by Barb Han
No way is he catching me off guard this time. I slam my locker shut and push past him to the center of the hallway. “I don’t care how great you think you are or how much money your parents have. You’re nothing but a coward, Rhys.”
“Oh yeah? Is that what your brother said when they strung him up and tortured him as he begged for mercy?”
Rhys is trying to get to me. His words cause my breath to clot in my throat. Breathing is hard. Fire rages through my body. My stomach coils into a knot. It feels like a hot poker has been seared into the skin of my chest. White-hot tears threaten at the thought of anyone touching my brother. Rhys is lying. He has to be.
His taunts are working, but I don’t dare let him see. Chin to chest, I stomp away. He’ll get his. I don’t know how or when, but I’m certain Rhys Bilker will get everything he has coming to him. I hope I’m there to witness when it happens.
Chapter Nine
By the time the weekend finally arrives, I’m drained. Campus is quiet as I walk to the studio for my ten o’clock session, and I’m grateful that no one is here to ‘accidentally’ walk into me. I can’t stop thinking about what Rhys said about my brother. I feel like I would know if Trevor was hurt. As kids, I could’ve sworn that if he hurt so did I. My mom used to smile and mumble something about our twin connection.
To make matters worse, Mrs. Chaffee has invited me to lunch after finals. I have no idea how a sponsor drops someone, but I have a nagging feeling that I might find out soon. I haven’t seen Caius in two weeks, and I’m afraid something very bad has happened.
My workout is intense, and it’s nice to be back in the studio doing what I love, losing myself in the dance.
Outside, the air is fresh. I take the long way around to my dorm. As I pass the Administration building I wonder if I could find a way to sneak inside so I can find out what’s going on. Another Sponsored kid was dropped yesterday, bringing the total to three this year. I’m certain that I’d find a few answers in Headmaster Davidson’s office. Is there any way I can dig around without getting caught?
I chicken out and head back to my dorm.
The cool shower is refreshing against my heated skin after practice. I towel off and dress in a T-shirt and pajama bottoms.
I gasp when I step into my room because my boyfriend is there, lying on my bed with his left arm over his face.
“Are you okay?” I hurry inside. It’s late, and I didn’t think he’d show.
He pushes up on his elbows. My heart races and I can practically feel it beating against my ribs.
“I am now,” he says casually, pulling me down next to him. His body is warm and familiar as I curl up against him. “Getting past security is tricky.” His arms tighten around me. “You’d think they don’t want me here or something.” He smiles, and his dimple peeks out. My stomach free falls.
“Maybe I should blow my grades on purpose and get it over with.” I’m not serious, though, because I won’t risk my family’s security. As long as I toe the line, they eat.
“You can’t leave. You’re all I have keeping me here.”
“If you left, where would you go?” I ask through the prickly sensation of my arms coming up in goose bumps. I didn’t think it was possible to be any more in love with Caius than I was before. Until now.
“There are a lot of whispers about what happened to Lillian Thompson and Jolie Bangor.” He takes the conversation in a different direction, as though he won’t even consider I might be kicked out. “People are starting to notice.”
“Where would they go? No other country would take them. I mean, getting a travel pass is next to impossible. They couldn’t get out if they wanted to.” The thought of him leaving Easton, of losing him, makes my heart hammer my ribs. I roll over on top of him until our bodies are pressed together.
His eyes widen, those beautiful blues of his, and then he recovers his easy-natured smile.
I lean down to kiss him, in case he’s not clear on the message. Everything inside my body flushes when he’s around, and I’m sure he’s the one.
His lips are soft, but there’s no enthusiasm in his kiss.
“What’s wrong?” My mouth moves against his lips.
When he doesn’t respond, I lift myself up so I can read his expression. My hair falls around his face.
“You’re not ready for…this, Tori.” He says it low, and his voice is deeper and huskier than usual. He tucks my hair behind my ears and then cups my face.
“Did I do something…weird?” His rejection stings, and I’m embarrassed.
He rolls over and manages to reverse our positions so he’s on top of me now. He kisses me, soft at first, and then deepens it as his tongue slides into my mouth. My heart is racing inside my chest, and warmth skitters across my skin.
The next thing I realize, he’s on his side lying next to me, and he’s smiling that casual smile that is so good at making my knees turn into rubber bands.
“Do you plan on telling me what’s going on?” I ask, breathless.
“You’re not ready. That’s all.” His smile is infuriating.
“How do you know?” I ask, not letting it go.
“You’re scared, and you think something bad is going to happen that will force us apart. So, you want something to remember me by.” There’s so much truth to those words that I can’t argue. “That’s not the right reason.”
“Good of you to get all self-righteous on me now,” I say, a little hurt.
“Believe me, there’s nothing I want more than to…” His gaze slides over my body, and heat radiates through me. “It’s taking pretty much all my self-control to wait.” He traces my jawline with his right finger. “But no one is splitting us up, and I can wait until it’s right for both of us.” He puts his arm around me and pulls me closer until my head is resting on his chest.
“I wouldn’t be offended if you hurry up and get there,” he adds in a low, gravelly voice.
I listen to the strong, steady rhythm of his heartbeat. The last thing I hear him quietly say before I fall asleep is, “Do well on your finals, Tori. Don’t give them a reason to get rid of you. Stay here. For me.”
Caius is gone when I wake the next morning. I have no idea when he left, but the spot where he used to be is cold. I roll over and try to go back to sleep.
There’s no use. I’m already awake, so I dress and decide to eat in the cafeteria for a change, since only Sponsored kids will be around today. No one ever sits together, so it doesn’t surprise me when I take my normal spot by the fountain and I’m alone. What shocks me is that all the tables near me clear out like I have the plague. People double up so they won’t have to sit anywhere near me. Great.
The sense of comradery—or maybe it’s commiseration—is gone, and now I have a highly contagious virus that travels by air and no one wants to breathe near me. Maybe they’re afraid they’ll end up the same as me—fallen from grace—if they sit too close, like I’ll rub off on them.
I focus on the waterfall outside. As soon as I make it through finals, I have every intention of figuring out what’s going on with my family and the program that I’m in.
The rest of the morning, I spend outside. I walk the perimeter, stopping to take in the sounds of spring. The weather is bright with the promise of the coming months of sunshine and warmth. I stop on the hill by the tree, find a sunny patch, and allow my mind to wander. I’m worried that something’s happened to my mother and brother, even though I know how resourceful Trevor can be. I turn over the word Plankton in my mind a few times, but it doesn’t bring any more ideas than before.
Meanwhile, I can’t take ten steps at school without bumping into an enforcer or walking underneath a drone. It’s okay, though. I’m doing it for my family and our future. A future where I decide what I eat, where I go, and how I spend my time.
It almost sounds too good to be true.
…
Even with all the distractions, I feel good about my first final. English Lit is one of my best subjects, and I’m the first one done. By the time I reach the second of the day, History, some of that confidence fades. I’m certain that I mixed up like five names, and matching dates to events has never been my strong suit. I’m tapping my foot through most of the test and my hand slips down to the hem of my shirt more than I care to admit. I hope no one notices.
We can wear any shirt we want to finals, so I have on the sweatshirt my brother gave me, hoping it’ll bring luck. In a weird way, it helps me focus. I’m reminded what’s at stake. By the time I get to the end of the scantron, I’ve worked the fabric at the hem until it’s silky smooth. The bonus essay is my best chance at saving the grade. I pour it on thick, feverishly writing right up until the proctor calls time.
Grades will be posted tonight at eight sharp. No matter how much I want to know—and I’m desperate—I wait until there won’t be a line. Everyone will be there at first, and I don’t want to see anyone tonight. I stay in my room and stretch until I’m certain everyone has gone.
I’ve aced the first two finals, breaking the curve in both. I’m shocked that I did so well on the History test until I see everyone else’s grades. Mrs. Randol had to grade on a curve. As poorly as I did, I scored better than everyone else. I think about what Adalynn would say to me for stressing out in the first place. What she did is so not okay, but I still miss her. I miss how much we made each other laugh. I can’t afford another distraction and thoughts of her make my heart hurt so much it might burst.
Twenty minutes later, I’m back in my room studying for my Technology and Calculus finals. With four tests to go, I’m not ready to celebrate. We have a day off in between, and I lock in for studying. The only time I leave in the next thirty-six hours is to eat in the cafeteria. My eyes are so blurry by midnight that I have to stop. I shower then crash.
I oversleep my alarm the next morning. Pure adrenaline has me jumping out of bed, racing to brush my teeth, and then running out the door. Being late is unacceptable. The proctor locks the door at exactly eight a.m.
Heaving for air, I make it to my first test of the day with one minute to spare. Easton gave us a talk about getting plenty of rest and making sure we eat before we take a final. So much for that. I’m starving, and my stomach reminds me how much ten minutes into the first test.
Technology is hard. The test is crazy. I feel much better about my Calculus final. Waiting for grades is the worst. I’m so hungry that I distract myself by going to the cafeteria. No one’s talking. Not that they usually do, but I hear the silence more now.
Wednesday night, I wait half an hour after grades are posted before I head over to check. I walk to the Administration building alone, wishing I could talk to my former best friends. After finding out grades, we’d stay up and chat on our devices to celebrate the halfway mark of finals being over. Technically, we were two-thirds of the way finished, but Adalynn would argue that Wednesday was in the middle of the week and we had half a week to go. It literally did no good to try to explain to her that the day was over.
I break the curve in Calculus, but it’s Jax who takes the top score in Technology. I automatically reach for my AllinOne to congratulate him. I tug at the corners, then it sinks in that we don’t talk to each other anymore.
If I’m kicked out, it won’t be for bad grades, at least so far. I’m making sure of that. All the extra time being holed up in my room is paying off big-time.
Still hurt, I don’t even bother to look for Adalynn’s scores. I’m sure she’s passing her classes.
Back in my room, I stare at my AllinOne. Adalynn has made it clear that she doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore. My other best friend hasn’t been himself in weeks. I want to ask them what’s going on, but I don’t. I’m the last person either one of them wants to talk to. I get a message from Caius telling me to hang in there. Summer is almost here.
The thought of it makes me smile for the first time all week. I send him a message basically saying the same thing. I need him to pass. He’s all I have left here.
Thursday is another lock-in day. I barely leave for food breaks. I can’t walk fast enough to the cafeteria and back. I go to bed early and it pays off. My last two finals are a breeze compared to the others. At eight thirty p.m., I learn that I broke the curve on both.
On Saturday morning, I wake to the first day of summer and the glorious thought of empty halls. Being alone, save for when Caius moves into the dorm tomorrow night, has never sounded better.
My excitement doesn’t last long because there’s a knock at the door and I already know it can’t be him. He never comes in through the hallway, and he wouldn’t risk knocking.
I throw on my robe and open the door.
“Mrs. Chaffee,” I say in utter shock. There’s a look on her face—pity, maybe?—that makes my heart sink. Something must be bad wrong for her to show up here. Especially since we have lunch scheduled tomorrow. I brace myself for the news. I’m sure she’s going to drop my sponsorship.
“I’ll give you a few minutes to put on clothes.” Her gaze scrapes over me. Her grip on her handbag is tight, her knuckles sheet-white. “And bring your device.”
I lock the door and throw on exercise pants and a three-quarter sleeve shirt. I reach for the sweater Trevor gave me but don’t find it on the back of my chair. I must’ve left it in the bathroom last night. I throw my hair up in a loose ponytail and then put on socks and running shoes.
The dark cloud of worry is back by the time I open the door again, AllinOne in hand.
“Let’s take a walk, Victoria,” she says with a sorrow that doesn’t quite reach the cold gray of her eyes. She isn’t a warm person, so the attempt to look compassionate falls flat.
My first thought is that something has happened to Caius, but I doubt she’d look this forlorn, and I seriously doubt anyone would even bother to inform me.
I follow her outside and to an outdoor table by the pond. It’s sunny and warm. The sky is my favorite shade of blue. I notice all of these things because she’s carefully constructed this scene or whatever it is, and I have to hold back from asking what is going on, so I look around to keep my mind busy.
She finally instructs me to take a seat across from her. I do, and she leans across the table and clasps her hands together. “It’s your family, Victoria. Something terrible has happened. Your mother. Trevor.” She pauses like she’s too upset to speak.
“What?” I don’t like the sound of my brother’s name coming out of her mouth. She has no right to speak about my family, let alone my brother.
“There was a fire. The compound your family lived in burned to the ground, Victoria,” she continues, like this conversation is uncomfortable for her. She flashes cold eyes at me. “There were no survivors.”
“What? When?” This can’t be true. There’s no way. She’s lying.
“It happened a few weeks ago.” More fake compassion.
I study her face, half expecting to hear this is a twisted joke. Another test to determine how much I love my family and how much more I’m willing to sacrifice for them. I’d trade my life in a heartbeat, but I can’t let her know. “That’s not possible. My mother sent a video—”
“I’m sorry. We waited until finals were over to deliver the news.”
“Why would you do that? What happened?” I ask, impatient. In that moment, I don’t care that she’s my sponsor or that she could have me thrown out before I finish my sentence. All that matters is finding out what happened to my mother and Trevor.
“No one’s placing blame, but the fire originated in Trevor’s room,” she said after a long pause. Her expression was sympathetic for Eleanor Chaffee. But to me she looked like a mannequin.
“Trevor would never do that,” I quickly defend him. “I know my brother.”
I say that, but then, I haven’t spoken to him in three years.
“I couldn’t be sorrier to be the one to tell you this, Victoria.”
Panic is building in my chest until I fear I’ll explode. It can’t be true.
“Right before the fire, a councilman and his family were murdered. The weapon was found with your brother’s remains at the compound.” The place she meant was especially built for families like mine, families of the Sponsored.
This can’t be right. They have to be alive. I’m a twin. I would know if something happened to my brother. Our connection is real.
Councilwoman Snyder steps from around the corner of the Administration building. She has on a crisp white suit and low gray heels. Her lips are pursed and her hands clasped together. “Victoria, I know this is all a…” She pauses like she’s looking for the right word. “A shock.”
Her look of sympathy has me wanting to come up off the bench at her. I remember her terse words from a few weeks ago—the day she thought that I knew something I wasn’t telling her. An icy chill races down my spine. I take a few deep breaths to contain the fire raging deep in my chest. The urge to scream burns my lungs. The urge to run causes an ache in my legs. I want to get the hell out of here and keep going until I’m so far away from campus and this life that I can’t remember it anymore. If I’m not here for my family, then I have no reason to stay. This means every sacrifice I’ve made has been for nothing. Every lonely day I’ve spent here has no meaning. Every time I’ve swallowed the words I wanted to say or stuffed down the caged-bird feeling inside me, I was only hurting all three of us.
“I know what you’re thinking, and it would be a mistake to leave Easton. Your future is still intact,” Snyder says.
The impulse to reach across this table and slap her is so strong it hurts to suppress. What she said can’t be real. I have to make her think I’m still on board with the whole program here while I come up with a plan leave.
