Deacon (Starkis Family #1)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “I’m not moving in with you, Deacon.”

  “I want it all with you,” he said, lowering his head to kiss my neck.

  He was trying to manipulate me using my body’s shameless reaction to his touch, but it wouldn’t work. I was more resilient than that. Hopefully.

  “I want to spend every night with you. I want to have breakfast and dinner with you.” His kisses became more purposeful, more passionate. “I want to know you’ll be waiting for me when I get home. I want to know that when you go out, like you did tonight, you’ll come home to me.”

  When he kissed me like that, it was difficult to remember my legitimate reasons for avoiding a serious commitment. I loved the man, but I needed to maintain my own identity. Getting sucked into the vortex of his world would be too easy, and if I did, there would be no escape. Women like me didn’t just walk away from men like Deacon Starkis. Ever. At twenty-three, the prospect of forever was too daunting for me to contemplate, even though I couldn’t imagine ever finding another man who made me feel the way he did.

  He slipped a finger inside me, followed by another, which he glided in and out slowly. He watched my face for signs he was wearing me down. “I want to see a huge diamond on your finger… my engagement ring. I want the world and every man in it to know you’re mine.”

  I couldn’t deny his possessiveness was crazy hot. Even though his methods were a little unconventional, no woman alive could have denied she would be as turned on as I was listening to the litany of commitments he wanted from me.

  “I want to do this to you every morning and night.”

  I whimpered. “Yes…” That was so unfair, using my body against me, but of course my man was a master at getting exactly what he wanted.

  “I don’t just want to tell you I love you—I want to show you. Every day, in every way.” His words were coming faster, in concert with my sporadic gasps. “I want to take you around the world, show you the wonders, and make all of your dreams come true.”

  “Yes, oh God, yes.” I wasn’t agreeing, only responding to the way he was working so hard to bring me unparalleled pleasure.

  “I can’t wait to get you pregnant. To watch my baby grow inside you… proof of our love. Proof that you’ll always be mine.”

  His fierce whisper was all it took to send me hurtling over the edge. “Deacon… yes….” My muscles clenched, my limbs trembled, and my heels dug into the mattress as I clutched his wrist, silently begging him to stop while I dreaded that he would. My orgasm seemed to go on forever. My heart was beating so hard and fast that I feared I would pass out.

  “So beautiful,” he whispered, kissing my cheeks, my lips, and my closed eyes as he rubbed my stomach. “So perfect. My goddess.”

  As things came back in to focus, I stared at him, struck by the fact he was saying to me exactly what I was thinking about him. So beautiful. So perfect. And all mine. “I love you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “So much.”

  “And I love you.” He kissed me tenderly, a smile playing at his lips. “When you came here tonight, I was so furious. I was so convinced the only thing that would make me feel better was punishing you.”

  “Punishing me? I’m almost afraid to ask what that might have entailed.” I couldn’t deny that a part of me wondered what my sexy psycho might have had in store for me—as long as it didn’t involve the belt. That was where I had to draw the line.

  “It doesn’t matter now.” He kissed me deeply, as though he savored the simple act and intended to draw it out as long as he could before we both had to breathe. “You proved something to me tonight.”

  “What’s that?” I brushed my fingers over the few strands of silver hair I saw peeking through the black at his temples.

  “I thought punishing you would make me feel better. Turns out I was wrong.”

  “You were wrong?” My lips twitched. “I should record that for posterity. Who knows when I might hear it again?”

  He rolled me toward him so he could smack my butt, prompting him to grin when I squealed. “Talking to you, telling you how I felt and what I wanted, reaching a compromise we could both live with—that made me feel better.”

  “I’m glad.” I kissed him thoroughly. “It made me feel better too.”

  “Knowing you want the same things I do.” He kissed my neck. “That we’re on the same page about our future makes me so happy. You have no idea, theia.”

  Huh? I racked my brain, trying to remember what he’d said, what I’d agreed to, while he’d had me on the precipice of a mind-shattering orgasm. Surely he couldn’t hold me to that. I’d been out of my mind, desperate for release. He had to know I was under the influence… of his power and persuasion? Yes. Definitely as mind-altering as any drug or alcohol.

  Deacon climbed on top of me before I could explain. He prodded me with his hardness, rubbing the engorged head against my sensitive flesh, making me moan and beg and plead once again. I really was a shameful slave to my body, especially when he was the one masterfully pulling the strings.

  “Hmmm…” He used my arousal to coat his hard shaft. “You want that, sweetheart? You want me?”

  “Yes.” I was insatiable. I’d just come, yet I was hungry for another orgasm. Knowing he was the only one who could give it to me, I gripped his powerful biceps, prepared to plead. “Deacon, I need—”

  “I know what you need, gorgeous,” he said, thrusting deep inside me with one powerful lunge. “You need me. Filling you. Completing you. Pleasuring you. Reminding you that nothing feels as good as this.”

  “Yes…” He was right, so right. Nothing compared to that feeling. I’d had no idea sex could make me feel so… complete. When he was inside me, he filled a void I hadn’t even known had been there.

  “I can’t get enough of you.” He groaned, plunging into me forcefully, as his hands dug into my hips. “It’ll never be enough.”

  I only hoped I would be enough. After what I’d learned about him, I still had my reservations, but I couldn’t let my insecurities rob me of pleasure. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but tonight he seemed intent on leading me to a new zenith of bliss.

  Before I understood his intent, he flipped me over and positioned me on my hands and knees, as he’d demanded earlier. He rammed into me relentlessly, rough and harsher than ever. “Tell me… I’m… the only… one you want.”

  I knew his mind was still on what had happened earlier. I wanted to erase the image from his memory, but it was nearly impossible to find the right words when his body was thrashing into mine, the clapping sound echoing as he grunted with exertion.

  “Tell me!” His cry was almost animalistic and frantic, as though he needed my reassurance.

  “You’re the… only one… I want.” I was panting and gasping, trying to suck enough air into my lungs to form the words he needed to hear. “You’re the man… I want… to share my body with.”

  He seized me around the waist with one hand while grazing my tender core rhythmically with the other until I cried out in expectation. Instead of rewarding me with another blissful climax, he retreated, leaving me hanging from the cliff.

  “What are you… doing?” I tried to put his hand back where it belonged, but he’d moved on to my breasts, pinching and rolling each nipple until I cried out again—whether in pain or pleasure, I wasn’t sure.

  “Reminding you”—he slowed down, easing in and out of me gently as his breathing softened—“you’re mine.” He ran his hand up and down my back, over my ass. “Your pleasure is mine. Your body is mine.”

  A part of me railed against his claim while an equal part wanted to surrender. I knew he was doing this to punish me, even though he’d said he didn’t feel the need for retribution after we talked.

  “Say it.” He gripped my hair, pulling my head back gently. “Say it, and I’ll take you where you’re dying to go.”

  I was furious that he was holding my body hostage, but a little voice in my head reminded me I would want revenge if he�
�d been the one kissing someone else, so I swallowed my pride and let him have his way. Just once. “I’m yours.”

  “This incredible body”—he cupped my breast firmly before guiding his hand down my stomach, stopping just short of where I wanted his hand—“is all mine, isn’t it?”

  “Yes.” I bit my lip as tears of frustration sprang to my eyes. I wanted to beg him to stop this torture, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

  “You’ll never, ever kiss another man, will you?”

  Never was a long time. How could I make a promise like that, not knowing what the future held for us?

  “Answer me.” He flipped me over again and pinned my hands over my heads. “Now.”

  “Right now, tonight, I’m yours.”

  A wave of intense anguish drew lines on his handsome face before his eyes darkened with resentment. “That’s all you can give me? Tonight?”

  “Please, Deacon.” I rolled my hips, exasperated that he felt the need to have this conversation now.

  “That’s all you want?”

  I’d provoked him, but it was too late to turn back. The bull was already charging into me, trying to buck me… or make me cry mercy. Little did he know I loved his dark, untamed side. The more savage he was, the more turned on I got.

  “Oh, Deacon, that’s amazing.”

  “You like that?” he demanded, locking eyes with mine. “If I give you this every night, you’ll stay?” He clenched his jaw, practically sweating fury. “How long? Until you get tired of me and decide it’s time to move on?”

  I closed my eyes to shut out his anger, focusing on the way his body was controlling mine. He pulled out abruptly, causing my eyes to snap open.

  “Where are you going?”

  Deacon glared at me as he eased off the bed. “To take a cold shower.”

  “Are you insane?” I cried, grasping his wrist. “You can’t leave like this. Not now.”

  “Apparently, we’re both free to leave whenever we choose to. I choose to leave now.”

  I watched his sculpted body as he walked into the en suite and slammed the door. What the hell just happened?

  ***

  “There are clothes waiting for you downstairs,” he said when he finally came out of the bathroom, one towel wrapped around his waist, the other drying his hair.

  “How did—”

  “I asked Selene to bring something for you to wear,” he said. “She said she’d leave it in the powder room.”

  “I’m not wearing your lover’s clothes,” I said, crossing my arms defiantly. I was still pissed he’d left me high and dry, though I was sure he felt his actions were warranted since I wouldn’t bend to his will and agree to spend the rest of my life with him after I’d known him for, like, a minute. Psycho freak.

  “She’s no longer my lover, and they’re not her clothes. The pool house is stocked with items for guests: dresses, cover-ups, swimwear, sandals. She brought you something from there.”

  I shouldn’t have been surprised, since apparel was his business, but I was still annoyed he’d called her to come to the rescue.

  “Barry is on his way to pick you up. He should be here in a few minutes.”

  I glanced at the bedside clock. It was almost two in the morning. “Can’t wait to be rid of me, huh?”

  “I’d say that’s your issue, not mine.” He ran his hands through his damp hair, styling it with his fingers in front of the mirror.

  “Deacon, this is ridiculous. We barely know each other. How can I agree to spend the rest of my life with you?”

  He turned to face me slowly, his expression unreadable. “My parents met the day before their wedding. They’ve been married almost forty years.”

  I didn’t see how that was relevant. “An arranged marriage?”

  “Yes.” He walked into the closet and returned wearing a full-length black robe. “I guess they were committed to making it work, so they found a way.”

  “I’m not saying I couldn’t imagine myself married to you ever. I’m just saying it’s too soon. I’m too young.”

  “But I’m not, so I guess we’re at a crossroads, aren’t we?” He planted his hands on his hips. “I’ve found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t intend to wait years to start the next phase of my life.”

  I’d never been prone to panic attacks, but his ultimatum made me anxious enough to have a full-blown meltdown. “You’re being totally unreasonable. You need to give me some time to get used to the idea of… us.” I gestured between us. “This whole thing has been overwhelming. You’re suffocating me, trying to strong-arm me into doing what you want me to do. But I can’t. I won’t.”

  “Fine, have it your way,” he said grudgingly. “Never let it be said I had to bully a woman into agreeing to be my bride.”

  “Deacon, that’s not what I meant. I—”

  His cell phone rang, and he snatched it off the dresser. “Excuse me. I have to take this.”

  I hadn’t even seen him look at the call display before he’d said he had to take it. Who the hell was calling him at two o’clock in the morning, anyhow? Did I even have the right to ask anymore?

  When I heard the front door open, I wrapped the sheet around me and ran downstairs. After two exhausting rounds with him, I just wanted to run to the comfort of my own bed, pull the covers over my head, and pretend the night had been one long nightmare. Except for the sex. That had definitely been a dream come true.

  Selene met me in the foyer. “Hello, Miss Barnes. Mr. Starkis asked—”

  “You can quit pretending, Selene. I know you two were lovers.” I snatched the clothes out of her hands while clutching the sheet to me. I silently berated myself for taking my anger out on her, but that didn’t stop me from asking, “What? Are you surprised Deacon told me?”

  She slid her tongue into her cheek. “I guess I am. He seemed guarded about your relationship. He was fiercely protective of you. I didn’t think he would want you to know about us.”

  The way she said that made me suspect she was hiding something, but I didn’t have the energy for a digging expedition. “Thank you for bringing me clothes. I’m sorry he bothered you so late.”

  “Not a problem.” A fake smile curled onto her full lips. “He knows I’m a night owl.”

  I frowned, wondering about her excellent grasp of English in spite of her heavy accent. I understood Deacon had had the benefit of the best education, but what was her story? Did Deacon or his family pay for her education as well? No doubt.

  “What happened to your clothes?” she asked, looking amused as her eyes trailed over the sheet.

  “Deacon burned my dress.” I glanced at the glowing embers in the fireplace behind us. “Apparently, he didn’t care for it.”

  Selene laughed lightly. “That sounds like something Deacon would do.”

  “Is he always so jealous, so insanely possessive?” I figured as long as I had access to someone who knew him so intimately, I might as well take advantage of it.

  “No.” She glanced at the limestone floor instead of meeting my gaze. “Women are usually interchangeable for Deacon. He doesn’t get attached.”

  “Then why is he behaving this way with me?” I should have been grateful he’d deemed me special, but he was making me crazy by trying to force me into something I wasn’t ready for.

  “He is in love with you.” She met my eyes, and I saw the heartbreak she was trying so hard to conceal. “He always told me that when he found the one, he would know instinctively right away, with no doubts or reservations. The other night, he told me you were the one.”

  I drew a shaky breath, trying to process what she was telling me. God, I loved that crazy, complex man, but how could I be as sure as he was? “Do you believe two people can find love so quickly?”

  “I do.” She smiled, but this time, it was a genuine smile. “But you have to remember I come from a different culture. Arranged marriages and short engagements are normal for us.”

&nbs
p; “You hoped…” I didn’t know how to pose my question without digging the knife deeper, but I had to know. “Deacon would be your husband one day?”

  She regarded me carefully. “He is an amazing man when you know him the way I do. He can be difficult. He is very controlling, but you will understand why when you meet his father.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Demetrius is a manipulative, domineering man. He expects his children to do as he says, even now that they are grown. As the oldest, Deacon was always the one who challenged him. I think that is why he is so obsessed with power and control, because his father tries too hard to control him.”

  “Interesting.”

  Her explanation added a new dimension to Deacon. Demetrius Starkis must indeed be a force of nature if he believed he could control his strong-willed son.

  “I should go now.” Selene reached for the door handle.

  I touched her arm before she could leave. “Thank you for talking to me. You helped me understand him better.”

  She nodded. “Loving him is not easy, but once he gets under your skin, there will be no one else for you.”

  “You speak from experience?”

  “I do.” She grasped my hand. “He does not love me. Never has, never will. I know that. If I thought there was a chance he would at some point in the future, I would marry him tomorrow. But that is not to be. Take it from me—don’t squander this chance with him. You will regret it.”

  I watched her close the door and listened to the soft click before I closed my eyes. I couldn’t face him yet. I needed time to think, to process what had happened and what Selene’s advice meant for my future with Deacon.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Deacon

  I’d listened to the front door close before the limo drove away last night, and I’d been torn between going after Mia and letting her go. Ultimately, I’d had to let her go—at least for the moment. All night, I’d tossed and turned, tempted to call her, to plead my case, to explain to her why it was so important that we make this commitment now. I wanted to believe the safety and security of a piece of paper, with no way out, would magically transform me from the man I’d been to the man she needed, but even I knew that was probably wishful thinking.