There Goes My Social Life

by Stacey Dash

  “What is it?” I asked. I had never even heard of the event.

  “Nerd Prom,” Natey said, but the president and first lady and all kinds of senior government officials would be there, to be—supposedly—skewered by the media. “It’s a multimillion-dollar week-long power trip, basically, and is one of the most coveted tickets in America.”

  “Should I go?”

  “Of course!” he said, exasperated . . . as if I should have grasped the gravity of the invitation. But this is not my world. These are not my people. My career has been in Hollywood, not D.C. “It means you’ve made it,” he added.

  When he said those words, images of my life flashed before my face. Crying at the door when my parents left me with the family, stickball on the streets of the South Bronx, fights with kids who said I was stuck up, the rush of cold air as I jumped from my bedroom window, the adrenaline I felt as Richard Pryor and I watched our horse cross the finish line, the dread in the pit of my stomach when I couldn’t afford to pay my electricity bills, the threats I received when people told me my thoughts as a black woman weren’t welcomed . . . the fears that I’d be ostracized . . . that I’d never be successful if I espoused conservative views.

  There goes my social life?

  Not quite.

  “Don’t you see how amazing this is?” Natey said to me. “This whole adventure started with a tweet about voting for Romney, and now you get to go to dinner with the president.”

  As I got ready for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, I thought about how far this girl from the Bronx had come. I selected a long Dahlia dress that was emerald green with lace, rhinestones, and beads. (It had a train, so that when Brian Kilmeade saw it later he called me a mermaid.) Yes, I brought out the five-inch heels for this, and Natey couldn’t say a thing to me since he wasn’t invited. I looked in the mirror, ran my hands over the beads and smiled. But then I heard it. My mother’s voice.

  You’re not good enough. You’re a tramp. Selfish. Stupid.

  I shook my head, but the thoughts stubbornly lingered. I should’ve been so excited about the moment, but the thoughts in my head from my mother effectively popped the bubble.

  I got in the shower and tried to wash her out of my head.

  God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

  If that sacrifice was made for me, then I’m not worthless. In fact, my life has infinite worth. Because it was given to me, it can’t be taken away. Especially not by my mom.

  I toweled off, trying to think about my worth and my value. By the time I walked out the door, I felt proud of being in this position and worthy of the invitation.

  The dinner was held at the ballroom of the Washington Hilton Hotel, the infamous location of the assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan. When I arrived, completely made up and ready for this “event of the year,” I was stopped at the door.

  “Ticket?” one of the event staffers asked me.

  “I don’t have a ticket.” Apparently, the people at Fox were supposed to hand me a paper ticket, a fact I learned too late.

  “You can’t get in without a ticket,” he said. “Go to the concierge and see if they have yours.” The concierge didn’t have it either, so I paced back and forth in the lobby, texting Natey and trying—desperately—to figure out how to get into that room.

  As I fretted, people would stop me and say, “Are you Stacey Dash? Can I get a photo?” I’d pause, strike a pose, and smile. This, in a way, encapsulated how I’ve often felt about my life in general: that it looked good, but was a façade. That someday someone was going to look at me and say, “You’re a fraud. We see you for what you are now.”

  As I paced back and forth in that lobby, I wondered . . . would that be today? Maybe my mom had been right about me the whole time.

  Thankfully, mercifully, the other Fox News guests arrived. They embraced me, put their arms around me, and brought me right into the grand ballroom.

  I felt a little like the people described in a biblical parable about a man who gave a great feast. He told his servant, “Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame. . . . Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full.”

  No, I wasn’t poor, crippled, blind, or lame. But I could just as easily imagine the Bible saying, “go out quickly into the streets and bring in the drug addicts, the abandoned children, the rape victims, and the unwanted.” That’s how God does things. That’s what He has done for me.

  That night, I sat with the Fox personalities on the right hand side of the room, and the president of the United States sat next to the podium at the front of the ballroom. There, a comedienne stood and threw jokes at the president, at the most powerful man in the world. And he laughed. In many countries, people who criticize their leaders end up dead, especially women. As much as I disrespect Obama’s policies, I had to smile . . . at a world leader who subjects himself to such a spectacle. But also at a country that makes it possible for a black kid from the South Bronx to end up in the same room with a black kid who ended up being president. Also, I smiled at how people in our democracy get along in spite of profound political disagreements, at how Americans at their best esteem free speech above all else . . . above politeness and political correctness.

  May my story encourage all Americans—no matter their color, sex, background, or political persuasion—to gather up the small amount of courage it takes to open their mouths and use the liberty purchased for us with blood.

  Sure, it might impact your social life. But it also might take you places you never dreamt possible.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I never knew how much went into making a book!

  A big thanks to these people for making my first literary experience so much fun: Regnery publisher Marji Ross and editor in chief Harry Crocker; Elizabeth Kantor, my wonderful editor; Maria Ruhl, my excellent copy editor; John Caruso, for the great jacket design; Henry Pereira, who made the pages look good; Deborah Anderson, for a cover photo I love.

  And to my collaborator Nancy French, for believing in my story and helping me tell it.

  I’d also like to thank my agent Chris Park for her hard work finding just the right home for this book. I couldn’t have done it without you.

  A big thank you to Gina Benavidez, who takes care of everything—you are like family to me.

  To Patrick, for making this possible.

  To Austin and Lola, for showing me what love looks like. I love you more than you will ever know—you’ve made my life complete.

  NOTES

  THREE: WHY BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD VOTE REPUBLICAN EVERY TIME

  1.Steve Berman, “ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith: Why Every Black Person in America Should Vote Republican for 1 Election,” BizPac Review, March 19, 2015, http://www.bizpacreview.com/2015/03/19/espns-stephen-a-smith-why-every-black-person-in-americashould-vote-republican-for-1-election-188128; see also Trent Baker, “ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith: For One Election, Every Black Person Should Vote Republican,” Breitbart, March 18, 2015, http://www.breitbart.com/video/2015/03/18/espns-stephen-asmith-for-one-election-every-black-person-should-voterepublican/.

  FIVE: THE DECISION MAKER

  1.Drug Policy Alliance, “Drug War Statistics,” no date, http://www.drugpolicy.org/drug-war-statistics.

  2.Matt Taylor, “The War on Weed: Still Expensive, Racist, and Failed,” Vice, June 4, 2013, http://www.vice.com/read/the-war-on-weed-stillexpensive-racist-and-failed.

  3.Emily Badger, “The Meteoric, Costly, and Unprecedented Rise of Incarceration in America,” Washington Post, April 30, 2014, http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonkblog/wp/2014/04/30/the-meteoric-costly-and-unprecedented-rise-of-incarceration-inamerica/.

  4.Tygen Tsai and Paola Scommegna, “U.S. Has World’s Highest Incarceration Rate,” Population Reference Bureau, August 2012, http://www.prb.org/Publications/Articles/2012/us-incarceration.aspx.

>   SIX: EDUCATION, THE GREAT INTEGRATOR

  1.“Youth More Likely to Be Bullied at Schools with Anti-Bullying Programs, UT Arlington Researcher Finds,” University of Texas Arlington News Center, September 12, 2013, https://www.uta.edu/news/releases/2013/09/jeong-bullying.php; Allie Bidwell, “Study: Anti-Bullying Programs May Have Opposite Effect,” U.S. News & World Report, September 13, 2013, http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2013/09/13/study-anti-bullying-programs-mayhave-opposite-effect.

  2.Ibid.

  3.“A Playbook for the Youngest Learners: Educators and Policymakers Work to Assure a Strong Start and Sustained Momentum from Preschool Onward,” Education Week, January 2, 2015, http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2015/01/08/a-playbook-for-the-youngest-learners.html?intc=EW-QC15-LFTNAV.

  4.Reid Wilson, “Education Spending Balloons, but Students in Some States Get More Money than Others,” Washington Post, January 26, 2014, http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2014/01/26/education-spending-balloons-but-students-in-some-states-get-more-money-than-others/.

  5.“The Nation’s Report Card: Trends in Academic Progress 2012,” National Center for Education Statistics, June 2013, http://nces.ed.gov/nationsreportcard/pubs/main2012/2013456.aspx.

  6.Philip Elliot, “Study: US Education Spending Tops Global List,” Associated Press, June 25, 2013, http://bigstory.ap.org/article/study-us-education-spending-tops-global-list.

  7.Erika Johnsen, “The DOJ Drops Its Suit against Louisiana’s School Voucher Program, Kind Of. Not Really,” Hot Air, November 19, 2013, http://hotair.com/archives/2013/11/19/the-doj-drops-its-suit-against-louisiana-school-choice-program-kind-of-not-really/.

  8.Hollie McKay, “Stacey Dash: The Obama Administration Is ‘A Bunch of Bullies,’” Fox News, September 27, 2013, http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/09/27/stacey-dash-obama-administration-is-bunch-bullies/.

  9.W. Bradford Wilcox and Elizabeth Marquardt, “The State of Our Unions 2010: When Marriage Disappears,” The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at Institute for American Values, 2010, http://stateofourunions.org/2010/SOOU2010.php.

  10.Fifty-four percent of all births to never-married women between fifteen and fourty-four years old. Ibid.

  11.Nick Schulz, Home Economics: The Consequences of Changing Family Structure (AEI Press, 2013), 17.

  12.Jason L. Riley, “Race Relations and Law Enforcement,” Imprimis 44 (January 2015): 1, http://imprimis.hillsdale.edu/race-relations-and-law-enforcement/.

  13.Ibid.

  14.Eduardo Porter, “A Simple Equation: More Education = More Income,” New York Times, September 10, 2014, http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/business/economy/a-simple-equation-more-education-more-income.html.

  15.“11 Facts about Education and Poverty in America,” DoSomething. org, no date, https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-education-and-poverty-america.

  16.“Earnings and Unemployment Rates by Educational Attainment,” Bureau of Labor Statistics, April 2, 2015, http://www.bls.gov/emp/ep_chart_001.htm.

  17.Katie Furtick, “Annual Privatization Report 2014: Education,” Reason Foundation, April 2014, http://reason.org/files/apr-2014-education.pdf.

  18.Greg Foster, “A Win-Win Solution: The Empirical Evidence on School Choice,” Friedman Foundation for Educational Choice, April 13, http://www.edchoice.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/2013-4-A-Win-Win-Solution-WEB.pdf.

  19.Ibid.

  20.“Teachers Union Exposed: Protecting Bad Teachers,” Center for Union Facts, 2015, http://teachersunionexposed.com/protecting.php.

  21.“Use of Dues for Politics,” Center for Union Facts, 2015, https://www.unionfacts.com/article/political-money/.

  SEVEN: THE POWER OF FAMILY

  1.Nancy A. French, “New Study: Casual Sex Depresses Teens, Raises Risk of Suicide,” Rare, December 3, 2013, http://rare.us/story/new-study-casual-sex-depresses-teens-raises-risk-of-suicide/#2zZu2hCdxKW5TKmi.99.

  EIGHT: SEARCHING FOR A FAIRY TALE

  1.“American Community Survey, 2007–2009,” U.S. Bureau of the Census, at http://factfinder2.census.gov/faces/tableservices/jsf/pages/productview.xhtml?pid=ACS_09_3YR_S1702&prodType=table, from Robert Rector, “Marriage: America’s Greatest Weapon against Child Poverty,” The Heritage Foundation, September 5, 2012, http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2012/09/marriage-americas-greatest-weapon-against-child-poverty#_ftn1.

  2.James Alan Fox and Richard Moran, “Sex Assault Surveys Not the Answer: Column,” USA Today, August 10, 2014, http://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2014/08/10/sexual-assault-rapesurvey-college-campus-column/13864551/; Christopher P. Krebs, Christine H. Lindquist, Tara D. Warner, Bonnie S. Fisher, and Sandra L. Martin, “The Campus Sexual Assault (CSA) Study: Final Report,” Department of Justice, December 2007, https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/221153.pdf.

  3.Christina Hoff Somers, “5 Feminist Myths That Will Not Die,” Time, September 2, 2014, http://time.com/3222543/5-feministmyths-that-will-not-die/.

  4.Ibid.

  5.Katie Sanders, “Mika Brzezinski Repeats Myth That Super Bowl Sunday Has ‘Highest Rate of Domestic Violence,’” PolitiFact, September 18, 2014, http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2014/sep/18/mika-brzezinski/mika-brzezinski-repeatsmyth-super-bowl-sunday-has/.

  NINE: LIFE AND DEATH

  1.“History,” Colt Manufacturing, 2015, http://www.colt.com/Company/History.aspx/.

  2.Michael A. Memoli, “Eric Holder: Gun Lobby ‘Simply Won’ by Killing Sandy Hook Reforms,” Los Angeles Times, February 8, 2015, http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/politicsnow/la-pn-holder-guns-20150208-story.html.

  3.David French, “My Family’s Safety Is More Important than San Francisco’s Crazy Gun Laws,” National Review, June 10, 2015, http://www.nationalreview.com/article/419572/san-francisco-gunlaws?target=author&tid=1048.

  TWELVE: YOU SHALL TWEET THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE

  1.“Who Doesn’t Pay Federal Taxes?,” Tax Policy Center, no date, http://www.taxpolicycenter.org/taxtopics/federal-taxe-shouseholds.cfm.

  THIRTEEN: LOVE

  1.Jesse Washington, “Blacks Struggle with 72 Percent Unwed Mothers Rate: Debate Is Growing inside and outside the Black Community on How to Address the Rising Issue,” NBC News, November 7, 2010, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/39993685/ns/health-womens_health/t/blacks-struggle-percent-unwedmothers-rate/#.VUpuxxPF-rw.