by Anna Sugden
“Yeah, except someone already came up with it. She was crushed when she found out, though only for a few minutes. It’s great having a born optimist in the family.”
Jackson could imagine, though he suspected DeeDee’s father was a challenge to her natural optimism. He had a curious urge to provide DeeDee with the fatherly support that Curtis Anderson was failing to offer, and promptly broke into a cold sweat at the thought.
“Are you okay?” Kayla asked.
“Uh, yeah. Sure. Are you going into the water?”
“No, I’ll just sit in the shade and watch. I didn’t bring my swimsuit.”
Obviously he couldn’t suggest skinny-dipping as an alternative, but Jackson would have loved to see Kayla dancing naked in the waterfall. Years ago, on the same day he’d planned to bring Kayla to Halloran’s Meadow for the first time, Marcy’s father had come to the house to say she was pregnant.
Everything had changed after that, but looking back, it was probably the day he most regretted missing. While the meadow had been a favorite of the McGregors for over a century, he’d never brought Marcy there, even after they were married...but he had wanted to share it with Kayla.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THAT NIGHT ALEX found Sandy lying on the backyard lawn, staring up at the sky.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I’ve just never seen so many stars, aside from when I was on vacation. They don’t look this way in Seattle. It’s awesome.”
“I know. I wish you could have come to Yellowstone with us. We slept outside and could look at the sky all night.”
Two streaks of light shot over them toward the horizon.
“It’s harder to see shooting stars in Seattle, too,” Sandy murmured. “Except when you go away from the city.”
“Yeah. After his last divorce, Dad took DeeDee and me out near Black Diamond to watch the meteor shower. Instead, we saw the northern lights.”
“Yeah, I remember you calling about that. It was so late my mother nearly had a cow.”
Alex laughed. “Sorry.”
“Doesn’t matter. Mom gets in a twist about all kinds of junk.” Sandy turned on her side to look at him. “You know, I like your birth dad.”
“I guess he isn’t that bad.” Yet Alex squirmed. In the beginning he’d thought the guy was a jerk, but now he liked Jackson and it made him feel strange. It would be okay if they could just be friends, except it was more mixed-up than that.
“Do you think your mom and him are getting together?” Sandy asked.
Alex bolted upright. “What?”
She shrugged. “You know what I mean—they used to date, so they must have liked each other once. Maybe they’ve started liking each other again.”
This wasn’t what Alex had imagined at all when he’d come to Montana. To meet Mom’s family, yeah. And since Grandma and Grandpa were terrific, that part of running away had worked out fine.
“I don’t think Mom likes Jackson,” he said. “A lot of the time she’s really uptight around him.”
“Maybe, but there’s something about how they look at each other, or the way they look away from each other, if you get what I mean. It sure makes me wonder.”
Alex hunched his shoulders and stared miserably at the house. His mom couldn’t fall for Jackson, could she? That would screw up everything.
“I’m going in for a minute,” he told Sandy.
He found his mother at her laptop computer in the family room, typing an email. “Hey.”
She clicked Send and smiled at him. “I was just letting Roger know when to expect me back.”
“He must need you real bad,” Alex said.
His mom frowned. “What’s up, kiddo? You wanted to stay longer, and now it sounds as if you’re anxious to head home.”
“No, but we’re still leaving in a few days, aren’t we?”
“That’s the plan. Sandy’s and Keri’s folks are expecting us and we’ve got to start your back-to-school shopping. I know you aren’t crazy about trying on clothes, but it has to be done.”
Alex relaxed. “That’s okay. So you and Jackson aren’t, like, hooking up?”
It had to be his imagination, but even though his mom laughed, her face seemed sort of sad.
“No, we have different lives, in different states.” Her eyes narrowed. “What brought all this up?”
“Sandy wondered. I thought she was full of hot air, but decided to ask anyhow.”
“I see. Does the idea of me being interested in someone bother you? Someday, I mean.”
He made a face. “I don’t know.”
“You know you can talk to me, about anything, right?”
“Sure.”
Alex trudged outside and dropped down next to Sandy. “You’re wrong,” he announced, “Mom and Jackson aren’t hooking up because they live in different states and we’re going home soon.”
“That doesn’t mean she isn’t interested.”
“You’re nuts.”
“Okay,” Sandy told him. “You know her best.”
The problem was, Alex wasn’t sure he did know his mom that well.
* * *
KAYLA SIGNED OUT of her email and sat thinking. She had to be more careful. She and Jackson might be sending subconscious signals if Sandy was already wondering if something was going on between them.
What if Morgan started wondering the same thing? It was hard to guess how she would react, but she’d already had her world kicked upside down by getting an unknown brother, and that was on top of her other problems.
Restless, Kayla went to the window and looked out, a curious melancholy gripping her.
There was no denying that Jackson had shaken her up. She hadn’t realized how insular she’d become, falling into the habit of getting through the days, running when the pain got bad and trying to do the right things to protect her family. She’d convinced herself that they were doing all right, but obviously they hadn’t been.
Now, though some things were better, others were more jumbled than ever. She wasn’t proud of having gone to bed with Jackson, but at the same time, it had been an affirmation that she was alive.
Kayla sighed.
It might be good for Alex and DeeDee to see her happy with someone, but Jackson wasn’t the right man. He no longer believed in love; in fact, she had no idea if he’d ever believed in it, while she had a healthy respect for its awesome power. Her problem was being unsure about taking the risk again.
A shiver went across Kayla’s shoulders as she remembered Curtis asking for a divorce. Her world had fallen apart that day.
Drifting into the living room, she saw her grandparents working on a jigsaw puzzle. It was easy to spend time with them; they didn’t insist on constant attention and understood the need to help Alex become acquainted with Jackson.
Grams looked up and smiled. “Get your emails done, dear?”
“Yes, but it’s humbling to realize my company is doing so well without me.”
Hank nodded. “Sometimes our best work makes us redundant.”
“I never thought of it that way.” Kayla laughed. “Come to think of it, that’s probably a good job description for parents. You want your kids to become strong and independent and not need you for everything.”
“And when you succeed, you wonder why you wanted it so badly,” Elizabeth said. “It’s obviously a cosmic joke.”
“Too true.”
Kayla sat down and pulled several blue puzzle pieces toward her; the sky had always been her favorite part to do on a jigsaw.
“It’s wonderful to be with you again,” she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you or myself enough to come back before.”
“Hey, stop that,” Grams admonished. “We agreed, no regrets. We’ve got the future to think about.”
“Does that mean you’ll visit us in Seattle sometimes? We’ll come here, too, but it’ll be hard during the school year.”
“You couldn’t keep us away.”
<
br /> Underneath the table, Kayla knew, her grandparents were holding hands. She couldn’t suppress another stab of melancholy...and the wish to be holding hands with Jackson, perhaps walking under the stars and stopping for a long, sweet kiss. Pure romance. Except it had never been that way with him; with Jackson, any romance was just foreplay.
Stupid.
She wasn’t in love with the guy; she just had a mild case of lust. Years ago she’d recovered from a teenager’s crush on Jackson, and she could certainly recuperate from this.
* * *
“TAKE THE NEXT LEFT,” Jackson told Kayla.
She was driving and he was directing her through the country roads from the Crazy Horse to his parents’ spread. He’d expected to take his pickup, but the Volvo was already loaded with the kids’ extra clothing and other things they’d wanted for a sleepover.
Morgan and the others were riding their horses over to the Rocking M, and the silence in the Volvo made Jackson distinctly uncomfortable.
“And then the next right,” he said. “It leads straight to the house.”
His folks had planned another barbecue at their home, though it was a smaller gathering than the one at his place. After that the kids were spending the night in the backyard to watch a partial lunar eclipse, his father being the closest thing to an astronomy expert they had in Schuyler.
Kayla parked under a huge black cottonwood tree and Jackson watched her stare, expressionless, at the home where he’d grown up.
“Something wrong?” he asked finally.
She jerked as though startled. “Not really. I was just thinking about the last time I was here. I haven’t thought about it in a long time, but I always felt as if I was intruding.”
“I should have realized my folks weren’t treating you that well.”
“Your mother has already apologized. But maybe I let it become too important back then, because I already felt I wasn’t good enough.”
“I never thought you weren’t good enough.”
Her head turned. “No, you didn’t. I really liked you for that.”
Jackson grinned. “Was that the only reason?”
Kayla’s lips pressed together a second and he thought there was a spark of laughter in her eyes. “I can’t recall,” she answered lightly.
“Damn. Try to remember, or I might get an inferiority complex.”
“You’re so in danger of that,” she said drily.
“You never know.”
“We’ll just have to risk it.”
Kayla opened her door and climbed out, and he was treated to a terrific view of her tight behind. Letting out a heavy breath, he stepped from the car.
He started pulling the kids’ backpacks from the trunk and trotting them into the house.
“Hi, Mom,” he called, dropping the last set in the living room and urging Kayla into the kitchen.
Elizabeth Garrison had already arrived, and the two women seemed to be getting along splendidly. He’d known that Elizabeth and Sarah had worked together on community projects, but now that they shared a grandchild, they were becoming fast friends. From the window he saw his father and Hank in an animated discussion on the deck above the pool, complete with gesturing arms and the wide stance of two men on opposite sides of an issue.
“What gives with those two?” Jackson asked.
Elizabeth shook her head. “Lord, they’ve been arguing the merits of hand-churning ice cream versus an electric churn for the past forty minutes. Why don’t you go break it up?”
“No way. They’re going to do one of each as a test, right?”
“Naturally.”
“Well, if I get involved, they’ll recruit me to do the hand churning. That’s an adventure I’ll leave to the kids.”
Elizabeth and Sarah both chuckled.
“It’s good to have you here,” his mother said to Kayla. Sarah awkwardly pulled her into a hug.
Kayla returned the embrace. Considering her remarks in the car, Jackson figured she’d let go of the past in a way that seemed both gracious and sensible. It also made him uneasy—he’d had trouble doing the same thing.
“When do you think the kids will get here?” Elizabeth asked.
“They left when we did,” Kayla explained, “but I wouldn’t count on them hurrying.”
Sarah laughed. “Then, we won’t put anything on the grill until they arrive. We’re all set otherwise, so just relax and enjoy yourself.”
“Let’s go for a walk,” Jackson suggested to Kayla.
Her hesitation was so slight he didn’t think anyone else would have noticed. “Sure, that sounds nice.”
Elizabeth and Sarah beamed with approval, and as they walked through the backyard, Hank and Parker waved with equally wide smiles.
“Let’s go down to the pond,” Jackson murmured.
Kayla’s thoughts still seemed to be elsewhere and she said nothing as they strolled down the tree-lined path.
“Something on your mind?” he asked finally.
“Yes, but I don’t want you to misunderstand.”
“What?”
“You saw how happy your folks and my grandparents were when we went for a walk?”
“Uh, yeah,” he said, having a sudden suspicion where the conversation was leading.
“I don’t want anyone to get ideas that we might become a couple.”
“Anyone? That sounds like code for something.”
Kayla nodded. “Sandy speculated about it last night with Alex. He wasn’t thrilled. Then I started worrying about Morgan and whether she might get the wrong idea.”
Jackson wasn’t sure what he should be most concerned about—that he hadn’t kept his sex life separate from the ranch, or that Alex was upset at the mere suggestion that his mother and birth father might get together.
“Morgan knows I’m not interested in getting married again,” he said finally.
“That doesn’t make any difference. Do you really want your daughter to figure out that we had sex in your bedroom while she was riding her horse?”
Kayla was right, but Jackson was struggling because he didn’t want the sex to end. There were moments he felt obsessed with Kayla and it alarmed the hell out of him. But surely it would be easier to regain his equilibrium once she was back in Seattle.
“Of course I don’t want her to find out.”
“Okay, good.” She nodded as though convincing herself. “From now on, we need to be extracareful to not suggest we’re anything more than friendly.”
They’d reached the pond and Kayla stood gazing across it with anxious eyes.
“What else is bothering you?” he asked.
She sighed. “I don’t think Alex has resolved all the reasons he ran away to Schuyler. Or at least I don’t think he’s told me all of them.”
“He seems to have recovered from the shock of learning he was adopted. Sometimes teenagers just react and then it’s over.”
“I know.”
She still looked worried and Jackson frowned. Kayla had good parenting instincts, much better than his own. It might not help, but maybe he could talk to Alex about it himself.
* * *
KAYLA GLANCED AROUND the idyllic scene; it was just as beautiful as she remembered, though it really wasn’t a pond. Eighty years ago the McGregors had built a small stone dam on a bend in the creek, creating a deep, clear pool. Even in a dry summer, water flowed gently over the mossy top stones of the dam, while box elders and black cottonwood trees provided shade.
“That looks new,” she said, pointing to a rope hanging from a strong tree limb. “Now that they have a pool, does your family still cool off down here?”
“Sometimes.” His eyes gleamed. “Want to give it a go?”
“Nope.”
“We had fun.”
“Of course we did. We were teenagers.”
Yes, they’d had fun. It had been an unusually warm spring and Jackson had taught her how to swing out on the rope, letting go at just the right moment. The ex
hilaration had been even greater the time they’d swung together, his arms around her as they’d dropped into the water. At that moment she’d believed she would love Jackson McGregor forever and ever.
“You seem pensive,” Jackson observed, “and not as if you’re remembering something good.”
“Memories can be complicated.”
He pulled her down to sit on a rock and looked unusually serious himself. “I’ve been thinking, too, and I want to be sure you know how sorry I am. You were right that I wanted to blame you instead of remembering you’d gotten stuck with the hard road.”
“I didn’t get stuck, Jackson. I could have gotten an abortion, but I wanted to have the baby. And it wasn’t because I had lingering romantic dreams about you—those vanished the day I told you I was pregnant. My biggest fear was what kind of parent I might be. I even considered giving Alex up for adoption, but in the end, I just decided to do my best.”
“I’m still sorry I acted as if the injury was one-sided.”
His sincerity got to her, except she didn’t want to see him in an increasingly positive light; keeping her distance was easier when she could focus on his faults. She didn’t want to explore the reasons why the thought of getting close was so frightening.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ALEX WAS GLAD that it wouldn’t be a huge group coming that day. This way he’d have a better chance to watch Mom and Jackson to see if Sandy was right.
But they barely talked to each other.
Mom mostly sat with Grandma Elizabeth. Jackson moved stuff around where Grandma Sarah told him she wanted it, and he also kept skimming leaves off the pool. It wasn’t as if they seemed angry—they just didn’t pay much attention to each other. Of course, Sandy would say that also meant something, but she was full of hot air.
After a while Alex took a turn cranking the ice cream freezer, the same as he’d seen in an old movie. It was harder than he’d thought, but Grandpa Parker said that was because the ice cream was getting thick.
As he worked, the chicken and steaks came off the grill and he was glad he’d switched back to meat. Grilled steak smelled better than anything in the world.
