t he supposed to be coming back next week?”

  “Yeah, but he’s sick.” The lie slipped out and Sasha’s cheeks flushed with shame.

  “Oh, no.” Alison’s genuine dismay made Sasha feel even worse. “The poor thing. It’s nothing serious, I hope.”

  Sasha shook her head. “They don’t know yet.” Her mind ran through numerous potential illnesses. “I think they’re testing for malaria.”

  “When do you need to go?”

  “As soon as possible,” Sasha said.

  Alison leaned forward and tapped some keys on her computer. She frowned at the screen.

  “Tony is supposed to be taking a long weekend next week. No one else is off, so I guess we can survive without you.”

  Sasha stopped herself hopping up and down, and clapping with excitement. Instead, she tried to put on a concerned, yet relieved face of a worried fiancée.

  “Thanks Alison, I really appreciate it.”

  She turned away from the desk and walked back to her own, keeping her smile tightly locked behind her lips. The small lie meant she couldn’t start raving about her trip to her colleagues. And she would need to tell everyone Nick hadn’t contracted malaria when she got back.

  At least she was able to go.

  Sasha spent the rest of the day trawling the Internet, trying to find a flight. She secured a flight from London to Bangkok, but had a three day wait before flying to Siem Reap

  During her travels years ago, she’d flown from Bangkok to Siem Reap, in Cambodia, but traveling by road hadn’t been as safe back then. Plenty of people caught buses between
the two countries now. Perhaps that would be a better way to go? She’d leave the day after she flew into Bangkok and gain a whole extra day.

  Sasha typed an email to Nick letting him know of her plans. The village Nick taught and lived in was miles away from any technology and he went into one of the larger communities once a week to use the phone or computer. He normally picked up his emails and made phone calls on a Sunday, and as today was Monday, he would only get the email the day before, or even on the day she arrived in Cambodia. The timings weren’t ideal, but she had no other way of contacting him. Maybe he would have enough sense to check his emails sooner considering the circumstances. If he really did want her to come, and missed her like he said he did, surely he would make the effort to check every day hoping to hear from her?

  That evening, Sasha picked up the phone to call her mother. After three rings, her mum answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Mum, it’s me.”

  “Hello, Sasha-love. How are you?”

  “I’ve got a favor to ask,” she said for the second time that day.

  “Oh yes?”

  “Nick has asked me to go away with him for three weeks and I wondered if you would like to flat-sit?”

  “What do you mean, ‘Nick has asked you to go away’? Isn’t he supposed to be coming home?”

  Sasha inwardly cringed. She didn’t want to explain things to her mother. Her mum wouldn’t hesitate to point out Nick’s flaws and right now Sasha didn’t want to hear them.

  “Yes, but there’s been a change of plan. He wants us to take a holiday together before he comes home.”

  She tried to tell herself she wasn’t telling another lie; technically the trip would be a holiday and Nick was still going to come home at some point.

  Her mother’s pause told her more than words could, disapproval radiating through the phone.

  “Please Mum. Merlin would hate to be here by himself for three weeks and getting someone to pop in and feed him isn’t the same. You know how he hates to be left by himself.”

  Her mother huffed air out of her nose, snorting into the phone. “Well I suppose I could do with some time away from your father.” She lowered her voice. “He’s caught a cold and he’s had the damn football on all day. All he seems to do these days is sit in front of the television and complain.”

  Sasha smiled. She knew her parents loved each other, but they’d been married over thirty years and sometimes even they needed time apart.

  “So, is that a yes?”

  “When are you leaving?”

  “In two days.”

  “Wow, Sasha!” Her mother didn’t even try to hide her surprise. “That’s short notice.”

  “It’s been a bit of last-minute thing. You won’t need to get here until the day after I leave. You’ve still got your keys haven’t you?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “So will you do it?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “Thanks, Mum,” Sasha said in relief. “I love you, and tell Dad I hope he gets better soon.”

  She didn’t wait for her mum to say anything else. She didn’t want to push her luck. Instead, she simply said her goodbyes and then sat back, wondering what the hell she was getting herself into.

  Chapter Two

  Leaving Home

  The following two days passed in a blur. By the time Sasha washed and packed the clothes she needed to take, unpacked and repacked about four times, and tidied up any loose ends at work, the days flew by. Before she registered what was happening, she found herself stood at the airport, her oversized rucksack adorning her back like the shell of a giant turtle.

  Years of long trips to the States, Australia and New Zealand had quickly grown her immunity to boredom and she enjoyed the flight, relaxing with a paperback after the past few days of frantic activity. She put the uncomfortable niggle in the pit of her belly down to nerves over seeing Nick again for the first time in a year.

  The flight landed and Sasha made her way through arrivals before jumping on a bus that would take her to the Khao San Road. Though her finances were significantly better than in her backpacking days, she found herself heading back to the guesthouse where she’d stayed years before.

  With delight, she discovered little had changed.

  Though the guesthouse was located off the main drag, people still filled the street. Backpackers loitered everywhere, standing in small groups talking or buying things from the stalls lining the street. Vendors sold everything from clothing and food, to burned CDs and DVDs. Music blasted from small stereo systems in most of the stalls and the different songs jostled over one another. The faint aroma of stale beer and urine underlay the chaos; an unpleasant reminder of the party that had not only happened the night before, but took place every night.

  Ahead of Sasha was the guesthouse. The ground floor of the building opened onto the street, tables and chairs spilling into the gutter. Inside, scruffy travelers lazed on cushions chatting to each other, reading or staring at the movie showing on a couple of televisions attached to the walls. A wall of large windows partitioned off a room filled with computers where people sat typing their stories to those they’d left at home.

  On the opposite side of the street, food carts filled the air with their exotic spices and hissing steam. Noodles mixed with tiny, fiery chilies. Fried rice thrown into searing skillets. Indeterminable meats stuffed into rolls. All were made and sold from the carts. Pancake mix was cooked in front of the passers-by; chocolate and bananas were bound within crepe casings and served on thin paper plates. An elderly Thai woman nursed a cart stuffed full of fresh oranges, ice and bottles of fresh juice.

  "Orange juice ten baht…" she cried over and over again, her English words blending together causing people to frown in their efforts to decipher her—'On-jue ten bah'. She must have said the words a million times a day, always with a huge, toothy smile, earnestly beckoning people over.

  Despite the simplicity of their food preparation, Sasha noticed how clean everything was—how clean everyone was—unlike some of the countries she had been to.

  Sasha's stomach grumbled.

  I’ll get some Pad Thai noodles as soon as I’ve checked in, she promised herself.

  Sasha made her way through the maze of travelers and up to the reception desk situated on the back wall of the guesthouse. A young Thai girl manned the desk. She glanced up as Sasha approached.

  “Hello,” the girl greeted her with a smile. “Welcome to Sun-Hi Guesthouse.”

  “Hello,” Sasha said, putting her passport and three hundred baht on the counter. “I need a room for the night.”

  "You want room only one night?" the girl said in surprise.

  "I’ve been here before," Sasha said. “And I have to get to Cambodia tomorrow."

  "You have visa?" she asked, picking up Sasha’s passport and the money. She turned to where the room keys hung from a wooden board and selected one. Sasha stared at the girl’s back, and then raised her hand to her forehead in dismay.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  She hadn’t even thought about needing a visa.

  "How long does it normally take?" Sasha hoped her desperation didn’t show in her voice. She couldn’t remember getting a visa the last time she’d visited. But many years had passed and things changed.

  The girl placed the room key on the counter and shrugged. "Two, maybe three days."

  "No!" A lump clogged her throat and her eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. "I have to get there before then. It’s really important."

  "Maybe you pay extra money and you get quicker…?"

  "Yes, yes,” she said, wanting to reach across the counter and hug the girl. "I'll pay anything."

  A smile tugged at the girl’s mouth and her delicate eyebrows rose at Sasha's outburst. She pointed to a man sitting behind a desk in the corner of the room.

  "You talk to Dang. He will help you."

  "Thank you so much. You've been really helpful." Sasha picked up the
key and dragged her bags across the room.

  The man behind the desk appeared to be a boy from a distance, but as she got closer, she realized him to be closer to middle-aged. She marveled at how people aged here; they either looked young or ancient, there didn't seem to be any in-between.

  Dang glanced up from his newspaper. “Please, sit.”

  “Thank you.” Sasha sank onto a red plastic chair opposite. “I need a visa for Cambodia and I need it today. I have to travel tomorrow.” She leaned forward, gripping the edge of the desk.

  “Visa no problem,” Dang said, folding up his newspaper. “I can get visa, but tomorrow not good day to travel. Can get you to border, but not Siem Reap.”

  Sasha sat back, surprised.

  "But you have notices everywhere advertising trips to Siem Reap." She glanced up at one hanging directly above his head. "The notice says the buses run every day of the week."

  "Yes, yes, but not tomorrow."

  "Well…” she was at a loss for words. “Why not tomorrow?"

  "Tomorrow not good day to travel."

  Sasha felt like she was going round in circles. She tried again.

  "Is there a particular reason why I cannot travel to Siem Reap tomorrow?"

  Dang shifted in his seat and fiddled with a pen on his desk, staring at the object. Sasha bent her head and peered up at him, trying to catch his eye. She wondered if he didn't know the English words to explain.

  "Is it a public holiday?" she suggested.

  Dang lifted his face to hers. He nodded, a smile lighting his face.

  "Yes, tomorrow is public holiday. No travel tomorrow."

  "But I have to," Sasha said, starting to feel desperate. If she didn't travel tomorrow, she would almost certainly miss Nick. The journey was a long one. If she couldn’t leave tomorrow, her chances of catching him would disappear by the hour.