On Christmas Eve

by Thomas Kinkade

  “Right. You are a terrific guy,” she said honestly. “A real catch.”

  He laughed. “Thanks. I feel the same about you, Betty. You have a happy new year.”

  “You too, Alex,” Betty said quietly.

  She hung up, suddenly wondering if she had made a horrible mistake. A single woman her age didn’t meet a man like Alex every day. He was good-looking, successful, smart, and kind. Molly was going to pop her cork when Betty told her that she’d dumped him.

  But the truth remained. Alex might be a catch, but not the one she wanted in her net. It was unfair to keep encouraging him. The upcoming engagement party had just made everything clear to her. If she had invited Alex to be her escort, it would have sent a certain message—that she felt the same about him as he did about her. Which she did not. He deserved to be with someone who could return his feelings.

  I did the right thing, Betty decided. Not the easy thing, but the right thing.

  She had been so busy with Brian that she hadn’t thought about Nathan much these last two days. Now she felt a twinge. She hadn’t known him very long—about the same amount of time she’d known Alex—but with Nathan it just worked. That was the marvelous, mysterious thing about a genuine attraction. And that’s why it was still hard to realize it was over.

  There wasn’t much time left to get ready for dinner. Betty ran upstairs to shower and change. She wasn’t even sure yet what she was going to wear. She wanted to look her best for this special occasion but didn’t want to look overdressed or too formal. Most of all, she wanted Tina to like her.

  Betty had insisted that she was taking the couple out and had made all the arrangements, choosing an old but elegant restaurant on the water in Newburyport, known for wonderful food and a quiet atmosphere. Tina’s parents weren’t available to join them, which was just as well, Betty thought. Meeting her son’s fiancèe and his future in-laws at once might have been overwhelming, and she was nervous enough to meet Tina. She really wanted to get to know her future daughter-in-law. As she and Brian left the house, she sent up a little prayer that the evening would go smoothly and everyone would get along.

  Tina was already at the restaurant. Brian spotted her immediately in the waiting area. Betty knew he saw her just from the way his entire face lit up. They raced toward each other and kissed hello.

  She was just as Betty imagined from her pictures, petite with dark brown hair and big gray-blue eyes. She had beautiful skin and a heart-shaped face. She was as pretty as a model, Betty thought, and very sophisticated-looking, in a dark blue wool dress and black heels.

  “Tina, this is my mom,” Brian said, introducing them.

  “Mrs. Bowman, I’m so excited to meet you.” Brian’s fiancée extended her hand, then leaned over and gave Betty a real hug.

  “It’s Betty . . . and I’m thrilled to meet you,” Betty said honestly.

  Betty knew in an instant that her prayers had been answered. Tina was not only beautiful but sweet, bright, and very down-to-earth. Betty was charmed by her warmth and her cheerful personality.

  They all had a lot to talk about since Tina had grown up in the area, and there was, of course, talk about the wedding, too. Betty asked Tina about her teaching and was impressed by Tina’s knowledge and her obvious love for children. She would someday be a wonderful mother, Betty thought, and that was a lovely thing to look forward to.

  “So you two seem pretty settled in Chicago,” Betty said. “Any chance that you’ll ever move back east?”

  “You never know. Maybe someday. Anything can happen.” Brian reached out and took Tina’s hand.

  Betty knew that Tina’s father was an estate attorney with a very successful practice. There was certainly a chance that Brian could join his firm someday. But for now, she could understand why her son wanted to strike out on his own, in his own territory. There was time enough for these things to unfold.

  When dinner was over Betty paid the check, brushing off her son’s protests. “I hardly get to see you, dear. And this is such a special occasion. Please, it has to be my treat. Don’t argue with your mother,” she teased him.

  “All right. Thanks, Mom. That was great.”

  “It was perfect, Betty. Thank you,” Tina added.

  It was perfect, Betty thought. And so are you, dear, she wanted to add. She suddenly realized she had not only been nervous about Brian’s fiancée liking her, but she had been worried about what type of girl he’d chosen. What if I didn’t like her or I thought she wasn’t the right person for him?

  As they left the restaurant and Brian walked Tina to her car, Betty practically sighed aloud with relief and gratitude. She liked this girl and would soon learn to love her. Just as her son did. That was a blessing.

  “She’s just wonderful, Brian,” Betty said as she started her car. “She’s so bright and charming. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve met such a wonderful girl.”

  “I think so. But it’s good to hear you say it, too.” Brian smiled at her in the dark and she suddenly realized how much her opinion mattered to him.

  “I think she’s just terrific,” Betty assured him. “It was hard for me to imagine a girl good enough for you,” she said honestly. “But you’ve made a wonderful choice.”

  “Oh, I had a good idea what to look for,” he said. “Someone just like you, Mom.”

  “Thanks, honey. That’s very sweet of you to say. But . . . was I really a good mother? You can tell me honestly. We’re both adults now.”

  “Of course you were.” Brian seemed surprised by the question. “Where is this coming from?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve had some time to think, waiting for your visit. Especially since you got engaged. It made me . . . think about the past a lot. I was looking back and thinking that I really worked too much when you were young. I wasn’t there for you enough. Was I so focused on my job that you felt neglected?” She rushed on before he could answer her. “I guess I felt sort of driven. Especially after your father left. It helped me to work, to feel productive. . . . And I wanted to make a good living to support you and save for your education. Especially when your father remarried and had more children,” she added.

  “I understand that, Mom. I really do.”

  “Do you? Well, maybe now you do,” she conceded. “But back then, I’m afraid that in some ways, I didn’t pay enough attention to you. The little things—being there when you got home from school. Baking cookies. When you asked to go live with your father and his new family, it hurt me very much,” she admitted. “But I agreed, because I thought it was what you really wanted, to live with a big family. I missed you a lot. But I just wanted to do what was best for you, whatever made you happy. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you with me,” she said firmly. “I’m not sure you ever understood that.”

  “I never felt that you didn’t want me with you,” Brian replied. “When I got home from school sometimes I did feel a little lonely. But I was busy, too, with sports and my friends. I think it taught me to be more self-reliant. And it wasn’t like we were ever out of touch. You called me about a thousand times a day.” His reminder coaxed a small smile.

  “I did call you a lot, didn’t I? You’re lucky that was before cell phones. Then I really would have embarrassed you.”

  Her son laughed. “Let’s not even go there.”

  They had arrived home, and Betty pulled the car into the driveway. Brian sat facing straight ahead, and she wondered if she had said too much. Had she just ruined their wonderful evening?

  She was ready to get out of the car, but her son looked at her, seeming reluctant to end their conversation.

  “I never knew you felt that way, Mom. I have to admit, I was just a kid and I wasn’t thinking about your feelings. Looking back, I guess I was mad at the both of you for breaking up our family.”

  “That was only natural, Brian. Of course you felt that way,” Betty said quietly.

  “There was more going on at Dad’s new house, with the bab
y, and it just seemed like more fun. And Dad did push the idea every chance he got,” Brian added. “Maybe he was trying to prove something to you, but I didn’t see it that way at the time.”

  “Yes, I know. You were stuck in the middle. We were fighting over you. That wasn’t fair to you.”

  “Or to you,” Brian added. “I can see now that Dad could have been kinder to you. And I—I wanted to please him. I knew that you loved me, no matter what. Maybe that’s why it was easier to leave your house and live with him,” he explained. “I guess that sounds a little convoluted . . . but I just realized it now when we were talking. I knew that you loved me no matter what choice I made. I guess I was never as sure of Dad’s love.”

  Betty felt a lump in her throat and couldn’t speak. She had never thought of it that way either. “And I always will love you, no matter what,” she promised him. “I’ll always be here for you—and for Tina.”

  “I love you, too, Mom. You’re one in a million.” Brian leaned over and gave her a long hug. When he leaned back he said, “I’m really glad we had this talk.”

  “I’m glad, too,” Betty said honestly. “It was time. You’re starting a new phase of your life. But having a son get married is a new page in my life, too.”

  THE GOOD FEELINGS FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE CARRIED BETTY RIGHT into the next day. She felt a weight had been lifted. Her heart was at ease, knowing her son had chosen a wonderful wife. And she was also glad that she had seized the moment to talk about the past. She felt ready now to face the New Year and the big party Friday night at the Carvers’ house.

  Brian needed to work in the afternoon on a brief that arrived via e-mail. He had his laptop with him, of course. Betty set him up in her home office and then headed out for a walk to the village. It was a crisp, clear day with bright winter sunlight reflecting off the newly fallen snow.

  The air was so cold and sharp, it almost hurt to take a deep breath. But she was happy to get the exercise. She had been eating too many rich foods and missing her workout at the gym. She had promised herself she would be in great shape for her birthday in February, and that big five-o deadline wasn’t very far off now.

  She had never imagined she would be facing this milestone alone. She had always believed she would be in a serious relationship by now, if not remarried. But that’s how life goes, Betty reflected. You just never know until you get there.

  Still, she was determined to have a good new year and a good birthday anyway. She knew she had a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to. She had been blessed in so many ways. She had to focus on what was right in her life right now, not what it lacked.

  Betty walked down Main Street, not really having a destination in mind. She decided to drop by the shop and check in on Molly. Molly had been wonderful about letting her have the entire week off to visit with Brian, even though her own daughters were home now, too, for their school break. “But I see the girls all the time. You never get to spend time with Brian. You take the entire week, Betty, and don’t argue with me,” Molly had ordered her.

  It was definitely a slow time in the catering business, except for one or two New Year’s parties on the schedule. Sonia, their best helper, was also taking time off this week because her little boy was home from school, so Molly was really stuck there all alone. Betty thought she might appreciate going home a few hours early today. With Brian working, there was no reason why she couldn’t give her partner a break.

  Molly was happy to see her and just as happy to hear that Betty would mind the shop for a few hours. “Thanks, Betty. You’re a pal. So, are you ready for the big party Friday night? What are you going to wear?”

  Betty had told Molly about the engagement party—and also about turning down Alex’s invitation. Molly had looked a little disappointed but hadn’t said much about it. Betty had a feeling that after a short period of recuperation, Molly would be back with another eligible bachelor in Betty’s age range.

  “I have this black velvet dress with a draped neckline. I’ve only worn it once and I could perk it up with some dangly diamond earrings.”

  “Perfect.” Molly nodded in approval.

  “I hope it still fits when it comes back from the cleaners. The holidays haven’t done my hips any favors.”

  “Just grab a pair of Spanx and go for it,” Molly urged her. “And I want a full report on Saturday.” She hugged Betty tight and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

  “Do I have a choice?” Betty teased. “Don’t worry. I’ll call you and give you the scoop.”

  Molly’s blue eyes widened. “You’d better.” Then she smiled and scooted out the door.

  After Molly left, Betty decided it was a good time to look over their accounts. During the holidays, funds flew in and out of their bank account and their bookkeeping got a little wild. Best to start the new year with that area in order, too, she thought.

  She had been working in the office for a while when she heard the bell on the shop door sound. She stepped out to the shop and saw a woman walk in, her face partly hidden by a big bouquet of flowers. When she put the bouquet down, Betty quickly recognized her. It was Eve Piper, who ran the food pantry.

  “Hi, Eve,” Betty greeted her. “Are you planning another party so soon?”

  “Not yet, though we did love your food.” Eve smiled and held out the flowers. “I’m glad I found you here. These are for you.”

  “For me?” Betty was surprised but took the bouquet, a mixed bunch with roses, snapdragons, colorful mums, and leafy greens. “These are beautiful . . . but why are you giving me flowers?”

  “Michael and I wanted to thank you again for all your help with the Christmas party. We’re sending out letters to all the businesses and people who donated, of course. But we wanted to do something special for you.”

  “That’s sweet of you, but I really didn’t do that much. That party was all Nathan’s doing. I was just . . . just Santa’s helper,” she said, though she felt a little twinge at the silly joke.

  “That’s funny, he says the same about you.”

  Betty didn’t answer at first. It was hard to talk about Nathan, especially with his friend.

  “How’s he doing?” Betty asked at last, careful to keep her voice casual. She put the flowers down on the counter. “I haven’t seen him in a while. He told me he’s stuck in his house. He has this big deadline or something. And he won’t be out until spring?”

  “He is stuck in his house,” Eve agreed, giving her a curious look. “But it’s not because of a deadline.”

  “Oh? That’s what he told me.” That news made Betty feel even worse. Now she knew she had gotten the brush-off.

  Eve looked a little puzzled. “I guess Michael and I had the impression that you and Nathan were . . . well, closer. I mean, from the way he talks about you.”

  Betty took a breath and stared down at the flowers. “We’re friends. Or we were. I really don’t know what’s going on with him now.”

  “I see.” Eve nodded, her expression thoughtful.

  “Is he okay? Is something wrong?” Betty asked quickly.

  “Nathan needs his friends now,” Eve said. “He needs our help. I think that you could help him, Betty. I know he cares for you.”

  “What’s wrong? How can I help him?”

  “It’s a hard time for Nathan,” Eve began. “Christmas brings back a lot of memories. He . . . retreats. From everyone. This year seems worse than ever,” she added. “Did you know that he lost a child?”

  Betty nodded. “I know a little about it. He didn’t really tell me, though. He let me read some of his articles once, and I saw an essay he wrote about the subject. I wasn’t even sure it was autobiographical. We never got to talk about it.”

  “His daughter, Leah, died about five years ago. A sudden, severe infection. Nathan and his wife tried to stay together after but, as it often happens, the grief was too much and the tragedy broke up their marriage.”

  “How sad. He lost everything at once,” B
etty said.

  “Yes, he did. It all happened around Christmastime. He tries to distract himself, with all his charity work, especially around the holidays. But after the holidays, it’s even harder. This year he didn’t even come over on Christmas Day. He made some excuse the night before. But we knew the real reason. And we haven’t heard from him since then. We’re very worried about him.”

  “I am, too,” Betty said quietly. All this time, she was feeling hurt, rejected—when it wasn’t about her at all. Nathan needed her help and she hadn’t even seen that. She felt very selfish and self-centered.

  “Have you and Michael gone to his house?” Betty asked.

  “We’ve tried. But he won’t open the door. I told Reverend Ben,” Eve added. “But Nathan won’t see him either.”

  “Do you think he’d see me?” Betty asked.

  “I don’t know,” Eve said honestly. “It’s worth a try. We would have told you sooner, but we just thought you knew.”

  “I understand. No need to apologize.” Betty reached out and touched Eve’s hand.

  I should have guessed there was something more, just by the tone of his voice on the phone, she thought. She was mad at herself for writing Nathan off. She could have called him back, just to say hello and see how he was doing with his work. That’s what a friend would have done. But she had let her ego get in the way and made it all into some silly game.

  “What are you going to do?” Eve asked her.

  Betty met her glance for a moment, then picked up the bouquet. “I’m going to put these beautiful flowers in some water,” she said, heading to the kitchen. “Then I’m going to close early and go over there.”

  Eve looked relieved. “I was hoping you would say that. Will you let us know how things turn out?” She took out a card and left it on the worktable. “Here are our numbers, the pantry and the house.”

  “Yes, I’ll let you know,” Betty promised. “And thank you for coming over here today. I wasn’t even supposed to be here. Wasn’t that lucky?”