Where One Goes

by B. N. Toler

  Beverly’s face turns bright red as we all laugh. Even Henry can’t help chuckling, even when Beverly smacks his chest.

  We hug Sniper and Anna good-bye and climb in the Ford Focus my mother made my father buy me when they were in town. She was appalled he’d sold my 4Runner, knowing what it meant to me because it had been Axel’s.

  The ride to George’s house is silent. I can sense he’s as nervous as me, but when we pull in to his driveway and I park, he turns toward me. I stiffen when I notice the pain in his eyes. He rubs the back of his neck as he stares at me. “Charlotte, I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through,” he whispers, making a strangled noise before looking down. His hands tremble as I reach out to touch him. He takes my hand in his and traces a circle on it with his finger, finally looking back up at me. “I want to take things slow, but I’m fucking dying over here,” he adds as he leans in closer. “I’ve spent the last month terrified you’d be gone when I came back or might have changed your mind about me,” he says, sadly. He tilts his head to the side as he reaches out his hand and runs his thumb down my right cheek. “I need to know . . . do we still have a shot?”

  Swallowing hard, I nod, but quickly turn away from him and open my car door. Slipping out, I walk up the steps to his door and wait. After a moment, I hear the car door open and slam shut, then he’s right behind me. I take a few quick breaths; anxiousness and excitement coursing through my body. Licking my lips, I step closer to his door. Not meeting his gaze, I stare ahead at the door and say, “I’d like to spend the night with you. Is that okay?”

  He doesn’t say a word as he steps closer behind me. His body is so close, for a second I forget to breathe. My chest pounds at warp speed when his arm grazes my waist. Then he unlocks the door and pushes it open, motioning for me to enter first. Once inside, he flicks on some lights and takes a look around. “Your mom and I came over yesterday and cleaned. We wanted it to be nice for you when you returned.”

  “You didn’t have to do that, but I really appreciate it,” he manages. Deciding to put him out of his misery, I finally meet his gaze. Stepping toward him, I reach one hand out and thread my fingers through his hair.

  “I’ve really missed you, too,” I whisper as his hands rest on my hips. “I do want to be with you . . . but I need to know something.”

  My heart thunders as I remind myself to breathe again. “What do you need to know?” he asks after swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he does.

  “I need to know you believe me,” I squeak. My mouth is suddenly dry, but I dart my tongue out and lick my lips. “You didn’t believe me before. And that’s okay, not everyone does at first. Hell, my father still doesn’t believe it. But George, I’m not crazy,” I add as I look him square in the eye. “I never asked for this . . . gift, but it’s mine now. There was a time when I hated it with every fiber of my being, but I don’t anymore, because without it, I wouldn’t be here right now. I was in such a dark place I would’ve killed myself that night . . . I know it.” I give him a once-over, but I can’t read his reaction, so I decide to continue. “And because I can see the dead, I’m alive. Ike saved me and brought me here. Without my ability I would’ve never met you.” I remember to get to the point as I nervously push some of my hair behind my ear. “It’s not going away. I will most likely always see the dead, and if we’re going to be together, that may make our relationship difficult at times, especially if you don’t believe me.”

  George pulls away and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach.

  He doesn’t believe me.

  “If I could go back and redo the night you told me that, I swear I would do it differently. My head was so fucked up and . . .” I’m doing a horrible job explaining this. “It was a lot to take in.”

  “I know it was,” she tells me, her gaze on the floor.

  “Charlotte. Look at me, please.” Her gaze is riddled with sadness when she lifts her head. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I did believe you that night.”

  “You did?” she asks, surprised.

  “I was mad. Unreasonably so, but I was,” I admit with shame as I run a hand through my hair.

  “But, why?”

  This is the hard part. This is the part where I have to try to explain why I was such a dick. “I was jealous.”

  “What?”

  “I was jealous you could see him and I couldn’t. And I was envious the two of you spent so much time together. I was a clusterfuck of emotions all the way around.” Her brows narrow as she listens to me. “Charlotte . . . since the day he died, all I’ve felt is guilt. It’s suffocated me. He was the good one, the brave one that died in war. If one of us were going to go, it should’ve been me, Charlotte. When I found out you could see him . . . communicate with him . . . that he was still here, I don’t know, it just reinforced all of those feelings. He should be the one here, not me. And to top it off, because I couldn’t get my shit together, he’d been stuck here.”

  “George . . .” She says my name quietly. “I miss Ike,” she whispers, and her eyes close briefly, the pain in her heart evident. “And I’ll miss him every day of my life, but I would never trade you for him. Ike was all of those wonderful things you just said, but you’re selling yourself short.” She steps toward me, her gray eyes gazing upon me softly. “You are such an amazing brother and person; he couldn’t leave you behind until he knew you’d pull through. George, his love for you saved us both. Don’t you see how beautiful that is?”

  My chest tightens and dread runs through me. I hate the thought of her trying to kill herself. I don’t like when she brings it up. Where the hell would I be without her? I swallow hard as I shake my head. “I just didn’t think I deserved you . . .”

  “And now?”

  I run a wide palm down my face and exhale loudly. “Now . . . well, now I hope I was wrong. Now I realize all I did was hurt you, myself, and even Ike.” Her understanding gaze tilts my world on its axis. All I want is to bury my face into her neck and brush my lips across her smooth skin. Stepping toward her, I seize her face in my hands and stare deeply into her eyes. “So to answer your question, I do believe you, and I believe in you. And no matter how intense your gift may make life sometimes, I want to be a part of it. Charlotte . . . I want you. All of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I love you.”

  And now, all I want is to get lost in her. Lifting her, she squeaks in surprise as I set her on the kitchen island. No more words are needed as her lips meet mine. Biting back a growl, I settle closer between her legs. I know I should slow down, but I can’t help it. She’s driving me out of my mind, and I wouldn’t want it any other fucking way. If she keeps making all those little noises, I’m going to lose all self-control. I hold on to her delicate hips, craving the warmth of her body. “Baby,” I breathe against her lips. “Do you know how much I love you?”

  Her body trembles beneath my touch and I want to devour every inch of her. “Mmm-hmm,” she moans in reply. And she brings her lips back to mine. Her kiss says everything I’ve been hoping to hear. It says she wants me as much as I want her . . . that she’s mine.

  I reach around her and firmly take hold of her bottom. “Wrap your legs around me, Charlotte,” I whisper against her neck. Immediately doing as I asked, our bodies meld together in want and need.

  Tangling my fingers in her hair, I bring her head back and kiss my way down to her jaw, and then her shoulder. When I bite softly across her flesh, she squirms against me.

  “George, please,” she whimpers, her tone begging. I bring my mouth over hers, needing to taste her. She suckles my tongue, and I let out a groan, sucking her bottom lip between my teeth.

  “Are you ready?” I pant, and she nods, her desire prevalent in her eyes. I walk us back to my bedroom, her chest pressed eagerly against mine the entire way.

  Making love to Charlotte, her giving herself to me like she’s never given herself to anyone is the most beautiful gift I’ll ever receive. We spend hours exploring
each other, tasting the other, and now, I lie awake as she rests peacefully curled up beside me.

  I’m mesmerized by her beautiful soul, and I’m losing what little control I have left. She’s a part of me now. Since the day we found out Ike died, I’ve felt adrift; like I was simply floating through life, unable to anchor myself. But here, right now, with Charlotte in my arms, I feel grounded. There will always be a part of me that feels empty. Ike was my twin, and his absence is palpable. I feel it with every breath I take. But I know now I can survive it. And instead of letting the memory of him and the loss of him hinder me, I’ll let it strengthen me. My brother saved me. My brother gave me her; the woman he loved.

  She’s never told me what went on between them, the feelings they shared for one another, but I know deep down they loved each other. The way she speaks about him tells me so. And if I’m honest, I’m a little jealous of that, but I know she loves me too. And if she were to share her heart with another man, my brother is the first and only man I’d allow.

  After all the grief and pain I’ve caused her, she’s still here.

  And she wants me.

  “She loves me, Ike,” I murmur. I stare at her slumbering form and smile. I’m so damn happy. There are questions I want to ask, things I want to know about their time together, but I won’t. All that matters is she’s here in my arms and she loves me.

  “I’ll love her for both of us, Ike,” I whisper.

  Pressing a soft kiss on her forehead, I take in her sweet scent. Inhaling the soft fragrance of perfume, I let out a sigh of contentment. She is my forever. And I close my eyes with a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

  “They’ll be here in five minutes,” George calls from our bedroom where he’s dressing.

  “I know, babe,” I laugh. “I think you’re more nervous than I am.”

  When he enters the living room, I bite my lip. He’s gorgeous, dressed in a black T-shirt and jeans. God, I love him. “Don’t look at me like that, you,” he says. “Or they’ll be outside waiting a while when they get here.”

  “Do you think this was a good idea?” I ask for the hundredth time.

  Pulling me to him, he kisses my forehead. “I think using your gift for such a good cause is beautiful, Charlotte. We only signed for one season. If it doesn’t go well, we won’t sign again.”

  After Casey Purcells’ trial and her murderer was brought to justice, word spread like wild fire about me. It wasn’t long until I was contacted by Lifetime and they offered me a television show. After much thought, George and I decided to give it a shot. Lifetime will send us state-to-state with cameras following us everywhere and capture me using my gift. With most of the money we make, we’re going to donate it to Virginia colleges to provide free transportation for students at night. While this will be offered to male students as well, my true hope is female students will take full advantage of this. Maybe we can stop what happened to Casey from happening to someone else. We’re calling it, Casey’s Ride. The Purcells were truly touched and even agreed to do an interview for the show telling the world about how I was a huge help in bringing Casey’s murderer to justice.

  Looking up into George’s dark eyes, I tell him, “I love you. Thank you for doing this with me.”

  He kisses my mouth gently and smiles. “Thank you for loving me.”

  My life with George has been wonderful. After so much time in the dark, I can’t explain what it is to live in the light. My gift, which was once a curse, something I hated, is now treasured. It brought me to Warm Springs. It led me to Ike McDermott. It introduced me to George, my husband.

  We have dinner with the Mercers once a week. They keep asking when George and I will have children; they want to babysit. I could never replace their daughter Maggie, but I think, in a way, we help fill a void for each other. I’m like a daughter to them; they’re like the mother and father I’ve needed.

  I still visit ‘our spot’ as Ike called it, often. And when I do, I talk to him. I imagine him in the water with a fly rod and that stellar smile of his on his face. And I pray his hopes came true; that it’s a place just like it that he went to.

  I tell him about George and how well he’s doing, and I try to let him know how well I’m doing, too. And I thank him. For his love, for saving me, and for George.

  George and I love so fiercely. Because when Ike went, he not only took a part of me with him, he took a part of George, too. In this way, among many ways, we are bonded. And I know, one day, we’ll all be together again, and George and I will be whole. But for now, George and I live every day to the fullest, loving and laughing.

  Just the way Ike wanted us to.

  Thank you to Kari, with Cover to Cover Designs, for the awesome cover. I know I was a pain on this one, but I love the result.

  Thank you to Marilyn, from Eagle Eye Reads. I am truly grateful for your hard work and help molding this story.

  Thank you Rae, from 77peaches, for your thorough proof read. I appreciate all of your hard work.

  Tami, from Integrity Formatting, thank you for always going above and beyond. You are amazing.

  Thank you to my amazing Smitten Kittens. You ladies rock my world. I love you all.

  Author Kim Holden . . . you are epic. Thank you so much for beta reading this and for your awesome notes. I am so glad I met you and we’ve become friends. You are probably the nicest person I have ever met.

  Dreama Boo, I love you. Thanks for being the best beta ever!

  Meg Collett . . . you know. You’re awesome. Thanks for telling me what a narcissist I am and setting me straight when I freak out over my work. I truly love you and your brutal honesty.

  Leah, thank you for always encouraging me and always being excited for me. I know I can always count on you, and I love you so much for it. I also love you for teaching me the word ‘meh.’ It feels good.

  Thank you to my friends and family who constantly support and encourage me. I love you all.

  Thank you to my children who I owe a ton of playtime to. You guys have really been patient, and I’m so grateful. I know I owe you lots of Mommy time and cuddles.

  And, as always, Toler. I love you. Thanks for being you.

  Warm Springs does exist and I strongly encourage everyone to visit Bath County in the fall. It is truly, breathtakingly beautiful. There are tons of Bed & Breakfasts, the Jefferson pools, the Homestead Resort, and miles and miles of scenic mountain views.

  For more information, please use the link below.

  http://www.bathcountyva.org/

  B N Toler lives in central Virginia with her husband and three children.

  For more information on B N Toler, please visit her social media sites.

  Web: http://www.bntoler.com/

  Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/B-N-Toler-Author/279007692235640

  Twitter: http://twitter.com/BNTOLER

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About B N Toler