“I’m leaving tonight,” he said, and there it was—those three words cutting through me, twisting something sharp and painful in my gut. “I didn’t want to put off telling you any longer, because—”
“I thought you didn’t have to be back until Monday.”
“The meeting’s been moved up. I have to be there first thing in the morning.”
I shook my head. I struggled to understand, the same way I’d wrangled with myself to make sense of Avery’s presence in Sutton Woods in the first place. I thought he had a plan. I thought we were at least guaranteed the weekend, and I’d been praying to spend every moment of that time with him until he had to leave. But how had everything changed? Why leave now? Why couldn’t it wait?
“How did you find out? I didn’t know you were in contact with anyone in LA.”
“I wasn’t; I called them,” he said. The blows just kept on coming. He was done with Sutton Woods. With me. With all of it. I’d taken too long to make up my mind, and while I’d struggled with my feelings on how to deal with Mom and Carter, he’d given up. He wanted to go home. “I pulled the network president out of bed first thing this morning.”
“On a holiday?” I tried to lighten my voice, but the heaviness was still there. “Are you trying to get fired?”
“I’m tired of prolonging the inevitable.”
“Which is what?”
“Leaving the show,” he said, and I stopped in my tracks. Avery did, too.
“I thought the show was your life. I thought you couldn’t imagine—”
“I did too,” he said, turning into me. “But it didn’t take more than a couple days here to realize that I’m not cut out for that life. It’s not who I am, and if I keep trying to fit into that mold, I’ll eventually lose touch with the person I am—the person I want to be. I haven’t made the best decisions lately—with Evie, the arrest, the way I fled LA—I’m hurting myself more than I’m helping myself. And I’m doing the same thing to the people I care about.”
“So you’re just going to throw your hands up? You’re going to walk away from it all?”
“I think I have to.”
“But you love the show.”
“I do,” he said. “But it’s time. I have to start looking out for myself.”
I stared at him, stunned by what I’d heard. He’d prepared himself to fight for the one thing he wanted, and now, without any clear sign of reason, he was going to give it all up?
“What will you do?”
“I’ll find something that better suits me—in a place that better suits me.”
I looked down to the sidewalk, staring at the water that pooled around our feet.
“I’ll be back,” he promised, taking my hand. He twined our fingers together, then brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “And when I come back, I’ll be in a happier place, and in a much better mindset to take you out a real first date. By then all the stress will be off our shoulders, and we can start to explore . . . whatever this is.”
“Whatever this is?”
“Am I being too presumptuous? I know you still have a lot to work out with Carter, and I’m sure your mom will keep things interesting, but . . . all of that aside. Is this what you want—right here, the two of us?”
“It is. More than anything.”
“Roz, I’ve never met someone like you.”
“And you never will again,” I promised, and he nodded.
“I know.” A wave of disbelief crossed his face, but an adorable grin soon followed it. “Are we crazy?”
“Yes.”
“I’m serious,” he said. “In a matter of days, I feel like I know you, and—”
“I know. And yes, we are. We’re crazy. This is a whole new level of bizarre, but it suits us.”
All I could hear was Mel’s voice resounding in my ears: I always pictured Roz with someone a little louder, a little more her speed.
Avery was totally my speed.
“So you’ll be back?”
“Yes,” he promised, squeezing my fingers. “I wish I could say when, but . . .”
“I get it,” I said, because even though I didn’t want to understand, I did.
Avery’s life was states and states away, and though he didn’t feel like he belonged in California, there was always a chance that he’d realize differently once he got back. Being in Sutton Woods, slowing down a little, it always made the outsiders crave a quieter life. But most people couldn’t hack it. They couldn’t do without their coffee shops on every corner, their endless nightlife, their entertainment.
Avery and I were from two different worlds, and as much as he believed he enjoyed this world he was in right now, tomorrow he would get a heavy dose of everything he’d missed while he was away. I couldn’t blame him if he chose to hold on to that.
He wouldn’t promise when he’d return, because deep down, I think Avery knew what I knew . . . he probably wouldn’t be in any hurry to leave LA ever again.
“You don’t believe me?” he asked.
“I believe you think you want to come back.”
“And I will. Believe that, okay?”
I nodded, but the doubt didn’t fade. Something about this moment felt like the last moment. It felt so final—so fleeting.
“Roz,” he said, letting go of my hand. He lifted my chin with his finger, and met my stare. “Trust me. Please.”
“I want to, Avery, I do, but—”
His kiss stopped my words; it was meant to halt my doubts.
What started as a gentle peck to hush my fears slowly turned deeper and left a tingling warmth across every surface of my skin. Something beautiful pulled me closer to Avery, an assurance that we were exactly where we belonged—together.
We were right there, in that moment, holding on to whatever it was that had brought us together. And I wanted to stay there until the end of forever, pulled up against him, tasting the sweetness of his lips.
The wind picked up, blowing harder, and Avery let go of the umbrella that struggled against the onset of the storm. As our last bit of protection from the rain ripped down the streets, both of his hands found my face, and he lowered his mouth to mine again.
The rain fell harder, soaking us as we fell deeper into the kiss, but it wasn’t the steady drops of rain that left me numb. It was him. He’d stolen my heart.
“Trust me,” he murmured. “Whatever this is, as far as I see it . . . it’s only just begun.”
~
I cried for hours after he left, but I didn’t dare shed a tear a moment before we said goodbye. I couldn’t let him see how much it destroyed me to watch him leave.
Avery left Dad with a check for $6,800 to cover the car he totaled and the one he swore he still owed me, but Dad put the check through the shredder and carried on as if he’d never intended on accepting Avery’s money in the first place.
Something about his sudden disappearance affected Dad the same way it’d hurt me. Despite Mom’s feelings for Avery, Dad liked him—regardless of all the things he’d likely heard regarding Avery’s past in the last few days.
He didn’t feed into the rumors and scandals; he believed in what he saw, and he trusted his gut. Dad saw what I saw; there was no mistaking Avery’s sincerity for anything other than what it was. I guess I got that from him.
I stayed up in my room for the rest of night, putting in calls I suspected would go unreturned. Despite the advice I’d gotten from my friends, I wasn’t comfortable letting time heal any wounds. I needed to mend a shattered heart; it was up to me to fix what I’d broken. And the longer I waited, the more devastating it would become for everyone involved.
“Hey, it’s me again,” I said, speaking after the beep. Voicemail. Again. “I miss you, and I hate that it’s come to this. Carter, please. I want to talk to you, even if you need to scream at me; I’ll take it. I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you, but please call me back.”
I threw my phone on the nightstand and tossed myself back on t
he bed, staring at the ceiling. That was the tenth message of the night, and I didn’t know how many more times I would have to call before she finally got the message: I loved her, but Avery was important, too. I wanted both of them in my life.
Two knocks at my door pulled me upright again.
“Can we talk?” Mom asked, peeking her head into my room. “I promise I’ll be nice.” She didn’t wait for a response, just opened the door further and let herself in. “Avery’s gone, huh?”
“Looks like you got your way,” I said, rolling over.
“My daughter is heartbroken and will barely look at me. I’d hardly say I got my way.”
“What do you want?” I asked, careful not to be too hard on her; she’d had a rough week, and she’d had an even harder day. Considering everything she’d just gone through with Daniel, she probably needed this talk more than I did. The truth was in her eyes; she missed her daughter, and she needed her friend. If we couldn’t put our differences aside and lean on each other when times got hard, then we were doomed to fail from the start.
“I wanted to apologize,” she said, sitting next to me on the bed. “I don’t have to love Avery or accept every decision he’s made, but I do love you, and I respect that you care for him.”
“Since when?” I asked, hoping my voice was as gentle as I’d intended. I didn’t want her to think I was picking another fight.
“I talked to your dad and Stephen. And it occurred to me that if I would’ve only dated men my mother approved of, I would’ve never married your father. And that means I wouldn’t have a single one of my kids.”
“Not falling for it, Mom. Nana loves Dad.”
“She does now. But she hated him. Oh, for years she hated him.”
“Why?” I sat up.
“Why not?” She cracked a smile. “He wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t ambitious enough. He was too polite, which clearly meant he was up to something.” She rolled her eyes. “The list goes on. They bickered constantly.”
“What changed her mind?”
“She realized they had one pretty huge thing in common. Neither one of them would ever stop fighting for the person they loved, and that person just so happened to be me. It was when she finally stopped hating him for one second that she noticed how happy I was—because of him.”
She twisted her lips, as if she hated herself for not seeing how much she and her mother were alike . . . for not seeing how much I was like her.
“I’m sorry, Roz.”
“Me too,” I said, still looking down at my fingers. I’d never been one to back down from a fight, especially when I fought for what I believed in, but I’d taken it too far this time. I should’ve never yelled at her, because when it came right down to it, I never wanted my mother to stop looking out for me. Her love and protection were what guided me. I couldn’t fault her for caring.
“Listen, I’m not saying I’m Avery’s biggest fan.”
“I know,” I said. “There are things I wish you knew, though . . . things I tried to explain, but you cut me off.”
“I won’t cut you off this time,” she promised. “Talk to me.”
I turned to face her, folding my legs into a pretzel. “Avery fired Evie Lawson after that publicity stunt. He was every bit as responsible for what happened between them—he’ll own up to that—but it wasn’t some illicit affair that dragged on for months at a time. It was a one-time kiss, and one he deeply regrets. It was a stupid career move, and he’s suffered a lifetime’s worth of consequences for going along with it.”
“Okay,” she said, nodding.
“And he’s not a criminal, Mom.”
“Roz, he was arrested for—”
“Helping a friend,” I said. “Taking the fall for someone he loved, because that’s the kind of guy he is. You don’t have to believe that, and you don’t have to trust that it’s true, but you need to know that I trust him. I believe Avery—in everything he is, and everything he’s told me.”
Mom nodded, considering this new information, but I could sense she wouldn’t be as easily convinced as I was. “I’m trying to come around to this whole Avery idea, Roz, I really am. And maybe someday I’ll get there.”
“Well, prepare yourself. You’ll have some of competition,” I said, wiping away a tear. “There are a lot of girls out there clamoring for his attention.”
“And yet he’s only focused on you.”
She reached over and grabbed my phone, turning it back on. A few seconds later, she passed it to me, got up, and walked to the door.
“I love you.”
“I know,” I said. “I love you, too.”
Once she turned out of the room, I looked down to the dim glow coming from my hand. She’d pulled up Avery’s social media account, and his most recent photo was posted only twenty minutes earlier.
It was the picture we’d taken together out at the waterfall, the very same selfie I’d sent to my friends. I’d stared at that photo a thousand times since Tuesday evening, but it never looked quite as wonderful as it did in my newsfeed. Six words and a hash tag completed the caption at the bottom of the picture, and a breath caught in my throat: Home is where the heart is. #MyAnna
He was surely in the air by now, far above the ground and completely out of reach. But I sent him a message anyway, because at least he would get it when his plane touched down.
Forgot to mention that I’m probably in love with you. Does that make me crazy? Am I an idiot?
No sooner than the message was gone, his response came back.
If so, we can be idiots together.
I stared at that message forever, and the warmth in my heart reached all the way to my smile.
Even if Avery never came back, and even if I never saw his face again, he’d left me with the strength to go on. Because, if this had to be end of my short-lived fairytale, I couldn’t ask for a better ending. He’d given me happiness and peace. And now he was off in the world again, finding his way back to what would make him truly happy.
Epilogue
One week later, and four days into a blustery December, Carter still wasn’t speaking to me. She’d missed my birthday party—not that I’d expected her to show, because she’d never returned any of the messages I’d left for her.
School days were awkward for the most part; even though she’d sit with us at lunch, she’d only talk to Mel and Ally, and there wasn’t so much as a glance in my direction.
One day she made excuses to skip lunch altogether, and in class, she’d go out of her way to sit on opposite ends of the room.
Though I knew I couldn’t expect much change, I’d at least hoped for something. Ally and Mel were stuck in the middle, and they weren’t offering to help smooth things over. Give it time, they kept saying. So I kept waiting, wondering how much time Carter would need.
I’d wondered how long it’d take her to heed her own advice. You’re upset. And you’re allowed to be upset for a while. But then you have to let it go, you know? We all make mistakes.
Maybe I was the one person who wasn’t allowed to make a mistake, because Carter gave me little reason to hope she’d ever forgive me.
This has a lot less to do with you than you realize, Jasper confided in me on Saturday. I’d broken down, begging him to help me understand her continued silence. Nothing hurts her more than to think she can’t depend on someone she loves. She’s gone through this too many times with her dad. Carter doesn’t know what to do when her trust has been broken. But let her work through this. Let her stew. She’ll come to realize that not everyone is as malicious as her father, and I promise she’ll find her way back to you. She loves you, Roz. Please, give her time.
I hoped he was right. I never wanted Carter to think I’d meant to break her trust. She needed to know she could depend on me. She was one of my best friends! But as far as I could see it, Carter wasn’t coming around anytime soon, and I couldn’t keep killing myself to get her attention. I’d finally succumbed to what my friends were tellin
g me to do all along—
let time run its course. All I could do was hope for the best.
“Oh, poor Mel,” Ally said, walking faster as we got within sightline of the diner.
“Is it Jeff again?” I asked, rushing to her side.
Sure enough, we rounded into the restaurant only to find Jeff Delgado sitting at the bar, chatting up Mel as she waited tables.
The nerve of some people.
Mel had tried staying in touch with Kyle’s family since his accident last year, but they’d mostly shut her out in recent months. Jeff, Kyle’s older brother, was the only one in the family who’d allowed her any kind of access.
At the time of Kyle’s death, every single one of the Delgados was eager to accept her warmth and comfort, but as the wounds began to heal, Mel’s face only reminded them of what they’d lost—of how things used to be—and it’d become harder and harder to keep pretending they wanted her around.
Jeff, though, didn’t agree with his parents’ sudden need to push her away. And while she’d tried remaining friends with him, he was coming on really strong since she’d asked his band to play the Halloween party. Too strong, considering his younger brother was the boyfriend she was still mourning.
This would be the sixth time in two weeks that I’d have to pull that jerk out of the diner and threaten him within an inch of his life. Mel wasn’t ready to date, and when she finally came around to the idea again, the last person she needed sniffing around was someone who reminded of her what she’d already lost.
Ally made a beeline to Mel as soon as we got into the diner, making up some lame excuse to talk to her. I turned into Delta.
“Can you tell that jackwad to leave?”
“Way ahead of you, baby doll,” she said, winking at me. “Gave him a five-minute warning three minutes ago.”
If he knew what was good for him, he’d heed that warning, because Delta wouldn’t stand for being ignored. And I was ready to fight any fight alongside her if it meant protecting one of my friends.
“You’re a peach.”
“Oh, peach,” she said, snapping her finger, and she turned to scribble something on a notepad.
Where You Belong Page 14
