Immortal Wolf

by Bonnie Vanak

  His tears.

  “No,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t make me do this. I can’t kill her. Please.”

  Only the hush of wind brushing against the trees answered. The rain fell faster and harder, like small bullets hitting his naked, shivering body. He remembered the vision seen in Emily’s eyes and suddenly everything inside him broke.

  Fisting his hands, Raphael raised his arms to the sky and the mountains. He opened his mouth.

  “No, no, no. No, please, no.”

  He screamed and sobbed, tears running down his face to mix with the pure, clean rain.

  Raphael remained in the rain a long, long time.

  Emily woke to the enticing scent of bacon frying in the kitchen. She rolled out of bed, donned the red Chinese silk robe Raphael had bought for her. Barefoot, she walked to the doorway and observed him.

  Rigid as the stones on the retraining wall, he stood at the stove. A baseball shirt and a pair of worn, faded jeans covered his body. His feet were bare.

  “I thought I’d wake you up with something good to smell.”

  His voice was dull, as if it were a struggle to speak. She went to him, touched his arm.

  He turned and caught her in his arms, crushing her to his chest. Emily laughed and put her hands around his neck. “You’re acting as if you’ll never see me again.”

  Raphael rested his cheek against the top of her head, stroking her hair. He said nothing. Alarm sluiced through her. “My love, what happened? What did Aibelle tell you?”

  His jaw worked as he released her. Raphael turned down the heat beneath the frying pan and went to stare out the window as he braced his hands upon the sink. “I asked Aibelle to make me mortal again.”

  “But why? Why would you?” She cupped his cheek, feeling faint stubble beneath her fingers.

  He turned, his eyes closing as he leaned into her tender touch. “For you, Emily. You’re right. I’ve never had to face death as any of my transitions have. I’ve never been truly afraid because I know I can’t die. I asked her to remove my immortality.” He fell silent. “And then I asked her…I asked if I could trade my life for yours.”

  Breath caught in her lungs. “No.”

  “That was her answer. She told me if you and I are willing to make a sacrifice, we can save our people.” His gaze grew haunted as he looked at her. “But I don’t know if I can, Em. I just don’t know if I can do this any longer. But I have no choice.”

  Raphael closed his eyes. “Damian, my pureblood French brother, had words for a dilemma like this. Sometimes, life is just a damn case of que sera, sera—whatever will be, will be.”

  Rage replaced the bitter sorrow as he twisted out of her embrace. Raphael picked up the pan of bacon and smashed it against the wall with a snarl. His hands gripping his hair, he bellowed out his emotions. She watched the storm of rage with a broken heart.

  “Oh, my love,” she said softly. “Just let go. Let it go.”

  Spent, he slid down to the floor, burying his face into his hands. When he told her he needed to be alone, she felt an odd turning in her stomach.

  Emily went outside. It was time to do a little bargaining of her own.

  Other Draicon whispered of this place, where the Kallan came to be purified and made immortal. The goddess living atop the mountain might take pity upon her and release her from the curse for Raphael’s sake.

  The pathway was clearly marked. She began to climb, hope fluttering in her chest. Surely Aibelle would listen.

  When she reached the waterfall, she realized all access had been cut off. Heart pounding, she approached the rock and tried to climb. She slid back down, and rough rock cut her feet, blood pooling in the clear stream and spilling in the brook. Emily grappled for purchase, trying to climb, desperate now.

  “Oh, please, please, let me up. I can’t bear to see Raphael like this. Don’t make him do this. Spare him,” she cried out.

  Tears she’d held in check spilled out. Through her blurry vision Emily saw the unrelenting rock, the impossibility of her task. Still, she tried, her fingers torn and bleeding as she ascended only a few feet, only to slide back down. Her knee ached from where she’d scraped it.

  Finally she went to the small pool and waded in. Icy needles stung her naked flesh. Emily let her tears flow freely as she ducked her head beneath the spray to rinse away signs of her crying. She tasted the water.

  Salt. Like her tears.

  Emily closed her eyes, lifting her face to the hard rock cliff. “I understand. I’m not worthy enough. I’m cursed. I’ll go. Please, just one small request, I beg you. Free Raphael from being the one. I’m willing to die, but please, don’t make him do this. It will break him. I just want him—” her voice dropped “—to be happy. I love him so much. I can’t bear to see him in pain.”

  She set her trembling palm against the rock. It seemed to warm beneath her flesh. Startled, she hastily stepped away.

  Overhead, the trees rustled their leaves. Gold and yellow leaves floated downward, showering her. A lilting voice whispered in the wind. Emily suddenly felt enveloped in a comforting warmth as if someone hugged her tenderly.

  The feeling left as she heard Raphael’s faint call. Emily hastily scrubbed at her face, dressed and put on her shoes and began climbing back down.

  Near the entrance of the path, she saw him. Her heart beat faster. Worry etched his expression.

  “Chere, I’ve been searching all over for you. Where did you go?” Even as he spoke, he glanced upward at the path.

  “I wanted to see the waterfall, and then I couldn’t resist a quick dip in the pool. It looked so serene.”

  Tenderly he stroked her cheek. “You were crying.”

  She managed a small smile. “Just a spring shower.”

  Lines ravaged his handsome face. He jammed a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I lost it. I thought I had better control. Once I did.”

  He looked ashamed, as if baring his emotions had weakened him. Tears burned in the back of her throat. “You have control, but you have something greater as well. You gave me a great gift, Raphael. No one has ever offered anything so dear to save me. Everyone else has turned away.” She picked up his fingers and kissed them. “Nothing else I can do will ever come close to repaying you for what you offered on my behalf. I love you.”

  “Emily.” Raphael gathered her to him. As she rested against him, he kissed the top of her head and buried his face in her wet hair.

  For a long while they remained in each other’s arms. She cherished the contact between them, knowing with sorrow it would not last.

  They spent the day together, quietly making love, reading and talking of everything. Everything but the inevitable.

  After eating a delicious dinner of roast lamb, they retired to the living room. Raphael added logs to the fireplace. A side table had a collection of carved wolves. She went and picked one up, cradling it in her palm and marveling at the intricate craftsmanship. The wolf had a playful expression.

  “Mine,” Raphael said, prodding the logs with the metal poker. “I carved all of them. I was here for about two months last time, and passed the time.”

  “You’re very good with the wood.”

  A boyish grin touched his full mouth. “There wasn’t much else to do at night. No radio or television, and I wasn’t permitted to shift and run with the moon. When Aibelle made me the Kallan, she arranged it so I’d never worry about money, nor would my family. It’s part of the gift of being Kallan, so we can concentrate on our duties. So to indulge my art, I carved, and Alex, my brother, sold the pieces. He’s an art and antiquities dealer.”

  He sat on a love seat and she joined him. Raphael draped an arm about her as they stared into the crackling flames. The log snapped and popped as sap trickled into the fire.

  Emily snuggled against him, relishing his warmth. She pushed aside the underlying sorrow threatening to steal over her. Tonight was for each other.

  Tomorrow would come soon enough.

 
“What did you do for two months while you were here?” she asked, running her fingers over his chest.

  “Meditated. Waited. Wondered. Since I was the youngest to be appointed Kallan, my time here was longer.”

  Most Draicon who were Kallan were at least six hundred years old before they assumed the duties. Curiosity filled her. “What made you decide to undergo the test?”

  His dark gaze grew somber as he gazed at the fire. “It was after Damian’s family was killed. We had taken Damian in, taught him everything about survival and fighting. One day we were out in the bayou and Grandpere was teaching him how to hunt for game Damian had never tasted.”

  “Nutrias, the big rodents you told me about that resemble mutant beavers?”

  Raphael grinned. “Yes, those. We ran across a Draicon who had barely survived an alligator attack. He was quite old, about 980 years, and in a great deal of pain and couldn’t move. He begged and begged us to just end it. I asked Grandpere, but he told us it was forbidden. Only the Kallan had the power over ending a life. Grandpere took the elderly Draicon back to our cabin and called upon the Kallan. It seemed like only hours later the Kallan arrived. He spent a few hours with the Draicon, and immediately after his arrival, the elderly man seemed at peace. He was happy to go, and grateful.

  “I was so much in awe of the Kallan. He seemed wise, immensely courageous and yet he had compassion and allowed someone in so much pain to pass through to the Other Realm. He was more respected than anyone I knew. I thought he was invincible. I wanted to be just like him.

  “And later, I found out, he wasn’t invincible. Because every Kallan has a breaking point when he wishes he were invincible. And he finds out the worst way that he isn’t. There are some situations where he is totally helpless.”

  “And how does he feel about it?” Her voice was the barest whisper.

  His jaw seemed set in stone. “He wants to die inside.”

  Flames danced in the reflection of his dark eyes. He seemed to struggle with something to say.

  Raphael removed his arm, studied his hands. “The basement, back at the abandoned farmhouse. When your pack was torturing me, it wasn’t the physical pain that undid me.”

  She waited in silence, holding her breath, not wanting to distract him. Tension thickened the air between them.

  “It was the damn memories.” He glanced at her, a tic visible in his cheek. “I thought when we first met, you shied away from me because of your bloodlines. Your superior lineage.”

  At her headshake, he continued. “I know it now. But it’s always been a shadow in my past. Dodging my footsteps wherever I went. When someone made the mistake of calling me mongrel—” he reached for the Sacred Scian, flipped the blade into the air “—I showed them the unfriendly side of my knife.”

  A shudder raced through her at the grim set of his jaw.

  “There was an incident that happened to me as a child. It forever marked me, and though I put it behind me, it was reason for me to strive to be the best. Prove to others I was stronger, more powerful.”

  Horror pulsed through her as he slowly relayed the details. She could smell the sweetness of the peach juice, hear the jeers of the pureblood French Draicon, feel the young Raphael’s deep shame. Emily gripped her hands together, knowing that if she showed pity he would break.

  “It’s the main reason why I became Kallan. To show others I could not be bested and no one would ever do anything like that again. I suppose I came to the job with bad intentions.”

  When he fell silent, staring at the fire, she told him what was in her heart.

  “When you came here, I wasn’t afraid of you, only suspicious and angry. And then when I realized who you were, and how you acted toward me, what you were willing to do in giving me the Scian, the symbol of your power, I realized something else. I knew you were the greatest Draicon of all. It had nothing to do with the depth of your power. It had everything to do with the depth of your heart.”

  Her voice dropped to a bare whisper. “That’s the greatest power of all—to know others’ needs and put them before your own. It was this ability Aibelle saw in you, Raphael. And that’s why she made you Kallan and gave you this honor. Nothing else.”

  Something seemed to lift from his shoulders. He turned to her solemnly and held out his arms. She went to him and hugged him, feeling his fingers tunnel through her hair.

  “Tell me about your brothers. Are they much like you? What do they enjoy?”

  He talked about everything—from how they liked playing basketball, football, baseball and electronic games to the close bonds they shared. The cuckoo clock ticked as he spoke. Marking time, each second slipping away like sand pouring through opened fingers. Emily swallowed past a lump in her throat. No sadness. She wanted to take tonight and hold it close, cherish it as a precious memory.

  For a few moments they let the crackling fire break the silence. Relishing the solitude and peace. Emily glanced outside. “Let’s walk.”

  The night was cold, crisp, scented with applewood smoke and balsam pine. It was so still she could almost hear the haunting echo of a train whistle far in the distance. Stars glittered overhead. Silver light from the moon glinted on the river rocks lining the property.

  Raphael threw back his head as if to howl in protest at the moon. The anguish etching his face echoed her own agony.

  Not like this. She would not have their last night here, alone, extinguished like the last log on the fire. Emily clasped his hand.

  When they returned inside, the fire had died. Gray ashes littered the hearth, and a lone spark glowed on the remaining log. She watched it, in quiet desperation, as it sputtered and winked out.

  “Come, Emily.” Raphael held out a hand, his look intent.

  She took it, following him to the bedroom. Raphael studied the fireplace there and stretched out his hands. A fire roared to life.

  “Tricks of the trade,” he murmured. “Sometimes power has its advantages.”

  “Yes.”

  Her soft reply drew his attention. Raphael pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. They undressed, taking time, as if memorizing each other. He tumbled her onto the bed and they made long, slow love as if he wanted to draw out every single moment. Murmuring to her in Cajun French, he loved her as if sharing a lifetime’s worth of memories.

  Deep inside, she sensed they were. The end would come soon enough.

  Days later, they returned to the Burke farmstead. In her blood, she felt the approach of the night’s first full moon.

  The grounds were still and empty. Wildlife that had returned to the area had deserted it. Emily sensed her pack would return soon, to try to capture Raphael again.

  They ate lunch on her back porch, propping their feet up on the railing, gazing into the serene forest. As they placed the dishes in the sink, a vehicle rumbling down the gravel drive broke the peaceful silence.

  Raphael looked alert. “My brothers are here.”

  He slid an arm about her waist as they went outside. A large, shiny vehicle pulled up into the circular drive before her cottage and five males jumped out. Emily’s breath hitched. The Draicon were tall, muscled, swaggered with confidence and looked menacing.

  His brothers. She recognized the resemblance, but for a shorter Draicon with piercing green eyes and an enormously tall, slightly dark-skinned male with long black curls tumbling down to his waist.

  Raphael introduced all of them. Etienne, the oldest, wore conservative dress and had kind blue eyes. The tall, imposing Draicon was Indigo, his adopted brother, she remembered. Bearded Alexandre had a quiet, deadly air about him, but his smile for her was kind, and sad. Damian, the pureblooded brother, had the natural authority of an alpha male.

  Gabriel, the brother whose life was forfeit, was dressed all in leather and wore his dark, thick hair past his shoulders. He bore the strongest resemblance to Raphael but was slightly taller, and beneath his friendly, relaxed demeanor lurked something darker. Dangerous. She studied him, wondering what
secret he hid inside.

  They were different, stood out from her pack just like Raphael did. Emily drew in a deep breath. She had only wanted to belong with her pack, to fit in. She hadn’t.

  Could she fit in with his pack, his family? Emily’s heart lurched.

  Raphael drew her forward and took a deep breath. “This is Emily. She’s…my transition, as I told you over the phone.” He waited a moment, then said deeply, “She’s also my draicara.”

  Silence draped the males. They looked stricken. Gabriel’s jaw tensed and he looked away. “Oh, merde,” he said softly. “You didn’t tell us that.”

  “Your mate. Your draicara is the one you have to execute.” Blood drained from Damian’s face. The others muttered darkly and looked upset.

  Damian jammed a hand through his dark hair. To her shock, tears sprang to his eyes. “Oh, Rafe, your draicara, you have to…and you can’t revive her using your blood, your gift, you gave it to Jamie that one time, you saved her life with your blood, you gave it to my mate, and now…”

  He turned, and she heard sobs wrench from the man. Her heart turned over. Raphael gave her a reassuring squeeze and went to his brother, murmuring quietly, taking him by the shoulders as they walked away.

  She understood. Raphael selflessly gave his one gift to his brother’s mate, to save her life. And he could not use it to save her, his own mate.

  Distress filled her at the guilt radiating from Damian. Her courageous, strong mate had spared his brother endless pain, and now Damian felt broken about it.

  She realized the strong bond between all the brothers. Raphael might have been turned out of the pack because of his enormous powers, but love still forged all of them together. Maybe it was possible to be different, stand out from the pack and walk a different path and not be alone.

  Her heart squeezed at Damian’s obvious distress. The other brothers shuffled their feet, looking upset. When Raphael returned with Damian, the other Draicon looked wounded, but he no longer wept.

  Emily knew she had to do something. She went and hugged Damian, careful of her gloves. “It’s all right,” she whispered to him. “It’s not your fault, and my Raphael has a good, kind heart. I’m glad he gave the gift to your Jamie.”