by Vivian Lux
J. and Case were both on their phones, their pleading tones telling me that they were calling their girlfriends after a long, unexplained absence. I felt some sympathy for the girls on the other end of the line. I knew how worried they must have been.
Crash came around the corner with a pack on his back. "That's the last of Doc's shit," he told me, hefting it higher on his shoulder. "Thanks for being patient, babe." He kissed me carefully, and cupped a hand on my face.
I sighed. He was being careful with me. Leaving me at the hospital was a dick move, and I knew I should have been more pissed about it, but as Doc and I sat in the room talking, I felt like I got to know the man I loved even better. As hard as it was to deal with, his past informed who he was, and these men were his brothers, his family. He loved them the way I loved mine, with all the frustration, exasperation and misguided loyalty that came with it.
"You're welcome," I sighed into his arms, snuggling my head into his chest. We rested that way for a moment, both of us feeling the exhaustion of this endless day.
"...and I love you too, so goddamned much, I'll see you soon." I caught the tail end of Case's conversation, surprised to hear the big, burly, frankly sort of terrifying looking guy sound all choked up with emotion.
Case hung up his phone and stared off in the distance, an expression of wonder on his face. He turned slowly back to us, his eyes shining. "Lexi found my brothers," he said, in a strangled whisper.
The words meant nothing to me, but they clearly did to Crash. His eyes widened and he broke out into a wide grin. "Holy shit, that's amazing, man!"
"She's arranging a meeting, I can't..." he choked up and tried to disguise it in a fit of coughing.
"Who's Lexi?" I asked.
Crash and Case both looked up. I felt something pass through the air, a tension. Then Crash slung his arm over my shoulder. "Lexi is Case's girl," he explained, kissing me on the forehead.
Case suddenly strode forward, his hand outstretched. Crash lifted his head and met his eyes, extending his own hand. They clutched each other's forearms for a moment, a heavy understanding in the air. I didn't know what was left unsaid, but I knew that they both agreed. "Go to her now, man," Crash told him. "I've got your stuff in my truck."
Case nodded, eyes shining, and he rushed over to his bike. The roar of the engine drowned out any chance of goodbyes.
"And what about you, are you staying at your place still?" J. asked, tucking his phone back in his jeans.
"You mean, am I coming back?” Crash clarified.
I stepped back. This seemed like something that was none of my business, but Crash reached back and grabbed my hand.
J. looked between the two of us and nodded. "I'll let you explain it to Teach. Maybe you guys can work something out," he said. "Wouldn't be the same without you."
"Thanks, man," Crash nodded, looking at the ground.
I looked between the two of them, open-mouthed. "What's going on?"
Crash turned to me and cupped my face in his hands. "I'm staying with you," he said softly. "This, thing, that you and I have? I want to be around to see what happens. The club can wait. I don't know, maybe I'll be a fucking weekend warrior or something, normal job, normal life, all that shit, I don't care. I don't want to be distracted one minute longer from...this," he kissed my lips, softly, sweeping his tongue lightly against mine, then pulling back to trace his thumb along the Cupid's bow of my lip.
The words bubbled back up in my chest until I had no choice but to say them out loud. "Oh fuck, I love you so much," I exhaled, collapsing against his chest and feeling the slow, strong beat of his heart against my cheek. "And I don't give a shit about your past, or the person you were or the memories you don't remember. I'm here now. And I'm going to stay here." I pulled back and looked around at the meager surroundings and relented slightly. "Well maybe not here, per se, because here kind of sucks," he laughed a little and stared at the ground, the tips of his ears pink in a way that made my heart hurt. "But with you, goddamnit. I'm staying with you."
Epilogue
Gabriela
I opened my tiny, over-stuffed closet and sighed hugely. I had already packed up the dresser, a task that had taken me nearly all morning. Piles of discarded clothing drifted in a slope from the floor up to my bed, destined to be donated to a thrift store. But my closet was another story entirely. Our new place had only one closet for the two of us. It was a good thing Ben seemed to only have one black T-shirt and one pair of well-fitted, faded blue-jeans.
I plunged my arm randomly into the cluttered pile of fallen clothes, I shook out a wrinkled T-shirt and gasped when I looked down at it.
"There you are!" I crowed out loud to my empty, almost packed apartment. The fitted, faded lilac tee shirt had been a staple of my high school wardrobe and I thought I had lost it or left it at my parents' house. Instead it had been lying on the floor of my closet for nearly a year now.
I pulled it over my head. It was a little tight, but it still clung in all the right places. I turned to my vanity mirror and laughed. The dark purple lettering was a little cracked and faded, and there was a stain along the hem, but otherwise it was still the same shirt. A pair of hoop earrings and some overdone eyeliner and I would look just like the Gabi of five years ago.
Like nothing had changed.
Except everything had.
I shook my head at myself. I couldn't be getting sentimental about every single item of clothing, I didn't have time. Ben left Philly an hour and a half ago, meaning I had exactly half an hour to shove everything else in boxes before I had to go meet him at the house.
Closing the box, I shoved it towards the front door and opened it with my heel. It was too cool to wear just a T-shirt, so I zipped up a hoodie and hefted the load into my arms. My little silver hatchback was already stuffed to the gills. This was going to be the last box I could fit.
I was running loads up and down the walkway of our new place when Dave Matthews started playing in my pocket.
"Hey there!" I answered breathlessly, "you there?"
"Be there in about five minutes," Ben told me. I heard the grumbling voice say something. "Doc wants to know if there's anything to drink," he laughed.
"I'll swing by the liquor store on my way to meet you," I smiled. "See you in a minute."
When I reached the little Cape Cod, the guys had just arrived. I dashed up the newly installed ramp and unlocked the door, setting down the bourbon while Ben helped Doc settle himself into his chair.
"Welcome home, Doc!" I called from the front door.
Doc squinted up at me. "Hey there Gabs, you're a sight for sore eyes," he called. "This asshole had been chewing my ear off non-stop for the past two hours. Can you get him to stop running his mouth?"
"I can do that," I nodded, and hopped back over the railing. "Hey baby," I cooed at Ben, flicking my fingers up his chest and craning my neck up for a kiss.
His lips melded with mine, the warm softness forever a surprise. He kissed me long and deep, and I heard Doc sigh in relief. "Peace and fucking quiet," he rumbled good-naturedly.
I giggled and pulled away. "I did what I could," I patted Doc on the shoulder. "I can't help him when he's excited."
Doc maneuvered the chair to look up at us both. "What the hell are you excited about?" he demanded.
Ben laughed and clapped Doc on the shoulder. 'Because it's my turn now, bitch!"
"Your turn for what?"
"I'm gonna help you learn to walk again!" he crowed, sounding downright gleeful. "And I'm gonna do it just like how you would too. All your therapy appointments are going to be first thing in the fucking morning. See how you like having your lame ass dragged out of bed at the crack of dawn." Crash rubbed his hands together. "Oh yeah, it's fucking payback time."
Doc met my eyes and shook his head almost imperceptibly and I knew. His injuries were too extensive. He would never walk again. But he wouldn't tell this to Ben. Even now, with the tables turned, he would still try to protect h
is adopted son.
Instead he looked up at Ben and smiled. "Run your mouth a bit more, asshole. I'll run over your foot." He rolled himself forward threateningly and Ben danced away, laughing.
"Come on, you old fuck. Let's get you situated in your new home."
Doc sighed and looked at the Cape Cod. "I still say you're an idiot for doing this."
"It's mine to do with what I want," Ben replied, grabbing the handrails and giving Doc a firm shove up the ramp. "Everything you need is on the first floor. Rehab is just up the street and I will be able to take you to your appointments and all that shit."
"It's too much, you don't have to fucking take care of me."
"Yeah I do," Ben answered so firmly that even the ornery old doctor had to relent.
"I'll start grabbing your stuff," I called to them both. Doc's meager possessions were piled up in the back of Crash's pickup. Everything from his tiny studio apartment fit back there, ready to help him feel at home in his new home.
The first box was heavier that it looked. I hefted it up and started walking across the lawn, the sweat starting to prick along my hairline. I set it down and stood back up to unzip my hoodie and tie it around my waist. I l reached down to grab the box again, and when I started towards the door, I saw Ben standing stock still in the middle of it, his wide shoulders nearly touching the doorframe. He was staring at me, his mouth slightly agape.
"What's up?" I asked him. He was looking at me like he had seen a ghost.
As I came up the ramp, he didn't say anything. Only took the box from my and set it down. His finger traced down the side of my cheek as his lips worked silently, his eyes darting everywhere on my face.
"What?" I demanded. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because," he said softly, his voice full of pain and wonder, "I remember you."
The words knocked me breathless. I froze in place, letting him touch me, stare at me, wonder over me, afraid that if I moved, that fragile thread of memory that suddenly linked us would snap. He was fingering the collar of my T-shirt and I heard him swallowing hard. "You wore this, this shirt. This is how I remember you," his eyes moved back up to me face. "Holy shit, you're Gabi."
"I'm Gabi," I repeated softly.
"I used to see you in the sophomore hallway when I passed through on my way to gym." He swallowed and his throat sounded dry. I felt hot tears pricking at the back of my eyelids.
"I remember seeing you too," I choked. "Ben, are you sure, you can really remember me now?"
He kept shaking his head like he was trying to clear it. "I can," he said. "I remember...remember liking you."
I burst out laughing. "Well that's good."
"But Gabi...?"
"Yes Ben?" I focused on his lips because his eyes hurt too much.
He tipped my chin up slightly and I found myself locked in that piercing blue gaze. "I remember you now. But...does it even matter?"
I searched his face and couldn't find the answer. Why would it matter? His past, my past, none of that mattered now. The only thing I wanted to have with Ben Nelson was a future.
THE END
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