On Christmas Eve
Page 26
“How do we do this? The answer is simple . . . but not so easily done. Just as God the Father sent this child as a messenger of forgiveness, we must look back and make amends to all whom we’ve harmed. We need to let go of all the anger and grudges and grievances we cling to. That’s how we clear out the cobwebs, how we scrub the floor, how we clean the windows so that the pure golden light can stream through today, on Christmas morning.
“And isn’t Christmas itself like a window? A good friend, a member of this congregation, pointed this out to me just the other day,” Reverend Ben noted. Betty knew who it was, too. She sat up suddenly alert, listening even more intently. “He said, ‘You can think of Christmas like a window. We must look back with forgiveness and look forward with hope and joy.’” Reverend Ben paused and gazed out at his audience. How quiet the church was, Betty noticed. Even the fussing children seemed suddenly still.
“I leave you with that image to think about. That beautiful, shining window in a newborn’s nursery. Let us try with all our heart to be worthy of this gift of new life. Today, on Christmas morning, let’s give thanks for the new babe born in our midst, this precious miracle. And let’s look back with mercy and compassion to clean our hearts and cleanse our souls . . . and look forward with hope, love, and faith.”
The sermon ended, Reverend Ben returned to his seat. The church was silent and still for a moment. Betty felt very moved by his words. Not just because he had included Nathan’s idea, but because of the wisdom and spiritual nourishment the words offered.
Did she hold grudges against people? She thought of herself as a forgiving person, but had she really forgiven her ex-husband for the way he had hurt her during their marriage? Betty knew in her heart that she had never resolved that anger. She had often felt she had earned the right to remain angry with him for the rest of her life. But Reverend Ben was really saying that carrying around that grudge, that cobweb, that dirty smudge on the window of her soul, was hurting her more than it was hurting Ted. And she could never look to the future with true clarity as long as her vision was blocked by this old grievance.
The time had come for members of the congregation to stand and share any blessings they had experienced or any burdens they were carrying. A few people asked for prayers for family members who were sick or out of work. One or two shared happy occasions, like the birth of a child. Reverend Ben pointed to someone at the back of the church. “Yes, Nathan?”
Betty felt her heart beat a little faster as she turned and caught sight of him. So that’s where he had been hiding. Directly behind her.
“I’d just like to thank everyone who helped out or donated to the fund-raiser last Sunday for the Three Village Food Pantry,” Nathan said. “The party was a big success. Families received gifts and groceries, and every child left with at least one great toy. They were all very appreciative and asked me to thank you all for helping them have a good Christmas.” Nathan paused and looked down a moment. “I know everyone involved worked hard, but I’d especially like to thank one person, Betty Bowman. Without her efforts, we wouldn’t have gotten very far.”
Finally Nathan looked straight at her. Their gaze met for a brief instant. She saw his mouth turn up a bit. Not quite a smile but almost. Betty couldn’t help it; she smiled back without reservation.
When the service ended, Betty filed out with the rest of the congregation. She looked around for Nathan but didn’t see him anywhere in the sanctuary. The church was very crowded and it was slow going down the side aisle to the back of the church. She went out to the narthex, missing the line of congregants greeting Reverend Ben. She didn’t spot Nathan outside the sanctuary either, and wondered if he had ducked out of church a few minutes early. She had been almost certain he would thank her in person for the gift she left on his doorstep last night.
She headed out to her car, glancing around for his pickup truck in the lot. Maybe he would call later to thank her and wish her a merry Christmas?
Or maybe not, Betty, she chided herself. One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. You’ve tried with Nathan, so stop banging your head against a wall and expecting it to feel good.
Besides, she needed to get back home right away, she reminded herself. Brian was coming at two o’clock and she still had a few things to do.
Betty got back to the house at noon and did her last-minute dinner preparations, putting a filet mignon roast in the oven along with the oven-roasted herb potatoes she knew her son would adore. There were string beans and a salad with pears, blue cheese, and walnuts. They would start with the appetizers from the shop, only the most gourmet choices. Brian hadn’t really eaten a meal at her house since she had gotten involved in the catering business, and she was determined to pull out all the stops. She hadn’t been much of a cook when he was growing up, but perhaps she had caught up a bit now and would impress him.
Betty was so anxious to see him, she knew she was overdoing it. Checking the table a million times and tilting the roses in the crystal vase this way and that. She was fussing with the logs in the fireplace, trying to build a bigger fire when she saw her son coming up the walkway.
She stood up, took a deep breath, then yanked off her apron and headed for the front door. She pulled the door open before he could lift the brass knocker.
“Brian, I’m so glad to see you.” She slung her arms around him in a big hug.
“Hi, Mom. Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas to you. Come in, come in. Let me take your bag.”
She had forgotten how tall he was. “You look wonderful—so handsome and healthy,” she told him. “The Midwest agrees with you.” He was a good-looking young man and had always looked a lot like his father. But now Betty saw more of herself in his features—around his eyes and even in his smile.
“You look great, too, Mom. I like your hair like that.”
“Thanks, hon. I let it grow out a little. I don’t know why. One last fling for my golden tresses, I guess.”
Betty led the way into the living room and to the big armchair near the fire. “Here, sit right there. It’s very comfortable. It goes back if you want to put your feet up.”
“I’m all right, Mom. Slow down,” he said with a gentle laugh. Brian took her hands in his and smiled into her eyes. “You don’t have to wait on me. I’m going to be here a long time. You’ll get sick of having me around.”
“I’ll never get sick of that, Critter,” Betty said, teasing him with his old childhood nickname. “Never in a million years.”
They made some small talk about Brian’s trip east and he told her a bit about his fiancée’s family. They lived in Concord in a grand old house and, from the sound of it, were quite well-off.
“I can’t wait to meet Tina,” Betty said. “She’s a teacher, right?”
“That’s right. She teaches special education at an elementary school. She’s a good teacher, too. Very patient and warm with the kids. She’s a sweetheart. You’ll love her.”
“She sounds like a great girl,” Betty said honestly. Brian had been telling her about Tina for the past year now, ever since they started dating. They seemed to share the same interests and enjoyed life in Chicago, taking in the restaurants, sporting events, museums, and jazz clubs.
“It’s funny that you met halfway across the country, and it turns out that her family lives in Concord. She was living just a couple of hours from you, all these years.”
“It’s true,” Brian said. “I guess one of the things that drew us together was the fact that we had both grown up around here and shared a love of New England. We just spoke the same language or something. We could always talk to each other really easily, just as friends. I always felt so relaxed and happy around her. It’s not that we never disagree about things. We do. But we’ve been on the same wavelength from day one.”
“Any wedding plans yet?” Betty asked curiously. “I want to help any way I can. I don’t want to seem intrusive
,” she quickly added. “But I am in the business. I can offer some good advice—and some amazing food.”
Traditionally the bride’s family planned the wedding. But Betty knew that she wouldn’t be human if she didn’t want some input in her son’s wedding.
“I know, Mom. Tina’s parents know that, too. The only thing we’re sure of so far is that we’ll have the wedding around here. Both of our families are here, and a lot of close friends, too. We’ve made good friends in Chicago, but they’ll have to come east, I guess.”
“Oh, good,” Betty said. “That feels right somehow.”
“Tina’s parents are throwing a party for us,” Brian went on. “They were having friends over for New Year’s Eve and the list just started growing, so they’re calling it an engagement party now. They want you to be there, too, of course. They’re going to call you but they asked me to tell you about it first. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?”
Betty was shocked by her son’s question. “What could be more important than your engagement party? Of course I’m coming. What a nice idea. They sound like lovely people.”
“They really are,” he assured her. “I already feel comfortable with them. Oh . . . Dad will be coming with Linda and the kids. They’ve already accepted.”
Betty kept smiling, unfazed. Of course her ex-husband, his second wife, and his new family would be there. She had fully expected that. She still thought of Linda as Ted’s new wife, though they had now been married almost as long as she and Ted had. They had two children, a girl and boy. Linda had always been a stay-at-home mom, a model homemaker, tennis, and golf partner. A great hostess, too, Betty had heard, throwing fabulous parties for Ted’s business clients.
Betty had been none of those things as a wife. She had been more career-minded and, at the time, thought that Ted was happy to have a wife who was his equal in the business world, influential around town, and even earning a higher salary. Boy, did she ever call that one wrong.
She did believe that after all this time, she had put all that behind her. But for some reason, every time she had to face them at social occasions like this—usually centering around Brian—she felt all the old wounds aching again. It was so dumb and pointless.
“If you’re not comfortable about this, Mom, honestly, you don’t have to come. Tina and I will understand. You can meet her folks some other time. Maybe we can go out to dinner, just the five of us,” Brian suggested.
Had her reverie been that obvious? Betty felt embarrassed. She leaned over and patted his hand. “I’m fine with it. Totally. But I’d love to go out to dinner with them anyway. Let’s try to figure it out.”
“Great. That would be fun,” Brian said.
“Reverend Ben gave a good sermon in church today. I’ve been thinking about it,” Betty told him. “He said that we might think of Christmas as a window—a good place to stop a moment and look at our lives. Look back with forgiveness and look forward with hope.”
“That’s a nice way of putting it,” Brian said. “I like that idea.”
“He actually got the idea from a friend of mine who’s a writer,” Betty explained. “He’s a very perceptive, thoughtful person.” Then she stopped herself, reluctant to say anything more about Nathan. Her son knew her too well. She knew she would give her true feelings away.
“What I’m trying to say, Brian, is that I’ve decided to put aside all my grudges against your father. Those you’ve seen and those you’ve never seen,” she added, knowing that she had always been adept at hiding her feelings for Brian’s sake. “I’m going to look back and forgive and look forward in hope. Toward your wedding and your new life. I don’t want you and Tina to be burdened with any stress about the past at this very happy time. Or at any time in your marriage. Not coming from me, anyway.”
Brian slowly smiled at her. “Thank you for saying that, Mom. I think Tina was a little worried about you and Dad. These brides-to-be hear a lot of stories,” he explained. “I know you went through a lot way back when. I know Dad could have been . . . kinder to you,” he said honestly. “Now that I’m getting married myself, I can see that. It’s big of you to put that all aside for our sake. But that’s the kind of person you are. I always knew that. Even when I was too young to really understand it very well.”
Betty couldn’t help it; she blinked back a few tears. “Thanks for saying that. I did try.”
He gave her a quick hug. “We have a lot to catch up on, don’t we?”
She nodded and dabbed her eyes with a paper napkin. “Here, have a crab cake . . . don’t forget the sauce,” she reminded him. “I made that myself. I’m a pretty good cook now.”
He sat back, smiling at her. “So I’ve heard.”
LUCY AND CHARLIE’S CHRISTMAS DAY PARTY HAD BEEN A BIG SUCCESS. Once all the guests had left, Lucy felt herself deflate like a leaky balloon. Charlie and the boys crept upstairs to bed. Once again it was just Lucy and Zoey, staying up late, taking care of all the cleanup that a big holiday party entailed.
“You can go up if you want, Zoey. I’ll finish this,” Lucy said.
“That’s all right. I had too much chocolate cake. I’m totally wired. I wouldn’t fall asleep.”
Ever since the good news had come last night, Zoey had been in a very good mood, with and without chocolate cake, Lucy noticed.
“It was cool to meet your family. I pictured your mother different, but your sister looks just like you. Except that her hair’s a little darker.”
“Everybody says that. I’m the pretty one,” Lucy added with a grin. “Didn’t you notice?”
“I noticed that they were all really nice. Guess that’s where you got it from.”
“That’s how it usually goes,” Lucy observed.
“Are you going to work at the hospital tomorrow?” Zoey asked as she loaded some glasses into the dishwasher.
“Not until the afternoon shift. I’m looking forward to sleeping in a little. But I wondered if you wanted to take a ride with me in the morning.”
“Want to go back to the mall? I bet there are some awesome sales.”
Lucy laughed. “Aren’t you sick of the mall? I guess not,” she added, seeing Zoey’s expression. “I had someplace else in mind. But you might want to stop in a store for a present.”
“A present? For who?”
“Remember when you told me that you wanted to see your brother? I asked Rita about it. It took a while, but she put me in touch with his foster family and they said that we can visit him tomorrow.”
Lucy watched Zoey’s face carefully, unsure of what her reaction would be. Zoey put down the towel she was holding. For a moment she stood very still. Then she turned to Lucy. “Is he still in Gloucester? Why didn’t he ever call me?”
“He was moved to another family—they live in Plymouth—soon after you guys last spoke. He’s been through a big transition there,” Lucy tried to explain. “That’s what his foster mother told me. But he’s really excited to see you, Zoey. I hope you’re not angry with him. You want to see him, don’t you?”
It had never occurred to Lucy that Zoey might refuse, but now she realized it was possible.
Zoey might be angry—or maybe just afraid to open herself to more pain by making contact only to lose touch again.
“His foster parents want to meet you,” Lucy continued. “They sound very nice. Like good, caring people.”
Zoey’s eyes narrowed. She looked at Lucy warily. “Are you bringing me so they can check me out or something? To see if they want to take me, too?”
“No, no . . . not at all. I mean, I did wonder why the two of you were split up and if you could be with your brother now. But Rita has already looked into that. This family would love to have you, too, honey. But they can’t take any more children right now. This is just a trip to visit your brother. That’s all.”
Zoey looked relieved . . . and finally, happy. “That will be great. I’ve been thinking of Kevin a lot lately, wondering if he was having a good Christmas.
I guess you’ve been so good to me, giving me so many gifts and all, it made me feel a little guilty,” she admitted. “I’m going buy him something really nice before we go,” she decided. “We can stop at some stores, right?”
“Absolutely. But I think his real present will be seeing you, Zoey.”
“For me, too,” she said. “I mean, I loved all the stuff you and Charlie gave me. But this is . . . different. Thanks. Thanks a lot.”
She leaned over and gave Lucy a quick hug around her waist then ran out of the room.
“Good night, Lucy,” she said quickly.
“Good night, Zoey. Merry Christmas again.”
BETTY WAS EXHAUSTED AFTER HER CHRISTMAS DAY WITH BRIAN. BUT it was a good kind of tired, a sweet, contented feeling. They had eaten all the good food she’d cooked and talked for hours, taking out old photos and telling stories. There were so many things in the house he wanted to show Tina, he told her. Betty was secretly glad she’d hung on to his old sports trophies and hadn’t totally redecorated his room. It was good to know that her son wanted to show his future wife the house he grew up in, at least for part of his childhood. It told Betty he had good memories of his time here. She did, too. He was still the most important person to her in all the world, and it was wonderful to reminisce and renew their relationship.
She hadn’t thought about anything but her son since the minute he had stepped in the door.
But now, late at night, as she put the kitchen in order, she noticed the message light blinking on the phone. She checked the list of calls and saw Nathan’s number. She stood for a moment, unsure of whether she actually wanted to listen to this message.
Curiosity won out. She played back the message, finding herself glad to hear his voice again. “Hi, Betty. It’s Nathan. I saw you at church, but there was such a crowd. I’m sorry we didn’t get to say hello.”
Forget the crowd. Try your famous Santa disappearing act, Betty nearly said aloud to the machine.