The Novels of William Goldman

by William Goldman

  Penny arrived shortly after. She poured herself a half glass of Scotch, sat down across from Betty Jane and said, “Are you out of your trick head?”

  Betty Jane smiled.

  Penny swallowed half her Scotch. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were out here?”

  “Because I didn’t and don’t want to see or talk to you.”

  “A friend is someone you can tell to go to hell and they’ll understand. I read that some place. Wha happen?”

  “We’re finito.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to go into it.”

  “Who cares what you want?”

  “Oh, Penny, I went to see that lousy whore secretary and I was all ready to have it out.”

  “Except you didn’t.”

  “Except I didn’t.”

  “You said nothing whatsoever.”

  Betty Jane nodded. “I had to leave him. For everybody’s health. I got so fed up with myself after I left her without speaking I just all of a sudden later got this urge to pack and run.”

  “What’s health got to do with it?”

  “Charley tried suicide. Out there.” She pointed toward the bay. “The sandbar saved him.”

  Penny finished her Scotch. “Where were you when they passed out brains?”

  “Meaning?”

  “Nobody tries suicide.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Listen, dumbo, if you really wanna knock yourself off, it’s easy. Take any elevator ten floors up, find the nearest window and move out smartly.”

  “I don’t understand you.”

  “Charley wasn’t trying suicide, I’ll bet anything. He just wanted you to think he was.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “When was this?”

  “Last weekend. Dawn.”

  “You’re a heavy sleeper. What the hell were you doing up? What woke you?”

  Betty Jane looked blank.

  “You don’t remember?”

  “No.”

  “Well, think about it. How long has Charley been coming here?”

  “What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “Just that everybody knows about the sandbar and where it is. I’ve been out there and so have you and so has Charley.”

  “He’s not that kind. He wouldn’t do a thing like that and you know it.”

  “Not consciously, maybe. But I’ll bet when you remember it’ll turn out to be Charley woke you up. And after you remember, just forget about it and get the hell back to him as fast as you can.”

  “You talked differently a year ago.”

  “I was younger and thought I had a shot at marrying this buyer from Hudson’s in Detroit and I’d spent one year less on the open market. And I haven’t even got kids. You got two—count ’em, two—and how the hell can you be sure your looks are gonna last? People age under strain, B.J., even you. He’ll get bored with this broad someday. You better be there when he does. I’m telling you, you’re crazy to pitch it.”

  “Charley kissed me!”

  “Huh?”

  Betty Jane stood and walked to the window, staring out at the bay. “That morning. That’s what woke me. Charley kissed me. I remember it so plain.” She turned to Penny. “But why would he want me to see?”

  Penny shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe so you’d get upset and do something. I rest my case. Now go make up.”

  “Not while he has that whore. If I go back now, I hope I die.”

  “Don’t say that. Ever.”

  “I say what I feel,” Betty Jane said.

  Jenny tugged at her skirt with one hand and combed her hair with the other. When the doorbell rang she gave up the tugging and concentrated her entire effort on trying to “do something” with her hair. When the doorbell rang a second time she dropped the comb, ran her tongue across her lips and opened the apartment door. Jenny said “How do you do” very politely and gave a little curtsy.

  “Miss Devers, I believe,” Charley said.

  “May I take your coat?”

  “Thank you.” He gave it to her. She took it and hung it carefully in her closet. “All dolled up,” Charley said, and he went to her and began to touch.

  “Now you must wait,” Jenny said, pressing his hands together. “This is our first date and you must show respect.”

  “May I molest you later?”

  “If you show respect you may do whatever you want to later, but this is our first real human-type date and we must treat it accordingly. May I tell you something? I can almost never remember being so excited. Do you realize we are going to walk out that door into the open air together?”

  “As they say, ‘at last.’ ”

  “At last,” Jenny repeated. “Now I have a duty. What was it?” She pressed one hand against her forehead, then giggled. “Oh yes—I’m the hostess. Would you care for anything? A drink?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Would you like to wash your hands?”

  Charley broke out laughing.

  “I boned up for tonight,” Jenny said. “Don’t you dare laugh. It’s proper for the hostess to ask if you want to wash your hands or anything.”

  “My hands are spotless, like my soul.” He looked around. “I don’t even mind these goddam blue walls tonight so much. And that is remarkable.”

  “I’m not trying to be a nag, but considering the occasion and all, could you please remember the respect due me and watch your language?”

  Charley bowed. “Gosh darn blue walls,” he said.

  “I love you,” Jenny said.

  “I love you,” Charley said.

  Jenny turned to the full-length mirror. “Should I wear a hat, do you think?”

  “Hat?”

  “Yes. I’ve got a nice one. An occasion-type hat.”

  “No.”

  “I like a man who makes decisions.”

  “I hate hats on girls. When you’re forty, you can wear a hat. What do you want to do first?”

  Jenny smiled. “Walk!”

  “Where?”

  “Where there are people. Where people can see us and say, ‘My, what an obviously blissfully fantastically happy couple.’ ”

  “Do you think they’ll say that?”

  “If they have an ounce of perception.”

  “An ounce of perception is worth a pound of cure,” Charley said. “Those just pop out sometimes. Forgive me.”

  Jenny forgave him.

  “Are we ready?”

  “We are. Get our coats?”

  Charley went to the closet, got the coats. “Fifth Avenue? Lots of people on Fifth Avenue.”

  Jenny slipped into her coat. “Fine.” They turned out the lights, opened the door. “Hold me,” Jenny said then. “Respectfully.”

  Charley buried his face in her neck.

  “Let’s go face the world,” Jenny said then. “I’m ready now.” They walked out of the building to the sidewalk. Jenny stopped. “There’s something I must do,” she said.

  “Do it.”

  “Hello, World, we’re here!” Jenny shouted, her hands cupped around her mouth. Across the street some people looked at her. She curtsied toward them. “They think I’m a nut,” she whispered to Charley.

  “They’re right.”

  “I forgive you only because of your spotless soul. I didn’t embarrass you?

  “God no.” He hailed a cab. They got in and started toward Fifth Avenue. “I’ve some news about Betty Jane,” Charley said.

  “Auh?”

  “Yes. It seems her mother invited her best friend out last night to try and talk some sense. She called me today, Penelope did.”

  “And?”

  “Betty Jane has apparently been chipperer. That’s to be expected, I guess, but I just hope she isn’t going to be venomous when it comes to the settlement terms. Courts generally side with the woman, you know.”

  Jenny nodded.

  “We’ll find out soon enough. She sees a lawyer Friday.”r />
  “Driver?” Jenny said then.

  “Yes, ma’am?” the driver said. He was very old, with hands like a baby’s.

  “Can you take a look at us? What would you say? Wouldn’t you say that we were just the most fantastically blissful couple? Be honest now.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “See?” Jenny whispered to Charley. “Would you believe it, Driver, but this is our first real date? We’ve known each other for years but we’ve never really been out together before.”

  “You certainly look like a very nice couple,” the driver said.

  “Tip him liberally,” Jenny whispered. When they got to Fifth Avenue in the fifties Charley told the driver to stop. They got out of the car and began walking. “Hold my hand,” Jenny said.

  They stopped for a moment by the F.A.O. Schwarz window.

  “I feel just like that,” Jenny whispered. “A kid. All my life I wanted this one special toy and now I’ve got it. Are you happy?”

  “You know I am.”

  “Not unless you say so. Don’t ever let go of my hand. Promise that.”

  “I do.”

  “Oh, Charley, God, we made it. We made it.” Yes.

  “After all these years, we did it. We deserve to be happy. We waited and we deserve it. Hello,” she said to a couple walking by.

  The couple smiled at them.

  “They’re talking about us now, Charley. They’re saying, ‘What a nice thing to say hello to a complete stranger like that. They must be very much in love.’ That’s what they’re saying, Charley. How do you do,” she said to an old lady on the corner.

  “Lovely night,” the old lady said.

  They waited on the corner for the light to change. There was no wind and the bright October night was full of stars. “It’s not the night,” Jenny whispered to Charley. “It’s us.”

  They crossed slowly, holding hands, stopping when they came to the Bergdorf windows. A very tall woman was staring through the glass at a dark-blue dress. “It would be perfect for you,” Jenny said.

  The woman looked at her.

  “I mean it,” Jenny went on. “It’s made for you. I’m Mrs. Fiske. This is my husband—Charles. Say hello, Charles.”

  “Hello,” Charley said.

  “I’m awfully tall,” the woman said.

  “Admit you’re tall,” Jenny told her. “I’m tall too but I always wear high heels.” They started walking away. “I tell you, you’ll regret it if you don’t buy that dress tomorrow.” When no one could hear her, she said, “You didn’t mind that I called you ‘Mr. Fiske’?” She started to giggle. “Why should you mind, you are Mr. Fiske. What I meant was—” But the giggles had her, so she stopped. When she was able to talk she said, “Are you happy? I’m happy, are you?”

  “Yes, I’m happy; no, I didn’t mind.”

  “Let’s go see the skating rink. We’re going to be married, after all, so I wasn’t lying, just jumping the gun, I love you.”

  “Officer, I swear I didn’t know she was on dope.”

  “You’re right,” Jenny said. “I am acting all hopped up. I can be ladylike. I can be anything you want, Charley Fiske, so there. Hold my hand.”

  He held her hand and they started walking down to the skating rink.

  “We’re out of jail,” Jenny said.

  Charley nodded.

  “Are you happy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then say you are.”

  “How often?”

  “Every so.”

  “Will do.”

  “And be careful not to step on any cracks. I’ve waited so long for this and if you step on a crack, the boogeyman will come and carry you off to sea. That’s what stepping on a crack means where I come from.”

  “I love you,” Charley said. “Are you hungry?”

  “I will be.”

  “Let’s eat at the Plaza when you are. The Edwardian Room.”

  Jenny nodded.

  Then they walked down to the skating rink. It was crowded but they managed to find a spot near one corner. They wedged their way in and put their elbows on the railing and their chins in their hands and stood quietly watching the skaters.

  “Will you please have the decency to stop,” Jenny said a few minutes later.

  “Huh?”

  Jenny pointed down to a woman dressed in red who was jumping and turning and skating around. “At least don’t make it so obvious.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Stop watching her.”

  “She’s the best skater down there.”

  “That’s not why you’re watching her and you know it.”

  “Jenny—”

  “She looks like Betty Jane.”

  “Are you crazy?”

  “She looks exactly like Betty Jane and let’s both admit it.”

  “She doesn’t look remotely—”

  “I just don’t understand,” Jenny said.

  “She looks about as much like Betty Jane—”

  Jenny shook her head. “You’ve tried to ruin this evening from the very beginning and I just do not understand.”

  “What?”

  “I took it as long as I could, Charley, but when you said let’s go eat at the Plaza—”

  “What’s wrong with the Plaza?”

  “People ... are ... staring.”

  “What do you want to fight for?”

  “I don’t want to fight, Charley. You’re the one who wants to fight. Why are you trying to ruin tonight?”

  “I’m not—”

  “I said people ... are ...”

  “You’re gaslighting me, for chrissakes.”

  Jenny broke away from the crowd.

  Charley caught her. “Now, dammit—”

  “Let’s go, they’re watching.”

  “Let them watch.”

  “Why did you try to ruin tonight?”

  “I didn’t, I didn’t, are you crazy?”

  “You knew I wasn’t dressed up enough for the Plaza. You wouldn’t let me wear a hat. You had to remind me how we sneak around. The last time we were there we snuck upstairs and you paid cash for the room and you had to go back there to humiliate me and I want to know why.”

  “You shut up! Just shut up and listen! I said let’s go to the Plaza because the last time we were there we did sneak around and tonight I said let’s go to the Edwardian Room because I thought it would be an honest to Christ symbol of the fact that we were free. Now stop this and behave!”

  Jenny said nothing.

  “Now do you want to eat or watch the skaters or what?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  He took her arm and they went back to their old position by the railing.

  “Don’t ask me to apologize,” Jenny said.

  “I didn’t, did I?”

  “Well, just see you don’t.”

  “Let’s forget it.”

  “You weren’t excited about tonight at all.”

  “I was too.”

  “You didn’t show it.”

  “I’m not an actor, for God’s sake. I don’t show things that way.”

  “When you came to my apartment you barely even smiled.”

  “I was thinking about what Penny’d said. I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing awful will happen,” Jenny said. She took his hand. “You should at least have said about how nice I looked.”

  “I did.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Jenny, I distinctly remember—”

  “What you said, to be specific, because I happen to remember, was ‘All dolled up.’ And that is all you said and what have you got to say to that, Charley?”

  Charley said nothing.

  “Charley?” She nudged him.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I was thinking about—”

  “You were not, you were not thinking, you were watching that girl skating.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, she was doing a spin. It
was very difficult and—”

  “Watch her till you’re dead for all I care!” Jenny bolted to the corner, and held her hand up for a cab.

  Charley grabbed her. “I’m sorry.”

  “You wanted to ruin it, you ruined it.”

  “Jenny, I’m sorry.”

  “Cab!”

  “Jenny—”

  “You wanted a cab, lady,” a taxi driver said.

  “Yes!” Jenny got in and slammed the door and they pulled away.

  Charley hurried to Fifth Avenue, waited until he saw another cab, got into it and took it uptown. He got out in front of Jenny’s building, paid the driver and wondered whether or not to use his key. He pushed the buzzer, waited for the answering buzz. He went to her door, knocked, and said, “ ’Tis I.”

  “It’s open.”

  Charley walked in. Jenny was wearing slacks and a sweater, and her dress was visible on the floor in the corner. “I was in the area ...” Charley said.

  Jenny went to the kitchen and poured herself a drink.

  “Oh, come on; this is silly.”

  “I know it is. It’s just that you really hurt my feelings.”

  “I’m sorry. That’s the God’s truth. And I wasn’t trying to embarrass you by taking you someplace swanky and I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you how pretty you looked because you sure as hell did, and do now, but I stand on my statement about the hat. There. Forgiven?”

  Jenny sipped her drink. “I wanted tonight to be—”

  “It still can. I’ll molest you as never before.” He ran his hands across her black sweater. “I totally approve of cashmere.”

  “You really hurt me,” Jenny said.

  “I thought I apologized.”

  “She did look like Betty Jane, didn’t she, that skater girl? Admit it.”

  “If you’ll forget about this.”

  “Tell me.”

  “There was a certain resemblance, yes. At least from a distance.”

  “I was right, wasn’t I?”

  Charley undid the top button of her sweater and kissed her throat. “The customer is always right.”

  “Why did you say that?” Jenny said.

  “Say what?”

  “You called me a customer.”

  “Jenny, cut it out.”

  “I really wanted tonight to be special,” Jenny said. “Whores call people customers.”

  “She’s always been a trifle paranoid, Doctor, but it was only lately I noticed she’d gone completely ’round the bend.”