Imperfections

by Shaniel Watson

  "Thank you."

  "I feel like I haven't seen you in such a long time. I saw you more before I moved back in."

  How should I answer this? "Well, you're so busy with work and I've been busy getting ready to take over for the teacher at school."

  She walks closer to me and brushes my hair back off my shoulder. My heart leaps into my mouth when I remember the mark Nick left on my neck. Shit! I stand perfectly still and swallow. She's smiling at me and I'm trying to hold the smile I have.

  "You look different, Cat."

  "Do I?"

  "Yes, you do. You look thoroughly fucked!"

  Oh my God, she knows! I feel my blood pumping through my heart with every beat. Boom, boom, boom, boom like bass drums in my ears. I hear every single beat. She drops her hand from my hair and walks around me in a complete circle. And walks back to the door.

  "You said you were at a friend's house for the weekend. Naturally, we would all assume you were spending the night at a girlfriend's house. The way you left is not like you, what friend was this?"

  I cross my arms across my chest and look down. She's not going to stop. I look straight at her and answer her question with the truth.

  "A friend."

  "What, a female friend or a male friend, Cat, which one?" She nearly shouts at me across the room.

  "Does it matter?"

  "Yes, it does." She waves, raising her hand and points an accusing finger at me. "That little, no, big, big-ass lovers love bite on your neck is telling me it was a man friend. Unless you've switched sides, are you trying something new? Is that it, Cat, are you a lesbian? 'Cause if you are that would be great!" she shouts for anyone close enough to hear.

  "Keep your voice down."

  "Why, Cat? Why? Are you afraid someone might be curious to know exactly who you were shacked up with for the past two days and long, long nights?"

  "I don't have to answer to anyone, where I was is my business! I don't owe you or anyone an explanation."

  "Yes, you do."

  I've had enough of this. I grab my coat off the bed. "I'm done with this, I'm leaving." She grabs my shoulder and pushes me back as I try to pass her. I can't believe this.

  "You were with him, weren't you?"

  "Get out of my way, Kate." She stands in front of me, blocking me from leaving. The anger in her eyes bubbles over the more I try to evade her question. She's angry, never been this angry with me. She's usually calm and cool even when she's angry with me. Not now.

  "I'm not going anywhere! Why did you even come back here?"

  "I live here, where else was I supposed to go?"

  "Everything was going fine till you decided you wanted to come back to New York."

  She didn't want me to come back. Why?

  "You couldn't stay where you were, could you?"

  "And here I was thinking you missed me as much as I missed you. I was wrong."

  "Yes, you were."

  Like a glass of cold ice water being poured over me I stand holding my coat over my arm listening to her angrily tell me her truth about me.

  "Why the hell would I miss you coming back here and listening to everyone worry about you like you're a damsel in distress? You have Dad, Chris, and Jay fooled, we both know you can save your own ass."

  "I never knew you felt that way. You're right though, I'm no damsel. But you are proving to be a real bitch."

  "We have something in common, then. I guess he likes bitches. The difference is this bitch is pregnant with his baby, sister. Find another man to wrap your legs around to play hero to your damsel."

  "Wow. You're not holding back a thing. He already told me about the pregnancy and the fake engagement."

  "The engagement may not be real but the baby is. He was going to ask me to marry him. If you didn't decide to drag your ass back when you did, the engagement would be real too. I knew you were going to go after him from the second I saw you. I knew you had a thing for him all these years, it's pathetic the way you looked at him when you thought no one was looking. New you my ass, same old Cat in a somewhat decent-looking package."

  "Is that why you couldn't wait to tell everyone the very night I came home you're engaged to Nick? You were so desperate to spread that lie?"

  "It was only a lie because of you; he was going to ask me to marry him eventually. The same way he told me he wanted me the night we had sex. Tell me, what was it like sleeping with the same man whose child I'm carrying? Was it good for you? It was damn good for me. The way he held me in his arms, driving into me over and over again, for hours and hours, no wonder I'm pregnant."

  I cover my stomach with my hand. I think I'm going to be sick. "Shut up and get the hell out of my way before I make you move!"

  "Go ahead; I would love to be the one to tell Nick how you attacked me and his child in a fit of jealous rage."

  "You lying bitch. You know I wouldn't—"

  The door opens, my mother comes in and stands in front of us. Kate and I don't look at her. We have never had this kind of animosity between us, though there have been times we disagreed. This is totally different; it's as if she can't stand the sight of me. The things she's saying, I didn't know this is how she really feels about me.

  "Girls, I can hear you down the hall. What's going on?"

  I know Kate's going to tell her everything, there is no stopping her. I hope she can try to understand my side. I highly doubt that she will. I'm the one that's going to ruin what she believes is the perfect match and appearance of families between Nick and Kate. I wish for once she could understand without judging me, stop holding me to her standards of what her daughter should be instead of who I am.

  "You should ask your daughter who she spent the weekend with."

  She looks at me. "Chris told us you called him and said you were spending the weekend at your friend's house."

  "I did," I tell her in the calmest voice I can manage to get out.

  "Tell her which friend's house, Cat. Tell her you spent the weekend with my fiancé."

  I see the confused look on my mother's face. Her head turns back to me uncomfortably looking back at her.

  "I think you're mistaken, Kate. Nick and your sister are friends, but she would never do such a thing. Catherine, tell her she's made a mistake."

  I shake my head and look at her preparing myself for what's to come. In a low shaky voice I tell her, "I can't, I was with Nick."

  Total silence, the look on her face says it all. She won't understand. She's already made up her mind and judged me.

  "You don't know this yet, Mother, I didn't want to tell you but I'm pregnant," Kate announces to her joyfully, like she wasn't ripping me apart a few seconds ago.

  My mother turns to Kate. "You're pregnant!"

  "Yes, you're going to be a grandmother. Nick and I saw the baby last week."

  I see the smile on Kate's face. It's like a knife cutting through my heart at the mention of her and Nick sitting together in a room seeing what could be their baby for the first time.

  "Oh, baby, you're going to have a baby!"

  I hear the excitement in my mother's voice as she grabs Kate's face and hugs her. The way a mother who is truly happy for her daughter does. Once again, I'm an outsider looking in on what is supposed to be a happy family moment between a mother and her daughter and two sisters.

  "When?" My mother looks at her up and down and places a hand over her stomach.

  "April."

  "Oh, baby, I'm so happy for you. Your father is going to be so excited, another grandchild! This is wonderful news." I watch her embrace Kate again wishing I could be a part of this happy occasion.

  "Not everyone thinks it's wonderful."

  My mother looks at her confused. Kate stares at me with her eyes filled with what I can only imagine to be a look of scorn. She's right. I don't think this is wonderful news. I don't wish any harm to this baby but with everything in me I hope this child is not Nick's.

  My mother turns, following the line of Kate's vis
ion leading directly to me. And her smile falls away with one look at me and my reaction to Kate's pregnancy. "Tell your sister you're happy for her and Nick. Catherine, this is wonderful news for this family, a wedding and a new baby."

  "I'm not going to do that, Mother."

  "Why not?" She straightens her shoulders, holds her head high and walks over to me, waiting for my answer. I'm going to give her the truth and I'm not going to sugarcoat it to make her happy.

  I'm not happy. "This baby she's having might not even be Nick's. He's not in love with her."

  "Shut the hell up, Cat! This baby is Nick's and you know it, so does he. Mother, she's a jealous, little two-faced slut. She's always been jealous of me."

  What the hell? I'm not jealous of her. I've never been a day in my life. "You're delusional; you want a man who doesn't even like you. This baby was an unexpected accident from a one-night stand. He doesn't want you."

  "Catherine, stop it right now!" my mother screams at me impatiently.

  "And he wants you? Is that what he told you, Cat? You can spread your legs as far and wide as you want but he will be back here with me and his child. I'm going to be the mother of his child, not you."

  I'm so angry at her the words are coming out of my mouth before I have a chance to think. "You might be carrying his child but he doesn't love you. He loves me. You weren't even a choice, you were a mistake just like that bab—" my mother stops me before I finish saying the words I know I will regret later.

  "Catherine Reed, you stop this! Right now! How could you do this to your sister?"

  "You didn't hear anything I said, did you?" I say to my mother.

  "I don't need to, you are out of line. I don't know who you are. The daughter I raised would never do anything like this. You slept with her fiancé, the father of her child, what were you thinking? Do you know how this makes me and this family look?"

  "I'm sure you're going to tell me." She looks at me disapprovingly as she continues to blast me with her anger.

  "It looks like I raised a daughter with no morals. You're running around here acting loose like a little slut in heat."

  "Well, Mother, if I'm a slut, you must be a two-dollar whore."

  Before I know what's coming my way she rears back, slapping me so hard across my face I'm momentarily stunned. Kate's hand flies over her mouth in shock. I close my eyes against the stinging pain in my face from the impact of the slap across my cheekbone. When I'm finally able to look at my mother the fury in her eyes is mixed with what one would consider concern.

  Too bad she wasn't concerned enough to say anything else other than, "How dare you speak to me that way in my house?"

  How dare I speak to her like that? How dare she act like she has never committed a sin in her entire life? When she has committed the greatest sin of all to her family. I'm going to show her how much alike we truly are.

  "It amazes me how self-righteous you are, Mother. You are no better than me, if anything, what you have done is far greater of an embarrassment to this family."

  "I have never done anything to disgrace this family."

  "I think having an affair with one of your husband's friends and getting pregnant with his twins would be called the height of embarrassment and disgrace."

  My mother gasps, disbelieving. All the color is instantly drained from her face. The shock and terror on her face and Kate's is palpable.

  "I don't think anything I've done could surpass that."

  "How did you know?"

  "I found out the same time Kate and Chris did. I overheard you telling Grandmother how Chris and Kate found their original birth records in a safe you forgot to lock. How their father left you when he found out you were pregnant and you had to beg Daddy to take you back. He loved you so much he took you back and agreed to raise the babies as his own."

  I look at Kate who is looking at me with fire burning in her eyes. All these years I knew Daddy wasn't her biological father but I didn't say anything to anyone. No one else in my family knows. When my mother was pregnant with Kate and Chris, Jay was a little boy. He must remember what happened, that's why he is so protective over our family and he always stresses the fact no one should come between us and break us apart. I think that's the reason he tried so hard to hold on to his own family with Vanessa and Sasha.

  "I was never jealous of you, Kate. I knew why Daddy gave you everything you wanted and asked for. That was his way of showing you how much he loved you even though you weren't his biological daughter. It didn't matter that we had different fathers, I loved you the same way I did before I found out the truth. I didn't know how much you disliked me because I was Daddy's biological daughter until now."

  I refuse to cry in front of them. I feel the tears stinging my eyes and my voice is breaking with every sentence.

  "I'm leaving, I can't stay here anymore."

  "Good, I think that would be for the best, right, Mother?" Kate says to her.

  "I have to tell your father everything."

  "No, you won't, Mother. I was there for the end of your telephone call to Grandmother. If you tell him about any of this, I will tell him the rest of the story."

  "You wouldn't."

  "Yes, I would. When I find a place to stay I will send for my things. I'm sure you can come up with something to tell Daddy about why I left. He loves his devoted wife so much he will believe almost anything you say."

  She doesn't say anything. Neither does Kate. I take a look at them before I leave. This is not my home anymore. It's my childhood home filled with memories of good times and love. As an adult it's filled with nothing but secrets, lies and regrets.

  I didn't make it to the school that day. I ended up walking in the cold for hours thinking about what had happened back at my house until I was so cold I couldn't walk anymore. I took the train to Manhattan and called Ava. I didn't tell her what happened till she opened her door and saw me. The look on her face told me exactly how I looked.

  "What the hell happened to you?"

  "Kate and my mother. I was outnumbered and outmatched."

  I take my coat off and sit down on the couch next to her. She lightly touches the side of my cheek with her fingertips and I flinch from the pain. "Ouch!"

  "I'm going to get you some ice, your face is swollen. God, it looks like it hurts."

  I grab her arm to keep her from getting up. "No. I'll be fine. Does it look as bad as it feels?"

  She scrunches up her face and shakes her head in a sympathetic way. She also looks mad.

  "What the hell happened? Which one did that to your face?"

  "My mother."

  "She hit you on purpose?"

  "She slapped the shit out of me when I called her a two-dollar whore."

  Ava's blue eyes almost pop out of her head. "You didn't!"

  "I did." And it was worth it to see the look on her face.

  I tell Ava everything about the whole argument between Kate, my mother, and me, from start to finish leaving nothing out.

  "I can't believe all of this happened this morning. I would have never in a million years have guessed that Mr. Reed wasn't Kate's and Chris's father. I can't believe your mother cheated on your father! And had two kids that weren't his and he still took her back! My God, if that isn't love, then I don't know what is."

  "I don't know. Is it love, Ava?"

  "I don't know but it takes a certain type of man to deal with that. I can't think of one man I know that would be able to deal with that."

  "Me either." I nod my head in agreement. "You know what gets me, he forgave her after she did all of that to him and one call from this man who left her when she was pregnant with twins, and she was actually considering leaving my father again to be with him. How fucked up is that?"

  "Your father never knew?"

  "No, before she had a chance to see him he died in a plane accident."

  "Would you really tell your father?"

  "No, what purpose would it serve for him to find out the woman he consid
ered the love of his life was thinking about leaving her son and him a second time?" I slump back in the couch, my hand over my face, I groan. Damn, my face hurts. I pull a compact mirror out of my purse, the same one I had at Nick's house, I didn't have time to change bags. I wince when I see the side of my face in the mirror. My face is puffy and swollen. There's a nasty black-and-blue mark across my left cheekbone.

  "It's not that bad. I can help you cover it with makeup," Ava offers.

  "Thanks," I say quietly, putting the compact back.

  "Did you tell Nick?"

  "Not yet. I didn't want to bother him; he's in court all day."

  "If he sees that, he's going to lose it." She tips her chin toward my face.

  "I know. Oh God, Ava. What am I going to do?" I groan, resting my head back on the couch, looking at the ceiling like it holds the answers I'm looking for.

  "I know how my cousin feels about you, Cat, but did you find out how you feel about him?"

  "No one, no man has ever made me feel this way. I know in my soul no one ever will. I have wanted to be with this man from when I was a little girl with stars in my eyes; all the stars had his name on them. I imagined it and I have dreamed of it countless times and it was everything I knew it would be and more. If this baby is his, I don't know if I can do it. Can you tell me, how I stop loving him when I've just begun?"

  "Cat, I'm sorry it all happened like this."

  "So am I."

  Ava puts her arms around me and I lay my head on her shoulder and let the tears flow freely. "I'm pretty sure the man I love is the father of my sister's child. My mother and my sister can't stand me and I'm homeless and unemployed. Monday morning reality, I knew it was coming but I didn't know it was going to mow me down like a tractor trailer and drag me through the streets at a hundred miles an hour."

  "I can't help you with your sister and mother but I know you are not going to be homeless. You're officially my new roommate. I'm not taking no for an answer."

  "Thank you."

  "What was I going to let you do, roam the harsh cold streets of New York? I'm sure Nick would take you in, but I know you're not going to go there."

  "I have to tell Nick." I raise my head and wipe the tears away. Ava shakes her head at me. Her strawberry blond hair is tied back in a neat ponytail. She looks fresh and fabulous with hardly any makeup on."Yes, but don't tell him about your mother hitting you, and for God's sake, please don't let him see it."